UO Thursday.

kcossey528

Mine doesn't have to do with me, but fits the theme. 

My sister was invited to an office baby shower her boss is throwing for another department superior. She invited 4 floors worth of people, which I imagine is a decent number, and encouraged her staff to bring food. My sister barely knows this woman, and has no interaction with her other than the passing "hello" in the hall. They sent out a registry link Monday, and a friendly reminder yesterday for the event that is today. My sister is stressing the hell out about a gift. I feel like she really isn't obligated to buy her a gift. They aren't close by any means, and this lady probably doesn't even know Kelly's name. No one will notice, and she shouldn't feel guilty at all. I wouldn't be offended if some rando at work did not buy me a gift. I told her she brought a veggie tray instead of sweets, so she is doing her part to prevent new onset or exacerbating GD, so really that's the best gift she could give . Plus, she has to save her pennies to fly to Texas in July to see her new nephew!
interested to hear others thoughts, since similar scenarios may be coming up in the next few months!! 

MDmomma1217

@kcossey528 If I were your sister, I wouldn't feel obliged to attend or to bring anything. I think it is in poor taste (at least in my experience) that a registry link was circulated among coworkers. In the past, when I have participated in baby showers for coworkers, a bunch of us either chip in to get a gift card, or get a small gift, like an outfit or something. I've never seen a coworker's registry (unless it's someone I'm super close with and see outside of work). Especially since the woman is a supervisor, I think that it puts pressure on other employees to buy something, because it's their boss, whether they want to or not. Just an all around uncomfortable work situation, I think.

soberkfell

We had a somewhat similar situation in my workplace this past fall. A couple of women in my department decided we should have a shower for the director of our department. Two other girls in my group and I were concerned with this because this baby was our director's third child, a third girl, and the group had already thrown her a shower for her second baby when she joined the company. Also, we were concerned that some of the people would feel obligated to purchase a gift for their boss; there are many people in our group who make far less and have a lot of personal expenses and don't need to be worrying about buying a gift or donating money toward a gift for someone who makes $$$$$. I believe after voicing our concerns, a general message was sent out that if people wanted to participate they could but to not feel obligated - I think they were even still able to sign the card from the group and get a piece of cake even if they didn't contribute, so no one would know if someone gave money or not. I think your sister certainly shouldn't feel obligated to get a gift or contribute to a group gift if she doesn't know the woman. Bringing a veggie tray is participation enough!

chanfa

Still don't like people using the words preggers or prego to say pregnant....

Taymiller

chanfa said:

Still don't like people using the words preggers or prego to say pregnant....

I don't mind preggers but don't like preggo 

RachelT1234

@kcossey528 your sister is doing much more than I would have by showing up and bringing veggies.  We recently had a work baby shower for someone in another department, and I elected not to attend. I barely knew the girl's name.  A co-worker side eyed me for not going and said that my turn will be next and I'd want as many people as possible to show up so that I receive more gifts. I'd much prefer not to have people attend a work shower, people I'd never spend time with outside of work, and have them feel obligated to bring gifts. If it was for a close coworker I'd absolutely attend and happily bring a gift, but not for someone that will read my card and ask, Rachel who?

DobbysSock

kcossey528 said:

Mine doesn't have to do with me, but fits the theme. 

My sister was invited to an office baby shower her boss is throwing for another department superior. She invited 4 floors worth of people, which I imagine is a decent number, and encouraged her staff to bring food. My sister barely knows this woman, and has no interaction with her other than the passing "hello" in the hall. They sent out a registry link Monday, and a friendly reminder yesterday for the event that is today. My sister is stressing the hell out about a gift. I feel like she really isn't obligated to buy her a gift. They aren't close by any means, and this lady probably doesn't even know Kelly's name. No one will notice, and she shouldn't feel guilty at all. I wouldn't be offended if some rando at work did not buy me a gift. I told her she brought a veggie tray instead of sweets, so she is doing her part to prevent new onset or exacerbating GD, so really that's the best gift she could give . Plus, she has to save her pennies to fly to Texas in July to see her new nephew!
interested to hear others thoughts, since similar scenarios may be coming up in the next few months!! 

@kcossey528 when I had DD my work team threw me a baby shower, but since there was another woman who was due a few weeks before me they did a joint shower. A lot of coworkers who knew her well but not me came to the shower. I felt a little awkward that they got me gifts, like they must have felt required to. If they had just come and brought her a gift or no gift for either of us and just came for the visiting and lunch I wouldn't have been phased at all.

