Can we please stop perpetuating the idea that stress prevents you from getting pregnant. Unless you have undergone huge emotional trauma or have chronic stress, a diagnosed medical condition, stress does not prevent you from getting pregnant. By saying stress prevents pregnancy you are implying that women that are struggling to get or stay pregnant (like me and many others on this board) are causing their fertility problems, and that if they would "just relax" they could get pregnant.
***Loss***
I'm not saying it's preventing her from getting pregnant. Lord knows I stress a ton every single month, but I've been pregnant three times in one year. I'm saying it could be the reason her charts are wonky. I can tell with mine when I'm stressed. They aren't as "pretty." Noone is saying stress is the reason she isn't pregnant. We are saying stress might be why her charts don't look the same. Think about it. When I first decided to start ttc, I woke up before my alarm because I was excited to temp (oh, I wish I was still excited....) and that kept throwing my temps off. Then I get frustrated because it wasn't working, lo and behold, my charts went wacko again.
I've been charting for almost four years. And I can tell you there is a distinct difference when I'm stressed.
A change in your chart doesn't equal a change in fertility, unless O is not happening anymore or if it's indicative of LPD. So even if "stressing" over temping makes your chart look wonky, that doesn't mean that your fertility has changed.
Can we please stop perpetuating the idea that stress prevents you from getting pregnant. Unless you have undergone huge emotional trauma or have chronic stress, a diagnosed medical condition, stress does not prevent you from getting pregnant. By saying stress prevents pregnancy you are implying that women that are struggling to get or stay pregnant (like me and many others on this board) are causing their fertility problems, and that if they would "just relax" they could get pregnant.
***Loss***
I'm not saying it's preventing her from getting pregnant. Lord knows I stress a ton every single month, but I've been pregnant three times in one year. I'm saying it could be the reason her charts are wonky. I can tell with mine when I'm stressed. They aren't as "pretty." Noone is saying stress is the reason she isn't pregnant. We are saying stress might be why her charts don't look the same. Think about it. When I first decided to start ttc, I woke up before my alarm because I was excited to temp (oh, I wish I was still excited....) and that kept throwing my temps off. Then I get frustrated because it wasn't working, lo and behold, my charts went wacko again.
I've been charting for almost four years. And I can tell you there is a distinct difference when I'm stressed.
A change in your chart doesn't equal a change in fertility, unless O is not happening anymore or if it's indicative of LPD. So even if "stressing" over temping makes your chart look wonky, that doesn't mean that your fertility has changed.
That's exactly what I am saying. Not once did I say stress is affecting fertility. For crying out loud it's been 5 months.I said it can make your chart look funny. That's why I sad relax a bit so it doesn't make the chart freak out. Then you can follow it better. My o days are still the same (within a day or so) even when I stress, I just tend to have a really messy chart. Which, I am fully aware, means absolutely nothing. That's exactly what I am saying. We are saying the exact same thing... so tell me why we are arguing?
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
PennStateCait : your comment makes sense, but I was just saying my husband is claiming we aren't financially ready so by backing that up with numbers, it made me think my husband was just pulling arbitrary reasons out of thin air. "Financially incapable" is clearly not the reason in this case is simply what I'm saying. I understand I could've written that a million other different ways and I apologize if it was written in a way that rubbed you/everyone wrong.
LoveIsOwlYouNeed : that was just some example I cited about Murphy's Law. My apologies if it rubbed you the wrong way.
Thank you everyone for your honest advice. I'm re-reading all of your posts atm.
Another thing I'd like to add is, yes, it isn't my husband's fault that my temps are off and OPKs aren't working as they were. But all I'm saying is, it would've been better to find out sooner rather than later. I guess that was just my point the whole time.
Two years ago, my husband was completely not ready and didn't know exactly when he'd be ready. However, he made a "compromise" that we start trying because according to his minimal knowledge and research about fertility/TTC, 35 is the "dreaded" age. So his compromise was to wait until I turn 34, which is a year before 35. Why? Because that is what Google told him.
Typing what I just said... I don't know if I'm supposed to be sad, angry, or laugh. It's naive, funny, and upsetting at the same time.
