TTCAL check-in 3/21

catiecatp · March 2016

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new)

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.)

3. Rants/raves:

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress?

catiecatp · March 2016

Good morning buddies - I'm utterly exhausted - so sorry if the GTKY is too similar to something that has been used in the past. I don't feel like I've seen it there since I started posting back in January but my memory is spotty sometimes.

2. status - CD2 - see rant below...

3. rant - just finished my 3rd cycle post MC and my LP was only 8 days. I was so hopeful that would be a normal cycle and that it would be our cycle to get a BFP. My CM lined up with my temperature shift for the first time post MC but then my LP (which had increased to 10 on cycle 2) was too short. I spotted for two days and that was stressful (thought it might be implantation bleeding) and then yesterday I had cramps and AF came. The cramps were bad enough to take tylenol and not want to be around DH so now he's upset because he feels ignored and I feel nauseated because he's upset and it makes me anxious/stressed.

3. rave - y'all were lovely and comforting this weekend on the TGIF board.

4. I knit - and spin - those things help me stay patient. I also go to the gym - I don't particularly like the gym but I like the endorphins I get from working out. I've also been going out for walks in the neighbourhood with DH and I really like those - we talk more when walking - we don't talk as much when at home even though we're usually in the same room, I suppose because we're doing our own things and distracted.

MooFish2364 · March 2016

@catiecatp my hubby and I are the same. We can sit in the same room all evening and not have any real meaningful conversation. I noticed that we always talk more when on a long drive. Maybe I will suggest walks when I have a lot on my mind or when we have things to discuss.

Status: WTO for the first time since my loss. Not sure when it's going to happen but I am on CD7.

Rants/raves: I'm feeling a bit more optimistic TTC since I finally had my first AF. I also was able to do a lot of cleaning and organizing this weekend. I'm kinda having a hard time because my hubby got an out of state job offer and can't decide what he wants to do. We were ready to put an offer on a house so now everything is up in the air. I also work so this decision is going to affect both of us greatly.

GTKY: I'm a planner. I love to organize/decorate my planner on the weekend to prepare for the upcoming week. I also crochet and I do yoga on my lunch at work anywhere from 2-4 days a week depending on my work schedule (which has been crazy lately).

*edited because I'm off caffeine now and apparently can't get my acronyms right this morning. Lol

BornReady · March 2016

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.) TWW here (10 or 11DPO), waiting this mofo out.

3. Rants/raves: Not much really. I have a consult with an RE on Friday, so we'll see what she says. I'm alternately hopeful that she will give us some answers and scared that it is not some magical cure to get a baby.

TW------child mentioned
I was at at a birthday party last night and someone showed up with their 4 day old baby. It is always amazing to see such a small baby and I wasn't as sad as I thought I would be when they told me she was coming. I honestly think I have a harder time seeing pregnant women, which I don't know what to make of.

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress? I do lots of dog walking. I also like to make myself a tea and drive around listening to my book on CD.

@catiecatp Sorry things have been so stressful. Do you plan to contact your provider about the short LP or wait it out another cycle? TTC and loss is so hard on couples, I love your idea of taking walks together so you talk. My DH and I both run our own businesses and write for our jobs, so we too can get stuck in our own worlds some times.

mylittleversailles · March 2016

@catiecatp I'm so sorry this has been such a rough couple of days. Let's hope there is some relief on the horizon.

@MooFish2364 Good luck with the job offer. Stressful, but also possibly exciting? I don't know, I just love the refreshment that change brings, but I know that doesn't always mean it's positive (I just feel most of the time it is).

Status: TWW, 1 or 2 DPO. I used to get a relatively slow rise after ovulation, so I'm not sure if that's still the case. I may have ovulated Saturday because my temp Sunday increased, but not *quite* enough, though it was really cold in the room. Either way, it's the TWW.

Rant: Some of my sprouts go BURNT in the freaking sun and I cried and cried about not being able to keep anything alive. Wasn't great. They're fine for the most part, just all their new true leaves got all shrivelled and it's more waiting for me, which was hard on me to accept. Ovulated late; might have a longer cycle or might have a shit luteal phase.

Rave: Had a long talk with DH about sex, since we're still learning how to be intimate again. It was great, he initiated it and that's a wonderful step forward for him because he's so shy and his parents (and society) did not teach him how to talk about his feelings. He's been excellent about all other feelings, but sex is still a difficult subject for him. It's the total opposite of me; I will talk about ANYTHING as it's always always always better out than in. In fact, I proposed - that's how shy he used to be. We had a great time last night and were sort of able to throw out any TTC mechanics. Feeling mostly all right this morning and ready to take on the week, despite the deja-vu involved in getting ready to travel to Montreal all over again.

EDIT additional rave: Our new housekeeper is great. She does everything and anything in sight, including my dishes from the food I was making while she was here. So quick and friendly and efficient!

GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress? I like to read, though that's been really difficult for the past while. Stare at the wall. Talk with DH. Bake, package it nicely and give it all away. Make preserves, which is much more difficult to do in winter without great produce to preserve. I should make mustard again; I did a Cognac one in the fall...

housewifehobbyist · March 2016

@catiecatp Sorry your cycles have been so frustrating, I hope they regulate soon. FWIW I take B6 during my LP because I get nauseous from progesterone, and it's lengthened my cycles by 3-4 days.

