Crying it out

Taylovesbrad

In the midst of 4 month sleep regression. LO is 4 months next week. Many people tell me to try this but I'm scared. It feels like it physically hurts when he cries and I don't want to scar him but I don't want to teach him bad habits and not allow him to self sooth.

Anyone have advice on this. And what variation did you try with your babe.
Ftm and nervous about this.

I uses the search function and didn't see anything on this but point me in the right direction if there is a thread... I haven't been on very consistently lately

kdoak2015

I personally don't believe in this method. My opinion only. My baby cries because she needs something and I will tend to her needs.

Gingermom15

I don't believe in the CIO method, I don't have to try it to know that. Babies are far too young to manipulate, therefore a cry is for something necessary. A dirty diaper, hunger or just needing physical comfort. The CIO method is outdated IMO. At least for infants. 

kksquared

I rock my LO until his eyes get heavy.  I them lay him down in his crib.  He will whine/fuss for a few minutes but if he starts really crying I go in and get him.  This has worked for us and over the last few weeks he goes to sleep really easily most nights.  We also have a bed time routing of fresh diaper, reading a book or 2, nursing with lights low, swaddling (soon to be done with swaddling and then rocking while I sing to him.  I also turn the sound machine on for all this. 

Fdpolla92

We don't really do the cry it out thing. Not that I am against it or anything but I just personally don't do that. We get DD to where she is extremely tired but still has her eyes open. Then we put her down in her crib. If she is just fussing we will leave her but if she start to cry we will go pat her on the chest to try to calm her down. Once she is calm we go out again. Usually we only have to do that once. If that doesn't work we just start at the beginning holding her until she gets really tired. 

MomofEv+1

I completely believe in the cry it out method, but I think it's a tad too early. We did it with our now 4 year old between 5 and 6 months. It was life changing within days. 

In our case we did it because we had to do a butt patting/rocking routine that turned into a huge circus at every nap and bedtime. We were close to losing our minds. She cried for 40 minutes the first night and by day 3 or 4 was able to fall asleep after about 10. Even she was relieved once we all got the hang of it. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but it legitimately works in the right situation. 

millieb14

This is my first so no experience but I really think it depends on the baby. My LO has different cries that I have learned to read. I will let her do the "I'm so tired and I am mad about it" cry for about 3 minutes when I put her down. If it turns into the "my feelings are hurt and I need you" cry I go in and comfort her. Out of 7 nights a week I would say I need to go in and comfort her 2 nights. The other 5 nights she fusses for a few then is quiet until she falls asleep. I have found some amount of letting her cry has helped us all adjust. 

laurabwalker

I think that they need to understand object permanence i.e. I know if mom leaves she is still here, and they do not at 4 months. I think I know lovely moms that have done this and it's been successful, I don't think it's for me. My LO had colic and I have been with her for up to 8 hours of screaming and it was traumatic for me, I am still dealing with the lasting affects from this. I also think temperament of the baby matters, my girl would persist I think, but some babies are super easy and stop crying after a short period and sleep. 
On the other hand @MomofEv+1 I do this butt pat rocking shhh and sometimes it takes forever, and I can see why you would CIO. 

KRH6829

I'm a big believer in the cry it out method, but as @MomofEv+1 said, it might be a bit early. I think that we stared at six months with DS. We had the rule that we would not let him cry more than 8 minutes (I wanted 5, my husband wanted 10). If he was still crying after eight minutes, we would go and get him. He almost never cried when being put down, and if he did cry it only lasted a couple of minutes. Sometimes he would stay awake in his crib, but we left him in there if he wasnt crying. He is such a great sleeper now, and he stays in his toddler bed and plays with his toys until me or DH goes and gets him. Good luck. 

soccsm13

We did cry it out for my son because it got to the point where he would wake up after a few minutes of sleep and none of us were sleeping. But that wasn't until he was about 8 months. I nursed/rocked him to sleep every night and he couldn't self sooth. CIO did the trick and he was sleeping through the night with one wake up three days later.

