Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Journaling as a form of therapy?

My DH has suggested journaling when I feel panicky or upset. He feels it's a good outlet and I won't have to hold everything in. I feel like he's suggesting it to get me to stop bothering him. I'm may be just making assumptions. I'll just blame the hormones. I've done it twice today and I feel worse. After I write stuff down, I go back and read and get majorly depressed and weepy all over again. Has anyone had success with journaling or blogging after their loss? Maybe I'm just doing it wrong.
Me: 28 DH: 29
Married: 4-25-2014
TTC: March 2015
BFP: 2-18-16
Confirmed MMC: 3-31-16
D&C: 4-2-16
TTCAL: May 2016
IUI: 5/13/17-Femara and Trigger, POAS 5/27/17 BFP 5/27/17

BabyFruit Ticker

Re: Journaling as a form of therapy?

  • I have a journal that I write in very sporadically.  I have only written 1 thing in it since my loss, which was to copy by hand a poem used in the memorial service in my religion into my journal so I would always be able to find it easily.    Somehow writing when I am in a very anxious or depressed state does not appeal to me.  I don't think there is a right or wrong way to doing it, but if it's not working for you, you shouldn't feel bad or force it.  Try something else, or let it sit for a while.  I actually think that posting here--both my story and feelings and supporting others--has been a really good outlet for me.  I also have a particular friend that I correspond with via (regular) mail, and I usually find writing to her very soothing, as well as getting her letters.  

    I don't hold anything back when I talk to my DH, but he did gently suggest therapy and is very supportive of me going.  I don't take it as a sign that he wants me to stop talking to him, but rather that he wants me to have more resources.  
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
  • So sorry for your loss. I love writing and I tend to be able to get my feelings out more clearly when I write. I think that was probably coming from a good place when your husband suggested it. I found that my boyfriend was trying to suggest ways to help me move past my non-stop crying phase. They care so much and just want to see us feel better. I would say stick with it for a little but if it doesn't seem to be working for you try something else. There's no doing it wrong it's just what works for some people doesn't work for others. Music, writing, drawing, being on here sharing, and reading are all different ways people can try and deal with this painful time. I fostered some puppies after my loss because I used to volunteer at shelters and I know I need to stay busy. 
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  • Like PP said I don't think he was doing it to get you to stop talking to him but to find an outlet. For me it is reading and yoga but for other people it may be different. If you're up to it try the journal a little longer, if that doesn't help try something else like reading, exercise or even those coloring books made for adults, I have found that sometimes you zone out while doing those so it is easy to relax. I hope you find an outlet soon that helps keep your mind busy.
    Married: June 2011
    TTC #1: September 2015-January 2016
    BFP #1: 1/25/16 - MMC Diagnosed 3/22/16
    TTCAL: June 2016
    BFP #2: 8/26/16 - EDD 5/9/17
    Jackson born 5/6/17 at 8:36 PM - 9lbs 5oz & 21in
      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think men have a hard time helping us out when we are upset. They really don't understand how we feel, even though they try. My husband suggested I see a therapist when I was really upset and that upset me even more. Not because I think there is anything wrong with it, I knew it wasn't going to make me feel any better. I just needed time to feel sad and cry and nothing anyone says to me is going to take that pain away. I just needed time to heal. I do know that it really does help people and I am all for counseling if it helps people. 

    Did the writing make it worse or was it re-reading what you wrote? If writing made you feel better maybe you could write it down and tuck it away and not read it. This is something that I've done in the past. I've even don't it when I was mad at someone to get all of my angry feelings out but didn't want the other person to see the unedited version. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I journal as well.  I do it in a Word doc that is just for me.  For me, I feel like it's a way to unburden my emotions/thoughts, document things as they happen so I don't forget, and most importantly, it is for me.  It sounds like your DH is coming from a genuine place and like PP said, men deal with things differently and sometimes when they try to think like us, we end up questioning their actions.  I think if it makes you feel better, you should do it.  I don't re-read my entries...I think part of me hopes that one day I will have a baby in my arms and be able to look back at those entries then to recall the amazing/hard/emotional journey that brought me my child.  Sending hugs!
  • olivia1540olivia1540 member
    edited April 2016
    @nmd9168 I had my MC almost 2 months ago and it has been a very long recovery road to me. I agreed that journaling does ease my pain a bit as I felt like I found a channel to speak out...or even a way to tell my unborn child (wherever s/he is) how much mommy love him/her. There are many things that we, as miscarriage mommies, can relate and many others just don't get it. I choose to reveal that frustration, anger and sadness through writing than picking up unnecessary fight with others. I think my spouse appreciated it too as he told me he found peace from my writing.

    Here's my blog. Feel free to check it out: https://blogs.harvard.edu/fullcircle/

    All the best to you. Sending you lots of luv and ((( hugs )))
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