Two kids is SO HARD — The Bump
February 2016 Moms

Two kids is SO HARD

My baby is three weeks old. My son is 2 years and 4 months old. I feel completely overwhelmed caring for both of them. The baby is constantly hungry and my toddler, who used to be the sweetest kid, is having tantrums left and right. We were really laid-back parents who brought our kid everywhere and now I'm afraid to leave the house with two of them for fear of a toddler meltdown that I can't properly address because of baby's needs. And I feel so guilty - like neither child is getting my full attention. My husband is back at work after paternity leave today. I'm kind of freaking out. Tell me this gets easier!

Re: Two kids is SO HARD

  • As a Mom of now 4, I can reassure you it does get better. Once you figure out what works for you and your family, and get a routine established things will get easier. Your toddler has had a lot of changes happening and is probably feeling overwhelmed with everything too. It all just takes a little time. Hang in there!


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    camusoh2011ARogers26Mamacat316
  • I'm so sorry. My 2yr 8 month old has been a total terror also. He was once a mellow kid who was well behaved. It all changed once we brought Sloane home. He's sweet to her but he has tantrums about unrelated other things. I've been telling people that the newborn is easy, it's the toddler, who's killing us. And he's in daycare! ( he was home Thursday until today so that was hard). I can't imagine keeping both home all day everyday.  What I hear from my friends is that this will eventually pass. Hang in there mama! 
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    A&Lmommyrachellynne27
  • What Sarah said. I have (at times) 5 children in the house. It can get crazy, but it does get easier. My two boys are handfuls right now especially with the twins, but as they get more and more used to the twins and what our new normal is, they are getting better. Just take a breath, find a way to relax when you have the chance, and know that it really will be okay in the end.

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  • Exact same here. My son is 2 years and 3 months. He's so much worse the last two weeks since I had my daughter. The screaming he does is twice as much, if not more. He can really scream too, it's ear piercing and maddening. We call him Dennis the menace and he actually looks like him lol. All he needs is an old man neighbor to terrorize. I do hope this gets better and assume it will. Definitely a big change for someone who is only 2 and used to the pre-baby routine. 
  • Thanks so much for this. I know deep down that things will be fine soon, but right now I'm like, "Ahh! Another dirty nappy! Don't pick up that knife! Who puked in my hair?"
    camusoh2011ARogers26trishkev07
  • My son is 2 years and 5 months and the last month has been difficult. I know it is going to get easier as baby needs me less and less but right now I am picking my battles and just surviving with my toddler. He is so sweet to her but is obviously having a hard time adjusting (melting down and roller coaster emotions).

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  • I'm having the same problem and like others, choosing my battles. Our daughter is easy going but while I'm feeding baby I can't watch completely supervise her. Yesterday she colored on our carpeting with crayon. I didn't know that was possible! And of course I had no clue until after I was done feeding baby and looked over the edge of the ottoman she was behind.

    Ive read referring to them as big helpers and not "but you're a big boy now" helps with their transition. It has definitely helped with my daughter, she loves to be a big helper (and it helps that her favorite show is Daniel tiger which has episodes about a new baby and being a big helper-go figure!) and get me baby's burp cloth, pacifier, read to him etc. and when my fussy baby lets me set him down I try to do special projects with my daughter to keep her occupied. 
    Lindsaym5!trishkev07
  • Add me to the list of having two kids is hard!  DD is 2 years 4 months and like others I'm picking my battles with her, it's survival mode right now. She has begun having so many tantrums and the yelling/screaming is treacherous at times. I'm trying my best to enjoy new baby snuggles/breastfeeding and doing special things with DD but its a challenge to divide my time right now. I'm hoping that now that DH is back to work full time we can get back into a routine that works for us all. Once the weather starts to change I know things will get better since we'll be able to do more things so for now I'm just doing whatever I need to make it through each day with my sanity. 

  • Ah! I shouldn't be reading these. My DD is 2.5, and I'm really worried about the transition. She talks all the time about how she's going to help with stuff, but I know the transition is hard for any child. 

