2 under 2 preparations/encouragement

townsley2015

Any ladies out there preparing to have 2 under two?

My DD will be 20 months when DS arrives and I really haven't given much thought to what things are going to look like... Until I was lurking on the February birth board (reading all the birth stories ) and there was a post about how hard it was to go from 1 to 2. 

Obvioisly i know things will change drastically and there will be good and bad days but I guess I'm just looking for some encouragement that it's possible. 

Thanks mamas!! 

LondonToSavannah

My son will be 21 months when I have this baby. No idea what that will be like. 

I do know I'm keeping my son in daycare 3 days a week all through my maternity leave (am a teacher going back after Thanksgiving) to keep him on his schedule and to give me some time alone with the new baby.

kbrands7

I'm just missing this cut-off by a few weeks since DS is turning 2 in April, but I'm most concerned about how bedtime may change. DH takes grad school classes online and does his coursework while I do bedtime--and before that, I breastfed, so I've always been in charge of bedtime. I'm still trying to wrap my head around how this is going to work with my toddler and a newborn-- unless I get lucky and LO sleeps during DS's bedtime routines. It's probably going to be witching hour for LO though and bathtime/bedtime for DS at the same time which makes me cringe a bit.

kami09

Ugh... I feel so bad saying this but we have been having a horrible last 2 weeks and all I can think is that life is going to suck. Of course I am overjoyed about having my daughter, but I feel like my head is going to explode now! I can't imagine what it's going to be like when she's here. 

My son is verrrry clingy and I rarely get a second to myself. He just went from 2 naps to 1. I just need some sanity time!!!

Eta: my son will also be 20 months when dd is born

kbrands7

@kami09 the two naps to one transition sucked for us; the first couple weeks, it was just one short nap and he was so cranky. However, he soon started taking one long nap instead, which has been wonderful (except of course, on days that something interrupts his nap). Maybe yours will end up doing the same?

kami09

^ Pllllease Lord. Lol... that's exactly how it is! He will take a 30-45 min nap and he's cranky before, cranky after. I've tried different times of day. I guess it'll be something that will work itself out. But this is rough! I literally cry everyday. Lol

auntieembabes

how about 3 under 2? my son won't turn 2 until July and I'm having twins.... yes I'm terrified

sillyfox

Following ...

DD will turn 2 three days before my EDD/2 days before my RCS is scheduled. So they will be right at two years apart... and since we're really broke lately, it's looking like we're going to pull DD out of daycare while I'm on maternity leave to save money. It's going to be crazy. She's very clingy as is, I'm sure this isn't going to help. But she has her baby dolls that she plays with all the time lately, and I'm hoping it will help to have her feel helpful by bringing me diapers or helping with the baby somewhat.

Bluejay3030

kbrands7 said:

@kami09 the two naps to one transition sucked for us; the first couple weeks, it was just one short nap and he was so cranky. However, he soon started taking one long nap instead, which has been wonderful (except of course, on days that something interrupts his nap). Maybe yours will end up doing the same?

Same here @kami09.  I'm not going to lie, it took a couple of weeks to sort itself out, but eventually DD started taking glorious, long naps.  I hope the same for you!

OP, I won't have 2U2 (my DD turned 2 in December), but one thing that I hope will help us is that we already had my husband start taking over bedtime routine for DD.  Like @kbrands7 said, I'm afraid that toddler bedtime will fall at the same time as the dreaded "witching hour", so I wanted to plan on being able to deal with a cranky baby without trying to split my attention.  

Bltbear82

DS just turned 2 last Sunday and I'm due May 4, so we aren't technically 2 under 2 but I'm terrified. DS has been a sleeping champ until out of nowhere in the last week he refuses bedtime (all out tantrum) for 2+ hours. Yes, 2 excruciating hours. He went to bed at 10 pm the other night instead of 7:30. I put him down earlier today for his nap in hopes that maybe he's just napping too long and it's throwing off his bedtime. 

