March TFAS (Trying for a Sibling) Check In

momstahp

Since Prim is a graduate and usually was the one to start it, I want to keep this going!

This is a monthly Trying For A Sibling (TFAS) Check in. Babies, pregnancy and other potentially triggering things may be discussed. If you are having a bad TTC day or TTCAL day, please use your best judgment about reading responses. We want to respect all members of our board! 

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids?

What cycle/month are you currently TTC?

Questions we can help you with?

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?

momstahp

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? #2, DS is going to be 2 in July

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? month 12, cycle 9

Questions we can help you with?  For those who have potty trained or are potty training, any advice?? I want to get myself prepared and educated.  I did some research and tried to get it started for a couple of days last week but I just felt like I failed miserably.  

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?  (Sorry if this question has been asked in the past, btw)  I think when AF showed up for a second time after my first postpartum period (it took about 9-10 since I was BFing) and DH and I were both disappointed.  I think more recently since it has been taking this long we are really feeling like there is a missing space in our family that we want to fill.  Of course our financial situation was another consideration as well

MamaCoffin

I love this!

Tw: loss mentioned.



What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids?
#3. Lucy will be 5 this Summer and Violet will be 2 this month. 

What cycle/month are you currently TTC?
Cycle 2. Month 4 (since my loss at 12 weeks in November).

Questions we can help you with?
I can't think of anything at the moment!

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?
We knew we wanted a third as soon as our second was born. Then she became the MOST difficult baby (awful reflux... She screamed 24/7, poor thing) and we decided we were done with two. Then time went on (and she started to sleep) and we started to imagine ourselves as a family of 5 again. So here we are!

wintersong

momstahp said:

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? #2, DS is going to be 2 in July

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? month 12, cycle 9

Questions we can help you with?  For those who have potty trained or are potty training, any advice?? I want to get myself prepared and educated.  I did some research and tried to get it started for a couple of days last week but I just felt like I failed miserably.  

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?  (Sorry if this question has been asked in the past, btw)  I think when AF showed up for a second time after my first postpartum period (it took about 9-10 since I was BFing) and DH and I were both disappointed.  I think more recently since it has been taking this long we are really feeling like there is a missing space in our family that we want to fill.  Of course our financial situation was another consideration as well

This probably isn't the answer your looking for, but at not quite two your son just might not be ready. That doesn't mean you failed!!

MamaCoffin

longliveregina said:

momstahp said:

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? #2, DS is going to be 2 in July

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? month 12, cycle 9

Questions we can help you with?  For those who have potty trained or are potty training, any advice?? I want to get myself prepared and educated.  I did some research and tried to get it started for a couple of days last week but I just felt like I failed miserably.  

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?  (Sorry if this question has been asked in the past, btw)  I think when AF showed up for a second time after my first postpartum period (it took about 9-10 since I was BFing) and DH and I were both disappointed.  I think more recently since it has been taking this long we are really feeling like there is a missing space in our family that we want to fill.  Of course our financial situation was another consideration as well

This probably isn't the answer your looking for, but at not quite two your son just might not be ready. That doesn't mean you failed!!

Yup. My oldest wasn't pt until 3. And at almost 2 my youngest is nowhere near ready. I've heard boys typically take longer. Don't push it! With my oldest, when she was ready it literally happened overnight. 

hanshotfirst77

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? 2

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? 4

Questions we can help you with? Hmm nothing I can think of at the moment. 

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?
pretty much when our son turned 1 I knew I wanted another. I knew I wanted them close in age and I was already longing for another little one. But DH wasn't ready yet. So we agreed to start trying at Christmas this year. And then we ended up starting TTC a month early in November. DS will be 2 this April so if I get KU now they'll be about 2 1/2 years apart. 

DiFazette

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids?  TTC #2 and final.  DS will be 3 in April

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? 4

Questions we can help you with?  Anyone go through a really tough PG, delivery, NICU stay?  I'm ready to do this, just get nervous some days.

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?  DS is a little more independent these days.  Also, I had some deep emotional scars after my PG with DS.  I feel like I'm finally ready to look fear in the face.  H has been ready, just waiting on me to feel ready.  

@momstahp - we did the 3 day method.  DS 'got it' by mid-day on the second day.  If for whatever reason you don't like or can't do the 3 day method, underwear UNDER the pull-up seems to work well for a lot of people.  Their undies just stay wet and cold on them, versus just a pull-up that will wick it away and they might not care.  Its really early to start potty training IMO, though.  But, that said, my niece was done before 2.  I think boys struggle more than girls.  Is he showing signs that he's ready, or are you just thinking ahead?

edited because the damn bump ate half of my post.  

hanshotfirst77

@momstahp I have no advice since I haven't done potty training yet but I wish you good luck! Ideally I'd love DS to be out of diapers before we have another but he has shown 0 interest so far and he'll be 2 in April. 

redheeler

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? #2 and DS is 2

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? 2/2

Questions we can help you with? Does anyone else go back and forth about the idea of a second? Some days it's all I want, other days I worry I won't cope.