    I have collected up some some things that she can do while I'm nursing and I can help her with one handed (special sticker books, a few small/new activities and toys I can bring out, etc). As much as I REALLY don't want to leave the baby behind, I'll probably take just DD1 out for a 30 minute coffee run after the first few weeks just to give her some 1:1 time. 

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    trishkev07
  • Same here! Ugh
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  • I don't know how you moms with a baby and a toddler are doing it. Seriously. My first is 11 days old and I'm losing my mind. My hat is off to all of you - I don't know if I'll have the cajones to try it. I always thought I wanted three kids...after having one I'm definitely re-evaluating that number. 

  • NOOOO... I opened this hoping it was a sarcastic joke lol wishful thinking... Mom of two starts tomorrow! ;)
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    MississippiCatfishARogers26smushi
  • For those of you still waiting on the arrival of your second, it's not all horror stories & it does get better! I brought DS2 home to a 17 month old DS1. First 1-2 weeks were HARD. Sleep deprived, everyone is adjusting, toddler tantrums...now 3.5 weeks in, life is good. Don't get me wrong, we have our bad moments but overall we've gotten in to a good routine and things are going smoothly. DS1 does still try to whack DS2 when he doesn't get his way, so that's a daily struggle lol 
    22snc12lilqt3929A&Lmommy
  • SgtLou2SgtLou2
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    edited February 2016
    As @Ju111310 said, it's not all horror stories.  DS is 12 days old and DD is 23mo... The first week was an adjustment for ALL of us.  DD does have tantrums and has selective hearing/rule following, but she was entering that phase before DS arrived; his arrival just upped her game a bit.  But she has been amazing with him!!  She helps get things for him/me, if he cries, she looks for a pacifier for him, if I am giving him a bottle, she helps.  We also make sure that she gets one-on-one time with me each day, even if it's only 20 minutes of playing a game, puzzle, or reading a book.  It's exhausting and a different type of overwhelming than it was when the first was born, but every day gets better and a little more routine.  Hang in there mamas, this will pass soon enough!
    lilqt3929smushi
  • Definitly not all horror stories. My little guy is 2 weeks and I have 3 older children. 3 years3mo, 4 turning 5 next month and my son just turned 7 on Sunday. We have had 0 issues with the kids. They love him to bits and they act the same as before he arrived. My family was worried about my youngest since she's so attached to me but I knew she would be fine and she is. Routine and schedule is key. 
    mshukh
  • Mine are 19 years apart so I don't have any issues, but I feel for you ladies.

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  • My girls were 22 months apart. That was HARD. But they're 3 and 5 now and life is pretty awesome. I love them to bits. Now we are adding another one tomorrow, so we will see how they handle that but I imagine it will be easier because the girls are potty trained, pretty well behaved, and mostly self-sufficient. I think they'll be helpful (I hope). Best of luck to y'all in the throes of it. Two under two is definitely a challenge, but you got it, I promise. It will get easier. Hang in there!!
  • I feel ya!! DD is 20 months old and DD2 is three weeks old now. It's definitely getting better but the first couple weeks was HARD! Endless temper tantrums, rough bedtimes, not eating, you name it. I'm glad the baby is pretty laid back and low maintenance (for now) because DD has been a handful that's for sure. 
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  • DD turned 5 four days after DS was born. The first bit was very hard. She had massive meltdowns multiple times a day. Now he is 3.5 weeks old and things are TONS better. She still gets upset occasionally but she's never really gotten upset at the baby which is great. She just tells me it's hard to be a big sister sometimes and I try to listen and sympathize with her. She's a huge help and loves to hold her brother while I make a bottle or even hurry and put some makeup on. We make sure to go for a walk every single day (weather permitting) which she looks forward to. She's getting excited for us to return to work (I'm a nanny and she comes with me) so she has people to play with. 
    Hang in there! It gets easier!
  • My oldest DD is 8 1/2 and she is taking the new baby being here badly and has failed the last three spelling tests in a row. My middle DD is 6 and she is doing great and adjusting beautifully. I don't know what to do. 
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