We're (my doctor and I) fairly sure I'll have a c-section so I won't have to deal with who is in the delivery room although I definitely would only want my H. We've decided that having visitors at the hospital is a good thing so we're planning on inviting everyone up (hospital rules willing) for their regulated peek at the baby. Unlike at home, the nurses will help make sure nobody stays too long, and everyone can get a good look before we go home to a week alone. No visitors, just up figuring out our baby/sleep/chores/etc.
I feel you on this. I would rather have visitors at the hospital once we're ready to have them than have a constant parade of visitors once we're home. It's going to be hard enough trying to navigate life at home with a newborn, I don't want to feel like I also need to be entertaining guests, cleaning up before they come over, etc.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@anna.oskar Omgosh when I first read that, I thought you were saying that you and your dr decided you would have a c-section BECAUSE you didn't want to have to deal with figuring out who would be in the delivery room haha!
After following this thread and seeing several posts about having a "back-up" support person so DH could take a break, it got me thinking. I REALLY REALLY don't want any family members present for the birth. I know any one of them would do their best to be helpful but no one in my family has had a baby since my sister was born 20 years ago so I really feel like, other than providing company, there wouldn't be much help they could offer. I decided to start researching doulas and actually reached out to a company that had really great reviews. I think it will be well worth the money to have someone there to not only advocate for me but to support me when my H doesn't know how and to guide/support him as well. Any BTDT mamas who have experience with a doula? Was it worth it to you?
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
After following this thread and seeing several posts about having a "back-up" support person so DH could take a break, it got me thinking. I REALLY REALLY don't want any family members present for the birth. I know any one of them would do their best to be helpful but no one in my family has had a baby since my sister was born 20 years ago so I really feel like, other than providing company, there wouldn't be much help they could offer. I decided to start researching doulas and actually reached out to a company that had really great reviews. I think it will be well worth the money to have someone there to not only advocate for me but to support me when my H doesn't know how and to guide/support him as well. Any BTDT mamas who have experience with a doula? Was it worth it to you?
I didn't have a doula, but my midwife was in the room with my husband and I the full 26 hours. She never left my side. She even was by my side during the c-section, and she made sure I got skin to skin right after they pulled DD out and took so many pictures of our new family and that moment. That being said, if I didn't have a midwife, I would 1000% hire a doula. It was amazing. And as amazing as my husband was, I couldn't have done those full 26 hours without her there. She kept the lights low, turned on some flameless candles, kept nurses and doctors out, rubbed my back, and was just there to let me know how good I was doing. If you can swing it, I highly suggest it.
My mom continues to get her feelings hurt because I have told her numerous times that FI is the only one I want in the delivery room. She also continues to get her feelings hurt that I want FI to be there for the most important ultrasounds. My doctor office only allows one person to be in the room with me. She thinks it should be her and not FI. I have said numerous times, FI and started this, we can finish it. Mama interprets that as me telling her that since she can't be there for every single little detail, that I'm trying to keep this baby from here. She even got mad because I wasn't gonna deliver at the hospital where she wanted me to deliver. She is definitely a drama mama.
Last time I hurt lots of feelings because I didn't want a crowd waiting in the waiting room. My DH was the only person I wanted in the room and wanted to be with after. It worked in my favor because my labor was only 1 hr 45 min so no one was able to drive fast enough. Not sure what I will do this time. But this is about you and your DH you cant worry about hurting feelings. If you tell them soon enough they will get over it!
Heather
Southern CA
2nd Pregnancy
May 2012 -- MC
Due Date July 5, 2014 <--- prayers for sticky baby
With my first, I only wanted DH. I told my mom and sister this way in advance because I had been my sister's coach for both of her daughters and my mom had been present for both of their births. I knew there was kind of an expectation that they would be there. My sister totally understood. I think my mom was a little hurt, but she never said a word and totally respected my wishes.
Honestly, if I could have gotten away with it, I would have only let my parents visit in the hospital and not my ILs, but I knew that wouldn't fly. My ILs are just so overbearing and exhausting and completely self-involved.
We didn't tell anyone I was in labor until after he was born. I had been in labor all night and he wasn't born until early evening. We told everyone no visitors until the next day. My parents drove the three hours to come visit. My ILs are all local and all wanted to come too. I agreed to dh's parents and his two sisters and one (adult) niece.
Everyone ended up showing up around the same time and I wanted to scream. My parents brought me lunch (along with theirs) and arrived after my MIL and FIL had been holding him for quite awhile. SIL walked in right after and instead of MIL handing him over to my mom, who had been patiently waiting, she handed him to SIL and said "well she can hold him while you eat."
SIL held him for over an hour while I repeatedly made comments about handing him back and I'm sure my parents are dying to hold him after driving 3 hours. I wanted to kill her.
This time, I'm not sure what our arrangements will be for DS. No one in my ILs family will be asked to watch him, so hoping my mom can be on call and come stay with him. I'm sure we'll want him to come visit shortly after the birth.
I've been thinking about this so much! Traditionally, DH is not suppose to be there for the birth, and I'm not sure if he could handle it really. I know he will advocate for his mother or sister but I don't really want them there for that. Hopefully it will work out that a friend of mine who is a nurse and familiar with the medical system of Tanzania can come and be my advocate since she was planning on coming in October anyway. I would feel much better with her there since my choices are limited.