This time I've been letting DD put herself to sleep, instead of rocking her, but if she starts fussing I'll tend to her. She's a much better sleeper, and napper too! I'm hoping we won't have to do CIO, but if we do, it wouldn't be for a few more months anyways.

taysun

I won't be doing cry it out, but I think 4 months is too young. 
When we do naps I will rock/nurse to drowsy and put her down with a pacifier. I then shush and pat her until she's asleep. I will let her fuss but once she cries I will go and attempt to soothe her without picking her up. If she doesn't stop crying I pick her up and start again. 
We bed share at night so it's a little easier then. 

angelicac06

I don't believe in it. Just because it works doesn't make it right. 

eliseandbaby

I wanted to try CIO too. Then I read this + now I'm conflicted! 

Knottie65841689

I dont believe in CIO. We chose to bring our babies into the world and parenting them is our responsability. At this age it implies soothing them and making them feel secure. I think CIO does examplifies the opposite. To each their own. 

whittybaby2014

My husband and I did the cry it out method with our first and it was the best decision for our family. Overall our daughter was way more content after she got the hang of it and it paved the way to her sleeping through the night at by the time she was 4 months old. We chose not to let her cry for a really long time. We would wait 5 minutes, go in and sooth her without picking her up, leave then wait 8 minutes, repeat. As for it physically hurting when you hear the baby cry: I'd talk to your doctor. I experienced this with my second and eventually was prescribed a very low dosage of zoloft (and anti-depressant) and it worked wonders. I was so much more calm after starting it. Hope that helps some!

ATolentino89

My MIL took CIO to a whole new level with her kids. This woman told me I spoiled my son by picking him up when he cries (he was 2 weeks old) and she would let my husband and his siblings cry and scream until they were blue in the face. Needless to say they have a very strained relationship and my husband never did or does look to his mother for comfort. I read an article that states how when you do it (the wrong way) it can often cause chemical misfires in the brain causing you to have harder times developing relationships of trust. Hence my stand to not even try it until Cole is much much older. 

blended10

What works for some may not work for others. Believe it or not we tried a variation of cio w/ my son when we were transitioning him to his own room when he was about a year old. We used a method in the "no cry sleep solution" so he wasn't left alone to cry for very long but it was misery for all of us. What worked for us was we'd do our sleep routine & id place my hand on his back or hold his hand until he fell asleep. Some ppl would say "so you're always gonna stay with him til he falls asleep?" And yes, as long as he needs me to, I will. He falls asleep in about 2 minutes. 
Now if he would just stay in his own bed all night that would be even more awesome but he just quietly sneaks into our bed in the wee hours & falls right back to sleep. There are worse things!

ammnam14

I wouldn't like crying myself to sleep so I'm not going to use this method. If she's crying she's telling me she needs something. Zoe's daytime naps are rough and she'll only sleep if I'm holding her. She's not going to be this young forever so I'm taking full advantage of the snuggles now! When it's bed time all she needs is to either see my face or hold my hand. That's her way of self soothing. Sure, sometimes babies need to cry but definitely not for long periods of time this young.

groovylocks

Experts are saying CIO is only healthy after baby has reached young toddlerhood (The age when they learn to consciously manipulate). Before this it's not only ineffective at teaching any real life skills, it is horribly lonely and frightening for the child. CIO works on babies under 1-2 years old, yes. Why? Because they learn that nobody will come. So they start to shut down to conserve energy. One article said that if you have the stomach, to watch footage of Romanian orphanages in the 90s. There werent enough staff to care for all the orphans. CIO was the only method of soothing. 

The orphanages were silent almost constantly. 

When I read that, it horrified me. I even feel unnatural putting her down at all, even to play, which i know she enjoys. When i'm at work, my body hurts for her. I know my husband doesn't share my opinion. I know she cries while i am gone. And while i know he loves her, I'm not sure he tends to her like I feel he should. 

Btw.. i didn't watch those videos.. Just.. rant over but please.. don't let the babies suffer yet. They're too little i think.

LaceyH13

groovylocks said:

Experts are saying CIO is only healthy after baby has reached young toddlerhood (The age when they learn to consciously manipulate). Before this it's not only ineffective at teaching any real life skills, it is horribly lonely and frightening for the child. CIO works on babies under 1-2 years old, yes. Why? Because they learn that nobody will come. So they start to shut down to conserve energy. One article said that if you have the stomach, to watch footage of Romanian orphanages in the 90s. There werent enough staff to care for all the orphans. CIO was the only method of soothing. 

The orphanages were silent almost constantly. 

