Breastfeeding

Bad mom breast feeding

my child was born 5 weeks early and because of that he is having a hard time breast feeding. He gets very tired at the breast after a few sucks and therefore is loosing weight. The dr has us feeding by bottle and if he is still hungry then putting him to breast. I'm ready to give up breast feeding and just go to pumping. While talking to my husband I inadvertently said I wish I had a normal child. I regretted it immediately but now my husband thinks little of me and I think even less of myself. How can I over come this small obstacle of thinking such awful things and being such a bad mom?

Re: Bad mom breast feeding

  • First and foremost, you are not a bad mom!! Being stressed with eveything will make you feel that way, but you are doing an amazing job! Sometimes babies just not latch well, and they work and work and dont get much, so they tire themselves out. While I support breastfeeding very much, I also dont have a problem with giving a bottle with pumped breastmilk in it. With my first daughter (born at 32 weeks) she wouldnt latch well, and wouldnt get anything. She would take a bottle, so I was fine with giving her a bottle with my pumped milk in it. Atleast she's getting the nutrients from my milk. With my second (born at 26 weeks) I havent been able to put her to breast yet to see if she'd latch. She just started bottle feeds early this week, and Im worried she wont latch well to me... so Im just fine with her taking the bottle with my milk. I dont want to run any risk of us back pedaling and causing out stay to be longer than it needs to be!
  • You're not a bad mom.  Having a preemie is hard and even with a full term baby breastfeeding can be hard.  If breastfeeding isn't working, there's nothing wrong with pumping or even formula.  My LO is also having problems nursing and it's exhausting trying to nurse and pump and bottle feed every two hours.  I certainly understand your wish that things were easier.  
    clabgust
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  • You're trying to do what is best for your child, that certainly doesn't make you a bad mom! I understand you situation. My daughter was born 7 weeks early and breastfeeding was very difficult for us. She would tire out easily and just wasn't interested at first. It was such a different experience than what I was expecting and I had been looking forward to breastfeeding through my whole pregnancy. When she refused to nurse I felt like I was failing. And exclusively pumping was not what I had been expecting at all! My daughter was in the hospital for almost four weeks and our major obstacle to coming home was getting her to eat better. She finally started to do better with a bottle but still wouldn't latch or nurse well. I expressed my disappointment to one of the nurses in the NICU, and she told me that even if I had to keep exclusively pumping, my daughter was still getting my breast milk and I was still doing my best for her. She said to take her home and keep trying and not to give up.

    My daughter is 4.5 months now and we're finally at the point where she will do about half of her feedings by nursing and the other half by taking expressed breast milk from a bottle. I understand your frustration. I'm still pumping at least four times a day and it is very time consuming. There have been many times when I wished that breastfeeding had been easier and looked more like what I had been expecting. Pumping and giving him a bottle doesn't make you a bad mother at all. Exclusively pumping is hard work and I think it shows just the opposite- that you're doing a great job and doing everything you can to do what is best for your son. 
  • I hope both of you will realize that sometimes in the blearriness of new parenthood we don't articulate words as well as we should. You aren't a bad mom, you just used a poor choice of words. If your child said something wrong you wouldn't automatically call them a "bad kid" so don't do the same to yourself. It sounds like it was just one slipup, which we all have done.
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  • Hi there! I agree with all the previous statements. I'm sure you're stressed, tired and frustrated. ... we have a tendency to say things we don't really mean under those conditions. I don't think it's fair for your husband to judge you and hold that statement against you, he couldn't possibly understand what you're going through. He'll eventually get over it, or just forget about it. 

    My LO was born at 27weeks 4 days and was in the NICU for 64 days. She is now 5 months, 2 corrected. She was never able to breastfeed so I'm exclusively pumping. Whenever I tried putting her to breast she would get so frustrated and tired trying to latch she would stop trying after a few minutes and literally SCREAM. I tried putting her to breast everyday for over two months before I decided to give up. The NICU nurses and her neonatologist told me to keep trying that she would eventually get it.... I quietly disagreed.
    I gave it my all but it just didn't go as planned for me. I never imagined that I would have a micro preemie and not b able to breastfeed. I was really upset when I decided to stop trying and even now I still feel sad that I wasn't able to breastfeed her. 
    Pumping is very tedious and requires commitment. Establish a good milk supply and try to freeze as much as you can. Buy extra parts so that if you're too tired in the m
    31 yrs. /DH 38 yrs.
    SI TTC 7 months 
    DD born 10/2015 @ 27 wks. 4 days > severe pre-e (TTC 1yr.)
    Hystero./Laproscopy/Ovarian Drilling/ D&C/ HSG (2/2015)
    Present:
    DX: Moderate Endo./ PCOS/ Diminished Ovarian Reserve(1.2 amh)/ Low Morphology (0%)
    HSG (3/2017)- All Clear
    RX: Follistim (75iu)/ Trigger/ IUI/ Progesterone
    Starting 1st IUI cycle Friday 4/28

  • -middle of the night to wash them you still have clean parts..... I didn't think of that until a couple of months ago :neutral: 
    Don't be so hard on yourself, especially not now. I'm sure you're a wonderful mom and lovely person.
    Your baby is lucky to have you ♡
    Good luck to you! Sending you positivity!
    31 yrs. /DH 38 yrs.
    SI TTC 7 months 
    DD born 10/2015 @ 27 wks. 4 days > severe pre-e (TTC 1yr.)
    Hystero./Laproscopy/Ovarian Drilling/ D&C/ HSG (2/2015)
    Present:
    DX: Moderate Endo./ PCOS/ Diminished Ovarian Reserve(1.2 amh)/ Low Morphology (0%)
    HSG (3/2017)- All Clear
    RX: Follistim (75iu)/ Trigger/ IUI/ Progesterone
    Starting 1st IUI cycle Friday 4/28

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  • LaceyH13 said:
    I hope both of you will realize that sometimes in the blearriness of new parenthood we don't articulate words as well as we should. You aren't a bad mom, you just used a poor choice of words. If your child said something wrong you wouldn't automatically call them a "bad kid" so don't do the same to yourself. It sounds like it was just one slipup, which we all have done.
    This!!! Totally been there.

  • My LO was full term and had some problems latching. There were many MOTN feedings when I wished she would just figure the dann thing out already. But eventually things got better and they will for you too whether you decide to breastfeed or pump!
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  • 4N6s4N6s member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    One comment doesn't make you a bad mom! You got this. 
  • You're not a bad mom!!!!! We ALL say things we don't mean when we're frustrated and I can totally understand how frustrating this must be for you. Your DH, I'm sure, understands how frustrating this is for you too.

    I'm not sure how BFing after the bottle is the best option though. But I know nothing about babies born 5 weeks early. It doesn't work to BF then give a bottle after baby gets tired? I think if it were me I'd pump and try to nurse on occasion, meanwhile keeping my supply up for when baby was stronger.... I guess that's what you're doing. Anyway, you're doing great! Mommy guilt gets is all and has no place here! Dismiss mommy guilt and get back to appreciating your awesome self. I'd say some ice cream is called for. ;)
    BabyFetus Ticker

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