Twin sister drama

Twinkle5086

So from the title you can tell I have a twin sister. We are both pregnant and you would think that would be awesome right??? Being pregnant with your twin how awesome. 

Well it's not awesome! My sister today made me feel like crap. It was suppose to be a great day. We had my anatomy scan done and found out we are having a girl after having two boys. I was ecstatic! I sent my sister and my mom a text letting them know the awesome news and went about my day. 

My mom texted me that she was very excited and ended to tell people. I told her no because we are doing a gender reveal on Sunday with a photographer and the boys are going to open the box of balloons. My mother kept pestering me so I did what any other annoyed sibling would do when pestered by a parent....I bitched to my sister........ well let me tell you that did not go well. 

My sister started botching about me about how no one cares about her baby and he won't be as loved and cared about as my kids. My sister moved 16 hours away from all of us 4 years ago. My parents live 10 minutes from me. She then accused me of getting pregnant only because she was pregnant and since it took her 3 years to get pregnant, I was suppose to wait until she had her baby to even try and get pregnant. 

I told her when my husband and I decided to have children it was none of her buisness, and she shouldn't punish me because it took her three years to get pregnant. My husband and I decided to try for our last baby when our youngest turned two and that's exactly what happened. She just happened to be 5 months pregnant. I'm so upset right now. This is the 2nd time she has made me feel bad/guilty for being pregnant. 

I'm rethinking my promise to fly down when she goes into labor. She burned many bridge telling people not to come when her husbands family and my family already made plans to fly down and see her, she's going to end up truly alone at the hospital if she does reign in her pregnant lady hormones. 

fruitpudding1696

Sounds exactly like my older sister every time she's pregnant. I honestly have no advice. It gets better a few months after birth though

texasmama2014

I don't think telling people not to come for the birth is so bad. I can't imagine trying for that long and not having a little time to myself with my sweet baby.
I also live really close to my family, so my daughter is incredibly close with her grandparents. My siblings don't have that luxury so I get if they are jealous- I get free childcare, and DD has a relationship with them like my siblings and I had with ours. It's a great thing for me, and they don't have it, or any family around them for that matter. I wouldn't make it without my parents and sister (who has no kids).
While she sounds a bit out of hand, try giving her some grace. We could all use a little.

Curls919

honestly, we didn't have anyone except DH and me at the hospital during labor and just had brief visits from immediate family while we were there after the baby was born. I get why she would have told them not to come (and why did they make travel plans without asking her first???)

the rest sounds a bit much but I get where she's coming from on that part

cait5413

We're moving 3 hours away from my parents before the baby's born and will be a flight away from my in-laws, and I don't want anyone coming to the hospital. I want time with just the baby and my DH. That doesn't sound crazy to me at all. My in-laws won't be coming until I go back to work, so they can help out, and I'm not sure when my parents will come--it's harder for them to travel. 

As for her other reactions, keep in mind that she is pretty hormonal (as are you). It's ridiculous for her to expect you would not get pregnant. But, infertility is also very stressful and if this is her first, she may be freaking out a bit that family is so far away and she will have no support. I've definitely had a few of those freakouts already, and we're only 19 weeks in. And, the grandparents will know your kids better than hers since you are so much closer. I think it's understandable to be sad about that, but it's also not your fault. Try to cut her a little slack. 

lalalorelai

My sister and I are pregnant and due within two weeks of one another. She tried for 3 years and was successful after her first round of IVF. There's a little bit of tension between us because she didn't know we were trying and I'm sure it has to sting to see your sister having a much easier time of getting pregnant after you struggled for so long. I get that some of her comments might be out of line, but I'd give her a break. Maybe roll your eyes and move on. 

I also get where she's coming from about feeling like her baby won't be as loved as yours are. I live three states away from my family. Our family will see my niece or nephew very frequently and get to watch him or her grow up, while mine will only be a few times a year. I do worry about there being a difference between our kids in how close they are with our family. So I think it's a valid concern. I wouldn't whine to my sister about it or anything, but I get where she's coming from. And I also don't think it's at all crazy to tell people not to fly down for the birth, especially because it sounds like it was a small crowd coming down. It could get overwhelming pretty quick. 

So all I'm saying is to cut her some slack. She probably has a whole bunch of emotions flying everywhere. You complaining about your mom probably just dragged it all to the surface because I'm sure your sister wants to be able to complain about your mom being too involved. I know I get jealous that my mom gets to see my sister's baby bump grow, go to the anatomy scan with her, etc. She may be overly involved, but she can't exactly do that to me from such a distance. It's a tough spot. 

DDRRT1982

It feels really shitty when you are excited about something and the people you love most just can't celebrate with you.  I know that sucks.  However, it sounds like your sister has been through infertility and might harbor some jealousy towards you because you did not struggle like her.  It is not right that she is taking that out on you, but maybe give her a little break and when all this stress of having babies is over talk to her.  Now is not the time, maybe in a year or so.  For now I would continue to support her regardless of how she acts.  You don't want to have any regrets and it shows you are the bigger person.  Keep enjoying your miracle and don't let the unwarranted animosity towards you bother you.  

lmtrmama

I don't know your sister and how she would normally act, but it is HARD to be pregnant at the same time as a close friend or family member. I was pregnant at the same time as one of my best friends and we got along GREAT...as long as we were complaining about the same things. If she had
something else to whine about that I wasn't experiencing, I would just feel like she should get over herself.  I also am CRABBY when I am pregnant. Mostly about other people. I would try to be nice to your sister, or if you can't, just back away from her for a bit. She may feel overwhelmed or stressed and just not want to hear about your problems which I think would be hurtful, but she is probably just hormonally in a different spot than normal. 