I'm nearly always in charge of bedtime during the week since DH is rarely home before 8-8:30. I don't even know how that's going to work with a newborn and a refusing to sleep toddler. And the last few days I've felt so guilty about how much his life is going to change and he doesn't even fully understand. 

cortney626

I was going to say stock up on wine. lol But in all seriousness, every mom is a rockstar and figures it out. Before too long you'll get into a routine. You ladies got this! My hat's off to you. (DD will be 8.5 when LO is born)

finnybooboo

kbrands7 said:

I'm just missing this cut-off by a few weeks since DS is turning 2 in April, but I'm most concerned about how bedtime may change. DH takes grad school classes online and does his coursework while I do bedtime--and before that, I breastfed, so I've always been in charge of bedtime. I'm still trying to wrap my head around how this is going to work with my toddler and a newborn-- unless I get lucky and LO sleeps during DS's bedtime routines. It's probably going to be witching hour for LO though and bathtime/bedtime for DS at the same time which makes me cringe a bit.

@kbrands7 this is 100000% me too! My DD will be 2.5, but I've always been the one to do the bedtime routine, and when I'm home, she throws a major FIT if we try to let my DH do it. And not only the bedtime routine, but she doesn't always sleep through the night. I just don't know how I'm going to manage the nights. It scares me!

townsley2015

@kami09 my DD is currently transitioning from 2 naps to one and it's been rough... She is tired by the time I put her down but only sleeps for 2 hrs then is cranky for most of the evening.... Hoping it evens out soon. At least I have one time I can catch a quick nap to help get through the day. 

@Bluejay3030 hoping my hubby will have to take over bed time for the most part with DD. Hoping I can still get in there for a story a cuddles though  

DD being only 18 months now she's obsessed with my belly (specifically belly buttons) I guess I wish I could explain to her that things are going to change and she's going to become a big sister. We play with her babies a lot and point out other babies, but I guess I'm just wondering what else I can be doing? She's also been more clingy than usual. But I'm sure it's just because she's gotten some more words to help her communicate. 

Glad I'm not the only one!! 

Dantzscher32

DS1 was 13 months old when DS2 was born. I was so excited when DS2 turned one and all I said was that, "I survived!" 

Bright sides I looked at were:
1. I was already use to sleep deprivation.
2. We still used diapers for DS1 and not yet venturing to potty training.
3. I didn't have to wait for my milk to come in (breastfeeding).
4. DS1 was still taking two naps a day.

I honestly don't remember much of what I did, but we all figured out what worked and it was perfect for us. What I did with DS1 wasn't exactly what I did for DS2 (like getting them on the same nap schedule sooner). We all adjusted to our new normal. I know I had to get a routine for getting out of the house. Getting two babies out of the car alone took thought.

I knew it was going to be crazy, but it was so awesome and I wouldn't change a thing. 

sillyfox

Also, just throwing this out there, but DH is only taking a week off work and I'm probably having a RCS. As I mentioned we're talking about pulling DD out of daycare while I'm home to save $$, but am I crazy to chase a 2 y/o and nurse a newborn all by myself one week after CS? I'm sure people do it all the time, but that first week or so alone while still healing is what worries me most ...

araecasey

sillyfox said:

Also, just throwing this out there, but DH is only taking a week off work and I'm probably having a RCS. As I mentioned we're talking about pulling DD out of daycare while I'm home to save $$, but am I crazy to chase a 2 y/o and nurse a newborn all by myself one week after CS? I'm sure people do it all the time, but that first week or so alone while still healing is what worries me most ...

You're not crazy... but I'd look into having some hands on help with you. Friends or family nearby? Can you join a mommy group now and find some loving ladies who will help you? A postpartum doula in training who will help you for free as part of her certification?cortney626 said:

I was going to say stock up on wine. lol But in all seriousness, every mom is a rockstar and figures it out. Before too long you'll get into a routine. You ladies got this! My hat's off to you. (DD will be 8.5 when LO is born)

Totally my strategy.

kbrands7 said:

I'm just missing this cut-off by a few weeks since DS is turning 2 in April, but I'm most concerned about how bedtime may change. DH takes grad school classes online and does his coursework while I do bedtime--and before that, I breastfed, so I've always been in charge of bedtime. I'm still trying to wrap my head around how this is going to work with my toddler and a newborn-- unless I get lucky and LO sleeps during DS's bedtime routines. It's probably going to be witching hour for LO though and bathtime/bedtime for DS at the same time which makes me cringe a bit.

