Intro: when my sunshine was taken away

Knottie69553252

My husband and I were expecting our first child on March 9th a little boy, I was 39 and 1/2 weeks pregnant. On March 8 the day before our scheduled cesarean appointment (I had marginal placenta previa and the baby was breech) I didn't have any fetal movement. So I went into the doctors office to get a sonogram of my little boy, to be told he was dead. I ended up having a cesarean later that day. My beautiful stillborn boy was 9 1/2 pounds and 22 1/2 inches long. They couldn't find any reason as to why my Dean passed away. Im worried that this is going to happen again with future pregnancies. Im not sure how I am feeling but would like to talk to someone else who feels this pain. 

kwrightnb

First off, I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. Loosing a child is the worst imaginable experience for anyone to have to go through.. I also had a late loss almost 1 full year ago, with absolutely no explanation. It was good to know that there is nothing physically wrong with me, and no reason why I couldn't carry another healthy pregnancy, but I know how it feels to be constantly wondering what went wrong and whether or not it will happen again.. I'm so sorry and I'll be thinking of you and baby Dean If you have any questions or anything I may be able to help you with, don't hesitate to ask. I can deffinitely relate and I understand the stresses that follow after a loss like this. I hope you can find some peace with this someday and don't be to hard on yourself. 

msunshine123

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son Dean. Such a big guy and a great name too! My heart breaks for you and your husband and all that you are experiencing. I lost my son at 39 weeks 21 months ago. He died the day of delivery from a cord accident. I can only imagine how you must feel with no answers.
 Please be kind to yourself - know you would have done everything and anything to save your son if you could have but it was out of your hands. 
  Thinking of you and sending so many hugs your way. Feel free to PM me if you'd like.

Trigger warning****

Rainbow mentioned

We welcomed our son's sister 11 months after his birth. The pregnancy after a loss is not easy, but hearing of other who had been in my shoes and were able to have a living child gave me hope.

KarenBeth714

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. Wishing you and your families peace a strength.

alanna3622

I am so sorry for this loss. Your story is so very tragic. I wish there was some way to help with your pain.  

Do you have a support system of some kind?  How is your DH?

My hospital runs a child loss support for bereaved parents. Is there any chance your hospital does the same? 

Thinking of you.

MamaBish

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. It's truly one of the hardest things ever. So many questions that will never be answered... 

Be be gentle with yourself and talk to us. We get it. We us restate. Love and hugs to you.

Pookster1020

I am so very sorry for your loss.  My son, Raymond, was still born on 10/15/15 - he was also 39 weeks - 9lbs, 12ozs and they could find no reason for it.  I too am terrified to try again. 

All the women here understand what you are going through.  It is such a soul crushing experience but please know that it will get easier to live with the loss.  It will never be better because your son will always be missing but one day you'll see that the grief isn't so all consuming as it once was.  Therapy helps. Make sure you surround yourself with people who are supportive you're going to need them.  Big hugs to you.

cmillar36

Thinking of you so sorry for your loss. 

Deepoet

So Sorry for your loss! Our prayers are with you!