Hello All. I'm tentatively TTC, or more accurately not trying but not preventing, after a chemical pregnancy in December and a miscarriage at 8 weeks earlier this month. My doctor saw me a week after the miscarriage and confirmed that everything was out, and that I had already started a new cycle and was gearing up to ovulate. I've been going back and forth about starting to try again. We've been trying since the beginning of August and it's been a lot harder than I'd anticipated. I don't want to feel like I've wasted time preventing, but at the same time even if I'm physically cleared, emotionally I'm just very anxious. So I've decided to let nature take it's course for awhile until I feel ready to actively participate again.

2. Status: NTNP, but judging from a few signs it's possible I'm 2-4 dpo with crazy early ovulation.

3. Rants/raves: I'm scared that I will now be so afraid of miscarriage that I won't be able to embrace or enjoy a new pregnancy. I'm sad and resentful because I feel like that ability to feel real joy over a BFP was taken from me. Does anyone have any good quotes/essays relating to overcoming that fear and embracing the "I am pregnant right now" mindset? I could use some inspiration.

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress? I like baking/cooking, reading, and cross stitching inappropriate things (there's nothing like stabbing something 1,000 times to calm you down), and now that it's getting nicer out here in the northeast I'm enjoying gardening.

penelope4612 · March 2016

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): TWW. I think I'm about 8 DPO but FF took away my crosshairs so who knows. I guess I'll find out next weekend or thereabouts.

3. Rants/raves: I'm anxious that this will be our cycle and I'm anxious that it won't be. Basically, I want a baby but I don't know if I can handle another ectopic pregnancy.

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress? I love yoga but it's hard to get there. I also take a lot of baths.

catiecatp · March 2016

@MooFish2364 - we talk a lot on long drives too, but we haven't done any of those in awhile since both of our parents moved to locations too far to drive to. Good luck on the job decision front.

@bornready - I think I'll wait it out a cycle - I'm not sure there is anything she would do at this stage. But I'm tired and indecisive right now, so I may change my mind next week. It depends on if it continues to drive me nuts and make me sad I suppose. I wonder if the baby is easier to handle than seeing women pregnant because you can identify with the pregnancy stage more? Or perhaps because although what we all desire is a healthy baby, being pregnant is our more proximal goal?

@reneeannemm - glad you had a nice talk with DH and that he felt comfortable enough to bring it up. FX that you manage your trip to Montreal next weekend - do you have to re-bake all those lovely rosewater cupcakes?

@housewifehobbyist - I see a naturopath regularly, though this last visit was before AF so we were still thinking my LP had regulated itself... She's given me Maca Root to stabilize some of my hormones post MC, but I'll keep the B6 in mind if this cycle has a short LP again. I worry about being happy after my next BFP too - actually more than that I think I'm afraid of worrying over every twinge or symptom that changes in frequency as a sign of an impending MC.

catiecatp · March 2016

@penelope4612 - your anxiety is understandable - hugs and love

SnobunnieMel · March 2016

2. WTO. 20 days out from my d&c, hormones down enough I'm no longer turning my OPKs glade positive so now just waiting to turn them back again. My temps are pretty leveled out and stable but CM keeps going from watery to creamy and back. Thanks confused cervix!

3. Rants/raves: rant: I have avoided Facebook since our MMC but Instagram has always been a safe place for me since it's all running, cupcakes and Disney. Unfortunately last night someone in my running group announced her pregnancy with the same due date as us and I felt like I had been hit by a wrecking ball out of no where. I was out on the golf course spending time with DH and was struggling to only cry when he was off playing. It brought up that this week would have been end of first trimester for me and we were going to announce at my big family Easter this weekend. I have a hunch this week is going to be a tougher one.

Rave: I told one of my oldest friends what happened last week and she was amazing. She never once dropped a cliche comment, said everything right and has been such an unexpected support now. I was really impressed since she has never had a friend go through that before.

4. I am a big runner. I go through phases with my work schedules unfortunately that kill this but running is my time to think and decompress. First run after this I started bawling on the treadmill. It was such a release. I am adding back yoga. Reading and hiking are my others.

Spartanrd4 · March 2016

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.) Benched, waiting for AF. I am 17 days out from D&C and still spotting brown....past few days I needed a panty liner but today only when I wiped. Yesterday there was a clot when I went to the bathroom...this is the first time I've seen a clot since my procedure. I hope it stops soon, it's very frustrating!

3. Rants/raves: My temp is the lowest it's ever been since my MC, haven't taken a HPT yet but hope this is a good sign that things will be on track.

Ended up going to my friends baby shower on Sunday and made it through...I didn't even cry at all the whole day. I think seeing my friend happy made me hopeful for my own self. Also I bought this necklace on etsy that had a blueberry on it to represent my baby's size when he/she died and I think I found strength by wearing it to show I've not forgotten.

I would be 12 weeks right now and just bummed that I would of been announicing my pregnancy soon and be almost done with the first trimester and now I'm starting all over

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress?

I like to read, watch tv or movies...I enjoy being crafty, painting and baking. Gardening when the weather gets nice!

HLD3194 · March 2016

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.) - Benched waiting for 1st AF since D&C - Thursday will be 4 weeks so hoping she shows up soon.

3. Rants/raves: - Rant: my father had knee surgery and while visiting him in the hospital my mother decided to tell me how she ran into a very pregnant women in the elevator and she asked if she was in labor and she responded no being induced and blah blah blah....I wanted to slap my mom, even though I never would. I couldn't believe she would say something like that to me....she herself has had 3 losses in her life. I told my husband if she ever says anything like that again I am going to have a chat with her and explain that although she might have been ok after her losses I am not her and I am surviving differently.