We've been working for a couple months on getting DD accustomed to DH doing her bedtime, and even though I still nurse her to sleep 95% of the time, she's totally cool with dad doing bedtime and naps now, which we NEVER could have imagined. I feel way better about juggling newborn witching hour and Vi's bedtime now. Bedtime is the only 2u2 thing I'm confident about. Well, that and the wine.

mommar13

DS turns 2 at the end of April so we're not going to be quite 2u2, but it's just a week or 2 off. I know it'll all work out eventually, but I'm really worrying about those first few months. DH is a full time student as well as working full time, so for the next year I'm pretty much alone with the kids. I'm not sure if anyone else here does baby wearing, but I've got a ring sling that I'm planning on keeping baby in while I mess with DS. My biggest fear right now is my MIL is trying to plan a family vacation for early July and I have no idea how we're going to swing that. The though of a 12 hour car ride with a 2 year old and a newborn that's exclusively breastfeeding every couple hours has already had me in tears.

araecasey

^^Yes! Ring sling! Didn't have one for DD, I'm living on a prayer that this baby loves being in a ring sling.

kbrands7

@finnybooboo yep, I'm with you. More often than not, we still have a 3am wakeup.
Eta, he's only been weaned for a few months, so I think this wakeup is more for habit-cuddles than anything else.

lionstigersbears

DS will be 19 months when DD arrives. The thing I'm most nervous about isn't bedtime itself (except for 1 night a week when DH is at class) but the transition of DS out of the nursery. He sleeps SO well, 730-630 with rare deviations. I'm terrified that the transition to his new room will never shake out and we will have two kids not sleeping!

obryana6219

DD will be 11 months when DS arrives. I'm still in shock.

jthomas2270

DS will be 22 months when DD is born. I'm getting nervous as the DUe date approaches. Are you planning on brining your first to visit new baby in the hospital? I was sure I would until yesterday when I had to bring him to my 30 week ultrasound. He was so scared to be in that environment. I'm wondering if I shouldn't just wait to introduce DS to DD until we come home... Maybe the hospital setting would scare him

Dantzscher32

@jthomas2270 I brought DS1 to the hospital. He was not phased. He walked the halls with us as we pushed DS2 in the cart. He sat in the bed with me and stared at his new baby brother. He did not stay all day, though. 

This time around I am still unsure if I will bring my boys to the hospital. My dad recently passed away and we made regular visits to the hospital. I am afraid they will associate me being in the hospital to my dad's stay and thinking I won't be coming home. I will probably just wait to bring their new brother home and introduce them then.

kbrands7

@jthomas2270 We'll definitely be taking DS to the hospital to meet DS2-- and because I'll want to see him! I really can't imagine not seeing him for 2-3 days, then showing up at home with a sibling. We're going to do things to make DS more comfortable while he's visiting at the hospital, like bringing coloring stuff and books to read, but he'll definitely be spending some time in the maternity ward. That said, DS is still a toddler, and he has no recent negative associations with the hospital and is used to seeing people in scrubs since my sister is a doctor, my mom is a nurse, and my brother works in a dentist's office. For us, bringing him to the hospital to meet this LO is the course that will be more gentle for him and less confusing/stressful than going without seeing me for possibly half a week, and then being thrown into sibling-hood.

JennyS86

@ sillyfox I'm having a RCS too, and I was hoping to not do much lifting for 2 weeks.  DH will be home one week, and then my mom will stay with us a week.  I will probably do a lot of sitting on the floor and nursing on the floor so that everyone can be involved without lifting. Not sure how that will feel on the new incision, though.  I hope I heal as well as I did last time. 

