With a lot of hesitation, we told our parents that we are expecting last weekend at 7 weeks. DH's mom was recently diagnosed with cancer and we wanted to give her good news to keep her spirits up. We thought they would respect our feelings to keep it a secret for awhile....wrong!
My parents told grandparents who then told the entire extended family, including long lost aunts that I haven't even seen in ages. Somehow the "keep it secret" part of the message has also been removed and these extended famy members now don't even know they are supposed to keep it quiet. They live in my hometown (where everyone knows everyone) and for all I know, they have probably already told everyone I grew up with, former teachers, etc. Father in law also did something similar, and two of DH's aunts called to tell us congratulations.
Im so hurt and upset and angry. PGAL is such a scary thing, but we found comfort in knowing that we had a strong support system of people we had hand selected to be there for us incase of another loss. Now that has been ripped away and the whole world knows before we've even had a chance to really allow our own selves to get excited. I called my parents crying last night, and I think they feel really guilty but none of us know how to fix this now that it's out. Anyone else been here?
Re: Parents told extended family before we were ready
This happened to us last time at 8 weeks and I have no idea how to fix it but I just wanted you to know that I feel ya, it sucks.
My uncle did a similar thing to my cousin. Her bf asked his permission to marry her and my uncle announced on Facebook that she was getting married. She commented on his post saying her bf hadn't proposed to her yet. He ruined the surprise AND stole her chance to announce the happy news herself. Parents can be clueless sometimes.
BFP 2/19/15 • MMC found at 9 wks • D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
BFP 8/29/15 • CP (age 37)
TTC#2 since May 2017
BFP 10/18/17 • MMC found at 8 wks • Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
BFP 2/16/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 4/13/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 5/07/18 • MMC found at 10.5 wks • D&E at 11.5 wks • Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
BFP 9/24/18 • CP (age 40)
Thanks guys! After all the stuff that DH and I have gone through over the past few months, I don't understand why this is the thing that brought me hours and hours of tears. I feel a little better this morning. I instructed my parents to tell everyone they told to stop telling people.
Prior to that conversation, my mom had the idea that I should just go ahead and tell the few who don't already know so that they don't find out from a third source. She pressured me to tell even more people and that was upsetting too. I finally put my foot down this morning and told her that I'm not telling anyone else until we are 100% ready. If people get their feelings hurt because they found out from cousin johnny instead of us personally, I don't care. That is cousin johnny's fault; not mine. DH and I are the ones that had to deal with a loss, and we are the ones that our horrified of it happening again. Frankly, our feelings should come before everyone else's. Now that I've taken up this mindset, I feel somewhat better.
My anxiety and fears also rose once we told our immediate family because the news started to spread like wildfire. My husband got a text from his buddy who said he ran into my mother in law at the grocery store, and proceeded to ask him if he had spoken to us, and that she cant tell him what it is, but there is news. I couldn't believe it. It took a lot for me to agree to tell immediate family members at 13weeks, but really would have wanted to wait until 16 or even later for the rest of the world.
I was also upset at one of my girlfriends behavior. She suspected I was pregnant because she noticed I had not been drinking. She was aware of my previous loss, and instead of waiting for me to tell her, she just started calling me out on it. I finally did tell her that she was correct, but it really upset me that for weeks she just would not stop with the "I know you are pregnant" comments. I just can't believe how some people can't respect the need for privacy.
TTC since January 2015
2/25/2016 BFP! Hoping for the best!
LFAF April Siggy: TV/Movie BFFs
BFP #4 1/2016, DD born 10/2016