Nursing to sleep

kristyn831

I think I've created a monster!  LO will only fall back to sleep when latched on.  I was fine with this at first because I needed to sleep once returning to work.  Last night, I had flu like symptoms and all I wanted to do was sleep and all he wanted to do was nurse.  

I've tried unlatching him when he's almost asleep but he just roots around and if he can't latch back on, he cries.  He won't take a pacifier, I've tried swapping out my boob for it and he's too smart.

My biggest concern is that he won't figure out how to fall asleep on his own and I'll be nursing into toddlerhood.  I need to wean him to do IVF for another baby so nursing that long isn't feasible.  Anyone else in the same boat?  Ideas?

oneblessedmess

I was having the same problem with my LO. It was so bad, I was sleeping with my boobs out all night with her next to me so she could just latch on whenever she wanted. She had an all night buffet!

I ended up having to let her cry a little bit for her to figure out how to sleep without the boob. Luckily it didn't take too many tears, I would nurse her til drowsy but not fully asleep, then put her in her bassinet (still in our room) and the first night of course she immediately started fussing, then crying (it never escalated to a panicking wailing cry, I would have gone in immediately for that). I went in every five minutes and held her for two minutes, didn't nurse her, didn't turn on a light, etc, and then I put her back down. It took me going in twice before she fell asleep. That night she surprisingly only woke up once at midnight, again I just picked her up every five minutes but didn't nurse her and she went back to sleep within about 30 minutes  and slept until 6:30. The next night I extended it to ten minutes before I went in, I only had to go in once before she fell asleep and slept through until 6:30 AM again. Every night since then I only nurse her til drowsy for bedtime and she sleeps through the night.

YMMV- I think I got lucky that she figured it out so quick. But you can try it, although I understand if it's not for you. Listening to her cry was hard! But we're both getting better sleep now and she's taking in more calories during the day instead of at night. So I think in the end it was worth it for us.

dmd0830

I'm in the same boat!! Thinking it may be time to stand firm and let him cry a few nights I haven't been able to stick to it!! Thanks for sharing your experience!!

n3na94

I nurse my son to sleep but we cosleep and even though he wakes up to nurse it makes it easier for me to sleep. He nurses half asleep and goes back to sleep. I don't think this will be like this as they grow, I'm sure eventually they will grow and become independent. Try cosleeping and see if it's easier for you instead of getting up each time. I'm just trying to enjoy those late night feedings, they grow up too fast! Good luck mama! 

bgrant172

We were in literally the exact same situation and I thought I was gonna go crazy from exhaustion. For me the all night buffet meant very light, not very restful sleep that was constantly interrupted.  We ended up having to let him cry (controlled crying, basically Ferber), as the various gradual and "gentler" approaches to sleep training didn't work for us and seemed to make him more frustrated and confused. It was tough but he was very ready and it worked so fast and so well. Night one he cried/fussed for 40 minutes, the next night for 15 and the next he didn't cry at all. Now 90% of the time we do his bedtime routine, lay him down in his crib awake and he puts himself to sleep and sleeps from 8-4, eats and then goes back to sleep till 7.
I know that for some people the crying is not an option but for us it was the best solution and now he is a much happier, more rested and also more independent baby. Less than an hour of crying collectively has bought us both months of beautiful, real sleep.
Everyone has to do what they are comfortable with, but as someone who can relate so closely to your situation, and as someone who agonized over whether or not to let him cry and then finally did it with really positive results I thought I'd chime in. Good luck! 

oneblessedmess

I'll also add that, like @bgrant172 , we did try some of the gradual, no-cry methods (I even bought Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution book) and they just didn't work for us either. It definitely took a while for me to get to the point of letting her cry. But once I got up the nerve, it worked very quickly. I think she was ready to give up the night feedings and just needed a little extra push!

kristyn831

n3na94 said:

I nurse my son to sleep but we cosleep and even though he wakes up to nurse it makes it easier for me to sleep. He nurses half asleep and goes back to sleep. I don't think this will be like this as they grow, I'm sure eventually they will grow and become independent. Try cosleeping and see if it's easier for you instead of getting up each time. I'm just trying to enjoy those late night feedings, they grow up too fast! Good luck mama! 

We do cosleep most of the night.  He goes down in his cradle and then after his first wake up I bring him in bed.  When I had flu like symptoms I couldn't get comfortable and I needed him out of the bed and he wouldn't unlatch and I realized I need to gently break this sleep association.  I can't let him CIO at this point, I just don't have it in me.

n3na94

kristyn831 said:

n3na94 said:

I nurse my son to sleep but we cosleep and even though he wakes up to nurse it makes it easier for me to sleep. He nurses half asleep and goes back to sleep. I don't think this will be like this as they grow, I'm sure eventually they will grow and become independent. Try cosleeping and see if it's easier for you instead of getting up each time. I'm just trying to enjoy those late night feedings, they grow up too fast! Good luck mama! 

