Single mom to be and frustrated ( — The Bump
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Single mom to be and frustrated (

Hi everyone. I am a 28 yr old single mom to be. After dating my now Ex boyfriend for 6 years, and going through 3 mc, he decided he no longer wanted to be in my life after finding out i was pregnant again. His reason, is that he doesn't feel that he is ready to have a child and doesn't understand why i am choosing to have a baby now as opposed to waiting 2-3 more years, since his life plan was to not have kids until after he turned 30. (Keep in mind, we have not used any kind of contraceptive in the last 5 years we were together). Due to my history of mc's there is no way in hell i was getting rid of it. Fast forward to today, I am now 13w 2d, and my doctor and i were having a conversation about NT scans, and quad screens. Naturally she asked me if there was any history of Down syndrome, birth defects or genetic disorders in both of our family histories Including extended family. Since my ex and I are not speaking, he's not really close to his family, and has never mentioned anything of that sort i figured i can ask his mom since she is insisting she wants to be there for me during this whole process. Her Response: "you cant answer that question yourself? How do you not know about his family yet you are having his baby? Why would you have a baby by a man you dont even know? i thought you guys were super close all this time, but if you dont know the answer to that question, i dont know how u could possibly have this child." (umm, what just happened?) I told her to forget that i just asked her anything and to have a great day. So frustrating!!!!! To the point where i no longer want to include any of his family in anything concerning my child. Am i wrong? or should i still reach out since its her grandchild.?
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Re: Single mom to be and frustrated (

  • 20thirteen20thirteen
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited April 2016
    You have no obligation to his parents. Ever. You two were never married, therefore his parents can't even claim their grandparent's rights without taking you to court (I would check up on grandparent's rights in your state as well to see the whole scope of things).  It is a question that needs to be answered and the fact she got so defensive for that one question you asked is a little confusing.  There was no reason to be up in arms for a medical background to see if your child is at risk for anything.  Besides, why wouldn't she want to give a heads up on things that run in her family...??  Also, I think there is a blood test for that stuff (to see if baby has it) anyway, and I believe that's covered by insurance.  If they want to be in your LO's life, you need to put your foot down and set some rules.  You are mama bear.  If they don't want to follow your rules, then tell them you want to cut contact. Or just cut contact.  It's not wrong if it is what's best for you and your LO.

    I was with my ex for ~4 years when I got pregnant and we were close but I only knew about his medical stuff, and not even all of it, with a vague idea of some medical history with his parents.  He dropped off my radar (I haven't heard from him since DD turned 1) but I still talk to his parents, they make an effort to be in my DD's life (by my rules), and they will answer questions I have about anything that will affect DD.  I have cut them off when they've crossed the line, so they know I'm serious about the rules we set (which, by the way, we all agreed on, they weren't crazy nor was I overstepping on control.  I made sure we both thought the rules were fair).

    Congrats on your little bean! Sending you love, mama!
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    victoria98zuzu87
  • What's up with these grandparents trying to start drama? Lol currently 26 weeks and will also be a single mom. My baby's paternal grandma was all about drama over text always claiming she has rights and just trying to throw inaccurate things her son (BD) told her in my face. It took a while to work out, she was diagnosed with a heart disease that I don't really know all the details about and she changed her mind about being so negative to me and decided to try and be involved. Since meeting her in person during the anatomy scan her attitude literally went from night to day. It was so funny because over text she would always mention how it might not be BD's baby (there's no chance it's not) but once she saw my baby at the u/s she could not stop talking about how much the baby looks like him lol! At 13 weeks I remember being so scared because of all that uncertainty but I can say now I'm so much happier and way less stressed. Just know that it'll all play out for the best, this board has helped me so much and I hope my experience has helped you as well (: Keep us updated! 
    20thirteenzuzu87
  • LOL, grandparents be acting cray.  (Wow, that felt weird to say, I feel so old now...)

    I had no idea about the grandparents rights thing until I accidentally stumbled onto a website while researching something for work (I work at a law firm).  It's apparently not a well known thing, and if you don't know about it, you should definitely look into it.  I don't think it's that different from state to state, but I could be wrong.  But the universal aspect of it, I believe, is that if you and the BD are not married nor have ever been married (or not married when you got pregnant), then they have to take you to court to prove they are the grandparents to get any rights.

    My BD's parents don't know about the grandparents rights thing, and I'm not going to bring it up to them.  We've been pretty good with the way things have been and I don't want to complicate things with them.  Also, when I got pregnant and BD walked away, I had to tell his parents they couldn't cut him out of their lives because he was still their son.  So, if that doesn't say a lot about the dude... hahahaha.
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    victoria98zuzu87
  •  At 13 weeks I remember being so scared because of all that uncertainty but I can say now I'm so much happier and way less stressed. Just know that it'll all play out for the best, this board has helped me so much and I hope my experience has helped you as well
    I'm glad to hear things are going better for you!  This board was super helpful to me when I was pregnant, and the old regulars and I keep in touch.  I don't know how I would have done it without them/this board.
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    victoria98zuzu87
  • I had no idea about the grandparents rights thing until I accidentally stumbled onto a website while researching something for work (I work at a law firm).  It's apparently not a well known thing, and if you don't know about it, you should definitely look into it.  I don't think it's that different from state to state, but I could be wrong.  But the universal aspect of it, I believe, is that if you and the BD are not married nor have ever been married (or not married when you got pregnant), then they have to take you to court to prove they are the grandparents to get any rights.
    In Texas I'm pretty sure the grandparents have no rights at all unless both parents of a child are deemed unable to take care of the child. (I don't remember if I read that or if it was told to me by my mom) But I remember my mom getting a good laugh when BD's mom claimed she had rights to go to any and every dr app she wants
    zuzu87
  • Hahaha, wow. Yeah, she should look up her rights before she claims she has got the rights she doesn't actually have.
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    victoria98zuzu87
  • @20thirteen @victoria98 Thank you so much ladies!!! (i know im super late), 

    Update: So baby daddy reached out to me after that crazy conversation with his mom. He apologized for the way he acted and wants to work things out. Im not getting any of my hopes up and am just taking it one day at a time as far as he is concerned. My main priority right now is this baby, and remaining as healthy and stress free as possible. as far as his mom is concerned.... she is still acting "Cray Cray". lol
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    victoria9820thirteen
  • The "cray cray" won't go away either.  LOL

    My parents sometimes have to be put in check because they'll start to act like my DD's parents and I have to intervene to remind them that *I* am the parent. Not them. hahahaha
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    zuzu87victoria98
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