ETA: Those that didn't know me well - their gifts varied from one small outfit, to a little box of diapers, to a handmade quilt (the woman who gave me the quilt is a long-time hobby quilter, so I assume if she's anything like my mom she has little projects stacked in her sewing room that she can grab from when a gift-giving event comes up - but who knows she may have made a special effort just for me - either way I know the work and money that goes into quilting and I appreciate the gift so much).

MrsRo731

I hate when people use hashtags - can't stand it. What's even worse is when it's said in regular speech. One of my coworkers just said something she has to do is "hashtag first world problems."

noelietrex

I don't like office parties for any occasion other than "let's all take a break". Not cool to have to say happy birthday to co-workers who you don't know in order to get cake, not cool to assume we all celebrate easter/christmas/religious holidays, and not cool to have showers or any party where gifts would be involved in the workplace. If you're friends outside of the workplace, celebrate outside of the workplace and invite other co-workers who would also be considered friends. If you're not friends enough to hang out outside of work, you're not friends. No one should have to feel awkward about just coming in and doing their job or obligated to participate in any kind of socializing or gift-giving. Then again my digital team is notoriously anti-social, so maybe I'm biased...

rnyland1

I don't like it when people "play" with their kids at the playground.  Last weekend at the playground, my 2 YO DS was playing while I was sitting on the bench.  Occasionally he would call me over to help him climb up something he couldn't quite reach, but then I would step back to the sidelines.  Meanwhile, the parent of two older kids (5 and 7 YO's) was helping and playing with her two kids on the playground equipment. That's great and all, but I want my kid to learn how to play independently from me!  I have two stepkids, 9 and 11, who still struggle with doing anything independently and I certainly don't want that happening to DS. 

chanfa

Taymiller said:

chanfa said:

Still don't like people using the words preggers or prego to say pregnant....

I don't mind preggers but don't like preggo 

I'm only okay with it because you are cool people.

PinkLady2015

rnyland1 said:

I don't like it when people "play" with their kids at the playground.  Last weekend at the playground, my 2 YO DS was playing while I was sitting on the bench.  Occasionally he would call me over to help him climb up something he couldn't quite reach, but then I would step back to the sidelines.  Meanwhile, the parent of two older kids (5 and 7 YO's) was helping and playing with her two kids on the playground equipment. That's great and all, but I want my kid to learn how to play independently from me!  I have two stepkids, 9 and 11, who still struggle with doing anything independently and I certainly don't want that happening to DS. 

hmmmm.... I get what you're saying, and that's cool for you... but you also don't know that parent's circumstances. Maybe they work full time and that's the only time they get to have one on one time with their kids---or maybe she's divorced and the father gets them on the weekends and this was a chance to spend quality time with them. I know it probably isn't your intention... it just comes off as a little bit judgy of someone's parenting techniques.

xc1148

rnyland1 said:

I don't like it when people "play" with their kids at the playground.  Last weekend at the playground, my 2 YO DS was playing while I was sitting on the bench.  Occasionally he would call me over to help him climb up something he couldn't quite reach, but then I would step back to the sidelines.  Meanwhile, the parent of two older kids (5 and 7 YO's) was helping and playing with her two kids on the playground equipment. That's great and all, but I want my kid to learn how to play independently from me!  I have two stepkids, 9 and 11, who still struggle with doing anything independently and I certainly don't want that happening to DS. 

I love playing with my daughter. We go down the slide, play pretend chef....I think the issues your step kids have stem from something other than having their parents spend "too much" time with them.


@mrsro731 I don't mind one hastag, but when it gets to be above 3, i'm like really????? #annoying #reallyannoying #whydopeopledoit #didntthefirstonemakethepointforyou #buttheykeepgoing #nowmyeyeshurt

MamaBish

MrsRo731 said:

I hate when people use hashtags - can't stand it. What's even worse is when it's said in regular speech. One of my coworkers just said something she has to do is "hashtag first world problems."

Hah! I hate it used in actual conversation! One of DH's friends has a new gf and she speaks this way. At first I thought she was being ironic, but nope, 28 years old and seriously says "hashtag totes cray!"

oneliloaktree13

Taymiller said:

chanfa said:

Still don't like people using the words preggers or prego to say pregnant....

I don't mind preggers but don't like preggo 

I've said I'm currently spaghetti sauce instead of preggo. 