On a sort of different note, I have seen so many people be scared, nervous, or just treated horribly by family members who have struggled with infertility and I do not think that is right. Infertility is sad and devastating, but that shouldn't prevent other people from getting pregnant. Because if the tables were turned and it was the other way around, that person would not be not having babies just because you couldn't! I have many friends who have struggled with miscarriage and infertility and I see how horrible it is. I had a miscarriage and I think it's the worst thing I will ever go through. That doesn't mean it's okay to lash out at someone because their body allowed something to happen and they got pregnant. So I think in that aspect your sister is not being fair to you.

smilormarie

Again... Glad I don't have a sister and my son is getting a brother...

hope things get better for you.

texasmama2014

@smilormarie that's a pretty horrible thing to say....

smilormarie

:-P

texasmama2014

@smilormarie  seriously.  you are obviously speaking about something you have no idea about.  we get frustrated with the people we love most.  sisters are no exception.  to say that you are glad your child will never have a sister is awful.  it's pretty anti-woman and sexist for that matter.

tinkerbell11210

Just offering some food for thought and definitely not defending your twins actions. However, I understand were she is coming from. Unfortunately it took her three years to conceive when from your post it appears you did not have any struggles ( I am not sure if that is the case) She is angry and with her Pregnancy hormones that anger is coming out instead of being held in. 
She is probably jealous of how close geologically you are to your parents. She doesn't have that so she is annoyed that you are complaining to her (about anything).   The fact is that your children will have a different relationship with your parents than hers will. I have no doubt that her feelings are hurt. 

I am sorry that you feel that your sister is not happy for you. I am sure that she is but just wanted to have her own moment especially since this is her first and it took her so long to get there.  Cut her some slack she is hormonal as are you. I don't blame her for asking people not to come down before the birth. Honestly I am thinking about not telling my parents I am in labor and just calling them after the baby is here. Your sister will not be alone at the hospital her DH will be there and honestly that is the only support person I need when I am in labor. 

@smilormarie  I take a huge offense to your insensitive statement. I am pregnant with baby girl #2 and feel that both of my girls are a blessing. My husband is an identical twin and they picked on their younger brother all the time when they were younger, so I dont think gender matters.  Siblings fight no matter if they are brothers. Sisters or brother and sister. 

Kjack85

Stop. Breathe. Let it go. I know that's hard to say, but honestly, this is your sister. Yes, she's being hormonal. Yes, she may seem a tad (or a little more than a tad) jealous.Yes, you have feelings too and you don't deserve to be mistreated. However, at the end of the day this can be a very taxing and emotionally draining situation for your sister. She struggled conceiving and I'm sure it's difficult for her to know that you are pregnant again. Also, I am 3 states away from my family and as the only sibling pregnant, I still have concerns about how close my kids will be with my family. As far as visitors, I get it. Some people want space to share that special moment and others love to share the moment with a crowd of people. She's made her choice so let it be. 

I I hope it all works out in the end and that both of you enjoy your pregnancy! 

Alyeena

I know it is not exactly the same as your situation but it is a little similar so if you don't mind me sharing. It took me four years to get pregnant and while I was going trough all this my brother and his wife started trying for their first (after we started trying), they got pregnant, have a healthy almost two year old and now she is pregnant again and will give birth in early June.

And you know what? I am finally pregnant and I am so happy but I still can't help feeling some resentment, they got pregnant on month three for the first one and on the very first month for the second one. And it just reminds me when I see them, I tell myself: That is what I wanted, I wanted to already have a child and be pregnant with my second one. I wanted my family years ago. 

They did not rob me of that, they did nothing wrong but they are a constant reminder of what could of been. And I am not very close to her, but if she complained to me I would not take it very well and I know I would be grumpy. Maybe it would be different if it was one of my sisters I don't know.

My point was that maybe your sister feels a little bit like that too, she has been trying for a long time too and probably had a different vision of where her family would be by now. Infertility stays hard even when you finally get pregnant.

I'm sure it will get better once baby is here. I know I feel that way, I just waited so long for this baby I wish he/she was here already.

Nikkoli98

Obviously others have given good insights and pointed out some of the reasons your sister might be responding the way she is.  I would only add that although the interactions seem hurtful to you, it might really benefit your relationship take a step back, put your own feelings aside, and to show her some support. Perhaps send her a gift package or a card (or a series of cards) of encouragement. Remind her that your whole family loves her and will love her child and that although distance can make things tough it's not an excuse to not be around family. Let her know you expect that you and the rest of the fam will have an opportunity to be involved in her kiddos life and that you can't wait to be a super auntie!

Edited: missed a word at 4am