To have a third baby, or not...How did you decide?!

Fergiegal

Hi all ~ I just turned 32, and I have a 4 year old, and an 18 month old. I have been thinking a ton about having a third kid. When I had my second, I was so set on being done. But, now as I see my kids really growing, I am scratching my head about it all. Should I try for another, or not. How do people decide on this. I feel like it's a huge deal. I mean, this is a third! I work non stop with just my two kids. Things are pretty crazy on a daily basis for me, but I can say that I feel balance with just the two. But, then I think to myself, what if I don't have the 3rd, and then go through life wondering what it would have been like. I definitely can't get pregnant now, as my husband and I have our plates full financially, and would have to clear that off, or at least get rid of most debt before we even try to have another. If I had to decide right now for another baby, we'd have to go with no, bc we truly can't afford it. But, my husband says we can revisit all this middle of next year, and see where we stand, and then we'll decide. Tough decision. I like my lifestyle now. We don't travel anywhere exotic or expensive, but we have just enough money to enjoy life with our boys. I grew up with my parents never having money left over for trips or anything fun, so my memories of being a kid are so boring. I always told myself I could never do that to my kids. I want to be able to go on vacations every now and then, as a family. And just have flexibility to also escape with friends or hubby once in a blue moon. Perhaps a 3rd doesn't mix with that lifestyle bc it would just be too much? As you can see, my mind is in a million places with this. So, I am just curious to see how other beautiful mamas came to the decision of having their 3rd baby? How much did your life change after baby #3 came? I want to hear it all. Thank you!

Sarcasm101

Fergiegal said:

Hi all ~ I just turned 32, and I have a 4 year old, and an 18 month old. I have been thinking a ton about having a third kid. When I had my second, I was so set on being done. But, now as I see my kids really growing, I am scratching my head about it all. Should I try for another, or not. How do people decide on this. I feel like it's a huge deal. I mean, this is a third! I work non stop with just my two kids. Things are pretty crazy on a daily basis for me, but I can say that I feel balance with just the two. But, then I think to myself, what if I don't have the 3rd, and then go through life wondering what it would have been like. I definitely can't get pregnant now, as my husband and I have our plates full financially, and would have to clear that off, or at least get rid of most debt before we even try to have another. If I had to decide right now for another baby, we'd have to go with no, bc we truly can't afford it. But, my husband says we can revisit all this middle of next year, and see where we stand, and then we'll decide. Tough decision. I like my lifestyle now. We don't travel anywhere exotic or expensive, but we have just enough money to enjoy life with our boys. I grew up with my parents never having money left over for trips or anything fun, so my memories of being a kid are so boring. I always told myself I could never do that to my kids. I want to be able to go on vacations every now and then, as a family. And just have flexibility to also escape with friends or hubby once in a blue moon. Perhaps a 3rd doesn't mix with that lifestyle bc it would just be too much? As you can see, my mind is in a million places with this. So, I am just curious to see how other beautiful mamas came to the decision of having their 3rd baby? How much did your life change after baby #3 came? I want to hear it all. Thank you!

Money is pretty much the only factor for me. Kids are expensive, especially in the first few years. The two big things H and I consider is can we afford child care for another and long term, will be we able to save enough for kid 3's college fund?

Ask yourself if you will be okay to split your attention 3 ways (4 if you include your H).

Good news is that you don't have to decide right now. Talk about it with your H. Figure out how much debt you can pay off in the next X months. Discuss any upcoming big purchases. Maybe talk a vacation as a family of 4.

Fergiegal

Sarcasm101 said:

Fergiegal said:

Hi all ~ I just turned 32, and I have a 4 year old, and an 18 month old. I have been thinking a ton about having a third kid. When I had my second, I was so set on being done. But, now as I see my kids really growing, I am scratching my head about it all. Should I try for another, or not. How do people decide on this. I feel like it's a huge deal. I mean, this is a third! I work non stop with just my two kids. Things are pretty crazy on a daily basis for me, but I can say that I feel balance with just the two. But, then I think to myself, what if I don't have the 3rd, and then go through life wondering what it would have been like. I definitely can't get pregnant now, as my husband and I have our plates full financially, and would have to clear that off, or at least get rid of most debt before we even try to have another. If I had to decide right now for another baby, we'd have to go with no, bc we truly can't afford it. But, my husband says we can revisit all this middle of next year, and see where we stand, and then we'll decide. Tough decision. I like my lifestyle now. We don't travel anywhere exotic or expensive, but we have just enough money to enjoy life with our boys. I grew up with my parents never having money left over for trips or anything fun, so my memories of being a kid are so boring. I always told myself I could never do that to my kids. I want to be able to go on vacations every now and then, as a family. And just have flexibility to also escape with friends or hubby once in a blue moon. Perhaps a 3rd doesn't mix with that lifestyle bc it would just be too much? As you can see, my mind is in a million places with this. So, I am just curious to see how other beautiful mamas came to the decision of having their 3rd baby? How much did your life change after baby #3 came? I want to hear it all. Thank you!