DobbysSock

PinkLady2015 said:

rnyland1 said:

I don't like it when people "play" with their kids at the playground.  Last weekend at the playground, my 2 YO DS was playing while I was sitting on the bench.  Occasionally he would call me over to help him climb up something he couldn't quite reach, but then I would step back to the sidelines.  Meanwhile, the parent of two older kids (5 and 7 YO's) was helping and playing with her two kids on the playground equipment. That's great and all, but I want my kid to learn how to play independently from me!  I have two stepkids, 9 and 11, who still struggle with doing anything independently and I certainly don't want that happening to DS. 

hmmmm.... I get what you're saying, and that's cool for you... but you also don't know that parent's circumstances. Maybe they work full time and that's the only time they get to have one on one time with their kids---or maybe she's divorced and the father gets them on the weekends and this was a chance to spend quality time with them. I know it probably isn't your intention... it just comes off as a little bit judgy of someone's parenting techniques.

This is kind of what I was thinking too. I totally agree with your sentiment @rnyland1 about teaching our children to be independent and self-sufficient and to be able to entertain themselves. My parents raised us this way, we were often told to go outside/downstairs to play and my mom (SAHM until we were all in school) often sat off to the side at the park either having some down time or visiting with another parent.

That said, I think if it's just a random stranger you see at the park, you don't know their circumstances and if they're actually a helicopter parent or if they just want to spend some quality time with their kids. My dad's a doctor and worked a LOT, but what I have always appreciated about him is that when he was with us it was real quality time. I remember my brother waiting at the door with a soccer ball and the second my dad would pull into the driveway my brother would run out to play. My dad would be out in the front yard kicking a ball around in his button down shirt and dress pants before even having a chance to sit down. And when we went to the park with him, he'd ham it up pushing us on the swings, and pretend to be distracted so when we'd swing over to him we would "knock him over" (complete with him dramatically falling to the ground). He might have looked like a helicopter parent (and definitely looked like a total goof) but it was just that being able to take us to the park was rare for him, so it was meant to be time playing together not time for us to play on our own. 

mamafox14

Work parties can definitely be uncomfortable. I loved my old job (a finance office at the university) because there were events of one sort or another all the time, but either they were catered or it was a potluck situation but not strictly enforced. We would have a monthly lunch for everyone's birthdays that were that month but everyone knew it was a pretense to not work for a few hours and eat free food. And none of these events were required. And you could totally come get cake and just go back to your desk with it. 



My UO: I hate ketchup, I think it is disgusting. 

PinkLady2015

#the #worst #is #when #someone #uses #hashtags #for #every #single #word #no one #is #searching #the #word #awesome

MrsRo731

PinkLady2015 said:

#the #worst #is #when #someone #uses #hashtags #for #every #single #word #no one #is #searching #the #word #awesome

@PinkLady2015 - HAH yes! 

rnyland1

PinkLady2015 said:

rnyland1 said:

I don't like it when people "play" with their kids at the playground.  Last weekend at the playground, my 2 YO DS was playing while I was sitting on the bench.  Occasionally he would call me over to help him climb up something he couldn't quite reach, but then I would step back to the sidelines.  Meanwhile, the parent of two older kids (5 and 7 YO's) was helping and playing with her two kids on the playground equipment. That's great and all, but I want my kid to learn how to play independently from me!  I have two stepkids, 9 and 11, who still struggle with doing anything independently and I certainly don't want that happening to DS. 

hmmmm.... I get what you're saying, and that's cool for you... but you also don't know that parent's circumstances. Maybe they work full time and that's the only time they get to have one on one time with their kids---or maybe she's divorced and the father gets them on the weekends and this was a chance to spend quality time with them. I know it probably isn't your intention... it just comes off as a little bit judgy of someone's parenting techniques.

Yeah that's true. I didn't think about other circumstances. I just think that kids don't do enough independent play these days.....definitely not like our generation did when we were growing up! Kids don't do enough playing outside either! 

MamaBish

Not sure if this fits here but I'm gonna post it here anyway. I've mentioned this before probably.

My last pregnancy: "I hope I don't get stretch marks. I better not get hemorrhoids. My belly button better not pop out. I don't want to be induced or have a c-section. I want to deliver at this place with this midwife and have magical unicorns dancing about while a pied piper plays soft nursery rhymes and a sea nymph feeds me grapes and Popsicles!"

This time: "I want a baby to bring home."