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? Didn't, still don't thing I'm ready, but then DS was a surprise don't think I would've ever had kids if he hadn't come along

redheeler

@momstahp we've just started looking at it with DS, he was 2 in January, if we're at home he will run around without pants on and use the potty, we haven't started on when we go out yet because he can't generally tell me when he needs to go yet.
he just started using the potty in his own one day, completely out of the blue.

hupp0013

We did the three day method with DD1 @momstahp.  She ran around naked for 3 days (and longer whenever we were home until she was more trustworthy to go on the toilet.). We tried once and she wasn't ready.  We tried a second time 6 weeks later.  That time she refused to try. Then another 6 weeks later, we tried again.  This time she was ready, we were able to ditch the diapers.  I agree with @jenmlangtake2.  Don't force it.

hanshotfirst77

@Aphillips95 most days I am so totally on board for another baby. But some days when DS is being especially cranky and throwing tantrums left and right. I think omg how will I handle this toddler craziness and a baby?! But I figure i wasn't sure how I'd handle one before I had him and we managed. I figure it will be the same we will figure out a new normal and get in a routine and it will work. I definitely have my days where I'm not so sure but overall I think we are ready and really want another. 

GhanimaAtreides

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? Our 4th. DS1 is 14, DS2 is 11, and DD is nearly 6. I like to spread them out. My personality just isn't suited to closer spacing.

***TW loss***

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? 2/2 TTCAL. TTC #4 since April 2015, miscarried late June. It was a complicated loss. TTA 6 months via Paraguard. Now here.

Questions we can help you with? Not really.

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? I went from 95% done after DD (it was my first time SAH... it was WAY more work to me than being active-duty even!) and by the time she was 3, I was maybe only 50% done. By the time she was 4.5 I was maybe only 20% done and 80% wanting another. I gave myself 6 months to see if the baby fever was just temporary. It of course doesn't go away, only amplifies. We are in a really great place financially, have the room, I already SAH, life is really good! The loss only made us more determined. I just needed a little time off to process. 

GhanimaAtreides

@Aphillips95 I don't waffle on the end result: another child. I definitely waffle on wanting to do pregnancy, risk another loss, child birth, the guaranteed PPH with uterine atony, nursing, elimination communication, and the first 2.5 years of running around chasing them. I can totally do all that stuff with minimal bitching, but I feel like I'm getting too old for this stuff. Each pregnancy the symptoms get worse/stronger. In the end it'll be worth it.

atcwag

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids?
We're trying for #2. DS turned 2 in October. 

What cycle/month are you currently TTC?
2/2, but really 1/1 because DS had some performance anxiety last cycle that yielded the POM. 

Questions we can help you with?
Nothing right now...

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?
I've been ready for 6 months - 1 year, but DH took some convincing. DS is way more independent now, so I feel like the "babydom" is gone. I really didn't want our kids any more than 3 years apart, but we're already past that point. We also started TTC to coincide with good timing for my job...we won't stop trying if we miss that window, but it would be nice if we hit it. 

FloridaStanley

Hi all!


What number are you trying for?  2
How old are your other kids? DS turned 2 in January

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? Month 8, cycle 5

Questions we can help you with? 

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?
my pregnancy with DS was very complicated- I was in and out of doctors offices, went on hospital bed rest, and he was born prematurely with a rare birth defect. After he was born I lived in the "nope nope never gonna happen nope nope nope" land for about a year, but have had a change of heart and I do want the second child I've always wanted- I'm just not as scared as I used to be, I guess.

Marley629

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? We are trying for #2, DS is 2 and a half

What cycle/month are you currently TTC?  3/3

Questions we can help you with?  How are you (if you are) or how will you prepare current LO's for siblings?   

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?  I've been ready since DS was 1 but FI was not. Now he is in a more stable career and we are both approaching mid-30's, I can honestly say we just both knew it was time.   

@DiFazette    I was very sick for the majority of my pregnancy with DS; delivery was very scary for the both of us as we both almost didn't make it; tho it's scarier for my FI because I don't remember the day i delivered or day after (Failed induction, 9 days late, ultimately had emergency c-section)  I would be lying if I said having another doesn't making me nervous but my doctor has stated they don't anticipate same delivery issues and the pregnancy sickness is all worth it In the end. That's what I keep trying to remind myself. 

