First RE appointment... And conflicted

rspalding001

So my first RE appointment was today. I'm not sure what I was expecting but it basically came down to 1) my prior miscarriages are most likely due to poor egg quality / chromosomal issues 2) at my age I only have a 20% shot at a good egg every cycle which will statistically go even lower in July when I turn 38, 3) I can do clomid or IVF but It will involve a lot of long drives to the clinic which will most likely require taking days off work. Also not sure how I feel about invasive procedures just yet so IVF feels a bit extreme yet the RE made it seem like our best shot. 

I really wish the RE was closer. Making the drive today really dampened my spirits. The process just seems so tedious and I'm tired already ha ha.... Yeah I'm definitely old

anyway I I have to talk to my husband about it still but wanted to know how you ladies felt after your first appointment. I thought I'd feel empowered but I just feel confused and unsure.

chloe97

I'm sorry it wasn't what you had hoped. My Dr just gave me an RE referral so I don't have personal experience. I don't have a travel issue, but I can understand what you are saying about the invasive procedures. Let us know which path you end up going. 

thistle8677

Oh crap @rspalding001
That's not how anyone wants to feel after finally getting up to the point of going to an RE to begin with. I'm so sorry. 
I don't have the insurance I need to see an RE yet and when I called them it was 425- for a consultation! I hope some of the other women on this board and even our friends from the pg after 35 take notice of your post and respond. 

My intuition screams out "money maker". Why would they go straight to IVF without first trying IUI?
Did they say anything to you about egg reserve? Because wouldn't that info be more telling in regard to your actual chances of conception each month?
If you haven't already, maybe swing over to one of the infertility boards and just ask around. 
That's so discouraging! I'm 38, turning 39 in September, I'd hate to just accept those numbers without a better explanation. Boo.

I'm opting to try a more natural approach with a naturopath and acupuncturist. A lot of women that were on here successfully conceived after awhile using herbs and treatments. 
I'm not giving up hope, and you shouldn't either.

Hopefully your husband has some things to say that help you figure out your next move.
xoxo

MntnGirl

@rspalding001 I felt the same way after seeing the first RE - it seemed like a sales pitch to convince me I needed the RE (and they were rude). The stats are dismal with AMA, but there's still hope - those stats include all scenarios. We jumped to IVF immediately because of AMA (my OBGYN and two REs recommended jumping to IVF and we don't have a history of MC or any other issues) and we didn't want to waste time and money if that was where we'd end up eventually anyway. We're in our first cycle now. It is tedious and invasive and requires time off for daily BW and US. And during the stim cycle, they schedule your appointments and determine your shot dosages from day to day (horrible for planning a busy work schedule - I just blocked off every morning on my calendar). ER isn't scheduled yet so DH doesn't know when he needs to take time off for his specimen so he's got time blocked on his calendar every day too. 

The good news is that this won't last very long and even though results aren't guaranteed, it feels good to know we're closer.

I'm sorry your RE is far away because that complicates things, but maybe they will work with you (BW at a lab/PCP that's closer). Wishing you the best whatever you and DH choose.

jennh75b

I'm really sorry that you feel this way after your first RE.  I am waiting to go to my first RE in March so I have no idea what to say that could help, just that I hope you find what feels right for you and your partner and that maybe you find out more as you go along that would give you more hope.  How far away is the the RE?

ferlanna

I think you are really brave for even considering the RE.  It makes sense that you would feel conflicted about it, what you are describing sounds quite frustrating.  I haven't been to see any specialists, mostly because I am in denial that I am growing older...so I really admire what you are doing for yourself and for your family.  If you want to continue with it that is great, if you don't that is also great...it just shows that you are thinking hard about the important things in your life.

KLake42

They push for IVF because it has such a higher success rate.  In my perspective and experience, they do want to make money, but they also want to succeed (and include your success in their stats).

It doesn't mean that less invasive protocols don't work.  They just don't work as often.  And I can say that multiple IUIs can be very exhausting. 

My experience was kind of unique-- I didn't have any reason to think I was facing infertility when I walked in the door, but was trying to get pregnant as a lesbian, so the doctor and I both wanted to give multiple IUIs a shot.  We just didn't know until we tried how sleepy my ovaries would be.  I do kind of wish I'd moved on to IVF sooner, though I think I made the best choice I could at the time.

I'm lucky to live in a city with several good RE clinics, and each have several doctors, so if I didn't like my doctor, i could find another.  Do you have option?

I do like mine, though.  She's quiet, calm, encouraging, conservative in her approach, and explains all the science.  A little socially awkward, not a salesperson at all.  So there are good docs out there.

rspalding001

Thanks everyone! This RE is an hour from my work but 2 hours from DH's work. I'm calling another one that closer to both of us to try and get in there. I think if it was closer to us id feel better. Thanks for all your advise! We discussed it last night and decided IVF was probably the smarter way to go. Like @KLake42@MntnGirlsaid we don't want to waste time and feel it will give us the best chances. My three miscarriages make me worry that clomid might increase egg output but I'd could just get bad eggs again and have more miscarriages. At least with IVF they can do genetic testing to rule out chromosomal abnormalities. I'll keep you posted! Hopefully we find an RE closer to home.

happyktmom

@rspalding001 - That first visit is really overwhelming unless you are one of the few that knows what plan you are ready for.  Hours drive is too far, considering there's going to be weeks you go multiple times.  I'm so glad you've decided with IVF.  Fingers crossed for a closer RE!

Piperella

Lurking from PG>35 and PG after IF ... 

I'm so sorry you feel discouraged after your appt.   I did want to mention that there some things in your favor because you are to ovulate and get pregnant... It's the continuing of a pregnancy that has to be improved.   Before signing up for Ivf or whatever else,  I would suggest doing some genetic testing on both you and your husband.   This is a simple blood test that tests to see if you and/or your husband are a carrier for anything.  There are a number of companies out there, I used counsyl or recombine.. cant remember which.   If not using insurance,  one was 295 and the other was 99.

For me,  I had only a 2% chance of getting pregnant doing IUI.   Yours could be higher because you shown that you can ovulate and you get pregnant. However,  there is no way to test for abnormalities with the eggs.  You can research pregnitude and other supplements which are supposed to help improve egg quality. 

I think your best bet though (and the most expensive) is Ivf with PGD and/or PGS.  I'd lurk in the infertility forum to see what others are going through. I did Ivf and while it was expensive, the percentage chance of having a baby and going to full term were the highest of all options.   Wishing you nothing but the best and I hope this helped some. 

emsmama15

***LURKER

@rspalding001, I'm so sorry you were discouraged by your first visit. Much like you expected, I felt empowered after my first appointment. I'm glad you are looking at other options. You SHOULD feel empowered and confident in your doctor.

I I have to agree with @KLake42, iui can be exhausting. And I'm proof that ivf can work at 41. Good luck. Let me know if you have any questions.