I know I'm jaded but I don't care what happens to me as long as baby and I survive. I know stuff sucks but I'm sick of seeing first world pregnancy problems be overblown, or worse, turned into mommy wars. Making a baby is hard and it's not a lot of fun. But it's going to be worth any pain or discomfort.

*disclaimer: this is not about anyone in particular or general complaining. This is about the people (both online and IRL) who say things like they will "just die of disappointment" if they tear during delivery, or need a c-section, or whatever. No you won't, you'll be fine.

[Deleted User]

I think I've decided I'm not a huge fan of pregnant sex.. it's so uncomfortable. And now that baby girl is super active I just can't get past the fact that she's like rightthere. DH has no fears but I just can't.

jen11797

I like it when strangers comment on my pregnancy and ask questions like "Wen are you due?" "Is it a boy or girl?" "Have you chosen a name?"  I enjoy talking about my baby and knowing I actually look pregnant. As long as they don't touch my belly or try to tell me I shouldn't vaccinate my kids, we can generally get along.

Kellyj103

@chanfa I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate preggo. Please don't compare my state of being to a jar of cheap pasta sauce. It's one of my least favorite words right up there with "moist". 

chanfa said:

Still don't like people using the words preggers or prego to say pregnant....

stephweinstein

PinkLady2015 said:

rnyland1 said:

I don't like it when people "play" with their kids at the playground.  Last weekend at the playground, my 2 YO DS was playing while I was sitting on the bench.  Occasionally he would call me over to help him climb up something he couldn't quite reach, but then I would step back to the sidelines.  Meanwhile, the parent of two older kids (5 and 7 YO's) was helping and playing with her two kids on the playground equipment. That's great and all, but I want my kid to learn how to play independently from me!  I have two stepkids, 9 and 11, who still struggle with doing anything independently and I certainly don't want that happening to DS. 

hmmmm.... I get what you're saying, and that's cool for you... but you also don't know that parent's circumstances. Maybe they work full time and that's the only time they get to have one on one time with their kids---or maybe she's divorced and the father gets them on the weekends and this was a chance to spend quality time with them. I know it probably isn't your intention... it just comes off as a little bit judgy of someone's parenting techniques.

@pinklady2015 - I love everything about your reply. Spot on for me.

chanfa

@Kellyj103 haha I also dont like the word "panties", but I have no problem with moist.

PinkLady2015

rnyland1 said:

PinkLady2015 said:

rnyland1 said:

I don't like it when people "play" with their kids at the playground.  Last weekend at the playground, my 2 YO DS was playing while I was sitting on the bench.  Occasionally he would call me over to help him climb up something he couldn't quite reach, but then I would step back to the sidelines.  Meanwhile, the parent of two older kids (5 and 7 YO's) was helping and playing with her two kids on the playground equipment. That's great and all, but I want my kid to learn how to play independently from me!  I have two stepkids, 9 and 11, who still struggle with doing anything independently and I certainly don't want that happening to DS. 

hmmmm.... I get what you're saying, and that's cool for you... but you also don't know that parent's circumstances. Maybe they work full time and that's the only time they get to have one on one time with their kids---or maybe she's divorced and the father gets them on the weekends and this was a chance to spend quality time with them. I know it probably isn't your intention... it just comes off as a little bit judgy of someone's parenting techniques.

Yeah that's true. I didn't think about other circumstances. I just think that kids don't do enough independent play these days.....definitely not like our generation did when we were growing up! Kids don't do enough playing outside either! 

I agree with that for sure... it makes me a little sad because DH and I both grew up on the east coast in NY and NJ where there's neighborhoods and woods and creeks and rivers and nature. We live in Vegas and I know it won't be quite the same experience. At the same time, I don't think there's necessarily a "wrong" way to grow up. People often remark that kids play too many video games, are on the computer too much and watch too much TV and while I agree with that to a certain extent.... those kids may be the next computer programmers, the next millionaire iphone app creator or the next Oscar winner. Just because a kid doesn't run around playing kickball in the street til dusk doesn't mean he or she is doomed or deprived.

Taymiller

chanfa said:

Taymiller said:

chanfa said:

Still don't like people using the words preggers or prego to say pregnant....

I don't mind preggers but don't like preggo 

I'm only okay with it because you are cool people.