Another thing I'd like to add is, yes, it isn't my husband's fault that my temps are off and OPKs aren't working as they were. But all I'm saying is, it would've been better to find out sooner rather than later. I guess that was just my point the whole time.
Two years ago, my husband was completely not ready and didn't know exactly when he'd be ready. However, he made a "compromise" that we start trying because according to his minimal knowledge and research about fertility/TTC, 35 is the "dreaded" age. So his compromise was to wait until I turn 34, which is a year before 35. Why? Because that is what Google told him.
Typing what I just said... I don't know if I'm supposed to be sad, angry, or laugh. It's naive, funny, and upsetting at the same time.
But then you could have ended up with a baby before your H was ready. I'm sure that would have gone over real well.
Regardless, you don't have a fertility problem anyway. So why are you worked up that you didn't find out earlier. There is nothing for you to find out at this point.
Another thing I'd like to add is, yes, it isn't my husband's fault that my temps are off and OPKs aren't working as they were. But all I'm saying is, it would've been better to find out sooner rather than later. I guess that was just my point the whole time.
It doesn't matter that it would have been better to find out (you don't even know if there is anything to find out) earlier.
I'm going to reverse this for you. My DH was ready EIGHT. YEARS before I was (maybe more). I was still in university. I had things I wanted to do first. I wasn't even sure I wanted children. By your logic, I should have said screw my second degree. Screw my career. Screw all my dreams and plans, because someone else wants me to be KTFU. It doesn't matter that I don't think I'm ready. It doesn't matter that I don't want this yet. Someone else wants me to be a parent right now, so I should just shut up and comply, because you know, in case there's trouble, we should find out now. Oh, and I don't want him to blame me (on the chance) if his sperm count it quality drops waiting for me.
Can you see how ridiculous that sounds? I'm glad DH supported my choice to wait (and even decide if it was what I wanted).
None of this is your DH's fault. Remember, you don't even know if there is a problem. Even if there was, it's still not his fault. Even if you would have been able to conceive your first try (not that you have any way of knowing if this would have happened) back when you were first ready, and now you can't - still not his fault.
How would you feel if DH pressured (or resented you) into having a baby before you were ready? It doesn't matter if you're ready now. What if he was acting like you are before you wanted to?
(even though we both make over $200K combined so this is foolish excuse)
Well la dee da, congratulations to you. Making money is not the same as being ready financially to create another human.
Also, I wish that tarot card/psychic woman would come back now, I bet she could tell you your marriage won't last long if you keep blaming your husband for all your problems.
***lurker, siggy warning
ding ding ding. I was waiting for someone to say something about the money.
Also so the tarot lady could totes tell her she'll conceive in 85.3 days. DUH.
You're still blaming your DH. It's enough! You need to work through these issues before throwing a pregnancy or baby into the mix. That is, if you want to have a baby AND a lasting relationship with your DH. If you only want a baby, proceed.
Yep, couldn't get past the $200k in the original post. Unnecessary. I've never seen anyone post their income on here. It's awkward and didn't add to the question or conversation.
Married 2011
TTC #1 since April 2015
Fur child: One awesome Golden Retriever IUI August 2016 : Cancelled due to polyp September 2016: Polyp removal/hysteroscopy October 2016: IUI #1- BFN November 2016: IUI #2- BFN December 2016: IUI #3 - BFN January/February 2017 - IVF + ICSI + PGD March 2017 - FET
Yep, couldn't get past the $200k in the original post. Unnecessary. I've never seen anyone post their income on here. It's awkward and didn't add to the question or conversation.
I've never seen someone brag about their exorbitant income but someone bragged about the square footage of their house. And their ability to keep it clean and still have all the sex.
Mama to two perfect little girls. Lucy 07-13-11 Violet 03-13-14 Conceived #3 since September 2015 11-25-15 twelve week loss 07-21-16 ten week loss 10-03-16 5 week loss TTC again soon!
And then people like me get a warning for a tou violation and I still don't understand why. I asked the bump gods straight up... But I haven't gotten a response.
These last 48 hours of bump craziness can die.
