June 2016 Moms
TheHauntedHauswife
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Shower RSVPs Help!
TheHauntedHauswife
member
Has anyone else been dealing with baby shower RSVPs being a nightmare?
My host doesnt know a lot of the people (of course almost every single non-reply person is on DHs side.) so the guest list has been one part i've been decently involved in. RSVP date is today and we are missing 18 out of 70 people! I need to submit the final number and i need to iron out the people who go together at tables for the seating chart for my host so she can go there this week and choose the table layout with the venue and finish what she needs to finish as far as name cards go.
I could use some thoughts on how to proceed with each group of non-RSVPers.
Out of towners - What is the sort of norm with out of town quests. We are noticing a handful of the people who have not RSVPd are the people who live a long drive or a plane ride away. Should we assume they arent coming or do we call each one?
Maybes - What about people who keep giving vague responses, How do we gently and kindly tell them that we need an answer and cant really accept maybes any longer. Also it still endlessly shocks me that there are people who dont get the concept of needing to RSVP when given an official printed invitation and RSVP date.
Family with Kids - Through the grapevine [they asked their mother, who asked my MIL, who asked my host, who went over it with me] we were asked what the deal was with kids coming and we unfortunately had to ask for no kids because we were dancing around max capacity, and there was no way to tactfully select whose kids were more important or a higher priority than another ones, so we had to just say no kids. The people who asked have not RSVPd.
Bad communicators - We have a few friends who are just really bad at communicating, and of course those few people are on the list. We decided to reach out to them a few days ago to try and strike up a conversation, but have no replies as of yet. How do we get responses from hard to contact people in a timely fashion?
My host doesnt know a lot of the people (of course almost every single non-reply person is on DHs side.) so the guest list has been one part i've been decently involved in. RSVP date is today and we are missing 18 out of 70 people! I need to submit the final number and i need to iron out the people who go together at tables for the seating chart for my host so she can go there this week and choose the table layout with the venue and finish what she needs to finish as far as name cards go.
I could use some thoughts on how to proceed with each group of non-RSVPers.
Out of towners - What is the sort of norm with out of town quests. We are noticing a handful of the people who have not RSVPd are the people who live a long drive or a plane ride away. Should we assume they arent coming or do we call each one?
Maybes - What about people who keep giving vague responses, How do we gently and kindly tell them that we need an answer and cant really accept maybes any longer. Also it still endlessly shocks me that there are people who dont get the concept of needing to RSVP when given an official printed invitation and RSVP date.
Family with Kids - Through the grapevine [they asked their mother, who asked my MIL, who asked my host, who went over it with me] we were asked what the deal was with kids coming and we unfortunately had to ask for no kids because we were dancing around max capacity, and there was no way to tactfully select whose kids were more important or a higher priority than another ones, so we had to just say no kids. The people who asked have not RSVPd.
Bad communicators - We have a few friends who are just really bad at communicating, and of course those few people are on the list. We decided to reach out to them a few days ago to try and strike up a conversation, but have no replies as of yet. How do we get responses from hard to contact people in a timely fashion?
Re: Shower RSVPs Help!
Maybe just have an extra table and chairs put away just in case - we did that for my bridal shower but *most* of the people that didn't reply didn't end up showing up.
Im pretty confident the out of towners arent coming too. But the people with the kids i feel conflicted about assuming with them because they are core members of DHs family, and they attended the last family baby shower without the kids.
The venue doesn't have enough space to just leave an extra table as we are nearly at capacity. So while we could do something with left over seats if we found an easy way to handle it, it would likely be like 2 seats at one time and a 1 seat at another table, etc.
Triplets due 6/29/16 also from an IUI!
About half of them do know me, I just have no way to contact them. As they aren't on social media and ive never had any reason to have their phone numbers before. The other half i could not pick out of a crowd if you paid me a million dollars.
Saying this I am a worry wort so I would probably call them all.....but if they are out of town or an airplane ride away I would say count them out.
Have a great shower! My mom and sister are still arguing about who to invite to mine lol let alone the RSVP numbers hehehe mom wants to invite all the neighbours thay I grew up around even though I haven't lived in that province for the last 7 years......