Thanks

HMcDade1

I don't mind the parties at work. My nightshift group and I are all pretty close, we do happy hours three times a year etc. I do however hate that my work always asks to collect money for those going through a hard time. Since this time last year we've had 4 babies be born, 2 husbands die, 2 people retire and countless other things and I shouldn't feel obligated to give them money for this. 

Hey your son died - here's $10. It's a weird sentiment and it adds up fast when every time something happens we take up collections. 

On that note- when they take up collections for me and I'm supposed to be in the dark about it I want to tell them all to save their money and just bring in food so we can chow down at 2 am but then I'd feel rude too. 

#cantwin 

Weville

At my work we only really do gifts for when someone is expecting. As I'm the boss I generally buy the gift and circulate a card for everyone to sign (I run a large kids store so I've got about 6 managers and 75 sales staff). There's normally a few people who want to add in something they bought or cash but it is never suggested or encouraged with the sales team. With the managers we occasionally will decide on something as a group that's $5 each or $10 each but again if someone doesn't want to I just discreetly cover the cost. Then on their last day we fill our staff room with treats for everyone to enjoy in their own time

PinkLady2015

UO- Walking around barefoot at work is completely acceptable

quartz02

chanfa said:

@Kellyj103 haha I also dont like the word "panties", but I have no problem with moist.

our very southern babysitter used the word "panties" with DD and she just laughed at her and said, "they're not panties, they're UNDERWEAR!" I hate that word, too.

victoria98

quartz02 said:

chanfa said:

@Kellyj103 haha I also dont like the word "panties", but I have no problem with moist.

our very southern babysitter used the word "panties" with DD and she just laughed at her and said, "they're not panties, they're UNDERWEAR!" I hate that word, too.

wait.. are you saying the word panties isn't regularly used anywhere except from southern states?? I thought panties was what people said? Lol

elenabrent

I think that generally, kids need to be taught independence, and helicopter parenting is out of control. That said, the parent on the slide with their kid shouldn't judge the parent sitting on the bench and vice versa. It's impossible to know their situation or the context for the moment. 

My UO: I hate when you're talking to someone on the phone and they offer to put someone else on. Or if you're in a room and someone offers to put you on. It's rude to refuse, so I end up having to have a meaningless two minute conversation with someone I wasn't trying to talk to in the first place. 

MamaBish

victoria98 said:

quartz02 said:

chanfa said:

@Kellyj103 haha I also dont like the word "panties", but I have no problem with moist.

our very southern babysitter used the word "panties" with DD and she just laughed at her and said, "they're not panties, they're UNDERWEAR!" I hate that word, too.

wait.. are you saying the word panties isn't regularly used anywhere except from southern states?? I thought panties was what people said? Lol

Panties and underwear are interchangeable up here in the North too...

ButterMyBiscuit

PinkLady2015 said:

UO- Walking around barefoot at work is completely acceptable

I work with a lady that walks around barefoot and she has the ugliest, mangled mess of toes that I have EVER seen. So, yeah, she should NEVER walk around barefoot at work.

MamaBish

PinkLady2015 said:

UO- Walking around barefoot at work is completely acceptable

PinkLady2015

lol.... I should have elaborated... walking around barefoot is acceptable only for me!!!

Nerdchild

UO: All of the mommy wars b.s. makes me extremely reluctant to make new 'mommy' friends. 

chanfa

MamaBish said:

victoria98 said:

quartz02 said:

chanfa said:

@Kellyj103 haha I also dont like the word "panties", but I have no problem with moist.

our very southern babysitter used the word "panties" with DD and she just laughed at her and said, "they're not panties, they're UNDERWEAR!" I hate that word, too.

wait.. are you saying the word panties isn't regularly used anywhere except from southern states?? I thought panties was what people said? Lol

Panties and underwear are interchangeable up here in the North too...

Whenever I see or hear the word panties, I just think of "mini pants" haha. I prefer to use the word underwear or undies. 

noelietrex

@MamaBish Haha! It's all good except for tucks. Do you know where they want you to tuck those tucks? I'm not a modest or prude person but WTH with those?! I guess I mainly just can't believe how common this is and how literally no one I've ever spoken with online or IRL has ever mentioned it until now (here on TB). I really thought hemorrhoids were only something the elderly dealt with because I've never heard anyone under the age of 80 even acknowledge their existence. Why weren't we taught about this during health class? Or in biology in college? How was I a 27-year-old woman who didn't know what a hemorrhoid was? I'm certain my phobia about tucks is going to have me needing so many of them. UGH you better be right about this all being worth it!