Newly pregnant and dealing with anxiety

VolGirl07

Hi All! I'm 32 and am only 5 weeks pregnant with my first. I am sooooo excited to be having a baby with my husband of nearly 10 years and feel ready to take on this journey but anxiety which I have always dealt with does seem to be popping up here and there. I'm planning on going back to therapy but am totally anti-med during my pregnancy just to be safe. I basically have social anxiety and always have. I mainly only interact with my husband and family. I have one very close friend that lives far away who I chat with one or twice a month but other than that I've always had a hard time trying to make more, even with therapy and meds in the past. I'm terrified that no one will come to my baby shower or that my future kid will not have any friends, or worse, end up like me. My husband is more outgoing and has a few small circles of friends though I feel like he's become more of a homebody since being with me. Any tips for getting out of this funk? I always thought I would outgrow it.

ecwk

Congratulations on your pregnancy and sorry you're going through this! Have you spoken to your doctor about this? He or she may have some good advice.
would it be possible for you to join some sort of expectant mom group in your area when you feel comfortable doing so? I am part of a centering pregnancy group and it has been nice to get to know women in real life at the same stage of pregnancy as me. Good luck! Also, just because you have anxiety it doesn't mean your child will. Try not to stress about that! 

juliehollz13

******LURKING FROM TTGP BOARD******

Just wanted to pop in to offer empathy. One of my biggest anxieties about having kids is that they would end up like me when it comes to social skills. I do fine working and interacting with people but have serious issues making friends. I even opted out of having a bridal shower because I was afraid no one would come. My DH is also super outgoing and has no trouble making friends.

VolGirl07

Thank you for the suggestions and for the encouraging words, I'm going to look into options in my area, though unfortunately its a bit rural so there aren't a great deal. I'm also glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. In a world of extroverts its nice to meet someone else who isn't.

PinkLady2015

Blegh, who wants to make friends as an adult... I say this half joking but you have your husband and what sounds like a good support from his family... what more do you need? Your kid will make friends and I'm sure you'll wind up with some people that you hang out because they have kids the same age as yours. It sounds like you're giving yourself anxiety over something that doesn't even really bother you in the first place... 
The only people coming to my shower will be family and I'm a-okay with that... 
Maybe one of your husbands friends will have a girlfriend or wife you can be friendly with but don't think you have to have a huge social circle if that's just not you. 

kimberdubs

I'm also dreading my baby shower at only 6 weeks along, especially after my failed request for a harmonious joint bridal shower where I got the silent treatment from my three sister in laws. We're "okay" now, but I'm not putting up with that again. I have also dealt with anxiety and deal with it every day. Go back to therapy. My therapist was as eager for me to get off of meds as I was before my BFP and yours likely wouldn't dream of suggesting meds while pregnant unless your anxiety was at a point where the benefit of you being calmer outweighed the risks to baby. Yoga has done wonders for me. Hang in there. You'll get through this. 

muybueno

It sounds like a gentle and caring therapist would be really beneficial during your pregnancy. Therapy is the best

emilie250

I think that the last PPs advice to find a "gentle and caring" therapist is perfect… 

I've never struggled with social anxiety, but I've had two clinical depressions that made making friends extremely difficult so I can empathize (one lasted for a bit over a year and the other was a short "relapse" after a family member passed away). I think that other PPs are right that you need to be very nice to yourself. Some things that were helpful for me that might also be helpful for you:

 - Feel grateful for your husband, your family, and your good friend. Lie down on your bed or a sofa and really allow yourself to feel gratitude for the people who love you and who you love
- If you feel anxious, then take a minute to feel your feet on the ground (wiggle your toes a bit if you need help bringing your attention to your feet) and take a deep breath - it's helps to feel more grounded and calm
- Don't focus on "numbers", focus on quality of relationships
- A local mom's group could be good, but don't be too hard on yourself if you find it to be "too much"
- Don't worry about showers or your child also having anxiety. You'll only add unnecessary stress…

I really loved Jon Kabat Zinn's meditation CDs and his book "Full Catastrophe Living". He speaks about mindfulness and meditation (in a non-religious and non-"spiritual" way).

I also love the book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susain Cain. It helped me feel much more positive about being more of an introvert…

VolGirl07

Thank you so much for the kind and positive encouragement and for taking the time to offer such thoughtful and heart felt support! I'm really looking forward to speaking with a therapist. I had been doing so but haven't really been satisfied with the one I have. Any suggestions on finding one more suited to my needs/personality? I find that most in my area don't have a website/bio or anything to really go by.

1faceinacrowd

Congratulations on the pregnancy! 
I have suffered from anxiety most of my life, though I do not suffer from social anxiety. The best advice I can give you is that, if you don't want your child to have issues making friends or participating in group activities, do not let him or her see you "listening" to your anxious thoughts.
My step-son's mom has severe social anxiety. She will not call to order pizza; she won't take her child to the doctor by herself; she will not acknowledge people she doesn't know. She's even too anxious to drive anywhere most of the time and makes whatever boyfriend she's dating at the time drive her (and her son) everywhere. Unfortunately, my step-son has watched her and internalized her general fear of people, which has caused some issues for him as he's gotten older that my DH and I are trying to work through with him. The best thing you can do for your child is to teach him/her to trust people, and to show them that you're not afraid of the outside world. You don't need to have a large circle of friends to do that. 

Best of luck to you, mama!