Different shifts for working parents

businessmama

My DH brought up the option to go to third shift so that the baby will not be in daycare. There will be a slight pay increase, but it would put him working overnights and me during the day.

We have the money for daycare- I'm wondering for those of you who have done it, what was the effect it has on your family and your marriage? I just don't know if it's worth it-- do I prioritize our time as a family of three or the fact that I know my baby is bonding with my DH if I can't be there? 

I I know the benefits for daycare, but he is saying this would be a one year things.

Thoughts appreciated!!

PYLWhammy

As a FTM I haven't done this before, but DH and I work opposite shifts. One thing you'll want to consider is that if DH is working overnights, he might be really tired during the day. I know my husband is concerned about that (right now he works a night/early morning shift and is thinking of switching to evenings for that reason).
Honestly, we wanted to avoid daycare due to the costs. Also, I feel more comfortable knowing baby will be cared for by daddy. Nothing wrong with daycare for those who need it, but your child is not going to be missing out (there are no real social benefits, according to research). 
Just some thoughts!

gamommyx3

My husband works overnights.  Honestly if we could avoid it I would prefer that.  He used to work 5 o/n a week and we never had any time together.  I would go to work when he came home and he'd be asleep when I got home, then he'd wake up and go to work and I'd go to bed.  Even now with him only working 1 overnight a week it's still frustrating because when I get home, I have to try as hard as possible to be quiet so he can sleep, and then the next day is a challenge because he needs to sleep at some point which means I either need to be quiet again or leave the house.  I worry a lot about how it's going to work with a baby.  Honestly I don't think it IS going to work with a baby and he will end up looking for a schedule change or a new job.

Victoria52516

Im a ftm but I have worked 3rd shift for the last 6 years....it is the WORST. If he has never done it I dont recommend giving it a go now unless your 100% sure  he can switch back. It can be great when you can stay up all day and get stuff done, but typically it messes up your body/natural sleep rhythm and just makes you tired ALL THE TIME. I could sleep 12 hrs and still be tired. Also just because you dont have to work like say weekends doesnt mean you get to switch and sleep a normal schedule because then your all messed up and zombie for work the next few days. When you have events/plans and you have to be up you just dont enjoy them as much because your groggy/tired. I got to switch to days for a couple of weeks once it was amazing. There are a few people at my work that love it but 90% of us are like your crazy lol

lest12

DH and I work different shifts.  I work 7-3:30 (M-Th), and he works 4-12 (Tue-Sat)

This has been our schedule since we met, and while it definitely isn't always easy on our relationship turned marriage, we make it work.  We just have to MAKE our time together a priority.  It has sometimes been hard with extended family/friends because Sunday is our only day off together and sometimes, we need to just spend it together, sorry everyone else.  Sometimes it sucks at night because DH can't go to events with me.  Or, we need to put time aside to talk about 'big' things- finances, kids, family issues, etc.  We don't have a lot of time together during the day and when we're not working we want to enjoy, not have weighty conversations, but they do need to happen.  It's a juggle.

There were a few opportunities pre-kids when he could have switched to a day job but honestly, we choose to keep these schedules so that we didn't have to put our future kids in daycare.  It comes down to two things - time with the kids and money.  We are happy DS doesn't have to go to daycare.  DH does an amazing job with him during the day.  They are best buddies.  We could afford daycare but it's really nice that we don't have to - the money goes towards other things that make our lives better/easier right now, especially with #2 on the way.

Is it hard?  Of course it is.  He is with DS all day then goes to work.  I'm up at 5 and then come home and am taking care of DS all night.  We are exhausted 90% of the time, but we make it work (I'm not sure what parent's aren't exhausted at this stage, anyway!)  It's not forever, just while our kids our young.  We plan vacation time and personal days so that we can have more time together as a family. 

The one thing that DOES help us is that my parents live pretty close and are able to help out sometimes - like if I am stuck at work late or DH has to do something during the day.  We try to reserve the help for a date night every few weeks, but it is good to know that we have a support system, too.

Sorry this is long, but I did want to share my experience.  Good luck!

nbgmom

We are the opposite. Hubs works 7am-3:30pm M-F and I work 7p-7a 3 nights a week. This has been our schedule for 8 years and this is our 3rd baby. Our 1st was still in daycare until 15 months old the mornings during the week that followed my shifts. He dropped her off on the way to work and I picked her up at 3pm so I could get sleep. I felt like I was missing out, so at that point we hired someone to come to the house. Maybe as a newborn you could make it work since they take lots of naps, but to be honest, it would never work for us if I had to keep up with the kids after working 12 hours. I would be a zombie. The way we have it now is perfect. I get to come home and see my kids, play with them for a bit while I wind down, and then I head to bed, the sitter puts our 5 year old on the bus, puts the 2 year old down for a nap after lunch and leaves. I wake up when she wakes up, then I am able to have gotten a good couple hours of sleep and don't feel like I'm missing out as much on time with them. 

doozer1345

DH thought this too...Didn't work. DD (of course) wouldn't sleep when he needed to (strangely he didn't think this one through) and I ended up bringing in a nanny so he could sleep. Now my mom lives with us so we both actually work on more of a midnight shift so DD is with my mom at our house in the mornings and we spend the afternoon/nights with DD until we go to work. I'm about to go to a day shift and DH is going to an evening shift so DD will be going to daycare and DD2 will be staying home with my mom during the day. Shift work is rough.

businessmama

Thank you all for your feedback. I think we ultimately decided against it, but it helped so much getting everyone's feedback.