FSUNole31

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? Number three and my son is 3.5 and my daughter turned 2 in January.  

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? 7

Questions we can help you with? Nope

GTKY:  Trigger Warning-  My first two are so close together I knew if I wanted more I wanted them to be close as well.  Unfortunately when I miscarried that plan went out the window because it is taking way longer this time around.  

HeartMama2013

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids?

- number 2. Our DD is 2y3m

What cycle/month are you currently TTC?

- Cycle 8/been trying for a year this month. I am on CD 60 today. 

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?

- I knew I was ready when I had a pregnancy "scare" last year. After I learned that I wasn't pregnant, I was upset. At that moment I knew I desperately wanted another child. 

H4aPartyof5

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids?  No. 3, and our sons are roughly 3.5 and 1.5 respectively.

What cycle/month are you currently TTC?  8/7 (but NTNP since May 2015)


Questions we can help you with?  Not really.

GTKY:  I just didn't feel as if our family was quite complete.  @aphillips87, I do wonder as well from time to time if I'm making the right decision... am I really ready to tackle the additional chaos that adding a baby will create?  i was able to handle two under two, but 3 (hopefully) 4 and under is going to mean I'm severely outnumbered during the day.  It doesn't help that I'm starting to get a bit anxious that it's taking a bit longer than I'd hoped (I'll be 36 in 2 months).

@momstahp, good luck with the potty training!

EML2011

This is my first time posting in this check-in! Thanks for starting @momstahp! No experience with potty training here, but I'm interested to see what everyone says!

@DiFazette I went through a lot emotionally during my pregnancy with DS (death of my father, moving, DH having emergency surgery + 2 week hospital stay), but thankfully had no major complications. My delivery wasn't awful, but DS was in the NICU for a week for low blood sugar.

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? #2, DS will be 2 in a couple weeks.

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? We started NTNP as soon as I got my first PP period (around 3 months), but we didn't really start TTC until about 14 months ago. This month was my first IUI for #2, but today was CD 1

Questions we can help you with? None that I can think of

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? We've always known that we wanted 2. Since we needed fertility treatments to conceive DS, we knew that we'd be ready if/when we conceived on our own. It took us a little longer to start with fertility treatments again because it takes so much out of us (emotionally and financially).

princesslockness

@DiFazette I had a less than ideal delivery. I ended up with undiagnosed eclampsia, and an emergency C section. Also DH wasn't there, so it was just me and the emergency surgeon. What number are you trying for? #2 How old are your other kids? L is 7 months. I would ideally like them 2 yrs apart give or take 3-4 months. What cycle/month are you currently TTC? Well cycle 3PP, but doc changed some timing so not sure? Questions we can help you with? Are any of you hoping for a VBaC, or well versed in the common recommendations for a VBaC attempt? My OB said minimum 15 months from birth to start trying, then called a couple weeks later and changed it from 15 months before trying, to 15 months between births. So now I am terribly confused as t whether I am still benched, or if we can actually start/re-start TTC. GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? I knew if I were to ever have kids, I was going to try and have an even # and have them pretty close. I was the oldest of 4, and was really lonely growing up, as my next sib was 3 yrs younger than me, and there was only 13 months between her and the next. So they were always buddies and I was left out. Edited to fix spacing. Stupid mobile app.

hupp0013

@Kate08Young I had heard 18 months between births after 1 c section.  That was also 2 years ago.  My kids are 20 months apart.  My OB was going to let me VBAC after he examined my incision.  DD#2 didn't turn from breech so I ended up having another c section. I definitely think that it depends on your doctor as to what they recommend.  I was told to wait 18-24 months to try after my second c section, which is one of the reasons we are still TTA currently.

momstahp

Thanks everyone! I tried underwear/no pants for a couple of days last week when I knew we could be home the whole day, but I think he's just not ready. He has shown some signs he's kind of ready (pulls diaper when he has to pee, can go a long time without a dirty or wet diaper, mimics me or DH if we use the bathroom sometimes) and he's a fast learner so I thought I could try to start early. But after those two days and we were both getting kind of frustrated, I decided to take a step back and regroup. If he's not really ready I won't push it. Thanks again for the input! There were a lot of you who responded and I'm mobile so it's hard to tag you all  

princesslockness

@hupp0013 Thank you. That is what I have found, but I no longer have access to many sources of good research.

momstahp

@Kate08Young I'm another one hoping for a VBAC. My doctor told me to wait a year before TTC again, which I guess would make it 20ish months between births? I'm well past that at this point though lol

Megzb510

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? #2, DS is 3.5 

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? 8/5

Questions we can help you with? How many days does your children go to 4 year old preschool? Early registration is in a couple weeks and I'm not sure what to sign up for. Right now DS does 3 days with extended day for "enrichment."  Basically he gets to play more, craft more, eat lunch at school and swims on Fridays. He likes school a lot. We have the option of 2, 3, or 5 days a week. My thoughts on this are that if I have a baby, DS would be in school so it would help my mom have more time alone with new baby without a rambunctious toddler around so it wouldn't be as overwhelming.  So I'm debating on 3 or 5 days.  

