Feeling like a bad parent — The Bump

Feeling like a bad parent

Hello everyone, I'm choosing to write this message because I don't feel like I have anyone else to talk to. My eight month old baby has always struggled with sleep. He woke up 4-6 times a night all the way until he was six months old. Not to mention the number of hours it would take to put him back to sleep. In January, I began the CIO method. One where I would check on him and sooth him, but not pick him up. This helped get him to sleep quickly between feedings but he still woke up a lot. Then, I tried weening him off the feedings by only letting him eat after atleast three hours of sleep. This helped him minimize his feedings to three sometimes twofeedings a night. Then, last week he started waking early and crying for a long period. My old methods no longer worked. 

I am am at a loss. Is it suppose to be this complicated? It wasn't for my sister, mom, and mother in law. My husband has told me twice that I created this issue. He partially said this because he doesn't feel I listen to others. I agreed I was a bit stubborn to try CIO but I did eventually give in and it did work. My husband and I also work opposite schedules do we hardly see each other.  I feel like crappy mom and I'm pretty sure he would agree. Or am I being over emotional? Does anyone else struggle or feel like a bad mother? 

Re: Feeling like a bad parent

    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    My baby is 8 months also. She has always sucked at sleeping. We did the CIO too and it helped a lot. However the past week or so, she has really regressed too. I'm assuming it is a development issue because I've seen another mom in the July board state her child is having trouble too. 

    Please get the thoughts about being a bad mom out of your head. And please don't listen to your husband. You should just do what you think is best for your child. 

    Good luck. 
  • Do you have a nap schedule during the day and a routine before bedtime? DD was a horrible horrible sleeper, I read healthy sleep habits happy child and put her on a nap/bedtime routine. She was waking every 45-3 hours before and by 10-11 months (I started about 9) she started sleeping through the night (12 hours) plus 3-4 hours of naps a day. She really needed a routine for her to be able to sleep properly.
  • First of all, you are not a bad mom. Let's just get that out of the way first. It's hard. If he's not sleeping.. You're not sleeping and that's extra hard. I've been there. My first didn't sleep through the night until he was ONE! It was awful. My second started at about 7 months. My third just now started sleeping through the night at 10 months. He went weeks where he would wake up every half hour. I'm not into the CIO method either. And my babies always had a bedtime routine and napped at the same time every day. Sometimes we just have finicky babies. My baby wouldn't even sleep in his crib until just now. He would not stay down no matter what I did. 

    I I found a lulla vibe on eBay. It's a portable vibrating pad. I paid $16 on eBay. I think they go for $20-25 on Amazon. But that little miracle pad is what helped him finally transition. It runs for a bit and turns itself off. I also use a sound machine. 

    Personally, I think whatever works for you and gets everyone sleeping.. That's what you do. No judgement from me! At one point , I had all three kids in my bed and I know that's a bad habit but it was the only way I was getting any rest at all. We fixed it eventually and now everyone is sleeping where they're supposed to. Sometimes it's just pure survival. Lol. 

    Good luck! 

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  • I do not think that this is because you are a bad parent. Sometimes babies have increased pressure, it makes them more nervous and they cannot fall asleep easily. It is nothing to be scared about, you should just go and see a doctor. He will give you advices on how to make things better. Anyway, it will go away in 1 or 2 years. However, it is highly important to consult with neuropathist.

  • You sound like a great mother! And you started the CIO method at an age appropriate time. 

    I really refuse to believe that all babies are able to sleep through the night after six months. There are various reasons why babies might be waking hungry throughout the night. My baby doesn't nurse as often during the day, so he nurses more at night. He also is just a big eater. I have several friends who said their babies didn't sleep until they were 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6! Not that it makes me feel better to hear that, but it's an indication that some kids just aren't sleepers. Your baby could also be going through a growth spurt and need an extra feeding.

    Sleep issues are so stressful. It is so hard not to feel like it's your fault. Especially if your husband isn't being supportive - that sucks. It sounds like you two could benefit from a Date Night. I always rolled my eyes at that, until I had marriage challenges, and Date Nights were a huge help. I also told my husband that we needed to sit down and agree on a sleep plan, together. Once we got on the same page, it felt less like it was all on MY shoulders whether baby slept or not.

    Hang in there! Sleep deprivation is awful. Don't let the voices in your head make you doubt yourself. 
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