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress? - I recently started a new workout routine which has been kicking my butt but I already can feel and see a difference in myself. Working out has always helped me feel more confident and stronger. I would love to get a massage this weekend but we shall see. Other than that shopping is a huge de-stresser for me, and boy have I been treating myself lately...thinking I actually may need to lay off from the stores and online lol

nwshay · March 2016

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): I'm new here! I'm 27, DH is 28- married in sept. CP in November. Found out I was pregnant again Dec 26th. At 8 wks I started bleeding and was dx with a blighted ovum. Still hadn't naturally miscarried after a month, so I took misoprostol on Feb 13th, bled until march 1st and here I am. Benched until my first "real" period. I've been getting my hormones checked weekly and on Thursday they were down to 28, so hopefully I'll get my period this week and levels will be to 0.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.) Benched

3. Rants/raves: I'm just sick of this waiting game. I want to start trying again. And for people that know, I'm sick of them tip toeing around me and acting like I'm a baby deer.

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress? Work out... which never actually happens... but I also like to cook, bake, and clean... and of course get massages... haha who doesn't like that?

I just discovered this board. .. weirdly enough... I was on the TTC board but they never have a benched check in so this is perfect!

mylittleversailles · March 2016

@catiecatp Yep, sure does. Distributed them all the local business owners. No problem, though - only an hour of my time.

@housewifehobbyist and @SDSwenson Hello, welcome. I'm very sorry for your losses.

MooFish2364 · March 2016

@housewifehobbyist I'm also afraid they I won't be able to enjoy being pregnant in the future. I just wish I could be one of those people who are blissfully unaware of the dangers and just enjoy being pregnant. I feel like I will be a nervous wreck.

@crazypt2285 it's so hard...I know that everyone grieves differently and some people don't realize that others process things differently. Maybe it would help if you just had a conversation with your mom and just nicely tell her that you are still struggling and having a hard time. Hopefully she would realize that she is saying things that upset you.

NamelessAria · March 2016

2. Status: WTO I suppose.

3. Rants/Raves: I'm pretty sure I had a CP this cycle. I had what looked like a ghost of a line at 9DPO. I just glanced at the test when I took it and called it a BFN but there was a line later. Super squinter, but still. I decided to count it as an evap since I couldn't be sure it came up in the time frame since I wasn't looking for something squinty. Whatever it was, it did seemed to darken over the next day or so. It looked to me like it had a little pink. DH didn't said that it was way too light for him to get excited about so I decided to wait to call it a BFP and just consider it negative for the time being. 13DPO I did a FRER and the line was so barely there I'm not 100% sure it wasn't just a combination of evap/indent. DH said he saw the line on the FRER but I think he may have been seeing an indent/evap. I'm just not sure. 14DPO definite stark white BFN and I started spotting. I guess I'm not completely sure it is a CP since I never got an obvious-to-anyone line. It was just little squinty lines that never darkened then disappeared. I definitely feel like it was a CP emotionally. I mean, it isn't nearly as sad as my MC back in November was. But I suppose the first few lines I saw being so questionable and then only having one real definite squinter before they got lighter and disappeared didn't really give me time to get too attached to the idea and too excited. I never really believed it was the BFP for my take-home rainbow baby. Either way now I'm just waiting for my next cycle to start so I can go back to WTO.

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress? I enjoy baking, playing video games, watching a good TV show/movie and going for walks when the weather is nice. I've also found adult coloring books to be strangely therapeutic.

Edit: Words are hard. Also edited for clarity.

penelope4612 · March 2016

@SnobunnieMel - I'm so sorry about the surprise announcement. I have a few colleagues due around what would have been my EDD and it's really hard. It just kind of slaps me in the face every time I realize I would have been so close to delivering at this point. Also, we had plans to announce over the Christmas holiday, and we did ok I think making it through, but it is hard. I coped by drinking all the wine and telling anyone who asked that we weren't even trying yet because my job is too busy.

@NamelessAria - I'm sorry about the ?CP - it's so frustrating to not have answers. The questionable lines are killer.

stephann85 · March 2016

2. Status: TWW dpo 7

3. Rants/raves: I am thinking of joining a help/support group for POAS... I haven't POAS in a week and I think I am starting to have withdrawals. I told my DH that he needs to talk me off the ledge if I start talking about testing before this coming weekend. It also does not help the matter when I am having these really vivid dreams (that I swore were real until I had been awake for 10 minutes) about me POAS and getting a BFP. Here's to hoping I make it to Saturday!

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress?

I like to get massages or a pedicure. Sometimes just talking about what is stressing me with the DH helps too.

Af2013nl · March 2016

TW: DS mentioned

@catiecatp We enjoy our "talk and walks" too. Though they only tend to happen in the warmer months. Too dark when hubby gets home from work during the winter--even if it were warm enough. Sorry about the length of LP. Hope things normalize soon.

@MooFish2364 I can understand your dilema about whether or not to move. My DH went for a job interview out of state the week after I found out I was pregnant with DS. He ended up taking the job, and moved 7 hours away when I was towards end of 1st trimester. I stayed behind to keep my benefits (including the ability to go back to my job after 2 years--we may be moving back, which means I could go back to my old employer) I didn't move up until 2 months after DS was born. The time apart was really rough. Sometimes I think it was worth it, other times I'm not so sure. Good luck in your decision making, I know it's going to be a tough one!