When I read that, it horrified me. I even feel unnatural putting her down at all, even to play, which i know she enjoys. When i'm at work, my body hurts for her. I know my husband doesn't share my opinion. I know she cries while i am gone. And while i know he loves her, I'm not sure he tends to her like I feel he should. 

Btw.. i didn't watch those videos.. Just.. rant over but please.. don't let the babies suffer yet. They're too little i think.

I think you should be careful with this. There are probably some science or psychology-related experts that would say never wanting to put your baby down or let them play and develop as an autonomous person can also be harmful. But if that is how your gut tells you to do it, I am guessing you wouldn't appreciate someone coming and lecturing you about the harms you are causing your baby.

I am not intending to make any judgments on any parenting style here, just pointing out that mommy-shaming never ends well.

andreaAL11

LaceyH13 said:

groovylocks said:

Experts are saying CIO is only healthy after baby has reached young toddlerhood (The age when they learn to consciously manipulate). Before this it's not only ineffective at teaching any real life skills, it is horribly lonely and frightening for the child. CIO works on babies under 1-2 years old, yes. Why? Because they learn that nobody will come. So they start to shut down to conserve energy. One article said that if you have the stomach, to watch footage of Romanian orphanages in the 90s. There werent enough staff to care for all the orphans. CIO was the only method of soothing. 

The orphanages were silent almost constantly. 

When I read that, it horrified me. I even feel unnatural putting her down at all, even to play, which i know she enjoys. When i'm at work, my body hurts for her. I know my husband doesn't share my opinion. I know she cries while i am gone. And while i know he loves her, I'm not sure he tends to her like I feel he should. 

Btw.. i didn't watch those videos.. Just.. rant over but please.. don't let the babies suffer yet. They're too little i think.

I think you should be careful with this. There are probably some science or psychology-related experts that would say never wanting to put your baby down or let them play and develop as an autonomous person can also be harmful. But if that is how your gut tells you to do it, I am guessing you wouldn't appreciate someone coming and lecturing you about the harms you are causing your baby.

I am not intending to make any judgments on any parenting style here, just pointing out that mommy-shaming never ends well.

I don't understand how she was mommy shaming?? She's stating what doctors today think, I was talking to my dad about this today in the car and asked him if they did the CIO method with me and he said yes. But he specifically told me that they did it too early. They had gone to a specialist and that specialist said if you start too early it can cause separation issues when the baby is older. (Which would make sense since I do have some issues with that and I'm 23. Not saying I'm proof, but it's still something to consider...?) 

I agree. CIO at this very young age isn't something that really makes sense. As always previously posted in discussions involving CIO, babies can not be manipulative this early. It is when they are conscious and knowing that they can get someone to come pick them up and "manipulate." 

LaceyH13

It just came across as super judgy, and that never ends well. Especially if it is a FTM doing the judging. It's fine to point out what the experts say, but be careful with the holier than thou approach. There is a pretty good chance we have all done at least one thing that experts wouldn't recommend while parenting, and I doubt any of us would appreciate being called out publicly for it.

abteamb

My entire family is old school and did CIO with me, brother, and all my cousins. Everytime I pick up DD they say I'm teaching her bad habits. Mind you, I don't have a real close bond with anybody in my family, and we're not very huggy feely. I feel like I don't have the bond I should with my parents. A lot of other things go into this factor, but I believe they used the CIO method and I never really felt THAT comforted by my parents. I don't want this for DD. I will pick her up whenever she wants and hug her always. However, if I know she's manipulating me or DH once she's a toddler then I would attempt it for a few short min. Maybe 2. I believe in talking and explaining to your kids what's going on. Idk. Maybe I'll change my mind. As of now, no CIO. I want my baby to feel safe and secure always.

ammnam14

LaceyH13 said:

It just came across as super judgy, and that never ends well. Especially if it is a FTM doing the judging. It's fine to point out what the experts say, but be careful with the holier than thou approach. There is a pretty good chance we have all done at least one thing that experts wouldn't recommend while parenting, and I doubt any of us would appreciate being called out publicly for it.

I didn't read @groovylocks post as being holier than thou. Now my post was definitely judgy as heck. If your letting you're kids CIO this young I personally don't think it's okay. I have no shame in saying that.