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?  I was ready a year before we started trying but we had just moved into our new house and money was flying out the window for all the things you need for a new house (not even frivolous stuff...lame stuff like blinds and washing machine and dryer).  Then our dogs got in a fight and one lost her eye from it.  So we had huge vet bills from that. Finally DH came around when we paid some stuff off and were in a better place financially. 

sldp123

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? #2 for me, #1 for DH. DS from a previous marriage is 7.

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? 9

Questions we can help you with? Anyone TFAS with a large age gap? When we started TTC, I was already concerned because DS might be almost 8 by the time #2 arrived. Now he will be at least 8.5, but probably/possibly even closer to 9. The gap just keeps widening and I worry about what kind of relationship they will have.

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? I always knew I wanted more children, it just took a while to find the right man to have them with. We started trying as soon as we were married.

DiFazette

Marley629 said:

@DiFazette    I was very sick for the majority of my pregnancy with DS; delivery was very scary for the both of us as we both almost didn't make it; tho it's scarier for my FI because I don't remember the day i delivered or day after (Failed induction, 9 days late, ultimately had emergency c-section)  I would be lying if I said having another doesn't making me nervous but my doctor has stated they don't anticipate same delivery issues and the pregnancy sickness is all worth it In the end. That's what I keep trying to remind myself. 

Thanks @Marley629 - my issues (HELLP) are likely to return, so I can't really hold on hope that they won't.   I also didn't normalize until almost a year PP, so it was classified as 'severe'.  What I can hope is that we start meds right away and it prevents things from becoming life threatening. It's for sure all worth it... My H was rocked from the birth of our DS.  He says he didn't realize how very severe it was until the doc asked him who to save in the OR and made him sign papers.  I don't want my stress from last time to influence my next PG, since stressing about my BP is a viscous cycle.  More stressing = higher BP.  Higher BP = more stress.  

ladystinson

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? we are trying for number 3 (DH has DS age 6 from first marriage, I have DS age 4 from first marriage. trying for our first together)

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? 5

Questions we can help you with? 

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? We both wanted more children in our first marriages.... just not with ex-spouses lol

GhanimaAtreides

@sldp123  I have larger gaps between kids. This article pretty much nails the pros and cons of all the different spacing. 

https://www.thealphaparent.com/2012/07/what-no-one-tells-you-about-child.html?m=1

• Studies have shown that boys in particular benefit intellectually from a large sibling age gap, particularly if they are the eldest child (Rosenberg and Sutton-Smith).

edit: moved primary link

linzrunz

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? TTC #3 - DS#1 is 7 and DS#2 is 4 1/2

What cycle/month are you currently TTC?  1/1 of actual trying, 5-6 months of NTNP before that.

Questions we can help you with? Not really right now.

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? I've wanted another baby for a couple years, but it was getting ready for the process that stopped me initially (TTC, pregnancy - mine are fairly rough, C-section recovery, etc.)  DH wanted to start trying when DS #2 turned 3, but I wanted to wait longer.  Then DH and I started having issues and almost split.  We've worked through everything over the past year and, looking back at it all, I think all those underlying issues needed to come to the surface before I felt comfortable trying again.

linzrunz

@sldp123 My boys are 7 and 4 1/2.  I initially didn't want to have such a big age gap, but other things in my life needed to be worked out first.  I have three siblings.  Brother is 9 years older, Sister is 7 years older, and Brother is 2 years younger.  I didn't really know my older siblings growing up, but my little brother and I pretty much had the same friends in high school even though we fought like crazy.  In the end, we are all really close and the age gaps don't matter to us at all.  We go on sibling dates and group text just about every day.

mrsstuessy

I hope it is ok for me to jump in, even though we won't be TTC until next month. Feel free to boot me out if it is weird. 

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? we will be trying for #2. DD will be 3 in September. I can't believe she will be 2.5 in a couple weeks! 

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? like I said up at the top, we won't be TTC until next month. But, I am off bc now and charting this month. 

