Advice needed about quitting job

BP1979

Ladies, I need some unbiased input. I'm a teacher coach at an elementary school - -  meaning I work with the teachers to help them analyze data and I don't work directly with students. 

I went out on maternity leave at Thanksgiving because baby decided to come early (born Dec. 1).

My original plan was to stay out on maternity leave from Dec through the end of March. I'd go back in April after spring break for the last 10 weeks of the school year. This would give me a chance to experience being home with the baby and to experience working so I could make a decision about whether or not I wanted to stay home. 

Well, I've already decided I want to stay home!!! But, now I'm struggling with what to do... 

Before I went on leave, I made a promise that I'd return to finish out the year. But, now that I've decided I want to stay home, I don't see the need in putting myself and baby through the stress of that transition unnecessarily. 

Just wondering, is it bad to call my boss and tell her I'm not returning? Is that selfish of me? Or, do I need to just suck it up and go back for the 10 weeks? I'm having a really hard time being objective, so I'd really appreciate y'alls input... 

angelicac06

Don't put the baby through a transition unnecessarily. Your employer shouldn't be surprised. It happens all the time. 

LaceyH13

My gut is always to keep your word. You never know later in life when you will need to have a reference should you decide to get back into working. Babies are small enough now that they will never remember, and it's only temporary.

blended10

You've made a choice about what's best for you & your family. Nothing selfish about it. I'd tell them sooner rather than later so they can find a replacement based on your "back" day unless you don't think they'd replace you until the following year.
congrats on your decision! It was the best decision I made 5 years ago & I never looked back. Some days are easier than others but it's worth it!  

abteamb

Your employer has dealt with this before, especially in education. Has there been someone covering your position since you've been away? Have the teachers and staff been able to manage just fine without you there? Will being there for 10 weeks really make a difference in the data? Can you possibly still assist and give input on data as courtesy even if you're not employed? These are all questions I would ask myself. Also, I would have a heart to heart with the principal and explain to her your feelings. Im sure your boss will be understanding. Before you had the baby, there's no way you could've known how you were going to feel. It's normal. If your boss says that you're really needed at school, try to make a compromise and see if you could go only a few days a week.

Anyway, good luck. I struggled with this as well a few weeks ago! 

LaceyH13

Seems like a good compromise to see if you could go in a few days a week.

pupsicle23

I think it would be different if you had a class full of kids who are expecting you to come back. Adults will understand. I would meet face-to-face, though. 

Honestly,  I'm a teacher and I don't even expect to be coached for the 11 or so weeks left in the year.  We have administrators do it this year,  and things come up.  Plus, two of our admin/coaches are becoming principals of other schools, so we have had coach transitions anyway.  It's not a big deal to me as a teacher.  I'd rather just be more relaxed and do fun activities after the PARCC test, anyway.  Yes, we still should push kids to prep for the next grade and make all classes rigorous and meaningful,  but we're all tired. My poor 7th graders have written 6 essays already this year. 

Part time assistance is a good option, though.  Or can you do a Google Hangout or something if teachers need help? I write curriculum for the network,  and that's how I check in with my curriculum coach. 

I keep adding because I keep thinking of things.  But anyway,  I'd sit down for a conversation in case they can work with you.  My school worked out a part time schedule that I could take if I wanted to return next year.  It's never been done before, but people are often willing to work with you if you're open and honest about what you can and can't do.

scientificunicorns

Are you contractually bound? If so then that could cost you a lot to buy out of it. I know as a teacher I am contracted through the end of the school year. 

laurabwalker

I don't think it's selfish at all, I think the fact that you don't get a years maternity leave is insane and unfair, and if you can stay home, and that is what works for you and the babe, more power to you. 

alysa03

I quit my job... Best decision I ever made. Even if it means me moving into my parents basement. You have too look into the future. Like my mom told me... You aren't going to look back at this day a year from now and say you wish you would have went to work... Especially when you want to be home with your kid. 

BP1979

Thanks for the input ladies! I like the idea of working out a couple days a week so I don't just leave them high and dry. I guess I need to get with my principal and have a great to hear with her.. 

Gingermom15

Call your employer and turn in a written resignation as soon as possible. They will understand and it makes you much more employable if you need to go back in the future. Who wants to hire someone who pulled a no-call no-show when they had all of maternity leave to give notice?

ammnam14

Hm this is tough. If you promised and gave your word that you would finish the last 10 weeks then I would keep my word.

BUT...you have a child. It makes zero sense to find a daycare and pay for it for 10 weeks. You would probably be miserable for the remainder of your time just because you know you want to stay home (if that makes sense). Talk to your principal and see what you two can work out. Do what's best for you and your family, which I'm sure you'll do! Good luck!

Holdmomma

I'm not sure how your contract works (I'm a coach too) but with my first child I was able to extend my leave, unpaid of course, by calling HR prior to my scheduled return. I was teaching in the classroom at the time and had a very competent long term sub. The following year I extended my leave again part time though and job shared with my sub working a couple days per week. This way I maintained my contract in case I decided after a year to go back to work full time. I'm my state if you take a leave of absence instead of resign they hold a spot for you in the district, but you are not promised the same job back.  

