Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss


Hi, I would like to share a recent situation with the hope of getting suggestions of what to do...
I'll keep it short and to the point...
I lost my baby in October 2015... Three months later my sister in law announced she was pregnant with fraternal twins. 
Today, I found out they will be naming the baby girl Olivia... My heart dropped since That was what we had planned on naming our baby in the case of her being a girl .... We actually referred to our baby As Baby Oli... We had a feeling it was a girl 
I feel so hurt that they are taking that name, it seems like if they don't understand the emotional meaning that name has to us . Every time I hear that name I automatically think of my baby. And now they are willing to take it? The part that hurts the most is that they openly told my mother in law that they got that name from us... Their twins are due 3 months after my baby would've been born. 
I feel so hurt and bettrayed . I don't know if I should say something to them or not... Am I overreacting ? I just don't know anymore :( 

Re: :(

  • Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't think you're overreacting. That's very hurtful and insensitive of them to take your baby name, and to even admit that they got it from you. I'm not sure if saying anything will change their mind, but at least you can get it off your chest. Unfortunately some people don't understand our situations because it's hard for some people to understand something they haven't experienced. Not saying that's right, just something I've learned after having two miscarriages. I hope you're able to find some peace by talking to them. Hugs
  • I'm sorry for your loss. I defiantly think that they are being insensitive. They knew that you had planned on naming your baby that and then they choose to steal it from you. It's like they think it's fair game since your baby wasn't a take home baby. I would have a chat with them about it and how it makes you feel. They might not do anything to correct it, but at least you have the chance to say your peace about it. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this on top of your loss. 
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  • I am sorry for your loss.  I know that it's hard for people to know what to do or say in these times, but this seems like it's a particularly insensitive action.  This isn't their family name or something that you and your sister in law each have wanted independently of the other...they got the idea from you.  Is this your brother and his wife, your your spouse's sister (or something else)?  What is your relationship like with them otherwise (just trying to think of suggestions for how to talk to them about it)?
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
  • This is my husbands brother and his wife. I don't have a close relationship with the wife. Thank you for your kind words and suggestions !
  • Olivia is a common name these days, so if it was a coincidence I would say let it go, but the fact that they openly said they got it from you makes this terribly insensitive of them.  Could they possibly think they are honoring your baby by naming their after her?  If I were you, I would share with them how this makes you feel.  
    Me: 1979 * Husband: 1976 * Little girl: 2010 * Little guy: 2013 * MMC: 2016 * Last baby: EDD 2/11/17!  
  • edited March 2016
    I am sorry for your loss. That has got to be a terribly painful and hurtful situation. I am sorry that you are going through that
  • Oh f that! Were they trying to honor your baby, or were they just stealing the name. 
  • And please don't get me wrong. I'm not upset over them taking that name just because "I like it...." .... It's the emotions I have attached to that name..
  • So rude. If they were going to honor your baby they would have asked first. Ridulously insensitive- and to not even talk to you about it?! I'm sorry you have to deal with this. 
  • I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is extremely insensitive. I lost my baby just this week. I was only 4-5 weeks and I am broken over it. I had a natural M/C and to see everything falling out of me, it was awful. I cannot imagine having someone take over my angel's name. I would say something, or maybe your husband can talk to his brother. You shouldn't have to bear that pain just so they can use a name. That was your chosen baby name. They can pick another. Just my opinion, coming from someone who is still raw with a loss herself   
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