Introduction — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss


It has been 3 weeks since we lost our baby girl, Annalise Grace.  I have tried to do this on my own but it's becoming too much.

Annie Grace was born still on March 2nd at 23 weeks.  My placenta detached in the middle of the night on the 1st but I thought it was a bad muscle cramp.  I had been having a lot of back pain for a couple weeks.  The pain was in my back so I didn't think much about it.  I had no spotting until later the next day.  Annie Grace's movements slowed throughout the next day and I called the doctor.  They sent me to L&D to be checked and I was in the beginning stages of labor.  Our sweet baby girl was born at 1:19am.  She weighed 15.7 ounces and was 10.75 inches.  

I had been high risk since learning I was pregnant.  I had a single umbilical artery and had been told my placenta was not healthy from 19 weeks.  At 20 weeks we learned she had several heart defects but they were things she could have lived with if we could get her to viability.  Unfortunately, my placenta just wasn't strong enough.

I feel so guilty and like a failure.  I am not dealing with this very well and my boyfriend has moved back to his apartment.  He said he just can't deal with the way I'm handling things.  We still talk every day and he wants to come back but he said I need to change some things before he can.  I know he is grieving differently than I am.

How do you get through this?  I have suffered several losses before but I hadn't made it this far along.  This has been so much worse for me.  I'm not trying to trivialize others feelings with earlier losses, I'm simply saying this has been worse for me.  She was so active and I felt so much closer to her than I had before.

If it wasn't for my 9 year old son I couldn't even get it if bed.  How do I move forward?
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
EDD: 06/25/2006  M/C: 11/03/2005
EDD: 04/08/2012  M/C: 09/03/2011
EDD: 12/27/2012  Born Sleeping: 07/19/2012
EDD: 12/07/2013  M/C 05/30/2013 & 05/31/2013
EDD:  07/01/2016 Born sleeping: 03/02/2016

Re: Introduction

  • I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter Annalise Grace. Such a beautiful name! I am sorry too for your other losses. The grief can be so overwhelming in the beginning. Be patient and kind to yourself. Don't feel guilty - you would have done everything and anything for your daughter if you could have, but it was out of your hands. Just getting out of bed those first few weeks can be an accomplishment. Journaling, this board, my local hospital's perinatal bereavement group, and a grief counselor have helped me in my journey. Hugs to you!
  • @JonesBaby0624 what a terribly sad story. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. Your daughter's name is beautiful. It is clear you loved her very much. 

    At only 3 weeks, there is no "handling it well" versus "not handling it well". You have been through a serious traumatic event that has been physical and emotional at the same time. You are surviving. 

    Now is a time to be kind to yourself. Treat your body gently. Reach out to those kind souls who make you feel safe and loved.

    I am glad that you wrote your message here. I will think of Annalise and keep you and her in my thoughts and prayers. 

    Hugs to you. 
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