Does this seem insensitive to you?

ktaopi30

My sister in law found it necessary to "share her story" on fb and I found it incredibly insensitive. Does anyone else agree?

"VERY early in the pregnancy they told me I miscarried. I knew something wasn't adding up. I fought for more medical attention and demanded answers. I didn't just say "ok better luck next month". Not saying that's the only reason she's here today, but I'm glad I listened to my Mommy Gut and my many prayers were answered. I was her only voice, I was the only one that could fight for her and man I'm so glad I never gave up. Your Mommy and Daddy will never give up on you Peach!"

And FYI, she didn't "demand" anything. The lab messed up her bloodwork and she went in for new labs the next day.

Spartanrd4

I am kind of offended by that story...like we all gave up on our babies and didn't fight enough. Her situation doesn't even come close to half of what we have been through. Maybe I'm just feeling sensitive today. 

ThePax89

What did she fight for? Nothing was wrong. 

I'm with @Spartanrd4 with feeling offended at the implication that we didn't fight for our babies. 

BrightenMySky

It is a bit insensitive.  Did I ask for confirmation of my loss?  Sure.  Too bad for me, unlike her, it was real.  

ETA: And no amount of my fighting for my baby or demanding more testing would have cured my baby's catastrophic genetic defect.  

lilylover27

I find it a little insensitive because we all "fought" for our babies. I am sure none of us were like "eh whatever it is just a baby". I had no idea something was wrong, I had spotting at 7 weeks, went in everything was fine heartbeat normal and progressing normally. My OB told me spotting was fine as long as it did not become period like or bright red, therefore I was never concerned. When I went back at 12 weeks for bleeding and they confirmed the heart had stopped and no development after 8 weeks what was I suppose to do, how do you "fight" that. We all "fought" for our babies in the sense we did everything possible to make sure we were taking care of ourselves and in turn our babies, unfortunately in some circumstances that just isn't enough. Also as you said they just messed up her labs, while yes that is scary, it doesn't sound like she was at risk.

I rambled way more than planned, probably because this is all still too fresh.

roxgibbons

First off no dr/clinic or hospital is going just call it based on one test. They'd do an ultrasound or follow up labs- she's not a hero because she asked for more testing. That's standard protocol. Unfortunately, as we all know more tests and labs doesn't save a miscarriage. It just confirms it. Her post is misleading implying that her dr. just said she miscarried based on one test. A bit insensitive and lame. But I generally feel most FB posts are lame and tend to overshare so that's just me

jatwal128

^ what she said exactly

We all "fought" in every way we knew how. Insinuating that others that have gone through a MC did not fight is very insensitive 

ktaopi30

thanks for the support ladies. I just had an ectopic in December and we're still trying so I was just feeling like this was cruel and in your face. I told her it upset me and she only defended her poor wording and wouldn't edit or remove the post. I think it's just a really poor choice or words when all she had to say was they were scared they had lost her in the beginning. She claims to understand loss but she has never lost anything. She also claims to understand infertility but has successfully had 2 children in 2.5yrs with meds. I am probably just overly sensitive but it drives me nuts! Of course she also has ppd...

RiverSong15

Unless she had a really negligent doctor who was pushing her for a same-day D&C or cytotec after 1 bad blood test, she fought for nothing. It's a little misleading. i get her intentions, and people should always advocate for themselves and understand their situations, but it sounds to me like she's making up drama to get compliments. Her "fight" over one bad blood test is nothing compared to weeks of limbo and implies that the medical community is often wrong. While miraculous exceptions do occur, the majority of us getting bad news will have a bad outcome, fight or no fight.

BrightenMySky

With your follow up post @ktaopi30, it's really making me think about how important it is to recognize that even if you have gone through certain things, you are not going to react the same as another person, so it's important to be compassionate but not say you know exactly how the other person feels/you know what they should do/etc.  We all speak based on our own experiences, and I really like that the ladies on this board very much get that balance.  It sounds like your sister-in-law falls short on this.  "I'm here for you" is better, IMO, than "I'm here for you and I understand what you're going through because I have xyz struggles and I can tell you what to do and you can talk to me."  We all have our struggles.  Now I'm rambling.

Spartanrd4

I'm glad you talked to your SIL @ktaopi30, maybe next time she will think before she says things....at least she knows how you feel by you speaking up.

fmannino85

I agree with the previous posts. Her post is definitely offensive. I'm glad you said something to her, but unfortunately people like her will never understand or try to understand what we've been through. She definitely posted that for attention only, not because she actually did something productive. Like PP have said, we all fought for and wanted our babies. It was none of or decisions or choices to lose our babies, and if there was anything we could have done to save them, we would have. 

KarenBeth714

I agree and I'm glad you said something about it. It doesn't seem like she is the type of person to bend her point of view at all, so just be weary of her in the future. But I'm really glad you spoke up... because I'm sure somewhere in the back of her conscience she knows she's wrong. It's a cry for attention. Sorry you experienced that. 

1inthehopper

Wow, insensitive.  Because if I had "fought" for more tests my ectopic could have been saved?! Or wouldn't have been ectopic?!   Sorry you had to deal with that.  

alanna3622

Her post is ridiculous. Don't know what else to say. It is just ... ridiculous.