Edit: wrong your lol

celainev

I'm not doing the CIO method, mainly because my LO is so easy to soothe... But I want to add that my mom did it with all 4 of her children, and we are all best friends with her and my dad..... We've always felt super connected to my mom, growing up. (My dad too even though he had major anger issues.) 

andreaAL11

I'm not saying it's a bad idea. I think if you believe the CIO method works then go for it! Parenting styles are all different and they always will be. The thing that bothers me about CIO is if it is started too early when the baby needs the nurturing and cuddles. who knows, maybe when she's old enough I'll start CIO, but not now, no way. 

@LaceyH13  this is what @groovylocks was saying. Not at all being judgy. Just mentioning the age of when CIO "should" be practiced according to experts. 

scientificunicorns

I know my opinion doesn't matter but I must chime in. I hate the idea of my baby crying. If he's crying then he's trying to communicate a need. At this stage in life I choose to do my best to fulfill any needs he has. CIO doesn't seem nurturing or natural to me. 

caketimes

There are modified CIO methods, I do think that baby will fuss a bit and settle on her own, so I wait until I hear a cry and then I tend to her needs. I tried CIO for one night, but it wasn't right for me. Baby does sleep through the night with the modification though. 

groovylocks

andreaAL11 said:

LaceyH13 said:

groovylocks said:

Experts are saying CIO is only healthy after baby has reached young toddlerhood (The age when they learn to consciously manipulate). Before this it's not only ineffective at teaching any real life skills, it is horribly lonely and frightening for the child. CIO works on babies under 1-2 years old, yes. Why? Because they learn that nobody will come. So they start to shut down to conserve energy. One article said that if you have the stomach, to watch footage of Romanian orphanages in the 90s. There werent enough staff to care for all the orphans. CIO was the only method of soothing. 

The orphanages were silent almost constantly. 

When I read that, it horrified me. I even feel unnatural putting her down at all, even to play, which i know she enjoys. When i'm at work, my body hurts for her. I know my husband doesn't share my opinion. I know she cries while i am gone. And while i know he loves her, I'm not sure he tends to her like I feel he should. 

Btw.. i didn't watch those videos.. Just.. rant over but please.. don't let the babies suffer yet. They're too little i think.

I think you should be careful with this. There are probably some science or psychology-related experts that would say never wanting to put your baby down or let them play and develop as an autonomous person can also be harmful. But if that is how your gut tells you to do it, I am guessing you wouldn't appreciate someone coming and lecturing you about the harms you are causing your baby.

I am not intending to make any judgments on any parenting style here, just pointing out that mommy-shaming never ends well.

I don't understand how she was mommy shaming?? She's stating what doctors today think, I was talking to my dad about this today in the car and asked him if they did the CIO method with me and he said yes. But he specifically told me that they did it too early. They had gone to a specialist and that specialist said if you start too early it can cause separation issues when the baby is older. (Which would make sense since I do have some issues with that and I'm 23. Not saying I'm proof, but it's still something to consider...?) 

I agree. CIO at this very young age isn't something that really makes sense. As always previously posted in discussions involving CIO, babies can not be manipulative this early. It is when they are conscious and knowing that they can get someone to come pick them up and "manipulate." 

Yeah that's it. I was just sharing current medical consensus on the subject. Not shaming. And certainly I don't think that a baby left to cry it out on occasion is in the same situation as a Romanian orphan either. Just more wanting to talk about it because the article gave me some ptsd.

LaceyH13

 Admittedly I probably had a stronger reaction than I should have, so I apologize for that. You wrote that it didn't feel natural to put your baby down, and I read that as shaming people who don't have that innate parenting style (like myself) and perhaps jumped to a conclusion unfairly.

However, I feel like in general TB promotes and favorites an attachment style of parenting, and if that isn't your style, then people assume you love your baby less. I don't want my baby in my bed with me, to me that sounds horrible. I prefer my baby in his crib in his room, and so far we have had a ton of success doing that. I don't hesitate to leave my baby with family or a sitter every once in a while, and I don't feel guilty or miss them when I am away for a few hours. My goal is to raise a child who eventually doesn't need me. I love my child with every part of myself, but I also love my husband at least that much, if not more, and I don't think it is shameful to say that. All of these ways of parenting lead me to believe that someday, if it is necessary, I may need to let my child CIO, but it isn't because I love him any less. 