Questions we can help you with? not this month. Maybe once we actually start trying. I do want to add the potty training thing is so tricky. We tried for a couple weeks at the beginning of January. DD was not into it at all. I just don't think she was ready yet. I am toying with the idea of trying again this month. We will be traveling around though. That is one of the big problems. We are constantly visiting family A LOT, and that is not great for potty training. It might have to wait until after Easter. We move June 1st, and I would love for her to be potty trained at that point. But, I am trying to not put a lot of pressure on it. I will just let her decide when she is ready for the most part. 

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? I have been ready for almost a year now. When DD was around 18-20 months I felt like I could handle number 2. However, that was not an option for us. DH is just finishing grad school in May and we are moving in with the in-laws for a couple months while we transition to another city, find jobs, etc. Having a baby would NOT have been responsible at all. Starting next month means we will know for sure that DH will graduate in May and it gives us enough time to move, find jobs, get an apartment and save up a tiny bit of money before a baby comes, just in case we are lucky enough to get ktfu the first try. I have also just launched my own birth doula business, and this allows me to become somewhat established before I take off 4-5 months. I always wanted my kids a little closer in age like 2.5-3 years apart. If we get pregnant the very first month it will put DD at 3 years and 4 months. At this point I will just be happy with a baby before she is 4. It makes me a little sad, but when you have an oops baby in college that just comes with the territory. 

Britt428

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? #2 DD just turned 3 in January

What cycle/month are you currently TTC?
8/8

Questions we can help you with? None that I can think of at the moment 

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? When DD started to become more independent. Also, DH and I just started to feel like our family was missing something. Plus, DD reminds me every single day that we need a baby  

CourtneyJo92609

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids?
We are trying for #2. Our first born turns 3 this month. Where did my baby go and who is this big kid who doesn't even need Mommy's help to go potty anymore?!

What cycle/month are you currently TTC?
I'm not sure what cycle/month pertains to. Unless it's how long you've been trying? We just had my IUD (Mirena) removed on 02/24/16.

Questions we can help you with?
None yet!

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS?
I knew I was ready because I didn't want DS to be too much older than his little sibling. So I knew around age 2.5 - 3 I wanted to start trying. Then I knew I wanted a summer baby (and summer maternity photos) so I wanted to start trying when I began having a normal period in September last year. DH wasn't ready so we waited. When we went to the movies for our 14 year anniversary he said he was ready. I called the doctor at 8 AM the next day to make an appointment.

Roxell

@sldp123 yes, I plan on a large age gap! I figured out the other day if I get KU immediately my DD will be a senior in HS when #2 goes to kindergarten. I don't worry about them having a relationship, they will just have a different kind of relationship than if they were really close in age.

What number are you trying for? How old are your other kids?  trying for #2 DD is 10

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? I guess 1/1. Had my mirena pulled 2/22. Currently CD11 after first AF in 7 years. 

Questions we can help you with? Not ATM. 

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? I finished school, got a great job I love and saved some money. DH was ready almost immediately after DD was born, but I took a lot me time to get here. 

pshaortao

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? #2 and final. DD just turned 18 months today!

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? IUD was removed early Oct. 2nd cycle since AF didn't come back til Jan.

Questions we can help you with? Not at the moment

GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? All along we have always wanted two. I was on board with starting to TFAS sooner because I want them closer in age while DH had to chat with a few people with kids of various gaps before he "felt ready"

adele85

What number are you trying for? How old are your other kids? #3 DD is 10 yrs and DS is 5yrs What cycle/month are you currently TTC? 6 Questions we can help you with? None that I can think of GTKY: How did you know you were ready to TFAS? Well after DS was born I just knew I was done ha, well that lasted until he was about 3 and that is when I started going back and forth with myself, wanting #3 and then the next moment thinking that I couldn't handle it but overall in my heart I knew I was ready for #3 and as time has passed DS has become very independent and will be starting school in August. DH didn't think we were quite ready financially at the time even though I knew we were, but back in September we took the condom off and here we are now. It's a little bitter sweet thinking of DS starting school because even though I will have some me time, I'm not sure that's what I want and feeling a little empty handed while my little family goes about their day.

wintersong

Trying for #2

Cycle 6 pp

Ds is 13 months, still nurses at night thigh he is drinking cows milk while I am at work

Question: can you die of tiredness??? Ds woke up at 430 and WOULD NOT go back to sleep.

GTKY: we want a ton of kids, but since I'm 30 we figured we will just get a many in as we can before I turn 40  

nbush01

What number are you trying for?  How old are your other kids? Trying for #2. Our 1st will be 10 in April.

What cycle/month are you currently TTC? Just had my iud removed yesterday.