PPD is ruining my life

mmmynyx

So life isn't going my way lately and I expected it to change after my beautiful angel was born but not this much. 
My husband and I have been arguing non stop and it's usually over the stupidest things.  My past with depression is only making my PPD worse and 2 days ago he said he couldn't take it anymore. He wants to leave me. I feel horrible. He's been by my side in high school, from my self harm to my trips to the mental hospital. He married me knowing what he was getting into. And to hear him say he doesn't think he could deal with this for the rest of his life was heartbreaking. How do you think I feel? This has been my whole life. From elementary when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder to high school when I was rediagnosed with severe depression and anxiety with psychosis, he's been with me through it all. But with baby and work and my behavior with PPD he just wants to call it quits.
And because of my PPD I ended up over reacting. Crying and hollering. I attempted suicide. Now I'm in the ER waiting to be talked to and told what they're going to do with me. I miss my baby the most and although I'm getting the help I need I'm scared they'll take away my Eris. I would never hurt her or have ever thought about hurting another person (besides some of my sisters exes b/c they're jerks).
It hurts. I wish I had gotten help as soon as she was born but it wasn't until recently that I started to get seen for it...but it was a slow process. I wanted to get back on meds asap. But I think it's too late to save myself and my marriage....
I'm just looking for support...and even though I'm not religious, keeping me in your prayers would be nice.
Thank you....

ps i know there's and message board for this thing exactly but I've checked and it's not as active as here

VexedMommy

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this.  Although it's horrible right now, your time in the ER and perhaps an extended stay in the hospital may be the help you need right now.  Medication can be incredibly helpful as you know and hopefully this will allow you to get onto something that's right for you.  My thoughts are with you and that you will be able to be reunited with Eris soon. 

doodleoodle

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You'll be in my prayers.

DogLoverX3

Praying

natalknitter15

mmmynyx said:

 I think it's too late to save myself and my marriage....

It is never too late to save yourself. You sound like you have terrific insight - for example, you recognize that you sometimes over-react to things. You also were self-aware enough to know that you needed some help. That's a wonderful thing. Don't lose sight of those strengths!
Thoughts are with you.

mmmynyx

Thank you ladies so much.
UPDATE: I am being sent away. I'm not allowed to see my baby...it is so painful. But I hope this hospitalization in a mental facility will help me out.

nmwheel1

I'm sorry you are going through this and I'm sorry you will be unable to see your baby.  You need to take these steps to make yourself better.  I'm sending you lots of thoughts and prayers and I hope you are able to get the help you need at this facility.  

AmoLovesAud

This may only be cold comfort to you, but try to remember most hospital stays after a suicide attempt are only a couple of days, I think the standard is 72 hours.  I know that can feel like eternity to be away from your baby, but it will be over and you'll return in a better place mentally and with a better toolkit for handling your emotions.  It's good that you recognized you need help and it's good you're getting help.  It's never too late.  Good luck.

Kristi4938

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and like others said, you are in the right place. Hopefully you will have some time to find a med that works for you while you are in the hospital. Remember to keep fighting. Never give up. It's hard but think about all of the times in your life that you have persevered and made it through. Remember that no matter how hopeless it may feel, it's always darkest before the dawn. I too struggle with depression and anxiety and my ppd was horrible. My meds were adjusted and with counseling I have grown to feel so much better. I know you will too. Never forget who you're fighting for. Xo

MercyC1130

If you are bf, request that someone bring your pump. 

I'm glad you're getting help. I know it's hard being away from your baby, but in the long run it'll be good for both your sakes..
Long story short, I was in what sounds like a similar situation and got Baker acted. They kept me overnight and until early the next afternoon. 
The psychiatrist I met with told me she was just letting me go because of my baby.
Its counteractive to keep me away from him when I'm already feeling the way I was feeling.

Whatever happens though, know that you'll be with your lo soon. You will absolutely get through your bout of feeling down. 
Sending lots of hugs your way

dramaphile

My SIL was committed twice for about a week each time for Post-Partum Mania, and it was pretty scary for her and she was worried that she was going to damage her bond with her baby and her boyfriend.  Being away helped them get her medication normalized and brought her back to a level that was manageable, and she is doing so well and is an amazing mom (my nephew is a toddler now).  I know it must be so hard to be away from your baby right now, but hopefully this will get you the help you need to be present for your baby and repair your relationship with your husband.  It really does get better with treatment and proper medication.  

Lolo427

First off, good for you for taking care of yourself and getting help. It's NEVER too late, ever. Taking care of yourself is single handedly one of the best things you can do for your baby. He won't remember this short period of time away, but you will and it should be filled with pride that you're doing the best by him by taking care of yourself. I'm sorry about things with your marriage, how absolutely hard. I think it's important to remember before loving others or letting others love us, we need to love or at least like ourselves first. I'm sure you won't see this until your discharge but I hope things calm for you. Let me know if you want resources on Mindfulness or Coping Strategies. Attached is a prompt I like to read to my patients at the beginning or end of the day. Mental Health doesn't need to be taboo.

mmmynyx

UPDATE: I've been out for about 2 days but have used it to spend time with my little monkey. I'm back on my old medication but am starting at a lower dosage. It was scary being in an adult ward than the adolescent ones I've been to before. They've made arrangements so that I could see a therapist and psychologist for this and I've had such great support with friends and family especially my mom. 
Obviously I'm still feeling depressed. The pills aren't magic. But I'm happy knowing I'm getting the help I need. I've been trying to stay positive but it's not as easy as it sounds. It's a process but at least it's moving much faster than before.
The situation with my husband is still on the rocks with him saying he doesn't know if he still loves me. But I've come to terms with the fact that he will most likely leave me. I'm a lot stronger now and I think I'll be okay. Even if it means moving back home with mom and leaving the man I love behind.
Thank you everyone for your support and tips.

mmmynyx

PS
I was able to see my daughter right before I got transferred to the facility from the ER! So that really helped get me through the whole thing! 

poupoule

She is so cute ! That pair of lips !!
you look happy, I am glad to read you are feeling more in control. Wish you strength, my sister is chronically depressed and she does not see the emd of it. I wish she read your story.