Announcing to your older kids

fiscally3

We usually wait until 12-14 weeks to announce to the public (we tell close family & friends earlier). We are currently planning on waiting until then to tell our two older children (ages 2 & 4), but I've been thinking about telling my 4 year old now, so that he understands why I feel so awful/grumpy and potentially be more helpful(optimistic). But I can't expect him to keep quiet about it, so I feel like lots of random people will know...those of you with older kids, what did you do?

muybueno

We've talked about this a little on the board, but no reason not to bring it up again.

My kids are 18 mos and 3 and I'm not telling the 3 yo right now. And I wouldn't if he was 4. *TW* I'd really only feel comfortable telling him if he was old enough to understand the basic concepts associated with miscarriage. It would just make me so incredibly sad to explain m/c to him if something were to happen.

Like you, I've been tempted to tell him because I'm always saying "no honey, I can't bounce you on the trampoline because my belly hurts" etc etc. It would be nice to have a more substantial explanation. But then I thought more about it and what a preschooler would hear is: the baby is making mom's belly hurt, the baby is the reason mom fell asleep instead of finishing the story, mom can't cook my eggs because the baby's making her gag. I don't want him making that negative association, especially this early on. 

ficbot

With my five-year-old stepson, we are planning to tell him once I show. He is very protective of me---one time, his dad missed a phone call with him because he had to take me to the doctor, and the first thing he asked when we talked to him was where I was and if I was okay. So I think he will worry if I look different and there is no explanation :-)

I also think he will be fine with a more straightforward sciency explanation. We tried this whole thing when my dad's dog died where there was this whole lead-up, and we were softening the blow, and then he just went 'oh, him died? Oh. That's sad.' And that was the whole conversation. So I think we'll just say I have a baby in my tummy, and that will be that.

fiscally3

Thanks ladies, he's so soft hearted that a loss would be really hard on him (he's still mourning our old car we traded in two weeks ago.) Which is why I wanted to wait, but this is his third sibling, so I don't think he would blame the baby for not doing stuff. As if he knows, right after I wrote the initial post, he walked into my room and said "sorry mommy your tummy hurts" and gave me a hug. 

*edited for grammar

Little+Tiny

I was discussing pregnancy matters with my mother, unaware that my 8 year old nephew was listening and he asked me if I had a baby growing in my tummy. When I told him yes (I shit you not) his response was "that makes me want to punch myself in the B-hole"
You would think that's an odd thing to say, but not for him. He's at this weird boy age where he likes to talk about butts and poop and farting. He didn't even realized he made a really awkward fisting joke.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt

My son and daughter are just about four years apart. Our son really didn't get it until very near the end of my pregnancy and the baby stuff started cropping up around the house and he could feel her move. 

We've decided we'll tell the kids (9 and 5 now) after my IPS scan in a few weeks. We're pretty sure they're going to be really excited, but our daughter might not completely get it. 

talkthewholetime

Little+Tiny said:

I was discussing pregnancy matters with my mother, unaware that my 8 year old nephew was listening and he asked me if I had a baby growing in my tummy. When I told him yes (I shit you not) his response was "that makes me want to punch myself in the B-hole"
You would think that's an odd thing to say, but not for him. He's at this weird boy age where he likes to talk about butts and poop and farting. He didn't even realized he made a really awkward fisting joke.

....yikes.

TheBorg7of9

We have a two-year-old and a four-year-old. And I still don't think my four-year-old woulf really understand until the baby is kicking in my belly. Plus we lost the last one at 12 weeks, so there's no way I want to untell my kid about the baby. 

shevaCC

I have an almost 4 year old DD and a 1.5 year old DS. I'm waiting to tell DD until I'm ready for all my mom friends to know and until we either have another u/s around 12/13 weeks or I get genetic testing back and everything looks good. Obviously there are no guarantees but I agree with @TheBorg7of9that I really don't want to have to explain to her a miscarriage. DD is currently worried about death and has tearfully asked me if our cats will die someday, if she will die someday, if I will die someday, etc.

remaroni

We are waiting a few more weeks to tell our 4 year old. I don't want to have to give him sad news if something happens. I know he will be so excited, so am looking forward to telling him!

MollySm

I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old.  I want to wait awhile before telling them.  I don't want my older daughter to have to live through a miscarriage with me.  And also, I think it is very hard for kids to be patient.  November is very far away.  I think it will be more exciting for her when she can see my belly, feel movement, and she'll have less time to wait.