Mama to two perfect little girls. Lucy 07-13-11 Violet 03-13-14 Conceived #3 since September 2015 11-25-15 twelve week loss 07-21-16 ten week loss 10-03-16 5 week loss TTC again soon!
Another thing I'd like to add is, yes, it isn't my husband's fault that my temps are off and OPKs aren't working as they were. But all I'm saying is, it would've been better to find out sooner rather than later. I guess that was just my point the whole time.
Two years ago, my husband was completely not ready and didn't know exactly when he'd be ready. However, he made a "compromise" that we start trying because according to his minimal knowledge and research about fertility/TTC, 35 is the "dreaded" age. So his compromise was to wait until I turn 34, which is a year before 35. Why? Because that is what Google told him.
Typing what I just said... I don't know if I'm supposed to be sad, angry, or laugh. It's naive, funny, and upsetting at the same time.
Find out what, exactly? That you aren't a robot? That maybe you aren't super fertile, or that you don't know how to compromise very well?
From the way you are carrying on with blaming your husband maybe you need to seriously re evaluate you choice to start TTC now. You don't seem to be in a good place in your marriage or just mentally/emotionally.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Mama to two perfect little girls. Lucy 07-13-11 Violet 03-13-14 Conceived #3 since September 2015 11-25-15 twelve week loss 07-21-16 ten week loss 10-03-16 5 week loss TTC again soon!
Thanks for your response everyone! I've removed that part on my post because it's somehow become like Reddit now - where there's one negative comment that people ruminate about and it eventually becomes a series of negative comments because "bad is always stronger than good." But that's ok, it's human nature.
I already apologized for it (if you scroll back up a bit) and it wasn't my intent to brag or anything.
Another thing I'd like to add is, yes, it isn't my husband's fault that my temps are off and OPKs aren't working as they were. But all I'm saying is, it would've been better to find out sooner rather than later. I guess that was just my point the whole time.
Two years ago, my husband was completely not ready and didn't know exactly when he'd be ready. However, he made a "compromise" that we start trying because according to his minimal knowledge and research about fertility/TTC, 35 is the "dreaded" age. So his compromise was to wait until I turn 34, which is a year before 35. Why? Because that is what Google told him.
Typing what I just said... I don't know if I'm supposed to be sad, angry, or laugh. It's naive, funny, and upsetting at the same time.
Echoing PPs, find out what exactly? Getting pregnant isn't as easy as they make it sound like it is when you're in high school, and you are well within the normal time frame for conceiving. The bolded statement is playing a dangerous game that can end in more resentment and anger towards your husband.
What is the saying? Hindsight is 20/20? As someone with an IF diagnosis, I wish all.the.time that we had started to TTC earlier because we could have started treatments earlier and had a baby at a better time, but you can't see the future (unless you are the fertility readings psychic) so you have to make decisions based on what is best for your life and your relationship. Delaying TTC was best for my career. Delaying TTC was best for your husband. You need to let it go that he wanted to wait for kids. You need to let it go that your cycle isn't "perfect".
Thanks for your response everyone! I've removed that part on my post because it's somehow become like Reddit now - where there's one negative comment that people ruminate about and it eventually becomes a series of negative comments because "bad is always stronger than good." But that's ok, it's human nature.
I already apologized for it (if you scroll back up a bit) and it wasn't my intent to brag or anything.
You are still ignoring all of the responses from people that don't mention that part or the stress/fertility aspect. It seems like you didn't actually want advice and this was just a dear diary post.
Thanks for your response everyone! I've removed that part on my post because it's somehow become like Reddit now - where there's one negative comment that people ruminate about and it eventually becomes a series of negative comments because "bad is always stronger than good." But that's ok, it's human nature.
I already apologized for it (if you scroll back up a bit) and it wasn't my intent to brag or anything.
You are still ignoring all of the responses from people that don't mention that part or the stress/fertility aspect. It seems like you didn't actually want advice and this was just a dear diary post.
*typo
Please don't be too quick to judge. No, I'm not ignoring. I wrote above that I have to re-read them all. I just replied to a couple that are related to those to hopefully try to explain myself and avoid it snowballing or becoming a topic solely about that one phrase.