@reneeannmm Glad you ahd a good talk.

@housewifehobbyist I umderstand your fear for future pregnancies--I also fear I won't be able to relax and enjoy the present.

2. TWW 11DPO according to FF but 9DPO according to OPK.

3. Rant: This was a difficult/emotional week for me. One announcement on facebook/ in person I can normally hadle ok. This week brought 4 babies and 3 pregnancy announcements. I lost it on Thursday. I feel liek an awful person. Obviously I am happy for those involved, but just so terribly sad for myself.

Rave: My best friend knows about my losses. An edible arrangment arrived out of the blue last week just letting me know she's been thinking about us. It was so sweet.

4. I like to go for walks when the weather is sunny and warm--if not watch a show while using the elliptical. Also like taking photos and making photobooks. Also love the beach to relax--though haven't been in ages.

NamelessAria · March 2016

@catiecatp My husband and I are definitely the same way about being in a room but not really talking that much. I've noticed we do talk more when we go on walks together but about 80% of the time he's just telling me about some video game thing. I mean I do play video games also so I'm not totally in the dark with whatever he is talking about but I do get a little tired of it dominating 80% of our conversations. Plus it feels weird to walk past another couple in the neighborhood with him loudly talking about killing bandits and collecting troll tusks for a quest and such.

Also, sorry about the 8 day LP.

That's really short. Hopefully it gets longer as your body finishes normalizing after the MC. I know my LP was 13 days last cycle (which is still normal and definitely longer than 8) and this cycle it looks like it will be 14 or 15 days. So hopefully yours will be a bit longer next time also.

@MooFish2364 I'm glad that you're starting to feel a bit more optimistic! Hopefully you O are a fairly normal time this cycle.

@BornReady I've found that I also have a harder time seeing pregnant women than I do seeing women with babies and/or small children. Strangely enough, back when I started TTC I was far more jealous of women with babies/ small children. I didn't exactly love the idea of being pregnant I just saw it as a necessary, but less than ideal, step to having the baby I really wanted. I think I've become to focused on everything it takes to get pregnant and see that second line that I've become disconnected from the idea of actually having a baby. I'm not sure but you're not alone in how you're feeling.

@renneannemm I'm glad your and your DH were able to have a nice talk about sex and intimacy. It's so hard sometimes while TTC so it's great y'all found a way to make things a bit more intimate again. It sounds like your DH is opening up a bit and becomming less shy so that's a great step!

@housewifehobbyist Oh no! I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember seeing your get your BFP after your CP and I was so happy for you. I was really hoping everything would work out for you and you'd get your rainbow baby. It's also sad to see people who are back. Especially if they're back after yet another loss. Hopefully you get your BFP for your take-home baby soon. Lots of hugs.

@penelope4612 It's always frustrating when FF takes away/moves crosshairs. I'm sorry for the ambiguity and confusion. I can definitely relate to wanting to be pregnant and wanting a baby but not being sure I can emotionally handle another loss right now. I think most of us can relate to that. I'm sorry that you're feeling that way. Hopefully you get your BFP soon and it's a nice, uneventful pregnancy where you won't have to worry.

@SnoBunnieMel I'm sorry that the announcement popped up on your safe place and upset you. But I'm glad that your friend was so amazing and supportive. She definitely sounds like a rare treasure.

@Spartanrd4 I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to still be having bleeding/spotting this long after everything. Hopefully that all resolves soon. It sounds like a good sign that your temps are back to being low. I'm glad you were able to make it through your friend's baby shower without crying though. I think the necklace sounds like a lovely way to remember your little blueberry. Lots of hugs.

@crazypt2285 Hopefully AF shows up for you soon. I know the waiting after a loss can be very difficult. I'm very sorry that your mother was so insensitive to your loss. I'd want to slap my mother too had she done that. Lots of hugs. I think talking with her about it sounds like a good idea. Some ladies I've talked with say that they don't really feel that sad about early losses. So perhaps your mother didn't realize how insensitive she was being.

@SDswenson Welcome to TTCAL. I'm so very sorry for your losses. It is always sad to see new ladies join here since it means they had at least one loss. I think once a week @izza2 does a check-in for the ladies who are benched or TTA over on TTGP.

mandi135 · March 2016

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): I'm transitioning to this board from the loss board since we're getting ready to TTC again. I'm 28 and DH is 31, we have a cat and a dog and we've been married for about a year and a half. We had our first pregnancy in January and found out it had stopped growing on February 29. I had a cytotec miscarriage on March 5 and am waiting on my hcg numbers to be down before TTC again.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): Benched until my hcg numbers are down. Last week I was at 721 so I'm going back next week for another blood draw. My doctor said we can try again as soon as I'm in the low double digits, no need to wait for AF.

3. Rants/raves: I am starting to feel better, which is probably also related to the sun being out more, but I'm enjoying not being sad all the time and having to just hold it together. I still feel the loss, but I'm also starting to feel like I have a handle on myself again and I am enjoying trying to get healthier and more put together in preparation of another pregnancy.

Fridays seem to be the hardest right now, since that was my ticker change day so I keep thinking how far along I'd be by that day (I'd be over 14 weeks now).