Money is pretty much the only factor for me. Kids are expensive, especially in the first few years. The two big things H and I consider is can we afford child care for another and long term, will be we able to save enough for kid 3's college fund?

Ask yourself if you will be okay to split your attention 3 ways (4 if you include your H).

Good news is that you don't have to decide right now. Talk about it with your H. Figure out how much debt you can pay off in the next X months. Discuss any upcoming big purchases. Maybe talk a vacation as a family of 4.

Thank you for you for your response! I personally think that we won't make a huge improvement in regards to debt by next year. Our house needs a new roof. And we are still paying for my second son's birth! He is 18 months old, but we have terrible health insurance, so they covered like nothing basically. Not just his birth....some genetic tests, ultrasounds, etc for my pregnancy w him. I just really want to give my kids I have now a good life. Then I think, if I have another, we definitely have to get a bigger car. Right now, we just finished paying off our car. Then, my house is kind of small, so we'd need to finish our basement to give us some more room for a bigger family. Then later on, braces, which I'm sure we'll have to do with our kids, and like your said college....etc. Big families are beautiful, but it's also so much work and money. I'm so exhausted now with just my two boys...I can't imagine 3. lol

Sarcasm101

Fergiegal said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Fergiegal said:

Hi all ~ I just turned 32, and I have a 4 year old, and an 18 month old. I have been thinking a ton about having a third kid. When I had my second, I was so set on being done. But, now as I see my kids really growing, I am scratching my head about it all. Should I try for another, or not. How do people decide on this. I feel like it's a huge deal. I mean, this is a third! I work non stop with just my two kids. Things are pretty crazy on a daily basis for me, but I can say that I feel balance with just the two. But, then I think to myself, what if I don't have the 3rd, and then go through life wondering what it would have been like. I definitely can't get pregnant now, as my husband and I have our plates full financially, and would have to clear that off, or at least get rid of most debt before we even try to have another. If I had to decide right now for another baby, we'd have to go with no, bc we truly can't afford it. But, my husband says we can revisit all this middle of next year, and see where we stand, and then we'll decide. Tough decision. I like my lifestyle now. We don't travel anywhere exotic or expensive, but we have just enough money to enjoy life with our boys. I grew up with my parents never having money left over for trips or anything fun, so my memories of being a kid are so boring. I always told myself I could never do that to my kids. I want to be able to go on vacations every now and then, as a family. And just have flexibility to also escape with friends or hubby once in a blue moon. Perhaps a 3rd doesn't mix with that lifestyle bc it would just be too much? As you can see, my mind is in a million places with this. So, I am just curious to see how other beautiful mamas came to the decision of having their 3rd baby? How much did your life change after baby #3 came? I want to hear it all. Thank you!

Money is pretty much the only factor for me. Kids are expensive, especially in the first few years. The two big things H and I consider is can we afford child care for another and long term, will be we able to save enough for kid 3's college fund?

Ask yourself if you will be okay to split your attention 3 ways (4 if you include your H).

Good news is that you don't have to decide right now. Talk about it with your H. Figure out how much debt you can pay off in the next X months. Discuss any upcoming big purchases. Maybe talk a vacation as a family of 4.

Thank you for you for your response! I personally think that we won't make a huge improvement in regards to debt by next year. Our house needs a new roof. And we are still paying for my second son's birth! He is 18 months old, but we have terrible health insurance, so they covered like nothing basically. Not just his birth....some genetic tests, ultrasounds, etc for my pregnancy w him. I just really want to give my kids I have now a good life. Then I think, if I have another, we definitely have to get a bigger car. Right now, we just finished paying off our car. Then, my house is kind of small, so we'd need to finish our basement to give us some more room for a bigger family. Then later on, braces, which I'm sure we'll have to do with our kids, and like your said college....etc. Big families are beautiful, but it's also so much work and money. I'm so exhausted now with just my two boys...I can't imagine 3. lol

So it sounds like you are being really smart about this.

Can you put together some kind of financial spreadsheet to help you envision what your debts/ house projects are verse net income? It might help you come up with a timeline.

If all these projects/ bills will take 5-7 years to get under control, are you comfortable with waiting that long for baby 3? Or would it be cheaper to move into a new house to avoid some of the upcoming projects? Is there a way to make extra income that could move up your timeline?