The well thought-out replies I really want to read repeatedly to myself as I know I need those advice - I was planning to reply later. On the other hand, the replies that singled out the money aspect are easy and I didn't want to put off apologizing.
Thanks for your response everyone! I've removed that part on my post because it's somehow become like Reddit now - where there's one negative comment that people ruminate about and it eventually becomes a series of negative comments because "bad is always stronger than good." But that's ok, it's human nature.
I already apologized for it (if you scroll back up a bit) and it wasn't my intent to brag or anything.
You are still ignoring all of the responses from people that don't mention that part or the stress/fertility aspect. It seems like you didn't actually want advice and this was just a dear diary post.
*typo
Please don't be too quick to judge. No, I'm not ignoring. I wrote above that I have to re-read them all. I just replied to a couple that are related to those to hopefully try to explain myself and avoid it snowballing or becoming a topic solely about that one phrase.
The well thought-out replies I really want to read repeatedly to myself as I know I need those advice - I was planning to reply later. On the other hand, the replies that singled out the money aspect are easy and I didn't want to put off apologizing.
Okay, fair enough. I'm very glad you will reread them and consider the advice.
This is ridiculous. If one half of the couple isn't ready to TTC, the couple isn't ready to TTC. Now you're both ready, so you can TTC (though it sounds to me like you have some things to work through first).
It's fine to have wanted it sooner, but that wasn't going to work for your H. (Trust me, I spent three years in that space as well, I understand that it is frustrating.)
There's nothing you can do about that now, it's done. Dwelling on it and getting angry at your H isn't going to help at all.
Thanks for your response everyone! I've removed that part on my post because it's somehow become like Reddit now - where there's one negative comment that people ruminate about and it eventually becomes a series of negative comments because "bad is always stronger than good." But that's ok, it's human nature.
I already apologized for it (if you scroll back up a bit) and it wasn't my intent to brag or anything.
And if you want to be part of this community (which is an awesome one) then drop this holier than thou attitude, read the newbie info, LURK to figure out the tone and flow of the board, and take some time to post. Get to know the ladies here, give them some support, and I'm sure you'll find them to be kind and helpful. You know, if you bother to become part of the community before just barging in here and demanding they support you.
Me: 30 DH: 32 ~~ TTC #1: Sep 2015 ~~ BFP: Mar 2016 ~~ Daughter: Nov 2016 TTC #2: April 2018 ~~ BFP: May 2018 ~~ EDD: January 2019
Mama to two perfect little girls. Lucy 07-13-11 Violet 03-13-14 Conceived #3 since September 2015 11-25-15 twelve week loss 07-21-16 ten week loss 10-03-16 5 week loss TTC again soon!
OP, I get what you're saying. I really do, and the others have covered my thoughts exactly that you can't blame your husband. It's just crappy timing. FWIW... (We started TTC when I was 35.) I had the worst cycle of my life in January. Started with AF from hell on Christmas. Cramps worse than I've ever experienced on CD2. Depression from not only the holidays (every year I get really low) but from another failed month of TTC. Then my temps were all weird. I ovulated late. Took 10 days to get a peak reading on my CBAD (normally 4.) It was just so messed up. Then my bbt broke, so I had to stop charting. I was pretty sure I o'd based on other signs, and managed to get CH's before the death of the thermometer. My chart was NOT pretty. But DH knew how upset I was getting as it was month 7, and he had seen me cry for the first time over the whole thing. He put forth a valiant effort to HIO almost every day thru that extended FW. (Not complaining *wink wink*)Turns out, that was the cycle of my bfp. Had it not worked, I would have needed a break for at least a month to relax. I knew it was getting to me and effecting my health both mentally and physically.
****TW over!*** Hang in there. TTC is hard. Maybe you need to seriously consider taking a break. If not from TTC all together, from the temping and/or the opk's. Not saying "just relax, it'll happen." But sometimes you need to refocus your energy on something else so it doesn't consume you so much, for your own health and well-being.