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress? I like to read a lot, especially in the bathtub if I need to de-stress. Baking and cooking also helps. Best if I bake first and then I can have a cookie in the tub

dpjennifer · March 2016

1. Introduce yourself (if you're new): OK, I'm now new but it's been a while and there are a lot of newer members so I'll re-introduce. My name is Jennifer and I had a MC on Oct 23, 2015 at around 8 weeks, although the baby had stopped growing at about 5.5 weeks. I'm 31 and DH is 35.

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.): CD 10 of my 5th cycle after MC. (4 cycles of trying).

3. Rants/raves: Really hoping this is my month since I've seen so many graduates from this group, and know that this is the last cycle chance for a PG this year. Blah. Was feeling really defeated at the start of this cycle, but am doing better now and keeping my fingers crossed!

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress? Oh gosh, I get involved in everything. I love to roller skate, bake, color, read, sing obnoxiously loud to the radio in my car (way off pitch, of course!), travel and go on vacation, garden, sew, etc.

@catiecatp Sorry about your short LP. I know you’ve been working on it, and I hope your next LP is longer (or better yet, BFP!)

@MooFish2364 Good luck figuring out the job offer. At least you hadn’t put an offer in on the house quite yet!

@BornReady Such tiny babies are amazing to see! I also seem to have a harder time lately with pregnant women than I do with tiny babies.

@reneeannemm Sorry about your sprouts! That’s such a bummer. Hopefully they bounce back well and the next set of new growth with happen quickly and easily.

@housewifehobbyist Does the b6 really help with nausea from progesterone? I got really nauseous a few cycles ago a day or so before AF and the first few days of AF, and that was odd for me since I never felt that way before my MC! I survived on ginger ale… but if B6 helps, I can definitely add more of it around then!

@penelope4612 sorry about the crosshairs issue. That’s always so stressful when you aren’t sure exactly where you are in your cycle or what is going on.

@snobunnieMel Glad you have a super supportive friend and hope that the week isn’t as bad as you think it will be!

@Spartanrd4 Congrats on making it through the shower! That’s great news!

@crazypt2285 Good luck on the workout routine.

@SDSwenson Sorry you’re still playing the waiting game. Welcome to the board though!

@NamelessAria Ugh, sorry you’re back to WTO. I always find CD1 and 2 to be the worst.

@stephann85 POAS help/support group… LOL!

@Af2013nl Hope your week gets better. A lot of announcements definitely make it a rough time.

Kay6519 · March 2016

@catiecatp Sorry about AF. Hopefully your LP will extend to a more normal range soon.

@mandi135 I'm sorry you find yourself here. Welcome! Good luck with your TTC journey!

@af2013nl What a good friend! That was so sweet of her to send you the arrangement.

@stephann85 Good luck with the POAS fever. Stay strong! I can't believe I have lasted 29 days without peeing on things. The struggle is real! Lol

2. TWW; 29/10

3. Rave: I am so stinking excited! Nothing but great news today! For one we found a new place and will be able to move in the middle of next month. I will certainly feel alot safer in a place with a security patrol where neighbor kids are less likely to attempt to break in. Plus the place even has a fenced dog park on property for the pups to play.

Most awesomely though, I got amazing news about my bulldog baby! Not only have we succeeded in keeping him from getting put down, but the brat who broke in has dropped all charges at the advice of his legal council. Apparently when you tell the cops filing the report that the dog didn't bite your ass until your drop kicked it in the face, it doesn't bode well for you. Whoohoo! Idk if I will press charges against him for breaking in or not yet, but I'm just so relieved and happy to know I am getting my baby back next week after his mandatory rabies hold is up. Thank God!

4. I do yoga, write poetry, read a good book, and go out hiking for stress relief. I also love to bake. I may have a problem with baking too much...

Af2013nl · March 2016

@kay6519 So glad you got good news and your dog will be home with you soon!

roper2617 · March 2016

@catiecatp sorry about your short LP and the cramps

@MooFish2364 horray for optimism! I'm also a person that enjoys planning, so having everything up in the air would cause me so much anxiety! Hope everything gets figured out soon

@BornReady I am right there with you with the pregnant women stuff. I can handle a baby. A pregnant lady on the other hand spins me into a downward spiral of shoulds and what-ifs and why-not-me's.

@reneeannemm so glad you and DH are able to communicate, I'm with you on the better out than in. Here's hoping the flights aren't redic and you get to actually go this weekend to Montreal

@housewifehobbyist I was terrified of a MC with my first(and only pregnancy) and I don't doubt I won't be terrified with my second. For me it's a daily practice (struggle might before appropriate lol) to remind myself to be present and let go of what I can not control. While I'm certainly not religious I do find a lot of strength in the serenity prayer (for me I just omit the God part).

@penelope4612 I love baths also. And yoga, although I don't go as often as I would like. And by that I mean I hardly go ever.

@SnobunnieMel so sorry about that happening, especially so out of the blue.

As for me (this is going to be long. Be warned):

2. TWW currently 9 dpo, or wait, maybe 10? Something like that, can't count at the moment. Slowly losing hope that this will be our cycle. My body feels like it's gearing up for AF. Although it felt that way for my BFP way back wen, so there's still a glimmer of hope I suppose.