Our twins turn 2 on Monday, so we aren't quite 3 under 2, but close.  They aren't potty-trained, and they still sleep in cribs.  I agree that dinnertime and bedtime might be the toughest time of the day.  DH put the twins to bed a few times during the morning sickness phase, but he rarely gets home from work before 8pm. Hope I can convince him to come home earlier for miserable toddlers/infant?!?

jthomas2270

@kbrands7 I would def miss my little guy too! I think I'll have my mil bring him after the first night just so I am feeling good and look normal

swaters14

Here's a thought I had last night. As DD1 & new baby will be in separate rooms (eventually), i'll technically need a monitor for each room, since I don't think DD1 will be big enough to just let be yet (she'll be 16/17 months when this one arrives) 

Are yall planning on getting two monitors, and if so won't they possibly interfere with each other, signal wise? We have the Summer brand big screen monitor now, and it sometimes gets wonky signal, and goes in and out and drives me nuts. I'm worried about having yet another one  set up and them doing some craziness. 

Any thoughts? 

mlangblom

Lurker stopping by for some encouragement!

This LO will be 3u3 for us. With 2u2 the first year is a struggle because they are both still so young (DS1 and DS2 are 14 months apart), but it helps to create the "Big Brother/Sister" narrative with the eldest and encourage them to be a helper. We found giving them babies dolls helped them with this. DS1 loved to help with DS2 and was giving him (supervised) bottles when he was only 16 months old. We are now encouraging DS2 to be a helper and he is very excited to meet DD. This isn't to say there were dark days and/or months, but those are going to happen to any family in transition. Also, buy stock in your favorite form of caffeine. 

As for solo bedtimes, distraction techniques help. There isn't much that I found help for the newborn stage except for trying to get the new LO on a schedule that has them napping during toddler bedtime, but once they both have a 'normal' bedtime routines I had success with giving DS1 books to read while we put DS2 down.  About of 3rd of our evenings and all of our naptimes are with only one parent home, so we had a lot of practice to try out different techniques.

The best advice I got from a veteran mom was to give your attention to the older kid when they are both melting down. The baby will never remember, but the toddler will. 

Enjoy 2u2 ladies! It is a crazy challenge full of tons of snuggles, giggles, and way too many diapers. It can't be too bad if we survived and then decided to go for round three!

camillaandcarson

I bought my toddler scrubs to wear to the hospital.  Said toddler is excited to go where they were born.  I try to parallel the whole experience as much as possible with what happened when the baby in the womb/baby being born was just my first LO as I have found that really gets LO's attention in a good way.  We are reading lots of positive stories about newborns and LO's role as a sibling.  Plus, we are stockpiling things to keep LO busy.  I have a whole box of open ended toys that I am hoping will keep LO entertained for hours. 
We had pre-registration check in the maternity ward recently and LO enjoyed the long halls and parking garage like only a toddler can appreciate. 

camillaandcarson

Katie122491 said:

DS turns 2 at the end of April so we're not going to be quite 2u2, but it's just a week or 2 off. I know it'll all work out eventually, but I'm really worrying about those first few months. DH is a full time student as well as working full time, so for the next year I'm pretty much alone with the kids. I'm not sure if anyone else here does baby wearing, but I've got a ring sling that I'm planning on keeping baby in while I mess with DS. My biggest fear right now is my MIL is trying to plan a family vacation for early July and I have no idea how we're going to swing that. The though of a 12 hour car ride with a 2 year old and a newborn that's exclusively breastfeeding every couple hours has already had me in tears.

You don't have to do anything you don't feel is in the best interest of your kids and your recovery.   That is one of the perks of being an adult; we get to choose where we go and actually our job as a mom is to always put our kids best interest first so don't ever feel bad for any decisions that put them first.  
Here is a forum about dealing with the in laws.
https://community.babycenter.com/groups/a4725/dwil_nation

camillaandcarson

sillyfox said:

Also, just throwing this out there, but DH is only taking a week off work and I'm probably having a RCS. As I mentioned we're talking about pulling DD out of daycare while I'm home to save $$, but am I crazy to chase a 2 y/o and nurse a newborn all by myself one week after CS? I'm sure people do it all the time, but that first week or so alone while still healing is what worries me most ...

I SAHM.  DH doesn't get home until 10:00 or later around here.  He can't get off work for very long either.  I have to have a C-section. 
My mantra already for dealing with bedtime by myself is this too shall pass.   That and a lot of humor/patience.  And deep breaths. 
I pep talk and remind myself people do this all the time - I can too!