OP, I understand your frustration, and I understand that irrational thoughts happen when something as emotionally - charged as TTC is involved. But I need to be blunt with you - you need to deal with these feelings and let it go if you want to stay married. I'm a divorce lawyer and I'm telling you that these are the types of things people get divorced over. If you need individual or couples therapy to let it go, then do that immediately. I'm serious.
PPs have made good points with respect to the fact that you seem to be creating a problem where there isn't one and assuming the waiting is the cause of the non-existent problem. But as far as your marriage is concerned none of that matters. What matters is that you've developed a resentment against your husband over this issue, and it will cause permanent damage to your marriage if you don't squash it.
You could have a perfect baby 9 months, a year, or 2 years from now - and you probably will - but don't forget that your marriage is supposed to be the foundation of that child's life.
OP, I get what you're saying. I really do, and the others have covered my thoughts exactly that you can't blame your husband. It's just crappy timing. FWIW... (We started TTC when I was 35.) I had the worst cycle of my life in January. Started with AF from hell on Christmas. Cramps worse than I've ever experienced on CD2. Depression from not only the holidays (every year I get really low) but from another failed month of TTC. Then my temps were all weird. I ovulated late. Took 10 days to get a peak reading on my CBAD (normally 4.) It was just so messed up. Then my bbt broke, so I had to stop charting. I was pretty sure I o'd based on other signs, and managed to get CH's before the death of the thermometer. My chart was NOT pretty. But DH knew how upset I was getting as it was month 7, and he had seen me cry for the first time over the whole thing. He put forth a valiant effort to HIO almost every day thru that extended FW. (Not complaining *wink wink*)Turns out, that was the cycle of my bfp. Had it not worked, I would have needed a break for at least a month to relax. I knew it was getting to me and effecting my health both mentally and physically.
****TW over!*** Hang in there. TTC is hard. Maybe you need to seriously consider taking a break. If not from TTC all together, from the temping and/or the opk's. Not saying "just relax, it'll happen." But sometimes you need to refocus your energy on something else so it doesn't consume you so much, for your own health and well-being.
Wow, this is so similar to what's happening to me. Like I mentioned, everything worked ok when we weren't TTC. But as soon as we TTC, OPKs have become unreliable and temps are off. My thermometer seems to no longer beep too (I think low battery? idk). It's very hard for me to interpret my CM and CP so I don't rely on those methods, but if I did, I'm sure they'd find ways to connive too. Thank you for your advice and good luck! You and some others mentioned I may need a break... I think I do too.
Honey, do not blame your body changing, like it is perfectly entitled and normal to do, on the fact that your husband was not ready to ttc when you were. It happens, a lot more than you seem to believe. I wanted to ttc this August, looks like hubby isn't on board so we agreed to wait until I'm closer to being done with my degree, barring any unforeseen changes. Shit happens. But you can bet your ass I won't blame us not getting pregnant in the first few months of ttc or my body going through changes on him. I mean. Really. Get over yourself.
I have to ask - were you on any birth control prior to ttc, while you were temping and using opks?
Edited for spelling and word changes because my tablet doesn't like swear words and I do.
Thank you again, pretty blunt! But it's what I'm aware it's what I need
OP, I get what you're saying. I really do, and the others have covered my thoughts exactly that you can't blame your husband. It's just crappy timing. FWIW... (We started TTC when I was 35.) I had the worst cycle of my life in January. Started with AF from hell on Christmas. Cramps worse than I've ever experienced on CD2. Depression from not only the holidays (every year I get really low) but from another failed month of TTC. Then my temps were all weird. I ovulated late. Took 10 days to get a peak reading on my CBAD (normally 4.) It was just so messed up. Then my bbt broke, so I had to stop charting. I was pretty sure I o'd based on other signs, and managed to get CH's before the death of the thermometer. My chart was NOT pretty. But DH knew how upset I was getting as it was month 7, and he had seen me cry for the first time over the whole thing. He put forth a valiant effort to HIO almost every day thru that extended FW. (Not complaining *wink wink*)Turns out, that was the cycle of my bfp. Had it not worked, I would have needed a break for at least a month to relax. I knew it was getting to me and effecting my health both mentally and physically.
