Intro *TW*

bbrooke92

This definitely isn't the place I want to be, but I guess we have to play with the cards we're dealt, right? 
H & I started TTC March 2015. We've officially hit the one year mark. Somewhere I NEVER thought I would be. I had no idea TTC would be this difficult. Boy, was I naive.
 December 2015, I found out I was pregnant. We were absolutely over the moon. H had just gotten his bachelors degree in Engineering & landed a full time job so it was SO perfect. I couldn't have imagined better timing. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage a couple of weeks later. Hands down the hardest thing I've ever been through.
I have had a weird time I guess you could say coping. At first, I just pretended it never even happen. That seemed to be easier. But now, it's hard to forget. Most days are pretty good. Then there are some where I just cry all day. 
 Before my mc, my cycles were usually 30-34 days. I had one that was 37 after coming off BC & one that was 43 days after I lost my grandma to cancer.
Since my miscarriage, my last cycle was 37 days & I'm currently on day 47 of my second one.
 My OBGYN told me I should see an RE so now I'm just waiting to get an apt. to get started on this next big step in our lives.
I'm surprisingly optimistic. If I didn't have my family & my faith, I know that would be possible though. 

catiecatp

Welcome to the TTCAL boards - I'm sorry for your loss.

cjs260

I'm sorry to see you here, but welcome none the less. You've found an awesome community of very supportive women! FX for you a short stay here. 

ThePax89

I'm so sorry. I'm glad that you are optimistic, your attitude is pretty inspirational after all that you've been through. I hope that you are able to get that re appointment soon. 

roxgibbons

I'm very sorry for your loss and I can relate to the frustration of taking a while to conceive. This board has some great women on it and I just recently joined myself. From what I've read on different posts, it's not uncommon for your cycle to be out of whack after a miscarriage so hopefully yours will stabilize soon. Good luck with the RE appt and I hope you can get some answers.

fivetimesnoluck

I am sorry for your loss but grateful you are finding strong support through your friends, family and faith. It is so important to keep moving, even when it seems so easy to just run the other way. Wishing you continued strength.

bbrooke92

Thank you all so much for the kind & encouraging words! Just got a call & my RE apt is scheduled for April 27th! It seems like ages away lol. I'm kind of thinking I want to take a different approach to TTC until then. No tracking, no temping, no OPK's & just enjoy the time because things might get a little crazy afterwards. But then again, it might be good to temp & have some good info to take... I'm torn. 

roper2617

So sorry about your loss. Grief is such a roller coaster. I remember in the early days after my loss I would be laughing so hard one minute and absolutely sobbing the next. It takes time, even now, 4 months after my miscarriage I still have moments where I'm overwhelmed with grief. 

Would it be of benefit to call the REs office to see if they have a preference about going in with or without the charting info? 

Af2013nl

So sorry for your loss.  Glad you have the support of family and your faith at this time.  Good luck getting a fast re appointment.  That will be step three for us, currently on step two.

AL_TwinCities

Welcome @bbrooke92! I'm sorry you find yourself in this place, but this board is super helpful and it's nice to talk with other TTCAL moms. I'd temp for at least one cycle after loss so you have that information to compare to your pre-pregnancy cycles, and would still log CM and your period in FF so you have some basic info. But definitely skip the OPKs if you want!

BrightenMySky

@bbrooke92 sorry for your loss.  FWIW, my RE said he's not so interested in temping info.  Temping for me affected my (already crappy) sleep and just stressed me out.  I just logged my periods in an app so I'd have that info easily accessible.  I think just enjoying the time sounds totally reasonable, or you could call and see if your RE would find any particular info useful if that would make you feel better.  

cooaladoll

Very sorry for your loss @bbrooke92. I'm glad you were able to get that RE appt and though it seems so far away, this is a good place to occupy your mind with good advice and heartfelt sympathies.

silentP

So sorry for your loss! It sounds like you have a good attitude, all things considered, and glad there is a plan with an RE coming down the road. Best of luck!

GhanimaAtreides

I'm sorry for your loss. I completely understand putting all the emotions surrounding the loss behind a very big wall and like a dam it breaks sometimes and is overwhelming. It's a normal response. Be kind to yourself and I hope your stay here is short. FX for your RE appt. to go well.

bbrooke92

Well just an update, the day after I posted this, I had a BFP. Things aren't looking so great though. I had a  BFN this AM on a digi & my lines aren't getting darker. This is exactly what happened last time. I got blood work done  on Friday & I go back again tomorrow. I am literally at a loss for words. Thank God had have an apt with an RE coming up. 

Pompomlove

Hi, sorry for your loss. Just wondering if you were tracked to negative?

megsbrock

I am sorry to hear that you may be going through this again. I have been where you have been with the tests going negative and just knowing something was wrong. Keep us posted. Hugs.

bbrooke92

@Pompomlove @megsbrock it was so light this AM i could barely see it I'm fixing to head to get more blood work done & see what my dr has to say about it. Thank you ladies for the support!!!!!

AL_TwinCities

Good luck with your bloodwork @bbrooke92 ! I hope this ends well for you!!

queenklau

So sorry to find you here for your Dec loss. Praying that the BFP is a sticky one. All FX!

bbrooke92

Well the nurse called me this morning & said my levels are decreasing & my progesterone was low & I started bleeding this too. So another miscarriage 

megsbrock

Oh no...I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you are hanging in there.

queenklau

@bbrooke92 so sorry to hear that. 

roper2617

So so sorry to hear you're going through this again. 

bbrooke92

Thanks yall! I'm doing pretty good. Better than last time. I kind of expected it this time I guess. There's nothing I can do to change it. Just focus on the positives in my life & how blessed I am. & know that one day I will have some babies!

dpjennifer

Oh no... i am so sorry you are going through this again.

AL_TwinCities

I'm so sorry @bbrooke92