First time poster...

20thirteen

Hi everyone!

I have an almost 3yo who I've been trying to potty train for what feels like an eternity but in reality is probably only 9mo.  I'm a working single mom and feel like I'm just struggling with routines here. DD showed a lot of interest in the potty around the time she turned 2, she even started pulling her steps to the "big potty", climbing up to sit on the big potty and then would pee in her diaper, get off the potty and pull her steps over to the sink (where we would wash our hands).  After a week or two of this, we started buying pull-ups and started trying to use the potty without wearing her diaper and, for a while, she seemed into it. But, as more time passes, it's just not happening.  I've tried rewards, charts, and I've tried a couple potty apps, I have some books to read her about the potty, showed her some videos and sometimes she goes on the potty and sometimes she doesn't.  She never tells me she has to go, the staff at the daycare center tell me she doesn't tell them either.  I do put her in "big girl panties" as often as possible, but she'd rather pee in them rather than go to the potty.  I think the cute little thing that made me think she was ready didn't mean she was ready, that I misread her behavior.

I live with one of my parents, but because she can't take care of herself (physically disabled, on lots of narcotics which affects her memory), it feels like I'm taking care of two toddlers instead of one.  So, if I am making dinner, I have to turn everything off if the potty app tells me to take DD to the potty (grandma is unable to cook, and either doesn't want to help with training or doesn't know how to help, it's a toss up). I have a BF but he doesn't live with us and, due to our schedules, comes over only 2-3 times a week.  He thinks I've been being too forceful (especially lately) about the whole thing which might be turning DD off, but I think if I am, it's because I'm totally frustrated and feel like a failure because I just can't get her to go. I'm trying so hard to ease up, I'm trying to make it comfortable for her, but it's just not happening.  Also, I don't know if the daycare center is working with her the way I am even though I've asked them, too.  I've been told they've been doing it but it's not on her sheet when I pick her up so I just don't know.

Any advice, help, anything... I could certainly use it so I can stop feeling like:

SLGILL1978

I would back off for now. Revisit in a few weeks or wait until she does turn three. She still has plenty of time. You shouldn't be "training" for nine months. When they are ready physically and developmentally, they will go and be trained within 2-3 days. 
When she asks, shows signs and/or interest then put her back on the pot. Have her go every 1-2 hours. Limit fluids especially before bedtime. She should only be sitting on the potty for 1-5 minutes each time. It's okay if she doesn't do anything in the toilet. Mine never did anything for weeks. Lose the pull ups. It's the same as diapers. I would just let her go diaperless or put her in panties.
I used to be against rewards, but with my daughter, I found that if I distracted her with the tablet or a book, then she was able to potty without thinking about it. Each time she successfully sat on the potty whether she went or not, I gave her a treat. It was anything from playing games on the tablet, gummies, stickers, etc.
Daycare wise, we didn't force her. For over a week, she would hold her pee or have an accident if she couldn't hold it any longer.  

TwizBeans

SLGILL1978 said:

I would back off for now. Revisit in a few weeks or wait until she does turn three. She still has plenty of time. You shouldn't be "training" for nine months. When they are ready physically and developmentally, they will go and be trained within 2-3 days. 
When she asks, shows signs and/or interest then put her back on the pot. Have her go every 1-2 hours. Limit fluids especially before bedtime. She should only be sitting on the potty for 1-5 minutes each time. It's okay if she doesn't do anything in the toilet. Mine never did anything for weeks. Lose the pull ups. It's the same as diapers. I would just let her go diaperless or put her in panties.
I used to be against rewards, but with my daughter, I found that if I distracted her with the tablet or a book, then she was able to potty without thinking about it. Each time she successfully sat on the potty whether she went or not, I gave her a treat. It was anything from playing games on the tablet, gummies, stickers, etc.
Daycare wise, we didn't force her. For over a week, she would hold her pee or have an accident if she couldn't hold it any longer.  

Great advice.

OP sounds like you have a lot on your plate and I understand stressful potty training is but like PP suggested,  would back off for a bit. My son was almost 3.5 before we got him potty trained. It was a pain in the ass but we had to wait until HE was ready.

It will happen, hang in there.