We are having the every important "should we get sterilized after this one" conversation. My husband and I each have a six year old from previous relationships and we are having our first together. This pregnancy has been way more uncomfortable this time around and I am not sure I want to have another one. I'm about 95% sure I don't but that 5% still lingers. My husband says he feels pretty much the same. He also won't have any sons if we stop but we are not sure we want 900 girls, haha!
After my son, I was absolutely positive I didn't want anymore but that ended up being a result of hating the person I was with at the time. Obviously, I love and adore my husband and that's not the case anymore.
What's annoying is everyone saying, "Ohhh, you'll have more. Don't you worry!" Just shut up.
I'm over on the June board but occasionally lurk here when I have time (June 25th EDD). I'm a FTM and we plan on having other kids so I don't have input on that part but wanted to say I'm sorry people are annoying and think they get a say in your family planning choices! I did want to tell you a possible option might be a copper IUD. They don't have any hormones and can stay in place for a long time while you're not wanting to TTC. Just something you could talk to your doctor about good luck!!
My husband is the last male in our generation to pass on the family name, so it is important to us to hopefully have a boy. Obviously we don't just want to have a boy for that reason and that reason only. My husband has always wanted a son. And I have too- just like I've always wanted a daughter. So we will definitely try for a 2nd baby, maybe even a third but my womb is closed after that haha. It just goes back to "doing what is right for your own family". This is right for us.
To the couple people who mentioned the copper IUD, I tried it before and it was not successful. but, it's probably the route we will try again if we decide a more permanent solution isn't right for us yet.
Also yes, people are total weirdos about family planning stuff. I've always been really open about wanting kids ASAP after I got married, so we avoided a lot of the "when are you going to have kids" questions since most people knew where I stood on that. I know most of the time it comes from a good place or people just making conversation, so try to let it roll off my back. Some days the hormones just take over though!
@megstervt If you don't mind answering, do you mean you got pregnant with the IUD?
@whataboutscienceNo, that was one of my fears though. I just had really awful cramping and ridiculously heavy periods with it. I ended up switching to the mirena IUD for a few years until we were ready to conceive. The mirena was better in terms of those side effects, but hormonal birth control triggers serious depression and anxiety (like I get suicidal) for me so it's not really an option I'm comfortable going back to especially with how crazy my hormones are likely to be after birth.
At this point it looks like our options are a permanent solution, trying a copper IUD again or barrier methods. I had been leaning towards a vasectomy, which DH was on board with, but given all of your thoughts it sounds like we should probably wait a bit and re-assess later.
Ughh...sorry and good luck figuring out what works best for you. We knew we did want more kids and I seemed to have trouble TTC after years on the pill, so we decided not to go the hormonal route after DD. It was a little risky that I might get pregnant sooner than planned, but it was a possibility we were prepared for. It actually took us longer than we wanted to after all because my cycles didn't start again until DD was almost 1 due to BFing.
We agreed to OAD in the heat of labor with DD . Although this LO was unexpected (IUI needed with DD after years of trying) and a year earlier than we would have planned, we are happy but we are done after 2.
We are pretty sure we want two. My pregnancy had been blessedly easy so as of now, I'm still on board.
I I am an only child. I wish I had siblings. My husband is one of four and wants siblings for our daughter. I will be just shy of 35 years old when I deliver but I don't really have any big issues about conceiving after that birthday.
My biggest concern is that we struggled with infertility and this child is the result of an IUI. I didn't even make it to IVF and I can't imagine being able to schedule that in with a baby. With my job, it was virtually impossible to work and it only took two IUI's to get pregnant. My doctor is the best but all the important appointments meant an almost hour drive. The thought of juggling a baby, a job and going to the dr sounds impossible.
Maybe be ill be one of those people who stilruggled with the first and had an oopsie with #2. My husband wants to adopt. We will see
@Natinat6 Good luck. I got pregnant easier second time around, although I was not dealing with infertility, just very irregular cycles. (90 days long with my first!)
After my 1st I said I didn't want anymore. Only because I was horribly sick during pregnancy. I am now pregnant with # 4! I think we are done after this. Each pregnancy has been hard but worth it! I my children! If you have any doubt give it a few years before doing anything permanent.
I was "maybe 1 and done" with our first. DH travels a lot for work and I needed DD to get older and more independent before considering having more kids. More importantly, we were in really high cost of living areas (NY and then DC). I didn't start seriously considering a 2nd kid until we relocated to FL. I would never tell another person what's best for their family. Some folks are firmly "childfree by choice" (my BFF and her husband) or one and done... others may change their mind. You'll see what's best for you over time. I had the Paragard copper IUD for a little bit but hated it (too much discharge). I'm hoping I can convince DH to get a vasectomy after our 2nd daughter is born in July!
So I went to my parents house this weekend and my mom was going through some of the baby items she saved from when I was little. Many of them are neutral and will be adorable on our little guy (looking at you tiny dragon Halloween costume!), but of course many are very girly and probably not something we will use. My dad says to me, "well we'll hang on to these for the next one" (meaning the items I politely declined). I replied that we likely won't be having more (which they already knew), BUT there's no guarantee that even if we do it would be a girl. He says, "I just know." WTF?! What does that even mean? I was so irritated that he blatantly assumed we are incorrect in our feelings of 1-and-done and on top of that he somehow "knows" it would be a girl.