I think I'm on the opposite end from most here, I live in VA and all of my family lives in MA so I'm a bit sad that I won't have many visitors at all. When I had my DD we were in the military so it was just my DH (now ex DH) and my best friend. Then when I had my DS, I had my sister and my Mom in the room and they were amazing support and I was so glad they were there for the birth. I know I'm really going to miss them, I am just during the pregnancy.
Probably will only have my husband in the delivery room but to give him a break for a night my twin sister might stay. We have pets at home and he needs a sleep apnea machine so it's easier in a sense for him not to sleep there every night. My dr does 2-3 nights for vaginal birth and 3-4 for c-sections.
It took having a child, to know what I want in subsequent deliveries. While in labor, if family want to stop in and wish us well for a few MINUTES then fine. But nobody will be camped out in my room the whole time. It is too much pressure. I want it to just be hubby and I! I am doing hypnobabies this time too. So the less distractions the better. DS will be going to the inlaws most likely. So that takes care of them. My mom will act hurt, but she will just have to get over it. My sister totally understands and supports whatever I want! I'm not really worried about anybody but my mom though!
Same here regarding after delivery. I knew what I wanted for coaching and visiting. DH and I wanted absolute privacy. That is what we got and I could have not have asked for a better L&D. I did not want anyone in waiting room, etc. Thankfully, DD came day after Christmas and I labored Christmas evening and was at the hospital to prep and push.Along it clear that no one would be notified helped reduce hurt feelings. We let everyone know the next a.m. This time will be tricker as we will have to arrange DD a place to go.
@ladyshark311 I will come visit you in the hospital. We are in the same city, after all. *Insert heavy mouth breathing.*
Totally and completely kidding. I promise. Like, could not be less serious.
Personally, I don't want any visitors at the hospital at all but MIL and FIL will probably be watching DD and I definitely will want to see her ASAP, so I will tolerate them.
My MIL has expressed an interest in being in the delivery room and I'm really ok with that. She is pretty respectful of boundaries and space so I believe she will kinda hang out in the back and be unintrusive. His parents are a big help to us now and will be even more once the baby comes. My mother on the other hand wants to come in from another state to be here. She has no respect for boundaries and is completely over bearing. I not only have to tell her that she cannot be there when I deliver, she cannot stay with us before or after the baby comes. She is not going to take it well at all.
With DS1 I had DH, my parents, sisters and MIL in the room during the entire process and I did not mind one bit. Father in law came in shortly after I delivered. DS1 was the first grandchild on both sides and MIL has 3 sons so she will never have the experience of watching her grandchild born through her own daughter. DS2 it was just DH and I this little bean will be the same. Everyone came to visit the following day. I say just let them know ahead of time because this may be something they are looking forward to and you don't want to deal with something like that once you're further along.
With our first we told no one untill the day after she was born. I went into l&d around 6pm and had her by 8pm. But i was exausted and sore and felt gross. Nurses were in about every 30 min checking my bleeding and stitches. I was glad we waited to tell untill we were ready for visitors. However with #2 its going to be tricky since some one will have to keep dd. I still dont know how we will fanagle it.
Re: The Visitor Plan for L&D
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
That being said, if I didn't have a midwife, I would 1000% hire a doula. It was amazing. And as amazing as my husband was, I couldn't have done those full 26 hours without her there. She kept the lights low, turned on some flameless candles, kept nurses and doctors out, rubbed my back, and was just there to let me know how good I was doing. If you can swing it, I highly suggest it.
Fell in love: Dec 2005 // Married: Feb 9, 2013
Little Miss Rosalie Harper--Born Jan 9th, 2014
Heather
Southern CA
2nd Pregnancy
May 2012 -- MC
Due Date July 5, 2014 <--- prayers for sticky baby
Honestly, if I could have gotten away with it, I would have only let my parents visit in the hospital and not my ILs, but I knew that wouldn't fly. My ILs are just so overbearing and exhausting and completely self-involved.
We didn't tell anyone I was in labor until after he was born. I had been in labor all night and he wasn't born until early evening. We told everyone no visitors until the next day. My parents drove the three hours to come visit. My ILs are all local and all wanted to come too. I agreed to dh's parents and his two sisters and one (adult) niece.
Everyone ended up showing up around the same time and I wanted to scream. My parents brought me lunch (along with theirs) and arrived after my MIL and FIL had been holding him for quite awhile. SIL walked in right after and instead of MIL handing him over to my mom, who had been patiently waiting, she handed him to SIL and said "well she can hold him while you eat."
SIL held him for over an hour while I repeatedly made comments about handing him back and I'm sure my parents are dying to hold him after driving 3 hours. I wanted to kill her.
This time, I'm not sure what our arrangements will be for DS. No one in my ILs family will be asked to watch him, so hoping my mom can be on call and come stay with him. I'm sure we'll want him to come visit shortly after the birth.
Totally and completely kidding. I promise. Like, could not be less serious.
Personally, I don't want any visitors at the hospital at all but MIL and FIL will probably be watching DD and I definitely will want to see her ASAP, so I will tolerate them.