No thanks to baby shower?

alohasoprano

Two friends recently came to me expressing that they would like to throw a combined baby shower for me and another friend who is pregnant. My question is: 
Is it rude to *politely* refuse a baby shower? I am a STM expecting boy #2. We really don't need anything. But besides that, while I love attending baby showers and celebrating the new mom, I get a lot of anxiety when I'm the subject of the shower. Also, this would strictly be for friends (no family lives nearby for either of us)...it seems like a lot to ask of our mutual friends to bring two gifts. I would be on board with just a baby celebration that didn't involve gifts, but I certainly don't want to speak for my other friend.  I would honestly love to help them plan the shower for this other friend of ours who is having her first boy and does need items. 

I hope I don't seem ungrateful. Honestly, you can totally tell me if this is stupid. I would love to hear opinions. 

goldie987

I hated my bridal shower, being the center of attention makes me really uncomfortable, so I have no desire whatsoever to repeat the experience.  I preemptively brought the topic up with anyone who would potentially be throwing me a shower that I had no interest whatsoever and they took it well enough and (hopefully) are respecting my wishes.  

I don't think you're being ungrateful by choosing to not accept a shower that makes you uncomfortable as long as you're polite about it, but I may be biased here.  As long as they know you're thankful for the offer and truly appreciate it, I don't see an issue. 

likeabel

I don't think it's rude at all to politely decline. Maybe tell them you don't want to take the spotlight away from your friend who is pregnant but you're extremely flattered that they thought of you. If they push it maybe suggest having a separate girls day out and getting pedicures or lunch. 

Linsbins

Instead of gifts at my bridal shower my BFF asked everyone to take some time to write a card with advice and love for my
marriage. Instead of gifts, I got 50 heartfelt cards from family and friends that I will treasure forever. You could participate in the shower for your friend, and do the card/well wishes for baby for you (wouldn't need a party, the "host" could do a girls day or a lunch in the backyard of people want to get together in person). 

lynnernon

I like @likeabel 's idea of declining with the reason that you don't want to take the spotlight away from your friend who is having her first. Maybe throw in a line about how you're set for stuff and would rather celebrate her as the guest of honor. 

Then the invites, etc can focus on your friend, but maybe someone has a token second mini cake or something celebrating your LO as well at the celebration so your friends can feel like they're not ignoring you. Idk about a separate mani/pedi day, that can feel like an expensive extra for a friend who might rather give you a cute onesie. A fun coffee (or hot chocolate or smoothies if you're abstaining) date might be a good way to celebrate with you on a smaller scale.  

Boonhilde

I don't think you're being ungrateful. I think you're being conscious. I think if you told them you'd rather help throw your other friend a shower and not be included as a guest of honor you'd feel a lot more comfortable, that'd be respectful to your friends who want to include you.

CourtJack

I think it's perfectly ok and I definitely don't think you're being ungrateful! Especially since you're offering to help plan it for your other friend :-) if I was in your shoes I'd do the same as I too hate being the centre of attention at these types of events. :-) 

HBamama2B

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me to decline if that's your preference. I don't see any concerns.

RMLandy

I did the same thing with my prospective host, so she is just doing a small celebration with close friends and family only, and not calling it a "shower." It worked out for us with no issues. Just be honest and express your sincere thanks that they wanted to include you!

annaf2011

I agree with PPs that you don't sound ungrateful, and you seem to have a good out.  Tell your friends that it's so nice of them to want to celebrate you, but that you already have all of the baby items you need given that this is your second, and you would be honored to help host a shower for your other friend.  I don't think it's rude at all, and it's gracious of you to want to celebrate your friend.

tjenkins528

I also agree with PP. My mom offered me a "sprinkle" since I'm having a girl this time and I said no. Maybe say thanks for the offer but you'd rather help with the friend's shower! I feel like if people really want to get you a little something for the baby they'll get it anyway.