Get the contact info from your H and give it to the hostess. All she has to say is, we are wondering if you are going to hauntedhousewife's shower on Saturday March Y. I need to know by X date. If I don't hear from you, I'll be marking you down as not attending. It just has to be direct. It might be easier for someone not related or known to this person to do this, so it's not uncomfortable to your H. It's not rude to tell the people the RSVP deadline has passed and I need to know now
I may have missed it, but when is your shower?
@sdnybrk - The reason i am having a seating chart is because the space is pretty small and the total number of guests is extremely close to the rooms maximum capacity, we are also paying by the person/chair. So we felt we had no other option then to do that. Also nearly every shower ive been to has had a seating chart so it must be a regional thing or something cause its more common than not here.
H went ahead and called people today. But we are still waiting on 7.
Thanks for the post! I was recently invited to my cousin's bridal shower and I assumed kids were cool, (that's the consensus for the culture I'm in,) but now I'll call and make sure, since this culture is not her culture.
RSVP date has came and went, and we still have 6 more. All have been called but as suspected the group i titled above as the ''bad communicators'' still haven't responded. As well as a few people who only my MIL has the contact info for and wont give it to us, insists she will handle it, but we have no idea if she has even called once or not.
If your RSVP holdouts are people your hostess knows personally, she should probably call them. If not, since they are on your husband's side of the family, I would suggest asking your MIL to call them. It isn't fair for your hostess(es) to have to pay for extra people just because some guests are too lazy to RSVP. Some people are so inconsiderate!
Its 3 of DH friends and 3 of MILs friends at this point. DH has called them atleast once, some twice or to different phone numbers and no replies. MIL is just being weird about her people. She supposedly called all 3 last night but we never got a follow up. DH will probably call her again tonight. 3 days until we have to turn in the numbers in.
And..I'm going to need to see what this shower looks like! I spent about $150 on my cousins, for 30 people, and that was a lot to me and the co-host. I'm really curious about yours, now. Like, honestly. Showers are so informal and such around here. Aka finger foods and at church fellowship halls or in someone's living room
Again I really thing these things are regional. Because i am having a very modest shower for my area. I live in Bergen County, NJ. Its right outside Manhatten/NYC. Like Coco and Ice-T just had their baby next to where i go to physical therapy. Its definitely just a more expensive area.
My venue is very much on the cheaper side of whats available here and was partially chosen for its cost-effective nature (also one of my favorite places and near to my house). Had it been warm out we would have done a backyard shower with catering but weather didn't allow that this time around.
@Sdnybrk Its being held at a cute kind of cafe-esque place. The place is known for their quiche, but its basically just going to be a buffet with food that has a sort of tea party feel like things more on the appetizer side, quiche, interesting flavored breads and fruit and cheese. Drinks will only be tea, coffee, lemonade and iced tea. Cake isnt included and it was an extra fee just to have the place cut and serve the cake for us. Its definitely NOT going to be too over the top.
I may have been able to find a slightly comparable pricing in an italian restaurant, as they are endless here. But personally I just felt like everyone around here tends to do that and wanted to go for something a little different. So it was a toss up between this quiche cafe place and a mexican place. Ended up being more affordable with what we chose.
Mine will be on the water (east river) with a view of the river and city in our apartment's special occasion indoor/outdoor space ($50 reservation fee that should be waived) and will be catered by our fav local restaurant (just a couple aps ~100) + some yummy fancy cheese and fruits 'cause that's what I love (~75). Mocktails for me and booze for my friends (~125). Not gonna go too far on decorations (~50) as its not really mine or my host's bag and I'd rather spend money on cheese and good wine. I don't expect her to spend more than $400 absolute max all-in for ~ 20-25 guests, less if my parents contribute the wine which is likely. If it were larger I'd push for her to have a co-host and she may still, just no one has spoken up yet about it. I felt like even that was a lot of money to spend and have offered to scale it back (i.e. Cook) if needed. Yeah... NYC is super expensive. Them's the breaks!
@thehauntedhauswife - All of my family & Dh's family are here, we will never leave! I learned when wedding planning & reading the knot etc. that things that were normal here were VERY far from normal in other areas... such is life!