Problems with Mother In Law

nmd9168

My mom is throwing my baby shower. It's a tradition in my family to have your mom host it. My mother in law is mad at my mom and I because she  wants to invite a bunch of people that don't know myself or my husband, and is not contributing anything, not even food. All of the family is invited, on both sides. She is mad because we only got a hall large enough for 80 people. She said she was going to send out her own invites if we don't add those people to the list. What the heck do you do about someone like this? I don't even want a shower anymore. I think I'd rather go into debt buying all of my own stuff than I would dealing with this. 

SaphireSweetie88

nmd9168 said:

My mom is throwing my baby shower. It's a tradition in my family to have your mom host it. My mother in law is mad at my mom and I because she  wants to invite a bunch of people that don't know myself or my husband, and is not contributing anything, not even food. All of the family is invited, on both sides. She is mad because we only got a hall large enough for 80 people. She said she was going to send out her own invites if we don't add those people to the list. What the heck do you do about someone like this? I don't even want a shower anymore. I think I'd rather go into debt buying all of my own stuff than I would dealing with this. 

@nmd9168

I am sorry to hear about your MIL. Have you and your husband sat down with her and CALMLY explained to her that (besides it being family tradition) there simply isn't room for any other guests? IMO if she's not paying for anything then she doesn't get a say in who is invited. You could also offer other suggestions that MIGHT work such as:

- finding a bigger hall and she pays the difference on rental fees, etc
   - ex: if 80 person hall is $1000 and a different hall is $2500 then she would pay the extra $1500 (just picked random numbers - no idea if that's accurate for costs).

- she hosts a party where she can invite whomever she wants

Also, I don't think she really would send out invites of her own (I think she's bluffing) but if she really did, chances are most of those people (if not all) would be inclined to not come if neither your nor your husband know them because then that means they more than likely don't really know either of you other than "oh that's MIL's son" or "oh that's so and so I think"

My sister had a similar situation with her MIL and the MIL ended up giving up pretty quick when she found out my sister was not budging and that the MIL would end up having to pay money in order to get her way (MIL is the worst penny pincher I've seen - the thought of her having to pay anything for anything almost gives her a heart attack).

Good luck and don't be afraid to put your foot down. Worst case scenario - you get two showers

OliveOyl2014

I agree with pp. She either needs to pay for those guests, or host a separate shower where she pays for everyone. Just nicely tell her that your mom invited as many people as she could afford to host. End of story.

[Deleted User]

She can host her own shower for you if she wants!  It's totally fine to have multiple showers.  That way she can have 100% control and you just show up and don't have to deal with any of the financial aspects.

colesmom33

My MIL had a list of people for my shower and I just said I didn't feel comfortable making my sister pay for that many people.  Like other people have said, I told her if she really wanted them to come, maybe it'd be best to have another shower.  She ended up throwing me another shower and over half the people didn't show.  It was super uncomfortable but at least my shower with all my family and friends was perfect!

VOR

You need to include your DH in this talk, but yes... she needs to understand that if she isn't paying, she doesn't get to invite all these random people.  This is NOT a wedding!!!  It's a shower.  If she wants to include them, then tell her (and I feel its probably best that DH say most of this but w/ you there) that she can throw a shower for her side.  Your mom would be happy to cut the guest list and make her shower for your side only (as no one should be invited to 2 showers).  Then put it back to her "What would you prefer to do? Throw your own shower and invite more people or keep the shower as it is?".

Disneygeek77

Divide the families and have mil throw one for his side of the family.  She simply can't invite people when she is not hosting.  

Disneygeek77

I would also lie and say that you hired a hostess from the hall to check everyone's name on a guest list and if someone is not on the list they will be turned away.  Maybe the risk of being mortified in front of her friends us enough to keep her from doing her own invites.