3. I'm all rant and no rave today. Happy freaking Monday! Got to work today and had a very shitty start to my day. It's not fun working somewhere where they clearly want you fired (and for no reason other than they have nobody else to pick on, seriously). Did I mention my Union is useless? Urg! Anyways, I'm feeling very trapped because there are currently zero job opportunities in my field in the area. And I can't quit because I'm currently the one bringing home the bacon. DH has been laid off for quite a few months now. And while money isn't everything, we kinda need to eat. I'm trying really really hard in recent months to let things go more easily. I believe that my stress at work has negatively impacted our ability to conceive in the past and I'm hell bent on not letting it get in the way this time.

Wait it I do have a rave! I'm not all negative nancy today after all. I'm so excited for the long weekend. I get both Friday and Monday off, so that is certainly something to look forward to.

4. To relax I like to go for hikes with my poochy and DH, read a good book, practice mindfulness meditation (which I don't do remotely near enough), crochet...the list goes on. Basically I need to be alone to relax.

Also sorry about everybody I missed, time crunch.
Edited because as usual words are hard.

izza2 · March 2016

NamelessAria said:
@SDswenson Welcome to TTCAL. I'm so very sorry for your losses. It is always sad to see new ladies join here since it means they had at least one loss. I think once a week @izza2 does a check-in for the ladies who are benched or TTA over on TTGP.

I haven't actually started that thread in a few weeks due to school and other things, and I don't think anyone else has either. @SDswenson - feel free to copy/paste the OP for the thread (I start a bunch, so you can go through my thread history) and start it yourself if you want to hang around TTGP as well! Anyone can start it!

housewifehobbyist · March 2016

First off, thank you so much for the love and support. It helps we're all going through this together, scary and confusing as it is I'm still hopeful for all of us!

@NamelessAria thank you, so sorry you're dealing with the stress of a possible CP. Were you using the curved FRER? I've sworn those off after 4 false positives - they are the devil.

@DPJennifer B6 helps me! I take 25 mg 2-3 times a day and it helps with the nausea and headaches I get from 4 dpo to a day or so before my period. But then I realized it also gave me a 19 day LP, so I cut back to 1-2 pills a day. The TWW is long enough for me!

@SnobunnieMel I hate the pregnancy loss wrecking balls from nowhere, I'm sorry you're having such a rough week with it.

@Spartanrd4 I love the idea of the blueberry necklace! That's really sweet.

@mandi135 I'm glad you're feeling a bit stronger emotionally. I think the promise of spring is helping me too.

@roper2617 I'm also an atheist with a love for the serenity prayer! You're right, it's a good thing to keep in mind for times like these. I'm such a type A control freak in general and I hate that beyond a few things for general health, there isn't much you can do to prevent an early miscarriage. I just need to figure out how to be very brave and let myself be excited the next time.

SnobunnieMel · March 2016

how do people handle the announcements? Today i overheard the other PAs in my group at work talking about one of the girls "3 month vacation she booked herself" coming up in the fall. Turns out she is pregnant and due around thanksgiving. She is obviously only around 6 weeks and everyone was going on and on about how excited they are right in front of me. They all know about my loss. I had to excuse myself t go cry on the bathroom floor for 10 minutes and the emotion pain is so strong now it physiciallt hurts in my chest. It doesn't help I was suppose to announce to them tomorrow at the end of our first trimester.

How do do your guys handle these when they pop up without preparation!?!?

NamelessAria · March 2016

@housewifehobbyist I was mostly using Wondfos but I did use a curved FRER to try to confirm at 13DPO. I'd been seeing shadowy lines on Wondfos for a couple of days that looked like a decent squinter 12DPO. Even knowing the outcome I can't look back at the 12DPO test and see a BFN. At the time I was worried it was just wishful thinking and once I got my period I'd look back and be like "what was I thinking?!" But I'm looking back now thinking "Yeah.... that was a line. Super faint but..."

ETA: I've sworn off the curved FRERs also. I actually ordered more Wondfo OPKs + HPTs yesterday and ordered another brand of cheapie with it to confirm. Plus I'll probably pick up a digital at some point to keep in my stash to break out when I finally have something on the other two. I figure it's unlikely to get a fake line (evap/indent/whatever) one 2 different brands of cheapies at the exact same time. And then once I get lines on both I'll just confirm with a Digi. No more FRERs for me.

Af2013nl · March 2016

@SnobunnieMel I'm so sorry. Wish I had some advice to give, but I too find it difficult when others announce. I congratulate them, but usually start crying the moment I'm alone.

queenklau · March 2016

Hello ladies and and welcome to the newbies, I am sorry to find you here but there support you will receive is invaluable. @SDSwenson

@housewifehobbyist , we went to DC a few weeks back and this quote really resonated with me and our situation "The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith."-FDR. I have had two losses and I want to keep trying no matter what!

@af2013nl wonderful news about your puppy! Woohoo!

@snobunniemel, yes announcements of all kind can be pretty difficult. It gets easier as time goes by. I try to think about that maybe they also had challenges to get to that stage and that we will be them one day soon, and we would like people to be happy for us.

@BornReady
I am have the same feelings/preference towards babies. I guess it's because there is NO way I can be upset at such a great miracle, his/her mom that's another story HAHA!

1.long time member, but will re-intro for new members. 2 losses at 10 weeks, June and Nov 2015. Was benched for 2 cycles after d&c and for testing. This is my third cycle ttcal (after my second loss).

2. TWW 10DPO...ah!!! Waiting it out until AF due date.

3. Rant: I am terrified to test, my temps look good, seem like they keep going up. I have had some symptoms, and going a little BSC over here.

