WTF - TMI Warning

Sbrown721

TMI warning: I go to prenatal yoga once a week. While I was at Target today, I ran into a girl that goes to my yoga class. She just had her baby 11 days ago and I asked her how she was feeling and how everything went. She said, "Well, going med-free was not going to happen like I wanted! The epidural was a must! I tore from my butthole all the way up to and including my clit!" I said, "Omg, I didn't even know that that was possible!" She said, "I didn't either, but I'm just now walking after 11 days!" 

What am I supposed to do with that information?!  I am not due until September and I am going to be doing a water birth at home with an amazing midwife and her assistant. My fiance and I are starting a 12-week hypnobirthing class beginning in May. I just rented Ina May's Guide to Childbirth...In all fairness, I did ask how her birth went, but it feels like ever since I became pregnant, people just want to tell me their horrible birth stories and why I shouldn't birth at home!

rooftop

Try not to let it get to you. Yes, its a possibility but not a likelihood. Birthing med free reduces the chances of tearing, water birth decreases that chance even further. There are several steps you can take to lessen it even further such as perineal stretching, hot compresses and pushing in a side lying or hands and knees position. If it's something that still worries you talk with your midwife about it. She may have great information to help ease your mind and help make a plan. If you go into labor worried about this it could physically affect your progression so it needs to be addressed. Lastly, know that if you do tear it's extremely rare to be this severe. Your body's tissues are made to separate under too much stress so tearing isn't usually as bad as it sounds. Extreme instances such as hers usually stem from either being drugged so you can't work with your body, the use of instruments to help deliver which is usually accompanied by an episiotomy which makes further tearing likely or unusual positioning of the baby such as OP (sunny side up) or a nuchal hand.
I love Ina may's book. It's great to have birth positive resources like that.
 Also wanted to say even if you ask don't be afraid to politely or not so politely (if they don't listen the first time) tell people you prefer not to hear negative stories about birth and if they don't have anything nice or encouraging to say to please not talk about it at all.
Sorry that was so long but I hope that helps.

bunnywahl

@Sbrown721

I agree with the above. I too, have worried about tearing, but a tear to this degree is uncommon and the fact that you are having a water birth will really help lower your chances of it ever being this bad, if at all. Talking to your midwife is great advice. She will probably have reassuring words for you and practices that she employs to lessen your chances of tearing. The last thing you want is to be worrying about this during birth. 

SweetMamaJune

Read Ina May! It was the single most important thing I've done so far. I had a coworker tell me all about her CS pretty graphically. I won't repeat, it scared the !!!! out of me! 

Ina May teaches us that we avoid tearing by listening to our bodies. An epidural, although it is often necessary, inhibits us from receiving those signals from our bodies to push, move, position, and rest. I think that this is what happened to your friend. She was told to push because she couldn't feel rushes/contractions and simply went too fast. 

Read Ina, you'll feel much better.  

peregrinefalconx

I was at a baby shower where they were telling horror birth stories. WTH?!@ I had nightmares about one of the stories( a CS). I hope I can block that out, as, like you, I have/would have no idea what to do with the info except what PPs have said. Ina May's book will tell you about the lady who had an orgasm while giving birth. Maybe focus on that?

bunnywahl

Seriously, what is wrong with people? I had a friend come over and visit recently and she hadn't been on my couch more than 5 minutes when she started telling me how her friend's sister just carried a baby a full 9 months and the baby was still born. I just looked at her. Who the hell comes in and tells their pregnant friend that?

Everyone's right about Ina May. Her book will make you feel so much better.

Lusitano8

Ditto what all the PP's said. There are way more negative stories that get told than the births that are normal and not traumatic. It's rare to tear that bad and the epi will make you more likely to tear. Stick to your plan and block out others opinions. You're going to do great and I'm sure your birth experience will be beautiful. 

vcabbyw

Listen! I tore 3.5 allll most 4 degrees. I am pregnant with #2 and I'm going natural again. I had no clue I tore this badly. I used pain meds for the repair. I have no ill affects from this and actually I think my sex life is way better these days. 

I know it seems like all we hear is horror stories while pregnant, but remember there is a large majority of us that have multiple kiddos. And a lot of women, myself included, have "bad" stories and we will always remember the day we have birth. Their stories are equally as important as the good rainbow happy stories.

 I politely tell people if I don't want to hear if I can tell they are coming from a bad place, and otherwise... Use their experiences to shape what YOU want in your birth. My story is pretty hard to hear for some BUT there is always an important lesson to be learned. I learned the importance of a well positioned baby and what not to do this time. Best of luck.