****TW over!*** Hang in there. TTC is hard. Maybe you need to seriously consider taking a break. If not from TTC all together, from the temping and/or the opk's. Not saying "just relax, it'll happen." But sometimes you need to refocus your energy on something else so it doesn't consume you so much, for your own health and well-being.
Wow, this is so similar to what's happening to me. Like I mentioned, everything worked ok when we weren't TTC. But as soon as we TTC, OPKs have become unreliable and temps are off. My thermometer seems to no longer beep too (I think low battery? idk). It's very hard for me to interpret my CM and CP so I don't rely on those methods, but if I did, I'm sure they'd find ways to connive too. Thank you for your advice and good luck! You and some others mentioned I may need a break... I think I do too.
***Lurker/siggy warning***
I just. I can't even with this post.
Surely with your 200k you can afford to get yourself a new BBT that beeps?
@jb129 impatient does not mean infertile and your recurring insinuations that you're infertile are starting to annoy me.
Me: 31 Husby: 36 Married May 2014 TTC # 2 Since December 2021 Baby girl W born 2/2021 Our journey so far... (tw loss & infertility)
Diagnosis: Poor Egg Quality Working with an RE since March 2016 2 failed TI cycles 3 failed IUI cycles
IVF Feb - April 2017 23 eggs collected, 20 mature, 14 fertilized with ICSI, 4 day 3 blasts, 3 day 5 blasts, 1 PGS normal Transferred 1 PGS normal embryo 4.12.17 BFP 4.21.17 MMC due to small gestational sac 6.8.17
Our adoption journey: 12.25.18 Agency picked and apps submitted! 5.1.19 Adoption on hold so we can buy a house! 1.1.20 Homestudy process started 3.14.20 First social worker visit 5.25.20 Homestudy Approved & Submitted to Agency
6.1.20 Surprise! Positive pregnancy test! Healthy baby girl born 2/10/2021
Two years ago, my husband was completely not ready and didn't know exactly when he'd be ready. However, he made a "compromise" that we start trying because according to his minimal knowledge and research about fertility/TTC, 35 is the "dreaded" age. So his compromise was to wait until I turn 34, which is a year before 35. Why? Because that is what Google told him.
Yes. At 35 all of your eggs die and your ovaries shrink up to raisins. Get lots of cats and matching track suits. Make sure to join AARP. Absolutely no one has ever given birth after 35, they are all full of dread and instead of a period just leak out cobwebs every 28 days. 34 is not quite 35, though, so maybe you could just spray for spiders and get lucky.
I skimmed this thread and will add "this" to previous posters.
*previous/current pregnancy mention* Also noticed you said you are no longer peaking? Do you mean you don't get positive OPKs? FTR, I've been charting for a year and have gotten a truly positive OPK, like, twice. One of those times I was pregnant and thus obviously not ovulating. I've still gotten pregnant twice. OPKs are kind of a nice extra bonus but not all that relevant.
Aaand my parents had their first at 35 and myself and my other sister in their 40s, back in the 70s/80s, with fertility issues but minimal intervention. The age thing is blown WAY out of proportion and basically based on population studies from the damn 1600s.
I skimmed this thread and will add "this" to previous posters.
*previous/current pregnancy mention* Also noticed you said you are no longer peaking? Do you mean you don't get positive OPKs? FTR, I've been charting for a year and have gotten a truly positive OPK, like, twice. One of those times I was pregnant and thus obviously not ovulating. I've still gotten pregnant twice. OPKs are kind of a nice extra bonus but not all that relevant.
Aaand my parents had their first at 35 and myself and my other sister in their 40s, back in the 70s/80s, with fertility issues but minimal intervention. The age thing is blown WAY out of proportion and basically based on population studies from the damn 1600s.
Re: -
A change in your chart doesn't equal a change in fertility, unless O is not happening anymore or if it's indicative of LPD. So even if "stressing" over temping makes your chart look wonky, that doesn't mean that your fertility has changed.
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
LoveIsOwlYouNeed : that was just some example I cited about Murphy's Law. My apologies if it rubbed you the wrong way.
Thank you everyone for your honest advice. I'm re-reading all of your posts atm.