We do cosleep most of the night.  He goes down in his cradle and then after his first wake up I bring him in bed.  When I had flu like symptoms I couldn't get comfortable and I needed him out of the bed and he wouldn't unlatch and I realized I need to gently break this sleep association.  I can't let him CIO at this point, I just don't have it in me.

I completely understand you. A few months back I got really sick and unfortunately I was in bed not feeling well and i felt so sick, but I pulled through it and was able to nurse him, we just both fell asleep there. I also feel like they know when we don't feel good and only want to be close to mommy, but cio is also not for me, like you said perhaps try a non crying method or just gently introduce a sleep routine. Keep us updated mama and good luck! 

NewMumzy25

Oh wow yes do I ever know what you're talking about. We do mostly Co sleeping and I just keep my boobs out since he does the same thing as previous poster and roots around then moved to screaming if he can't find my nipple.  It's rough for sure I'm on fumes cause its constant waking up to soothe himself using my nipple. We've tried letting him cry it out he's persistent and doesn't stop just gets louder. At one point I had him going to sleep in his own, I would nurse him in the living room then make a bottle and give him that read him a story and then his kisses put him in his basinett sing him 2 songs and I would go sit outside the room going in every 5 min as needed and then upping the time till he jist went to sleep on just own. He was doing awesome and then we moved. And then he hot phase 5 and since then he does cat naps. Now we're teething and barely sleep and want mom to hold me all day.

I can get him to sleep with a bottle and rocking in the rocking chair but when I put him down in the crib I have to rub his back to finish him off and h3 wakes up usually 45 min later cause he wants to nurse well not nurse just use my nipple like a binky and he won't take a binky he screams bloody blue murder when we try to give him one.

Thera888

We are in the same boat.. I was nursing him til go got drowsy and then put in his crib. Now in evening I nurse him in living room then go to bedroom,  read a story and then put him in bed while he is fully awake. First night it took 40 minutes for him to fall asleep now it's maybe five. During night he is waking up 3 times to nurse (and this already is achievement for us because before it was more like 5 times). We will work on that night nursing too because this month I'm going back to work and we have been doing this only for a week now.  I don't think we can drop all 3 feedings so soon, but it would be nice to go down to 2. 

kristyn831

Thera888 said:

We are in the same boat.. I was nursing him til go got drowsy and then put in his crib. Now in evening I nurse him in living room then go to bedroom,  read a story and then put him in bed while he is fully awake. First night it took 40 minutes for him to fall asleep now it's maybe five. During night he is waking up 3 times to nurse (and this already is achievement for us because before it was more like 5 times). We will work on that night nursing too because this month I'm going back to work and we have been doing this only for a week now.  I don't think we can drop all 3 feedings so soon, but it would be nice to go down to 2. 

For that forty minutes, did you sit with him or leave the room?  Did you let him CIO?

Last night, I kept unlatching him and he would get upset but eventually fell asleep.  He was up every 2 hours at first and towards the end of the night every hour so my exhaustion kicked in and I just left my boob out for him.  

Thera888

@kristyn831  all those 40 minutes I was sitting right next to his crib. Touching him occasionally and sometimes making shushing (is that even a word???) sounds, but not talking to him or picking up. 

JessLarson

For those of you that tried some form of crying, did baby ever settle down or did they cry until they finally fell asleep. I'm struggling.

bgrant172

@JessLarson when we did it DS cried for about 40 minutes the first night but it was broken up by periods of quiet where you could tell he was trying to figure out how to settle and get to sleep. It definitely sucked but one thing that helped me was to remind myself that he was ok. He was comfortable, safe, he wasn't hungry or in pain or sick, what he was was frustrated and just sort of yelling about it. It also got better so quickly and I think for us personally it has been a really wonderful thing for him to have the skill to sleep without requiring my body, by the time we did the sleep training I think he was as frustrated by the dependency as I was. 

kristyn831

After last night, I decided I'm desperate.  He slept for one hour at a time in his crib and you could see on the baby monitor that every sleep cycle he completed, he was rolling side to side looking to nurse and when I wasn't there, he started crying.

DH went in to him and he cried until I went in.  I finally brought him in bed when I went to sleep and every time he woke up, he wouldn't settle until he nursed.  I have a pounding headache and I can't be going to work as an RN if I can't think straight.  He absolutely won't go back to sleep until he gets my boob.

I think tonight I might sit next to his crib but not pick him up.  It just breaks my heart and I'm crying just thinking about it but he needs to self soothe.  He used to sleep 4-5 hour stretches but every hour for the last almost 2 months is wearing on me, especially as a working mom.

n3na94

kristyn831 said:

After last night, I decided I'm desperate.  He slept for one hour at a time in his crib and you could see on the baby monitor that every sleep cycle he completed, he was rolling side to side looking to nurse and when I wasn't there, he started crying.