4. To relax I like to snuggle with my fur baby. He has become such a great snuggler! I also enjoy long cooking sessions. I like to make my own creations.

housewifehobbyist · March 2016

@NamelessAria I've found wondfo's to be pretty reliable. That sounds similar to my CP in December, they got dark enough to be a solid but faint line and then were gone two days later. Hugs to you. It's so hard not knowing.

@klauerinaking I like that quote! Thank you.

megsbrock · March 2016

@penelope4612 I totally feel you on feeling equally anxious for both possible outcomes, BFN or BFP. It's to the point now that I'm afraid to see either one. I really WANT to see a BFP, but it doesn't make it any less scary. Ugh.

@NamelessAria I am so very sorry about the potential CP. If that's what it was, I really hope your body recovers quickly and gives you a nice predictable cycle coming up.

@Kay6519 I am so happy that you will get your fur-child back home safe and sound! And rightly so!!!!! I hope it continues to work out for you.

@SnobunnieMel I wish I had some good advice for you. I'm to the point now where I've definitely become more socially withdrawn for that specific reason, to avoid pregnancy announcements/reactions in public. This helps me avoid having to react to random pregnancies of people or acquaintances I don't really care about. In the case of good friends and/or family, who I do love and care for, I assume that for everyone in a solid relationship that they are TTC and I am in a constant state of mental preparation. For example, I have a cousin who I believe is TTC her second (but this is just my hunch). Each family get-together I brace myself for the news. I'm sure it will sting when I hear the news, but might sting a little less by mentally preparing. And who knows, maybe I'll get pregnant first

Might seem silly, but it's working for me I think.

To all the ladies, especially new ones this week, big hugs and nice to commiserate with you. I am grateful to read all of your messages and stories and even if I don't respond to each person individually (props to you all who do that!!!

) I send good vibes your way.

Status: just starting the TWW - I either O'd yesterday or earlier today. This is our 4th cycle trying since loss #2. We got pregnant the first time after 4 cycles of trying (but many more months waiting due to DH's work schedule), and the second time it was 5 cycles, but 1 of those cycles I think we miscalculated O. So I'm feeling pressure that if it doesn't happen this time, something has changed with our reproductive health and has gone horribly wrong / I am feeling quite optimistic that it's bound to happen this cycle or the next. We shall see. I continue to count my blessings that we were able to get pregnant both times within the time frame that we did. I know that so many are not so lucky.

TW -- seemingly easy pregnancy:
Rants: as some of you know, and some don't as you are new, my brother and SIL got pregnant back in August the first month they were married. Due end of May. Having a baby has been nothing but smooth sailing for them (or so it seems, but I doubt they would hide any troubles or worries, I feel like I would know). I continue to impress myself with my ability to withstand all the baby excitement and baby talk in the family, and I even participate, well, because it's only me and my brother, and I have to. And of course I already love my nephew who will arrive in May. But my brother has not been taking any hints and makes sure to keep my phone flooded with messages and emails that are baby related. He was bugging me so much about signing up for the online streaming of their 3D ultrasound that I almost went off on him. I talked myself off that ledge because I know he is just so excited and that as much as I wish he would understand where I am coming from, I wouldn't wish what I am going through on him and his wife. To make matters worse I am older than my bro and have been with DH for almost 13 years now, since we were teenagers. Our whole family has expected us to "be first". My brother met his wife 3 years ago, and in my opinion she rushed him into having a baby, and boom, here we are. I am constantly in disbelief that this is the situation. I think my mom is too - lol. I would love to get pregnant this cycle and have a baby the same year as them so that I don't feel "behind" them for the rest of my life. It's so silly, but I feel like I will constantly be reminded of my failed attempts to start a family as I watch their child hit all the milestones before mine do. Sorry...that got a little longer than I had planned. Have to rant about them every once in a while.

Raves: Got a really good sleep last night and felt great all day and was quite productive. I think I finally chilled out last night because I knew I was about to ovulate/already had. I actually find that wait worse than the TWW, because my LP is usually predictable but my O date, not so much.

How do I relax/de-stress?
Drink a nice cup of tea, watch my fav shows, bug DH to rub my feet, have a laugh with girlfriends (preferably those who are not pregnant or who have babies). @crazypt2285 I also like to shop as a way to de-stress! But I think I like the act of roaming the aisles and racks more than online

When I need to de-stress at work, I take a walk around the university campus where my office is located. I usually grab a tea and take the long way back. I spent 6 years going to university there, a time of my life that I thoroughly enjoyed, so it's like a mini escape back to the times before work worries, and then TTC(AL) worries took over my life.

penelope4612 · March 2016

@Kay6519 - I am so so so so glad to hear the good news about your dog. That kid sounds awful.

@klauerinaking - Fx your temps stay up!

@megsbrock - I wish I had something helpful to say other than that the situation with your brother sounds really hard. I do honestly think that once you have kids, you will be so in love with them (and so busy, and so tired) that you probably won't dwell much on your brother having kids first. It's just that right now it seems really hard because he has something you want, and you can't control that no matter how hard you try.

