Babies: 9 - 12 Months

Wedding with a 10 month old

A couple issues I need advice on. Sorry for the rant. 

1) Would you bring a 10 month old to a wedding reception? (Not the ceremony, I would never do that). It's my brothers wedding and the baby is invited. 

2) I am in the wedding and im getting a little frustrated with how much time they are expecting me to take off work. I live 3 hours away. The wedding is on a Friday, so i have to take off Friday (this one is totally understandable and im more than happy to take time off to come to the actual wedding). Then the rehearsal is the Wednesday before that, so now I have to take off Wednesday and Thursday. The wedding shower is on a Sunday night, so I have to go in late on Monday (in not driving home at midnight). She's also mad at me for not taking an additional THREE days off to go on her bachelorette party trip last week. Keep in mind I have a 5 month old. I would like to save my vacation days for spending time with my baby. Would it be bad to skip some of this stuff (ie the shower and rehearsal) and just go to the wedding? 

Re: Wedding with a 10 month old

  • 1) It would totally depend on the type of people, type of reception, and the temperament of the baby. If it were easy enough to leave baby with a babysitter, I'd prob just do that so I could enjoy myself. If not, I'd be okay with bringing him and just not staying the whole time. If it were a super fancy reception I'd do my best to avoid this though.

    2) That's tough. How many bridesmaids are there? It's really frustrating that they wouldn't have the rehearsal the night before to make it a little easier on out of towners...Usually the rehearsal part is pretty straight forward and overdone. Maybe someone can just tell you what you're supposed to do and you can skip that? If it were between the shower and the rehearsal, I'd prob skip the shower. I'd feel bad about skipping both though, esp since you're already not going to the bach party. I'm sure she'll understand when it's her turn to have kids.
  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    edited February 2016

    1. I would bring a 10 month old to a reception but probably wouldn't stay late and I would need my H there or someone to help out. If your LO is crawling or walking at that point it's going to be very tiring for you.

    2. Here's my thing about weddings: I don't commit to being in one if I'm not going to be able to take part in everything they need me for. I understand you want to save your vacation days but you did agree to be in the wedding and it's your brother, not some stranger so I'm assuming you guys are close (?). A lot goes in to a decent sized wedding and there are a lot of moving parts. It's not at all unreasonable for the bride and groom to expect you to be involved in all the different activities.

    If you really don't want to take the time off work, I would ask your brother or his fiancé if it's ok to miss the rehearsal, shower, etc. Put yourself in their shoes, especially the bride to be. This is a huge deal for her and she wants a wedding party that actually wants to take part in all of it. I wouldn't be too happy if it were me :(

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  • I have taken my son to multiple wedding receptions and one wedding itself (we sat in the back row with the insistence of the mother of the bride to be at the wedding too). I think that is fine.  

    As for skipping the shower and the rehersal, I would explain to them that it is not practical for you to attend it all.  If they had the rehersal thursday, it would be much easier.  Don't necessarily say you want to save your vacation time to spend with your baby,  just day your vacation time is limited and you can't take time off without pay.  

    Personally, I was not offended if my party could not attend everything.  But that is my personality.  I did not stress about anything related to my wedding because it isn't a day for stress it was a day to celebrate.  But not everyone is that laid back.  Good luck! 
  • 1. I would bring an easy going baby to a reception. Mine isn't easy going though, so I'd rather have a babysitter and enjoy myself!

    2. I think it's bonkers how crazy people go about weddings. It is not your fault that you have to travel to get to the wedding location. I would never have expected someone to take off extra days off work so they could attend the rehearsal. Most people understand how weddings work - just have the other bridesmaids fill you in on the details so it isn't something the bride has to worry about. I also think trips for the bachelor/bachelorette parties are crazy (they're expensive, and over the top in my opinion). I would not have taken off work for a party like that if it was costing me money and I definitely wouldn't be leaving my baby for 3 days for a party. My husband didn't even go to his brother's bachelor party because it was a crazy 4 day trip to the states that was going to cost us $2000. But his brother understood and their relationship is just fine. I would go either to the rehearsal or to the wedding shower. Pick one, so that you are taking off work for one event - it's compromising.
  • 1. I would bring my baby to the reception, particularly my brother's, as it's family and the baby was invited.  (And if you're lucky there's a lot of other family members there who will want to see the baby and help out, so you can still enjoy yourself).  

    2.  Short answer, yes it would be bad to skip the stuff.  This is your brother's wedding, and you're in the wedding, in my opinion you have an obligation to participate in certain activities.  I agree - the bachelorette party you didn't need to go to.  I've always been of the mind as a member of a wedding party when a decent amount of travel is involved to make it to at least one shower or bach. party (most people are understanding that it is difficult and costly to travel repeatedly, especially with a baby).  With that in mind, would really try to make it to the shower.   The rehearsal dinner is part of the wedding weekend/celebration and you really should be there (yes, the fact that their wedding is on a friday with rehearsal on wed. is extremely inconvenient and annoying, particularly for people traveling to the wedding but that's a whole other issue).   The fact is, this is your family and you should be there to help them celebrate this time.  And whatever you decide to do, don't tell them the reason you didn't go was because you wanted to save your vacation time for spending with your baby (as since the baby is invited to the wedding anyway, you would be spending time with the baby, i have a feeling that wouldn't go over well).  
  • As a new mom myself planning my own wedding, I think it is a little unusual to have each of the major events so far apart. Most of my family will be coming in from 3 hours away and coming the day before for the rehearsal and leaving the day of after the reception. We planned all of our events with the guests' travel and work needs in mind. But then again, we chose to not have a bridal shower for practical reasons (11 month old child being one primary reason). 
    Although each situation is different. If our wedding was larger and our families more upper class than middle, we might have had different expectations. As far as bringing your child, it really depends on the affair and the temperament of your child. Our daughter is going to be involved in it all, but she is our child after all and she's super calm and happy. If you've got to chose, I'd say skip the rehearsal. You can be brought up to speed on the plans pretty quickly day of by another member of the wedding party. A lot of pictures get taken during the shower and that's supposed to be more fun. 
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