I would stop by HR and ask what your options are before making your final decision. 

jking9382

Now is the time to be selfish! Trust me, I feel your pain. I had made plans to return to work and do to unforeseen circumstances have quit to be with my babe. I feel like when it comes to your child you have to do what's best. Besides, they are only little once! There's other jobs and different opportunities when the time is right and you want to go back to work. Enjoy your baby if you can financially swing it! Best wishes to you! 

blended10

Would love an update if you talked to your boss

BP1979

blended10 said:

Would love an update if you talked to your boss

Haven't talked to her yet... I've been trying to find a home daycare for the 10 weeks even if it's 3 days a week, but I can't seem to find anything affordable. So, tomorrow I'm going in with DS to the daycare I originally lined up to stay with him for 3 hours and see how it all runs. Then, I've got lunch with a trusted friend who is incredibly wise! I think I'll know what to say to my principal tomorrow, so I'm planning to touch base with her Wed afternoon or Thurs morning.

Also, a teacher friend reminded me that if I don't go back, I'll owe money to the district for June because we are pre-paid for June in August... Grrr. 

Still really struggling! I want to stay home but also want to stay true to my word. 

BP1979

Well y'all, I did it! I resigned! It was so hard. I bawled my eyes out. But, my principal was  very gracious and understanding. Most of my coworkers were awesome. I had one teacher tell me it was really shitty of me to do this. That really upset me and hurt my feelings, but, if that's the worst that happens, I'll live. At the end of the day, this little nugget is what's important!! 

blended10

Good for you!!! That coworker is shitty if you ask me! Lol
its not an easy choice, good for you

pupsicle23

BP1979 said:

I had one teacher tell me it was really shitty of me to do this. That really upset me and hurt my feelings, but, if that's the worst that happens, I'll live. 

This annoys me.  Why can't the teacher be happy for you?  We've had turnover, and I don't even know if I'm being coached anymore this year.  But I also realize that we have, like, two months of school left. Sounds like he/she takes him/herself a bit seriously. 

I'm happy for you and your family.  Enjoy your time with your baby! 

laurabwalker

Enjoy your time with the babe!

kit9452

I'm a teacher and ended up extending my leave for the rest of the year. Did I feel bad leaving my class? Of course, but my little baby is my number one priority now. Best decision I've ever made.

angelicac06

Before having my LO that teacher would have been me. Judging. Big time. I was such a hard core working woman. I worked up to 13 hours 9 months pregnant. Clearly I feel different now. I was only able to extend my leave for 30 days for 4 and a half months total of leave. I go back Thursday and I am having a REALLY hard time. I made a commitment to my manager and she's been so great to and my career at my company that I would feel like a jerk to leave her hanging. Also I don't want to wonder "what if." After I return if I'm miserable or my child is miserable, I will resign as well. My son will always come first. But I'm going to go back and give it a shot and see how my son does with his caregiver. The reason I advised you to resign was because 10 weeks is a very long time to commit to. And you didn't request an extension therefore not returning was the reasonable choice IMO. Good for you and wish me luck. I pray that if I am suppose to follow your same path that my LO is impacted minimally in the meanwhile.

BP1979

angelicac06 said:

Before having my LO that teacher would have been me. Judging. Big time. I was such a hard core working woman. I worked up to 13 hours 9 months pregnant. Clearly I feel different now. I was only able to extend my leave for 30 days for 4 and a half months total of leave. I go back Thursday and I am having a REALLY hard time. I made a commitment to my manager and she's been so great to and my career at my company that I would feel like a jerk to leave her hanging. Also I don't want to wonder "what if." After I return if I'm miserable or my child is miserable, I will resign as well. My son will always come first. But I'm going to go back and give it a shot and see how my son does with his caregiver. The reason I advised you to resign was because 10 weeks is a very long time to commit to. And you didn't request an extension therefore not returning was the reasonable choice IMO. Good for you and wish me luck. I pray that if I am suppose to follow your same path that my LO is impacted minimally in the meanwhile.

Yup, I know what you mean about feeling like a jerk! My boss has been so amazing to me over the years and I do feel really guilty about letting her down. But, then I look at his cute little face and know that it's the right decision. Hopefully the guilt will get better with each passing day!! 

BP1979

How could I not enjoy being with this cutie all  day every day??! 

12815AEEA

kit9452 said:

I'm a teacher and ended up extending my leave for the rest of the year. Did I feel bad leaving my class? Of course, but my little baby is my number one priority now. Best decision I've ever made.

I did this too! Now I'm working on a way to stay home even longer. Leaving teaching for a while has me feeling sad though. But, being there for my little girl is number one! Good but difficult decisions ahead. 

pupsicle23

12815AEEA said:

kit9452 said:

I'm a teacher and ended up extending my leave for the rest of the year. Did I feel bad leaving my class? Of course, but my little baby is my number one priority now. Best decision I've ever made.

I did this too! Now I'm working on a way to stay home even longer. Leaving teaching for a while has me feeling sad though. But, being there for my little girl is number one! Good but difficult decisions ahead. 

I was hoping that having a daughter would make me a better teacher.  I wouldn't let things get to me as much,  and I'd work more efficiently. Honestly,  I think I'm a worse teacher now that I've gone back to work.  My kids need someone who can devote more time and emotional bandwidth.  I'm doing the best I can for the rest of the year,   but I already feel like I'm drooping the balls on teaching and momming. Good for you guys for making that decision.  I'd have been more inclined to do so,  but my kids went through 3 long term subs before an administrator just took over my classes.