Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I don't know how to feel.

This past week has been terrible. I found out I was pregnant on 3/20. We were very excited and we had been talking about having our second child for awhile. Well on 3/27, just one week later, I started bleeding. Went to the ER and they did an ultrasound and blood work and said they couldn't see a baby or sac or anything. I was 5 weeks at that point. My HCG was 2150 which they said was low. So they sent me home and told me to come in on Wednesday to do blood work again. On Monday I started feeling way worse so I went back to the ER and they said they could see a gestational sac and yolk sac but my HCG was only 2182. They said if it was a miscarriage, there was nothing they could do anyway. So I waited until Wednesday and my blood work showed that my HCG was 2600. The doctor did an ultrasound and said that there was nothing in my uterus, only blood and clots. So he told me he thought my HCG had risen and was now starting to fall. So I went back on Thursday for more blood work and this time my HCG was 3200. So they do a formal ultrasound and found a bunch of new bleeding in my pelvis. They were extremely concerned about ectopic pregnancy so they rushed me in to do a D&C and possibly remove one of my tubes. Well they didn't have to take any tubes and the D&C was successful because as of this morning my HCG was 740. They told me that I have a lot of scarring and adhesions on my uterus, possibly from my c section with my daughter. 

Anyway, all this to say, I'm relieved that I'm okay, but really freaking sad about losing the baby. I don't know what I feel or how I'm supposed to feel I just feel lost and aimless. I just thought I would come share my story and hopefully it would help. 

Re: I don't know how to feel.

  • I am so sorry for your loss.  There is no right way to feel, and you may go through a lot of different feelings or back and forth between emotions.  The uncertainty of it all can be a huge emotional rollercoaster.  I had a d&c on Feb. 1 after a missed miscarriage (that is, no sign anything was wrong until went in for a routine ultrasound and there was no heartbeat).  I definitely identify with feeling lost and aimless, as you describe.  Thank you for sharing your story.  I am sorry you are on this board, but welcome and there is great support here.
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
    nlawrence84
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story is similar to mine- found out I was pregnant 3/15-- the next week I started having burning pain and then intense right side low abdominal pain. Ultrasound confirmed pregnancy was ectopic in my right tube. I wasn't bleeding yet and hcg was only 1700 at 5 weeks so I was given shot of methotrexate to terminate the pregnancy. Unfortunately my hcg kept rising like yours so I got a 2nd shot yesterday.  It has a physical and emotional roller coaster.  I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm sure you were scared like I was- so many conflicting emotions about losing baby and also being in danger yourself.  One thing that has helped us a lot was having our pastor come visit to help us process some of our feelings. He reminded us that no matter how short the pregnancy was that we lost our baby and we are grieving.   I'm glad you found the board.  It has been a big comfort to me. 
    nlawrence84
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  • Spartanrd4Spartanrd4 member
    edited April 2016
    So sorry for your loss...we are here If you need someone to talk to, I've found a lot of comfort here.
  • I am sorry for you loss. This is a terrible experience to go through 
  • I'm so sorry, @nlawrence84 .  I'm glad that you are okay, but so sad for you about the loss of your baby.

    To echo @BrightenMySky , there is no right way to feel.  Whatever you are feeling at this moment is valid, and it might change quickly and without warning.  I am 3 weeks post-m/c of my first pregnancy, and I have moments where I feel fine and like a normal person, and then I have moments, often in the same day, when I completely break down and can't function.

    Hang in there, and hang around this board.  It has helped me immensely by letting me know that I'm not alone.
  • I'm so sorry. What a terrifying journey, and so much sadness accompanying it. Prayers for you. 
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish that none of us had to be here. Please take care of yourself as you being to physically and emotions heal from all of this. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Well, it's been one week since my d and c. I am feeling better. I think my hormones are leveling out and I feel better emotionally. I'm actually still pretty sore from the surgery which I think is strange. All in all, I think I'm holding up okay. 

    How is everyone else feeling? I hope everyone is doing okay. 
    1inthehopper
  • Glad that you are starting to feel better. :)
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