Two years ago, my husband was completely not ready and didn't know exactly when he'd be ready. However, he made a "compromise" that we start trying because according to his minimal knowledge and research about fertility/TTC, 35 is the "dreaded" age. So his compromise was to wait until I turn 34, which is a year before 35. Why? Because that is what Google told him.
Typing what I just said... I don't know if I'm supposed to be sad, angry, or laugh. It's naive, funny, and upsetting at the same time.
2010: Infertility
October 2015: missed miscarriage #2 at 11 weeks (trisomy 22)
I'm going to reverse this for you. My DH was ready EIGHT. YEARS before I was (maybe more). I was still in university. I had things I wanted to do first. I wasn't even sure I wanted children. By your logic, I should have said screw my second degree. Screw my career. Screw all my dreams and plans, because someone else wants me to be KTFU. It doesn't matter that I don't think I'm ready. It doesn't matter that I don't want this yet. Someone else wants me to be a parent right now, so I should just shut up and comply, because you know, in case there's trouble, we should find out now. Oh, and I don't want him to blame me (on the chance) if his sperm count it quality drops waiting for me.
Can you see how ridiculous that sounds? I'm glad DH supported my choice to wait (and even decide if it was what I wanted).
None of this is your DH's fault. Remember, you don't even know if there is a problem. Even if there was, it's still not his fault. Even if you would have been able to conceive your first try (not that you have any way of knowing if this would have happened) back when you were first ready, and now you can't - still not his fault.
How would you feel if DH pressured (or resented you) into having a baby before you were ready? It doesn't matter if you're ready now. What if he was acting like you are before you wanted to?
Edited to trim quote
ding ding ding. I was waiting for someone to say something about the money.
Also so the tarot lady could totes tell her she'll conceive in 85.3 days. DUH.
DD1 born 11/2014
DD2 born 6/2016
You're still blaming your DH. It's enough! You need to work through these issues before throwing a pregnancy or baby into the mix. That is, if you want to have a baby AND a lasting relationship with your DH. If you only want a baby, proceed.
IUI August 2016 : Cancelled due to polyp
September 2016: Polyp removal/hysteroscopy
October 2016: IUI #1- BFN
November 2016: IUI #2- BFN
December 2016: IUI #3 - BFN
January/February 2017 - IVF + ICSI + PGD
March 2017 - FET
Lucy 07-13-11
Violet 03-13-14
Conceived #3 since September 2015
11-25-15 twelve week loss
07-21-16 ten week loss
10-03-16 5 week loss
TTC again soon!
These last 48 hours of bump craziness can die.
Lucy 07-13-11
Violet 03-13-14
Conceived #3 since September 2015
11-25-15 twelve week loss
07-21-16 ten week loss
10-03-16 5 week loss
TTC again soon!
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Lucy 07-13-11
Violet 03-13-14
Conceived #3 since September 2015
11-25-15 twelve week loss
07-21-16 ten week loss
10-03-16 5 week loss
TTC again soon!
I already apologized for it (if you scroll back up a bit) and it wasn't my intent to brag or anything.
What is the saying? Hindsight is 20/20? As someone with an IF diagnosis, I wish all.the.time that we had started to TTC earlier because we could have started treatments earlier and had a baby at a better time, but you can't see the future (unless you are the fertility readings psychic) so you have to make decisions based on what is best for your life and your relationship. Delaying TTC was best for my career. Delaying TTC was best for your husband. You need to let it go that he wanted to wait for kids. You need to let it go that your cycle isn't "perfect".
*typo
The well thought-out replies I really want to read repeatedly to myself as I know I need those advice - I was planning to reply later. On the other hand, the replies that singled out the money aspect are easy and I didn't want to put off apologizing.
This is ridiculous. If one half of the couple isn't ready to TTC, the couple isn't ready to TTC. Now you're both ready, so you can TTC (though it sounds to me like you have some things to work through first).
It's fine to have wanted it sooner, but that wasn't going to work for your H. (Trust me, I spent three years in that space as well, I understand that it is frustrating.)
There's nothing you can do about that now, it's done. Dwelling on it and getting angry at your H isn't going to help at all.