Hopefully that explains better my (admittedly extreme) knee jerk reaction.

blended10

@LaceyH13 how fascinating you feel tb favors attachment style parenting! I felt nervous admitting we cosleep (not anymore)...among other hippy ideas, lol. I hadn't considered this forum as pro-attachment 
i guess we all feel sometimes empowered, sometimes judged, sometimes alone in our methods. 

Hit edit by mistake 

kdoak2015

LaceyH13 said:

 Admittedly I probably had a stronger reaction than I should have, so I apologize for that. You wrote that it didn't feel natural to put your baby down, and I read that as shaming people who don't have that innate parenting style (like myself) and perhaps jumped to a conclusion unfairly.

However, I feel like in general TB promotes and favorites an attachment style of parenting, and if that isn't your style, then people assume you love your baby less. I don't want my baby in my bed with me, to me that sounds horrible. I prefer my baby in his crib in his room, and so far we have had a ton of success doing that. I don't hesitate to leave my baby with family or a sitter every once in a while, and I don't feel guilty or miss them when I am away for a few hours. My goal is to raise a child who eventually doesn't need me. I love my child with every part of myself, but I also love my husband at least that much, if not more, and I don't think it is shameful to say that. All of these ways of parenting lead me to believe that someday, if it is necessary, I may need to let my child CIO, but it isn't because I love him any less. 

Hopefully that explains better my (admittedly extreme) knee jerk reaction.

Sounds like your shaming attachment style parenting more than I've heard anyone shame non-attachment " I don't want my baby in bed with me, to me that sounds horrible". Wtf how does that sound horrible? Sounds pretty loving and nourishing to me but to each their own. People are built to have differences of opinions and to disagree. But I seem no shaming here except some of your comments above. Just because I sleep with my baby, haven't left her alone or choose not to use CIO doesnt make me a better or worse mom than anyone else on this board.

LaceyH13

kdoak2015 said:

LaceyH13 said:

 Admittedly I probably had a stronger reaction than I should have, so I apologize for that. You wrote that it didn't feel natural to put your baby down, and I read that as shaming people who don't have that innate parenting style (like myself) and perhaps jumped to a conclusion unfairly.

However, I feel like in general TB promotes and favorites an attachment style of parenting, and if that isn't your style, then people assume you love your baby less. I don't want my baby in my bed with me, to me that sounds horrible. I prefer my baby in his crib in his room, and so far we have had a ton of success doing that. I don't hesitate to leave my baby with family or a sitter every once in a while, and I don't feel guilty or miss them when I am away for a few hours. My goal is to raise a child who eventually doesn't need me. I love my child with every part of myself, but I also love my husband at least that much, if not more, and I don't think it is shameful to say that. All of these ways of parenting lead me to believe that someday, if it is necessary, I may need to let my child CIO, but it isn't because I love him any less. 

Hopefully that explains better my (admittedly extreme) knee jerk reaction.

Sounds like your shaming attachment style parenting more than I've heard anyone shame non-attachment " I don't want my baby in bed with me, to me that sounds horrible". Wtf how does that sound horrible? Sounds pretty loving and nourishing to me but to each their own. People are built to have differences of opinions and to disagree. But I seem no shaming here except some of your comments above. Just because I sleep with my baby, haven't left her alone or choose not to use CIO doesnt make me a better or worse mom than anyone else on this board.

I really don't think any of this was necessary, but thanks for proving my point.

LaceyH13

By the way, just so you know, some of us struggle with PPD, and your words can cut like a knife. I happen to be one of those people.

Yes, I jumped the gun on my response, but I apologized for it and tried to explain where I was coming from. I was trying to be a little vulnerable in case there was someone else who could relate to the way I feel. But good job kicking someone while they were trying to apologize. 

beccabeeee

I'm sorry, but lacy was not shaming anyone. She was stating an opinion... She never said anyone else was a bad mom for the choices that they make. She also apologized which is a mature thing to do not to mention sincere. I think it's a bit rude to jump down her throat  

kdoak2015

LaceyH13 said:

kdoak2015 said:

LaceyH13 said:

 Admittedly I probably had a stronger reaction than I should have, so I apologize for that. You wrote that it didn't feel natural to put your baby down, and I read that as shaming people who don't have that innate parenting style (like myself) and perhaps jumped to a conclusion unfairly.

