Advice Needed! — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

Advice Needed!

DH and I have been spinning our wheels on this so I'm putting it to other experienced mama's for fresh perspective. 

My BIL is getting married next month on a nighttime cruise ship 2 hours out of town. He wants us to drive up to stay with he and his fiance the day before the wedding, then on the day of the wedding the ship departs/wedding starts right at DD's bedtime and doesn't return until 11:30pm. Their invitation explicitly asks not to bring children under the age of 10 for this reason. Agreed. However, they want us to bring DD (she'll be 7 months). Once the ship docks at 11:30pm we will travel the 2 hours back home, and be heading straight for the airport for a 5am flight out of state for a family reunion. As you can imagine, I'm very concerned about wreaking this kind of havoc on DD's sleep schedule as she is a scheduled baby and doesn't do well when her naps/feedings/bedtime are thrown off. DH thinks "playing it by ear" and trying to keep her awake for the wedding will work out fine. I think she will be a living terror if not that night, certainly the next day while we're traveling.

My DH's ideal scenario is to for us all to stay with his brother starting the night before the wedding, then bring her to the wedding and try to keep her distracted and awake for the event. He understandably wants his side of the family to meet her. DH thinks we can bring her stroller and let her sleep in it in or baby wear her in the middle of the reception. He says she does well sleeping through noise. I agree with this during the day but not so much at night. At bedtime, we play soft music for her to fall asleep to and stay quiet in the living room to avoid waking her. 

My ideal scenario would be for us to drive there for the wedding the morning of, and to leave her home in the care of family until we get back that night. That way, she will be in her own bed and her schedule will be adhered to. We will still be able to witness my BIL's wedding and the baby will be well-rested for the following day. 

What would you all do? Really hoping some unbiased opinions will help us out here!

Re: Advice Needed!

  • Leave her at home!! That sounds like meltdown city if you plan on taking her not to mention stressful. 
  • His family can meet her another time. I'd be ticked off with my DH if he had that idea. 
  • ^^^ this. 
    We've done a wedding once this summer and I felt like a jerk afterwards. He was crabby and the music was too loud for him. I didn't get my usual drink on and that was lame as well lol 

  • I would go if it was during the day. That late no way! 
  • What @virginiaunicorn11 said. It's just too late, too loud. I've been taking our LO to bowling every other Friday night, but that starts at 630 until like 9-930. And it's a disaster pretty much starting at 9. Even if he naps while we are there, he begins to lose his shit. When we get home it's like a nuclear explosion. 
    And you're talking about something even louder and even later, with a full, early day the next day. No way. I think it won't be any fun for any of you (unless your DH just bails on you and parties while you sit alone in the hall with a freaking out baby. Then it'll be fun for him). 

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  • Mama for the win!!

    Thank you guys. It was DH's idea to put this to The Bump and to other moms who might have experience in the area (we're first time parents and have never taken her to a wedding or evening event). He is of a similar mindset to @virginiaunicorn11 in that the schedule should be altered for special occasions. Your comment is what I think won it for me, since you said even so, you wouldn't take the baby to a late event like that. Like @caitlincunn said, I would have no trouble bringing her if it were during the day. I'm willing to be more flexible with her nap times because she seems to handle that better. But bedtime? No way. And DH is the Best Man so when things went south, it would be totally on me to calm her. And the only place I'd be able to take her would be the bridal suite 2 decks below the ceremony, where I would be required to stay with her (I wouldn't leave her anyway, but the captain has a rule about unattended children). In that case, what would've been the point in me going in the first place?

    So all said we have decided on a compromise. If his grandmother from Nicaragua decides to attend (I'm talking, the flight has to have been booked) then we will bring her. I will do my best to keep her happy during the ceremony, then take her down to the bridal suite once the ceremony is complete and stay with her during the reception/until we dock. Crappy option, but if Nicaraguan grandma comes it will most definitely be the last time DH ever sees her and the only opportunity to meet LO. Even I can't argue with that.
    If she doesn't plan on coming (aka if she doesn't book a flight. I'm not going on someone's word on that), we will have family come babysit her at our place. In either scenario, DH agreed we can drive up for the wedding the day of rather than going the night before.  

    Thank you guys again-- you helped him see that I wasn't overthinking or being dramatic!
  • Good luck!!! I agree with pp post and would leave baby at home.
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