And if you want to be part of this community (which is an awesome one) then drop this holier than thou attitude, read the newbie info, LURK to figure out the tone and flow of the board, and take some time to post. Get to know the ladies here, give them some support, and I'm sure you'll find them to be kind and helpful. You know, if you bother to become part of the community before just barging in here and demanding they support you.
TTC #2: April 2018 ~~ BFP: May 2018 ~~ EDD: January 2019
Lucy 07-13-11
Violet 03-13-14
Conceived #3 since September 2015
11-25-15 twelve week loss
07-21-16 ten week loss
10-03-16 5 week loss
TTC again soon!
****TW BFP***
OP, I get what you're saying. I really do, and the others have covered my thoughts exactly that you can't blame your husband. It's just crappy timing.
FWIW... (We started TTC when I was 35.) I had the worst cycle of my life in January. Started with AF from hell on Christmas. Cramps worse than I've ever experienced on CD2. Depression from not only the holidays (every year I get really low) but from another failed month of TTC. Then my temps were all weird. I ovulated late. Took 10 days to get a peak reading on my CBAD (normally 4.) It was just so messed up. Then my bbt broke, so I had to stop charting. I was pretty sure I o'd based on other signs, and managed to get CH's before the death of the thermometer. My chart was NOT pretty. But DH knew how upset I was getting as it was month 7, and he had seen me cry for the first time over the whole thing. He put forth a valiant effort to HIO almost every day thru that extended FW. (Not complaining *wink wink*)Turns out, that was the cycle of my bfp. Had it not worked, I would have needed a break for at least a month to relax. I knew it was getting to me and effecting my health both mentally and physically.
****TW over!***
Hang in there. TTC is hard. Maybe you need to seriously consider taking a break. If not from TTC all together, from the temping and/or the opk's. Not saying "just relax, it'll happen." But sometimes you need to refocus your energy on something else so it doesn't consume you so much, for your own health and well-being.
PPs have made good points with respect to the fact that you seem to be creating a problem where there isn't one and assuming the waiting is the cause of the non-existent problem. But as far as your marriage is concerned none of that matters. What matters is that you've developed a resentment against your husband over this issue, and it will cause permanent damage to your marriage if you don't squash it.
You could have a perfect baby 9 months, a year, or 2 years from now - and you probably will - but don't forget that your marriage is supposed to be the foundation of that child's life.
ETA typing is hard
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
***Lurker/siggy warning***
I just. I can't even with this post.
Surely with your 200k you can afford to get yourself a new BBT that beeps?
Married May 2014
TTC # 2 Since December 2021
Baby girl W born 2/2021
Our journey so far...
(tw loss & infertility)
Working with an RE since March 2016
2 failed TI cycles
3 failed IUI cycles
IVF Feb - April 2017
23 eggs collected, 20 mature, 14 fertilized with ICSI, 4 day 3 blasts, 3 day 5 blasts, 1 PGS normal
Transferred 1 PGS normal embryo 4.12.17
BFP 4.21.17
MMC due to small gestational sac 6.8.17
Our adoption journey:
12.25.18 Agency picked and apps submitted!
5.1.19 Adoption on hold so we can buy a house!
1.1.20 Homestudy process started
3.14.20 First social worker visit
5.25.20 Homestudy Approved & Submitted to Agency
6.1.20 Surprise! Positive pregnancy test!
Healthy baby girl born 2/10/2021
*previous/current pregnancy mention*
Also noticed you said you are no longer peaking? Do you mean you don't get positive OPKs? FTR, I've been charting for a year and have gotten a truly positive OPK, like, twice. One of those times I was pregnant and thus obviously not ovulating. I've still gotten pregnant twice. OPKs are kind of a nice extra bonus but not all that relevant.
Aaand my parents had their first at 35 and myself and my other sister in their 40s, back in the 70s/80s, with fertility issues but minimal intervention. The age thing is blown WAY out of proportion and basically based on population studies from the damn 1600s.
OP, perhaps you should read this article, it might reassure you: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/?utm_source=SFFB
LFAF April Siggy Challenge - TV/Movie BFFS - Romy & Michele