HORMONE MADNESS

DebraG421

Hi Bumpies, I am just now heading into the beginning of the third trimester and it feels sometimes that things will get better.  The second tri, the supposed glowing one, has been very difficult emotionally.  I snapped very easily at my husband and had little frustration tolerance.  I'd be fine one second and then indifferent or listless the next. I'd cry for no reason at all.  I still feel like I am swimming in a sea of emotions that are beyond my control!!  The most persistent feeling has been sadness and low mood.
The doctor has encouraged meds, which I do not feel comfortable with.  I am functional... meaning I still eat accordingly, get out of bed to work, clean sufficiently, and force myself to try to walk, exercise, or socialize.  Some days I have to force myself more than others.
Seeking therapy to talk didn't work.  She asked me to write down thoughts I have when I feel sad - I had none!  There is nothing to talk about since I was/am otherwise happy... it's hormonal! 
I am doing acupuncture, exercise, getting sunlight, and following a routine to keep steady.  But, to leave no stone unturned, I ask out there:
Is anyone else going through something similar who has ideas I might have missed?  What worked for you?  What helps you to cope?
Did you find your moods got better or worse as your pregnancy progressed?
Do you try to tell yourself things in order to feel better or do you just accept that this is your pregnancy cross to bear?

Believe me, I want this child and I am happy about becoming a mom.  I wish I could enjoy the pregnancy part more.

SarahFoley725

Not everyone enjoys pregnancy and that's completely normal. Everything about your existence is changing and getting a little more difficult every day. I wouldn't say that I ever experienced that "glow" period either. I've been pretty uncomfortable in one way or another for my entire pregnancy. I didn't even kick MS until 34ish weeks! 

Honestly, mood swings and the crazy hormones have been recent for me and have gotten progressively worse as I get less sleep and more uncomfortable. That doesn't mean it will be the same for you. Everyone's pregnancy is different. If you don't want to take medication and you are worried about all of this, maybe you could find a therapist to talk to? It's awesome that you've talked to your doctor about it already. You're being a very proactive and awesome mom!

AdorkablePixie

I've had mood swings here and there and I've been hormonal as well, not as much as you're saying though. I can go from a good mood to a complete bitch in like .5 seconds though. lol I haven't had any sadness really though. Nervousness, yes but not sadness. It's good that you are trying to do something about it.

Best of luck to you!!

arcanejinx

I have pretty severe antepartum depression-I was suicidal in my first trimester, and while symptom wise I was ok in my second I still was a roller coaster. I have a history of mental health issues-and stayed on my medication, which is probably the only thing that kept me from acting out my urges. Thankfully my OB is fantastic and was on everyone's butt to get me seen ASAP with a free therapist. Yes I know logically if I wasn't pregnant I wouldn't need talk therapy, but I do need it. Now that I'm nearing the end I feel more a peace-I do not enjoy being pregnant, and I'm miserable.

DH and I have decided that we are one and done, and medically though nothing physically is wrong with me, I will not jeopardize my life to have another biological child (I won't put my daughter through how bad I got in the first trimester). Having come to that conclusion I don't feel as bad. Also accepting that I am not having the "picture perfect" pregnancy was hard-in fact I talked about that a lot during my first few therapy sessions. Once I accepted that I have been able to deal with some other issues that have come up which I know I typically can handle but with my body and mind so out of wack I need the support.

I've always reacted badly to hormone changes (BC has always done a number on me) but we weren't prepared for how pregnancy hormones would throw me for a loop. Perhaps writing out how your moods are at various points of the day, and if anything that happened around the mood changes can help you figure out how best to help yourself. Sometimes my mood drops are because I just haven't eaten in a longer time than I thought, or I watched something that upset me. Seeing a pattern can really help you tackle what is going on.

saladflambe

First trimester was very very difficult for me. I was previously on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication, so coming off of those AND dealing w/ hormones and feeling crummy put me in a really really bad place. I felt nothing but negative emotions towards this pregnancy in 1st trimester. 2nd trimester was easier; I began to feel positive emotions towards the pregnancy, and I began connecting more with it. I've only just entered 3rd trimester, and things are getting difficult again. I cry for no reason every single day, my anxiety is through the roof, and I feel really bad about myself a lot. But, I do not feel negative emotions towards the baby, which is an improvement over 1st trimester.

I am in therapy multiple times per week, and it is the only thing that helps me. I also maintain contact with my therapist between sessions -- phone calls, emails, text messages as needed. It is the only way I've been able to do this at all. I've managed to stay off of medications, though I did almost go back on at the end of 1st trimester, which would've been totally fine. I only opted not to because that was when I started feeling better, and I wanted to see how things went.