CoonMom · March 2016

@Catiecatp Sorry your LP was so short.
@Catiecatp and @MooFish2364 My DH and I are the same way. We sit and watch TV each night but don't talk. We take a walk and we have great conversations.
@BornReady I love taking my dogs for a walk. I find it very difficult to see pregnant women. There was one at Hobby Lobby today and I nearly lost it.
@reneeannemm Yay for your DH initiating the talk.
@housewifehobbyist I've only had one miscarriage but it took so long (11 months) that I'm terrified if/when I get another BFP I'll be more scared and not excited. I wish I had something to help us both.
@SnobunnieMel I'm so sorry about your friend's announcment. The week I was going to announce was very hard on me. I hope you find some comfort and are able to enjoy the Easter Weekend.
@crazypt2285 I'm so sorry your mom is not being supportive. My mom wasn't either. She said (I kid you not) "At least you have your dogs" I'm still hurt. She had a miscarriage herself as well.
@SDSwenson @mandi135 I'm sorry you are here but welcome.
@NamelessAria I love adult coloring books. I just haven't had time to enjoy them lately.
@stephann85 I'm with you on massages and pedicures:)
@Af2013nl I'm sorry for your difficult week.
@dpjennifer I'm with you on hoping this cycle is lucky. I really want to be a mom (to a living baby) before I'm 30 which I will be in Jan 2017. FX this is our cycle!
@kay6519 yay for great news! a dog park on property...alsome!! I'm so happy your baby is safe! I ment to comment on the original thread but I forgot to go back.
@roper2617 I'm so sorry to hear about your job situation. I pray you find relief soon.
@klauerinaking Fur babies are the best to cuddle with. My DH gets jealous:)
@megsbrock Sorry your Brother is "bragging" so much. I wish I had useful advice but I don't. *Hugs*

2. Status (WTO, TWW, Benched, etc.) WTO CD7

3. Rants/raves: Rave-I took a vacation day and got my hair cut and colored. It's shorted than I imagined but I love it! I also got a pedicure:)
Rant-DH has the man flu and it really baby-ing it. (yes I made up a word)

4. GTKY: what do you like to do to relax/de-stress? Taking my dogs for a walk with DH, massages, pedicures, baths, and cuddles with fur babies and/or DH.

ThePax89 · March 2016

I'm fresh off the bench. I'm cd 13 and had positive OPKs yesterday. Going to dtd tonight again for the last time. Then I'm swearing off sex indefinitely.

Hoping and praying like crazy that magical things will happen and my baby will come.

catiecatp · March 2016

@kay6519 - that is the BEST rave ever! And moving to a better/safer place is the icing on a delicious cupcake

Kay6519 · March 2016

@dogmomwantinghuman Sounds like a relaxing day. I love to have my hair done. The scalp massage when they wash your hair is so relaxing!

@thepax89 Have fun tonight!

@megsbrock What sort of tea do you like to relax? I'm working on kicking my coffee habit and replacing it with healthier teas.

Thank you for all the prayers and well wishes for my pup. I'm so relieved about the positive outcome and that he can come home soon! You ladies are the best!

fafa1111 · March 2016

1. Hi all well I'm back to this board (was here briefly in December/January after a CP). I ended up getting pregnant the month after my CP, but found out after some ultrasounds and blood tests due to some spotting I was having at 6 1/2 weeks that I had an ectopic in my left tube. The doctors were treating me for a week with 2 rounds of methotrexate but then when I was getting ready for work one morning I had the absolute worst pain of my life, called my husband who was already at work and then fainted on the phone with him. He ran home from the hospital 2 blocks from our apartment (he's a doctor which comes in handy esp in times like these) and rushed me to the ER where they did emergency surgery to remove my tube as it had ruptured. The experience was absolutely terrifying and incredibly sad. With that said, I had great doctors and feel safe for future pregnancies because they will be monitoring me from very early to ensure everything is going well. Now we just have to get there again.

2. My husband and I are just about ready to start trying again as I already had a full regular cycle so will be tracking ovulation this month and then will start trying in April, so I guess I can be classified as benched right now.

3. No real rants/raves right now. Just putting one foot in front of the other and getting through the up and down emotions that seem to come out of no where.

4. Like many of you, for some R&R I love to spoil myself when I can and do a spa day- massages, facials, manicures, pedicures

queenklau · March 2016

@pambtoro I am sorry to see you back here. That sounds terrifying, so glad your DH is a doctor and was able to take you to the ER, and that you are recuperating from that traumatic and dangerous situation. It's good that your cycles appear to be getting back to normal. I wish you the best of luck.

@penelope4612 thanks lady!

I have so much insomnia right now!

NamelessAria · March 2016

@megsbrock I can definitely understand how you're feeling with your brother and his wife. It's tough having a family member expecting while you're struggling TTC. I can also understand what it is like to have your whole family assume you'll "be first" most of your life and then suddenly you aren't. My phone gets blown up with baby stuff all the time but somewhat the bulk of it always seems to fall around my period. It feels like life is like "oh you're 14DPO and got a BFN so you're definitely out this cycle so now you're just impatiently waiting for AF? This is a perfect time for someone to send you baby pictures!"

I feel like there has to be a polite way to ask people not to blow your phone up with stuff without any thought to your feelings. I just haven't figured out exactly what that is yet. I told my brother and my SIL over Christmas that DH and I are struggling TTC and had a loss. They were both completely unmoved by that. They just kept telling me how hard children are and how it's probably better that I didn't have one. So maybe there isn't a polite way to get people to be a bit more considerate.

Anyhow, I'm a bit rambling today. What I was trying to say was that I understand how you're feeling and I'm so sorry. Lots of hugs.

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