My experience with sleep training

vamomtobe

So there are a lot of ways to sleep train out there, and a lot of opinions on when, if ever, it's appropriate.  I'll probably get some negative comments on this post, and that's understandable given the strong opinions out there.  I chose to sleep train at 5 months once LO could understand that objects (including mommy) continue to exist when they're out of eyesight, and our doctor had advised that it was OK.  I thought I'd share our experience with anyone thinking of trying it.  I know experiences can be drastically different, so take this with a grain of salt.

Why did we decide to do it?  LO was still waking every 45 minutes to an hour until we'd give in and bring her into bed with us, usually around 1 or 2 am.  Cosleeping works for a lot of families, but it wasn't working for ours.  I was paranoid that something would happen to her, and I wasn't sleeping.  Plus big brother started having meltdowns because he wanted in on this sweet sleep-in-mommy-and-daddy's-bed deal.  I was at my wit's end.

What method did we use?  Ferber.  DH and I talked about it ahead of time and decided to stick to what we both felt comfortable with.  We decided that I'd nurse her to sleep, lay her down, and do the following when she woke up the first time:  wait 3 minutes; have DH go in to soothe her without picking her up for no more than 2 minutes; wait 5 minutes; have DH go in to soothe again; wait 7 minutes; have DH go in; wait 10 minutes.  We weren't comfortable with letting her cry longer than 10 minutes, so we decided that we'd just continue going in every 10 minutes after that point.  We had DH go in to soothe on the assumption that LO might get more upset if I went in to soothe but didn't nurse her.

First night:  I nursed her and held her sleeping for about 40 minutes before I laid her in her crib around 8.  She woke at 9.  She cried for 3 minutes, DH did 1st check-in.  She was still crying through the check-in and was still crying when he left.  That was hard.  She cried for 5 more minutes.  It was getting really, really hard at this point.  I've thought about this - I've been in the car with her, stuck in traffic or whatever, and unable to comfort her when she's cried in her carseat.  That's really hard too, but this is so much harder even if the duration is shorter because you are CHOOSING not to run in and pick her up.  So at the 5 min check-in, she did calm down and stopped crying, but a few minutes into the 7 minutes, she started crying again.  At this point I felt like the worst human being on the planet.  At the 7 min check-in, DH soothed her and she stopped crying again.  And didn't start again!  She slept until 12, I nursed her and laid her in her crib, she slept again until 4:30, I nursed her, she got up about an hour later for the day.

2nd night - we agreed on slightly increased intervals of 5, 7, and 10 minutes.  Again, we didn't want her to cry for longer than 10 just because that's what we were comfortable with.  It was hard on DH on night one, so we agreed that I'd do the check-ins this time.  After the second check-in we agreed that she was getting more upset when I went in and that he'd take the 3rd - but we didn't need to because she fell asleep and had another great night.

3rd night - she wasn't feeling well so we decided that we wouldn't let her cry at all that night.  I put her down at 7:30 and she slept until 2!  I think mainly because she wasn't feeling well.  She had diarrhea and I ended up staying up with her a few hours, but she slept again from about 4 to 6.  No crying!

4th night - She was totally better but we were conflicted about what to do with sleep training since she had been sick the day before.  We didn't come to any agreement and just decided to wing it.  I put her down at 7:30, and she got up at 12 (nursed) and again at 4 (nursed) and slept until 6:30, latest she's ever slept in.  Nooooo crying!

This is really long, sorry!  Anyway I'm probably jinxing myself by declaring victory too early, but I think we've turned the corner.  When LO wakes in the morning she is so cheerful.  She actually coos when she gets up in the morning.  I feel like a normal functional person again.  I wanted to share a positive story.  I think the keys to success are to have an agreed-upon plan ahead of time, and to stick to it.

momma2char

That's so great!!! We did the baby whisperer pick up/put down method at 4.5 months because of the same reason- waking every 45 min-1h and understood object permanence. Sleep is so much better (last night was an exception due to teething) but we had to do what worked best for our family! It was rough at first but I'm sure you can agree, things have improved for baby just as much as us! Baby girl is so much happier and under less stress at sleep time now!