Some things I do to cope: A lot of self care (baths, time to myself, took a vacation with my husband). I do a lot of meditation/mantras/breath prayer whatever you'd like to call it (right now, I spend chunks of the day just saying silently in my mind "I matter" over and over, because I'm struggling a lot with that right now). I write to my therapist all the time...I just have to. And, of course, I pay a lot of money to go to therapy multiple times per week, because it is necessary. It just is for me. 

DebraG421

Thanks everybody for your comments and advice, especially those who know what depression is like.  It is always helpful and reassuring just to know that I am not the only one struggling.  I get so frustrated... "What's the matter with me?" I'll say to myself. "Everything is good!"  But no matter how many times I tell myself that and truly believe it, the crummy feeling persists.  It takes me back to memories of the last time I fell to depression that don't even make sense now.  I think my mind just searches for something sad to fixate on because it's my body's weird way of trying to deal with the confusion of feeling sad for no reason.  I'm guarding my mind, but my body still just feels "off."  Therapy didn't really work for me because I didn't have much of anything to talk about.  Or maybe I should just try a different therapist.
Anyways.... thanks, ladies.  All of you are very brave for staying strong for your baby!  I am praying for your healthy pregnancies and healthy recoveries.

peregrinefalconx

I stayed on my meds for Generalized Anxiety Disorder (Lamictal, which is safe for pregnancy). My GAD then dipped into depression, and not just being "hormonal". After 6 weeks, I finally realized that it was more than anxiety and talked about going up on my meds with my psych. I did it for 2 days (the stuff always worked instantly on me, I swear), then had the best day I have had with my husband in maybe years (??), and have been exercising more and feel brought out of the depths. I see a new therapist, and then started seeing my old one again too!

But today, I've been crying about my sister's dog's botched surgery and am so tapped into the pain. I just weep over it (but this actually does feel hormonal). So I feel you. Sometimes it's not about anything, but your brain will find something. You can't really talk yourself out of it. Sometimes if you throw the kitchen sink at it, you can shake it off...

You are not alone... keep searching out methods though. I understand about not wanting to take meds...I just lucked out that I found this one and that I have educated providers--not all are, on safe alternatives.

DebraG421

Thank you for being so honest and open about your journey and everything you've been through.  I have good days and bad.  I think my issues are really focused around change and also having a really harsh internal critic.  I'm really finding it hard to learn how to relax.  Part of it stems from childhood and part from having a really really hard time finding steady work in my 20s.  Bad timing with the economic recession and all- i know this- but it doesn't build confidence when you are looking to make something of yourself.  I guess at some point we all have to let our baggage go and teach our kids how to do the same!  I want my child to be responsible but not to the point of torturing themselves. 
Like you said, it prepares us for the journey and some of this uncomfortable reflecting may help us settle more strongly on those values so we can become better parents

Boonhilde

Hi.

Ive dealt with depression outside and inside of pregnancy and it sneaks up then BAM gets to a ridiculous level. I'll warn you to tread carefully. If I were you I'd keep the appointments with the therapist but tell them writing stuff down doesn't work for you. (Sometimes it's about finding the right therapist! I had one that wanted to talk about depression when I was doing everything possible to not think about it! Then I had a great one who did most of the talking and built up my self esteem, and never mentioned depression or anxiety. I went to him only twice but he helped SO MUCH!) 

I do not blame you for not wanting to go on meds, but if you ever start feeling like everything is hopeless, please remember there's hope, and sometimes those pills can help. 

So, i keep depression at bay by staying away from any entertainment that is sad or scary. (Books. Movies. TV. Whatever.) I indulge in moderately guilty pleasures. (Such as retail therapy, when I can afford it. Debt brings about depression! And not too guilty pleasures! Guilt makes ya depressed!) Which brings me to my next point, I apologize to everyone I've ever come close to offending. When I start feeling low I tell myself, "You're just not feeling well. You get depressed when you're not feeling well. You'll feel better tomorrow." Then DRINK SOME WATER! Build up your blood sugar with a bite of chocolate and get some protein. Take a nap. There are VERY REAL physical things we can do to curb mental things. Exercise = joy.

Good luck!

DebraG421

Thank you for the insight.  I have heard that drinking water is helpful.  Seems so simple, but a real thing to try.  Taking a nap is good as long as it is not overdone.  I was overly napping for awhile and felt worse!  I like what you tell yourself too... very positive!  Good luck to you as well with your delivery and baby!