DH went in to him and he cried until I went in.  I finally brought him in bed when I went to sleep and every time he woke up, he wouldn't settle until he nursed.  I have a pounding headache and I can't be going to work as an RN if I can't think straight.  He absolutely won't go back to sleep until he gets my boob.

I think tonight I might sit next to his crib but not pick him up.  It just breaks my heart and I'm crying just thinking about it but he needs to self soothe.  He used to sleep 4-5 hour stretches but every hour for the last almost 2 months is wearing on me, especially as a working mom.

I think it's also has to do with leap 6, I'm currently on it! 

kristyn831

n3na94 said:

kristyn831 said:

After last night, I decided I'm desperate.  He slept for one hour at a time in his crib and you could see on the baby monitor that every sleep cycle he completed, he was rolling side to side looking to nurse and when I wasn't there, he started crying.

DH went in to him and he cried until I went in.  I finally brought him in bed when I went to sleep and every time he woke up, he wouldn't settle until he nursed.  I have a pounding headache and I can't be going to work as an RN if I can't think straight.  He absolutely won't go back to sleep until he gets my boob.

I think tonight I might sit next to his crib but not pick him up.  It just breaks my heart and I'm crying just thinking about it but he needs to self soothe.  He used to sleep 4-5 hour stretches but every hour for the last almost 2 months is wearing on me, especially as a working mom.

I think it's also has to do with leap 6, I'm currently on it! 

I don't know what it is but between cleaning and organizing our house after the addition was complete, working, and no sleep I have been crying most of the day because I'm overwhelmed.

I just put him in his crib for a nap, sitting next to him and comforting him, and after an hour and 15 minutes of crying off and on, he's asleep.  His cry was more of an "I'm tired and why aren't you nursing me?" cry.  At least he wasn't screaming but it was still so hard to not pick him up.

And before I was a mom, I thought nursing would be easier than formula because I wouldn't have to deal with bottles and figuring out the right formula.  Yeah, I was wrong haha. I still wouldn't change the fact that I can comfort and feed him in a second if I have to.

missvalentina

I did a little bit of sleep training with my baby girl (by letting her cry herself to sleep) when she was about 5 months old and it worked perfectly. Her sleep cycle worked like a clock and she would wake up every hour but eventually she learned how to go back to sleep after every cycle on her own without making a beep. It all changed when she learned how to sit up and then stand up so now when she wakes up she pulls herself to standing and just stands there crying like a very sad sad cry like Mama where are you, I need you so bad kind of cry. It makes it almost impossible for her to soothe herself and go back to sleep so I just bring her to our bed and we sleep all night with no issues (even if she wakes up she finds the boob and goes back to sleep). I know for sure that my heart will not let me leave her crying it out so I would really love to hear some positive stories of how mommies nursed their babies to sleep and co-slept and they eventually learned how to sleep by themselves

n3na94

I'm so sorry mama, please don't be sad. Crying it or is just for me. I know for some mom's it works and that's great but for me, I'm okay with how we are, cosleeping, I know eventually he will learn to sleep by himself but hang in there mama and be patient, your little one will learn eventually, just try enjoying this closeness you have with you little one and akeep us updated. Don't cry Because our little ones can sense it and it doesn't help them. Every thing will be okay!! Stay positive mama, you're doing great! 

kristyn831

missvalentina said:

I did a little bit of sleep training with my baby girl (by letting her cry herself to sleep) when she was about 5 months old and it worked perfectly. Her sleep cycle worked like a clock and she would wake up every hour but eventually she learned how to go back to sleep after every cycle on her own without making a beep. It all changed when she learned how to sit up and then stand up so now when she wakes up she pulls herself to standing and just stands there crying like a very sad sad cry like Mama where are you, I need you so bad kind of cry. It makes it almost impossible for her to soothe herself and go back to sleep so I just bring her to our bed and we sleep all night with no issues (even if she wakes up she finds the boob and goes back to sleep). I know for sure that my heart will not let me leave her crying it out so I would really love to hear some positive stories of how mommies nursed their babies to sleep and co-slept and they eventually learned how to sleep by themselves

I was holding out hope for awhile.  They have to outgrow it eventually, right?  LO just kept
getting more and more dependent on my boob to fall asleep.  If he would just sleep next to me and nurse a couple of times a night, I wouldn't be at my breaking point of getting no sleep and being back to work.

wheresilenceismusic

@kristy -- I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to send my support.  <3<3  So sorry that you were sick and dealing with a crying baby, and having to work on top of that.  I am a SAHM and I feel overwhelmed sometimes.  I just want to say how amazed I am that you can care so well for your baby and work, to boot!  You are doing a great job!!  Everything will sort itself out in time.