What do you call your donor?

FSBC · February 2016

So, we had to see a psychologist before we could do IVF. At first I was irritated but the session was more informative then what I thought it would be. One topic she brought up was, what we would call the donor when referring to him in conversations with our LO. The suggestion was to find a word that was meaningful to us that we could use in replacement of "donor". Something that expressed how much this persons "gift" means to us; that with out that person, our LO would not be here. We are struggling to find a word that is meaningful but doesn't place the donor on some pedestal of divine greatness. To be honest, I don't see an issue with the word donor.
What do you all call your donor or plan on calling them? Do you plan on talking about your donor with your child at all?

twomommiestobe · February 2016

Ok, I thought we would have to do the counseling with ivf, but they never made us do it. (Maybe they forgot) Now, I'm curious as to what we might have missed.

I figured we would use donor. We haven't thought of it yet! Lol

I'm going to buy different kid books that talk about things like this, and hopefully find a good word in those! I'm eager to hear what others say.

Noellee2005 · February 2016

V and I are still TTC, so we haven't thought about this yet. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with using the words "donor" and "sperm." I am a pretty direct communicator, and I generally dislike fluffy terminology for things like body parts, sexuality, etc., particularly if a child is old enough to ask. I think there is always an age-appropriate way to tell a child about where he/she came from.

I think how the topic is discussed is probably a lot more important than the words used. V and I already have one book that deals not specifically with the donor issue but that different types of bodies contribute different cells (each with its own unique "story") to make a baby. Some bodies have a uterus for the baby to grow, some don't. The main idea is that the two bodies it takes to make the baby are very special, but those bodies aren't necessarily the ones to build Baby's family. We think it's a nice starting point to have those conversations.

Who knows, though? Perhaps I'm talking big now, but in a few years, I'll be talking about storks!

FirePoppy · March 2016

We're planning to use "donor" (I feel like that is a pretty positive word) in explaining, but we've also negotiated with our known donor to be identified when the time is right. So we can tell our LO that (non-relative) uncle X was the donor that gave us the gift of helping us to start a family. @VL2016 I love the "two-bodies" concept--such a great way of explaining it

FSBC · March 2016

@VL2016 - will you share the name of the book you are referring to?

Noellee2005 · March 2016

@FSBC - It's called What Makes A Baby, and it's written by Cory Silverburg. I found it on Amazon.

angelicac06 · March 2016

When the time comes, he will be referred to by just simply his name since he is a friend. I don't see anything wrong with saying donor however. Especially if you do not know him. We had to go see a counselor per the fertility clinic as well prior to those two rounds of IUI and it was very informal yet reassuring.