KittenMittens8

I just hired a sleep coach and its only day 2 and she's already taking naps on her own in her crib!!! hardly any tears! its amazing. Ava went from needing me to nurse her to sleep and then hold her while sleeping to her being in the crib (we were co-sleeping) and being able to just fall asleep in under 24 hours! she has been so happy and well rested to day! I can't stop smiling!

kfry22

I can share my sleep training experience. 

We were having a sleep regression with my four month old. He was sleeping through the night four weeks ago. This lasted for two weeks straight.  Then he started waking up more and more at night. Last week we got to the point where he was not sleeping at all unless we held him at night and he screamed most of the evening.

I began using a modified Ferber method. I thought a lot about our night time routine and realized I was doing it all wrong. I also talked to our daycare and she said he was putting himself to sleep for naps so I came to the conclusion that he could do it at home too. The read some articles on object permanence and negative sleep associations and those ideas really resonated with me. I decided to commit to some sort of sleep training for his benefit as well as mine. 

I got my little man to sleep in his crib after 35 minutes of crying last night. He woke up for his first middle of the night feeding at 10pm and went back to sleep within 20 minutes. The second middle of the night feeding at 3:45am he went to sleep after 13 minutes of fussing. He's already taken two naps today. The first one was 8 minutes of crying and the second one was 5 minutes of crying. I know we still have some work to do and need to get him back to sleeping through the night. I think with how bad the last two weeks were and nursing him every time he woke up at night he might have come to rely on those night time calories again even though he didn't need them four weeks ago. 

FatPony

Thanks for sharing everyone! I'm glad it's working out

We lucked out and got a good sleeper, but I want to learn all I can about sleep training for when we (hopefully) have another one

carmv01

We have a similar experience, @kassyfry. We started modified Ferber last Thursday after a 4-month sleep regression where he was waking every 1-2 hours. It was bad. He used to only wake up for 2 feedings before that, maybe 3 on odd nights. After he seemed to be pulling out of the regression we thought it was time to make a change. He's already improved so much. Last night, he cried for 3 minutes last night after I put him down for the night and was asleep. He goes down 7:30-8 and wakes up for 1 feeding at 1am, and wakes up at 6 or 7am. We need to work on his naps now. He's able to put himself to sleep at daycare so I know he has it in him. It's great to see him be able to wake up in the middle of the night, toss and fuss for a minute, and put himself right back to sleep.

carmv01

We were also having to rock or nurse him to sleep, then trying to put him down in his crib ever-so-gently, praying he doesn't wake up. It's amazing and FREEING to be able to just put him down in the crib knowing that even if he fusses and protests for a few, he'll find a way to fall asleep on his own within minutes.

capricelili

Thanks for the stories! I'm afraid of even trying right now. My fear is if I don't stick with it I'm just going to make him a worse sleeper. Training him that if he cries long and hard enough eventually I'll pick him up. I told myself I'm not starting unless I can really commit. I told DH we would start this weekend but I'm not ready. And I'm not completely sure LO is ready yet either, if like to give it a couple more weeks, I say that but then again, I'm so exhausted with the waking every 2 hrs. Just stay asleep child! Please!!!!!

MandahGirly

We just started sleep training. Our baby is almost 5.5 months old. Our old ways of soothing her to sleep were no longer working and we were soothing her for an hour plus. It was horrible. We have a pretty good night time routine (playtime in her room, bath, lotion, sleep suit, nurse). Day 1 she cried for 38 minutes, woke up one more time to eat, last night cried for less than 20 minutes and woke up once to eat again. We will see how tonight goes especially with the time change but definitely wasn't as traumatizing as I thought it would be. The first night was definitely the hardest but going in to check on her definitely made it easier even though she would cry harder when we left. I think it helped that we KNEW she could sleep through the night without waking up and/or fussing and she didn't really need us to soothe her.