@megstervt oh man, parents and their "intuition" putting their damn feet in their mouths. My mom "just knew" that I was having a girl and she was really obnoxiously insistent about it. Maybe the best thing (so far) about being pregnant with a son is that she was wrong? And all the jokes about me having nuts inside me right now.
Ha! that is so rude. I'm on the other end of the spectrum, I want three and since I already have a girl and am now having a boy, everyone has taken it upon themselves to tell me I'm done. Really.
Two things: 1) Don't tell people your business. People are annoying and make stupid comments. Don't say you're done, don't tell them about your plans, just say "we're excited about this baby". Later on you can be sassy too! 2) you don't even have your baby yet! I never thought I would be a stay at home mom and i would quit my job if I had to be in the office five days a week/couldn't work from home. I'm in LOOOOVE. But that's me, and you could be totally different. My point is don't lock yourself into any mentality. I always thought I wanted just two (growing up it was me and my brother) but I can't believe how much fun I'm having. But again, I'm not "planning" on 3 because #1 was difficult to conceive and who knows what will happen with #2.
That is a way too long answer meant to be: do what you want, do what's right for you, but don't worry if you're not sure! Parenting is all about figuring things out, and you don't have to decide today
Re: One and done?
July BMB May Signature Challenge
We are having the every important "should we get sterilized after this one" conversation. My husband and I each have a six year old from previous relationships and we are having our first together. This pregnancy has been way more uncomfortable this time around and I am not sure I want to have another one. I'm about 95% sure I don't but that 5% still lingers. My husband says he feels pretty much the same. He also won't have any sons if we stop but we are not sure we want 900 girls, haha!
After my son, I was absolutely positive I didn't want anymore but that ended up being a result of hating the person I was with at the time. Obviously, I love and adore my husband and that's not the case anymore.
What's annoying is everyone saying, "Ohhh, you'll have more. Don't you worry!" Just shut up.
I'm over on the June board but occasionally lurk here when I have time (June 25th EDD). I'm a FTM and we plan on having other kids so I don't have input on that part but wanted to say I'm sorry people are annoying and think they get a say in your family planning choices! I did want to tell you a possible option might be a copper IUD. They don't have any hormones and can stay in place for a long time while you're not wanting to TTC. Just something you could talk to your doctor about
Married May 16th, 2015
EDD July 1st
July16 May siggy challenge "May the Force be with you"
Thanks everyone!
To the couple people who mentioned the copper IUD, I tried it before and it was not successful. but, it's probably the route we will try again if we decide a more permanent solution isn't right for us yet.
Also yes, people are total weirdos about family planning stuff. I've always been really open about wanting kids ASAP after I got married, so we avoided a lot of the "when are you going to have kids" questions since most people knew where I stood on that. I know most of the time it comes from a good place or people just making conversation, so try to let it roll off my back. Some days the hormones just take over though!
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
@whataboutscienceNo, that was one of my fears though. I just had really awful cramping and ridiculously heavy periods with it. I ended up switching to the mirena IUD for a few years until we were ready to conceive. The mirena was better in terms of those side effects, but hormonal birth control triggers serious depression and anxiety (like I get suicidal) for me so it's not really an option I'm comfortable going back to especially with how crazy my hormones are likely to be after birth.
At this point it looks like our options are a permanent solution, trying a copper IUD again or barrier methods. I had been leaning towards a vasectomy, which DH was on board with, but given all of your thoughts it sounds like we should probably wait a bit and re-assess later.
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
I I am an only child. I wish I had siblings. My husband is one of four and wants siblings for our daughter. I will be just shy of 35 years old when I deliver but I don't really have any big issues about conceiving after that birthday.
My biggest concern is that we struggled with infertility and this child is the result of an IUI. I didn't even make it to IVF and I can't imagine being able to schedule that in with a baby. With my job, it was virtually impossible to work and it only took two IUI's to get pregnant. My doctor is the best but all the important appointments meant an almost hour drive. The thought of juggling a baby, a job and going to the dr sounds impossible.
Maybe be ill be one of those people who stilruggled with the first and had an oopsie with #2. My husband wants to adopt. We will see
So I went to my parents house this weekend and my mom was going through some of the baby items she saved from when I was little. Many of them are neutral and will be adorable on our little guy (looking at you tiny dragon Halloween costume!), but of course many are very girly and probably not something we will use. My dad says to me, "well we'll hang on to these for the next one" (meaning the items I politely declined). I replied that we likely won't be having more (which they already knew), BUT there's no guarantee that even if we do it would be a girl. He says, "I just know." WTF?! What does that even mean? I was so irritated that he blatantly assumed we are incorrect in our feelings of 1-and-done and on top of that he somehow "knows" it would be a girl.
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
Two things: 1) Don't tell people your business. People are annoying and make stupid comments. Don't say you're done, don't tell them about your plans, just say "we're excited about this baby". Later on you can be sassy too! 2) you don't even have your baby yet! I never thought I would be a stay at home mom and i would quit my job if I had to be in the office five days a week/couldn't work from home. I'm in LOOOOVE. But that's me, and you could be totally different. My point is don't lock yourself into any mentality. I always thought I wanted just two (growing up it was me and my brother) but I can't believe how much fun I'm having. But again, I'm not "planning" on 3 because #1 was difficult to conceive and who knows what will happen with #2.
That is a way too long answer meant to be: do what you want, do what's right for you, but don't worry if you're not sure! Parenting is all about figuring things out, and you don't have to decide today