It has been 3 weeks since we lost our baby girl, Annalise Grace. I have tried to do this on my own but it's becoming too much.
Annie Grace was born still on March 2nd at 23 weeks. My placenta detached in the middle of the night on the 1st but I thought it was a bad muscle cramp. I had been having a lot of back pain for a couple weeks. The pain was in my back so I didn't think much about it. I had no spotting until later the next day. Annie Grace's movements slowed throughout the next day and I called the doctor. They sent me to L&D to be checked and I was in the beginning stages of labor. Our sweet baby girl was born at 1:19am. She weighed 15.7 ounces and was 10.75 inches.
I had been high risk since learning I was pregnant. I had a single umbilical artery and had been told my placenta was not healthy from 19 weeks. At 20 weeks we learned she had several heart defects but they were things she could have lived with if we could get her to viability. Unfortunately, my placenta just wasn't strong enough.
I feel so guilty and like a failure. I am not dealing with this very well and my boyfriend has moved back to his apartment. He said he just can't deal with the way I'm handling things. We still talk every day and he wants to come back but he said I need to change some things before he can. I know he is grieving differently than I am.
How do you get through this? I have suffered several losses before but I hadn't made it this far along. This has been so much worse for me. I'm not trying to trivialize others feelings with earlier losses, I'm simply saying this has been worse for me. She was so active and I felt so much closer to her than I had before.
If it wasn't for my 9 year old son I couldn't even get it if bed. How do I move forward?
EDD: 06/25/2006 M/C: 11/03/2005
EDD: 04/08/2012 M/C: 09/03/2011
EDD: 12/27/2012 Born Sleeping: 07/19/2012
EDD: 12/07/2013 M/C 05/30/2013 & 05/31/2013
EDD: 07/01/2016 Born sleeping: 03/02/2016