However, I feel like in general TB promotes and favorites an attachment style of parenting, and if that isn't your style, then people assume you love your baby less. I don't want my baby in my bed with me, to me that sounds horrible. I prefer my baby in his crib in his room, and so far we have had a ton of success doing that. I don't hesitate to leave my baby with family or a sitter every once in a while, and I don't feel guilty or miss them when I am away for a few hours. My goal is to raise a child who eventually doesn't need me. I love my child with every part of myself, but I also love my husband at least that much, if not more, and I don't think it is shameful to say that. All of these ways of parenting lead me to believe that someday, if it is necessary, I may need to let my child CIO, but it isn't because I love him any less. 

Hopefully that explains better my (admittedly extreme) knee jerk reaction.

Sounds like your shaming attachment style parenting more than I've heard anyone shame non-attachment " I don't want my baby in bed with me, to me that sounds horrible". Wtf how does that sound horrible? Sounds pretty loving and nourishing to me but to each their own. People are built to have differences of opinions and to disagree. But I seem no shaming here except some of your comments above. Just because I sleep with my baby, haven't left her alone or choose not to use CIO doesnt make me a better or worse mom than anyone else on this board.

I really don't think any of this was necessary, but thanks for proving my point.

And what was your point? Not sure that was developed!

LaceyH13 said:

By the way, just so you know, some of us struggle with PPD, and your words can cut like a knife. I happen to be one of those people.

Yes, I jumped the gun on my response, but I apologized for it and tried to explain where I was coming from. I was trying to be a little vulnerable in case there was someone else who could relate to the way I feel. But good job kicking someone while they were trying to apologize. 

I hope you aren't stating that I'm "kicking someone while
they were trying to apologize" I was just stating that no one is stating attachment style parenting is the best decision, just that it's not a bad one either like you somewhat implied in your response. If you are struggle with PPD I don't think posting stuff on the Internet is the best idea especially in a very sensitive topiced forum reading CIO that already gets heavy responses everywhere. Your bound to get negative responses which I'm sure can trigger your PPD and no one wants to/means to do that but it is the Internet.
 

beccabeeee

Your response comes off as kicking her while she's down. She apologized, stated HER opinion, and didn't shame anyone. To be completely honest, your response towards her wasn't necessary. And to say someone experiencing PPD should stay off the Internet is not only rude but extremely insensitive. I know some ladies here that belong to D15 have also experienced or are experiencing PPD and come here for support and advice. Yes, this isn't a support group but there are many supportive women here that can give helpful tips and advice, and still choose to be supportive. I find that part of your response offensive. I myself am not dealing with PPD but I think it's wrong for you to say that to someone. You shouldn't come on here accusing her of shaming when your no better telling her that  it's best that she stay off the internet because of PPD. I normally wouldn't get worked up over most things on TB but this bothered me and I couldn't let this go without saying something

rachel10488

LaceyH13 said:

 Admittedly I probably had a stronger reaction than I should have, so I apologize for that. You wrote that it didn't feel natural to put your baby down, and I read that as shaming people who don't have that innate parenting style (like myself) and perhaps jumped to a conclusion unfairly.

However, I feel like in general TB promotes and favorites an attachment style of parenting, and if that isn't your style, then people assume you love your baby less. I don't want my baby in my bed with me, to me that sounds horrible. I prefer my baby in his crib in his room, and so far we have had a ton of success doing that. I don't hesitate to leave my baby with family or a sitter every once in a while, and I don't feel guilty or miss them when I am away for a few hours. My goal is to raise a child who eventually doesn't need me. I love my child with every part of myself, but I also love my husband at least that much, if not more, and I don't think it is shameful to say that. All of these ways of parenting lead me to believe that someday, if it is necessary, I may need to let my child CIO, but it isn't because I love him any less. 

Hopefully that explains better my (admittedly extreme) knee jerk reaction.

Everything else that's been said aside. I wouldn't consider myself the attachment style or parent, being that I can relate to you in that I don't bed share and don't feel guilty leaving my baby with someone other than myself BUT I will not be doing CIO while he's little. And honestly this is opposite of how I felt even just a few weeks ago (not that I've really tried crying it out yet). My opinion on the matter changed because I saw some moms discussing the topic in a different group and realized I had never really looked into the research behind things. But now after extensively looking into all the scientific research behind crying it out or not I decided we will not be attempting it. Evidence shows that babies release high levels of the stress hormone cortisol when left to cry. Research also shows that during the first year of life millions of neurons are being connected in a baby's brain and that excess cortisol interferes with neuron connectivity. The result of this disruption in neuron connections is lower IQ, and increased likelihood of anxiety and depression. While it's not known how much of this hormone causes these issues or how much crying causes too much cortisol, these are not risks I'm willing to take just to get more sleep since I already know depression and anxiety genetically runs in my family. I know my son will sleep through the night someday. Maybe it will be in a month, maybe it will be in a year, but we will both survive the sleepless nights for this short time and will do so without crying (although I may do some crying from exhaustion)
I'm reading a book right now called Brain Rules for Baby (it's very fascinating, I highly recommend!) and in it the author (a scientist) talks about what a crucial role the feeling of safety plays in the first several months of a baby's life. I'm not sure if anyone here is familiar with researcher Harry Harlow and his (awful) iron maiden monkey studies but the results of that study make it very apparent how important it is for baby's to have their emotional needs met and feel safe with their mothers. 

Anyways, just my two cents! Whatever you believe on the topic I highly suggest researching it for yourself because doing so made me do a 180. 

BrookeBrown2015

kdoak2015 said:

LaceyH13 said:

 Admittedly I probably had a stronger reaction than I should have, so I apologize for that. You wrote that it didn't feel natural to put your baby down, and I read that as shaming people who don't have that innate parenting style (like myself) and perhaps jumped to a conclusion unfairly.

However, I feel like in general TB promotes and favorites an attachment style of parenting, and if that isn't your style, then people assume you love your baby less. I don't want my baby in my bed with me, to me that sounds horrible. I prefer my baby in his crib in his room, and so far we have had a ton of success doing that. I don't hesitate to leave my baby with family or a sitter every once in a while, and I don't feel guilty or miss them when I am away for a few hours. My goal is to raise a child who eventually doesn't need me. I love my child with every part of myself, but I also love my husband at least that much, if not more, and I don't think it is shameful to say that. All of these ways of parenting lead me to believe that someday, if it is necessary, I may need to let my child CIO, but it isn't because I love him any less. 

Hopefully that explains better my (admittedly extreme) knee jerk reaction.

Sounds like your shaming attachment style parenting more than I've heard anyone shame non-attachment " I don't want my baby in bed with me, to me that sounds horrible". Wtf how does that sound horrible? Sounds pretty loving and nourishing to me but to each their own. People are built to have differences of opinions and to disagree. But I seem no shaming here except some of your comments above. Just because I sleep with my baby, haven't left her alone or choose not to use CIO doesnt make me a better or worse mom than anyone else on this board.

Wow. I highly doubt she was trying to insult anyone by saying that bedsharing sounds horrible. I bedshare but I am not offended. It sounds/always sounded horrible to me. I wish I could have my space and stretch out and sleep on my stomach! God I wish so bad he would sleep on his own but he won't. If I tried to make him, I don't think there would be any such thing as cry it out because the crying wouldn't end. He is that clingy. Just because she thinks bedsharing sounds horrible doesn't mean she thinks you're horrible for doing it. I am so jealous of everyone whose babies sleep alone and of everyone who is happy with bedsharing. Also, bedsharing makes it hard to find time for sex. And that is horrible. My opinion.

LaceyH13

For the record, I am not doing CIO. We have no need to do it right now, as my baby is sleeping just fine for his age in his crib, and I have no plans to in the future. So hopefully that helps everybody who currently thinks I am a terrible mother feel better. However, if in the future another mom does feel like it is right for her family, I would never, ever judge them for it.

taysun

LaceyH13 said:

For the record, I am not doing CIO. We have no need to do it right now, as my baby is sleeping just fine for his age in his crib, and I have no plans to in the future. So hopefully that helps everybody who currently thinks I am a terrible mother feel better. However, if in the future another mom does feel like it is right for her family, I would never, ever judge them for it.

I'm sorry everyone jumped at you for your opinion. Since I know a little about your situation, I always knew you were a perfectly good mother and I know you're definitely not shaming anyone for bed sharing. 
I bedshare and was not offended by you saying it sounds horrible. Some nights I love it because my SO often works overnight and I like snuggling with her. Other nights I wish she'd sleep in the pnp without having a meltdown within ten minutes because I any not having an pp difficulty in regards to sex and wish we could do it more often. Or at least cuddle without DD in my arms.