Weight gain- struggling with feelings about

bgf1

This will be my third child, with my other two I gained 25 lbs each, and always felt pregnant not heavy, or out of shape.  This time around I am struggling with negative emotions around weight gain.  It just seems as though I've gained a lot in a two week time frame.  At my 17 week appointment I was discouraged to learn I've gained 12 lbs already.  This is 1/2 of what I expected to gain and there are 23 weeks to go.

I didn't have these feelings on the other pregnancies regarding weight gain.  I felt I was all baby and this time I just feel like I am big.  I've had a lot of food aversions this time and have been existing on a lot of carbs, whereas I normally don't enjoy carb rich foods.

I've been thinking that a lot of my struggle is that part of how I identify myself is as a very fit person, and thinking of myself in another way makes be feel well old.  I have had way more thoughts this time around about being an old mom, and I think my feelings around weight gain this time are tied to worries that I won't be able to retain my previous fitness level after the baby is born, and that these changes will somehow be tied to other changes that will lead me physically and mentally  less able to keep up with this babe as with my other two.
I don't know if I've done a great job expressing myself but just wondering if any other Mamas feel the same or have successfully worked their way out of a negative place surrounding body image while pregnant?

lickastick

Aw man I am sorry this is a tough time for you, hugs for the struggle you are feeling. I think what I can say is this...I have been overweight for most of my life, and I have learned that truly my biggest life lesson is to learn how to love my body no matter what weight I am.

Now that I am pregnant I feel all squshy and sleepy and lazy and it's tough to feel this way all the time as my body changes. I've used a lot of positive affirmations to help me "re-program" my negative thinking about my weight. Every time you feel the negative thought, or catch yourself judging yourself for you weight, immediately replace it with a positive thought like:
-I am grateful for my body
-I am open to receive the miracle of pregnancy
-I am willing to see this differently, I am willing to see love
-I am willing to surrender my judgments (of my body, my weight, ect) 

Louis Hay has a very famous exercise in her books where you stare at yourself in the mirror and appreciate yourself, or tell yourself you love you or whatever you need. It's actually a really hard thing to do, but what if it helped that baby inside of you love itself a little more. I know without doubt that I was passed down a lot of self-hatred from my parents, it wasn't their fault they just didn't know how to heal it. I just hope I can give my child a better chance then I had when I was in my mom's uterus (if you believe in all that stuff, I know it is very wu-wu)

I can highly recommend any book by louis Hay and I really love the book "may cause miracles" by gabby Bernstein. May cause miracles is a 40 day journey to unlearn fear, self hatred and judgment and to instead open to love and miracles. 

I like to say "heal your self one loving choice at a time, one loving thought at a time." This could be an incredible opportunity to heal yourself if you open up to it in that way. But also it is ok to feel bad and scared of what will happen once baby #3 is here. Perhaps put some time into to planning with your partner how you can stay active once #3 arrives. You can always start counting calories to control how much weight you gain, but the body is a magical place and maybe you are exactly were you need to be with this pregnancy. I hope it gets better soon. 
 
ETA: in my humble opinion you look amazing from your bump photo, perfectly fit and healthy!

Wyattnash00

Great advice @createillumination!! So great to have so many perspectives on things. I have issues with putting on weight too @bfg1, stemming from being a chunky child into a chunky 'tween', not what we called it back then, but just the most awkward time in life. My father pushed his issues onto my brother and I, and 25 years later I'm conscious daily of what I eat and how I workout. And I've been in good shape since I was 15.  Honestly getting pregnant and having my body change was a huge decision the first time around. And I was very lucky to have a napping child so my daily workouts/daily sanity session could happen. Selfishly, I thought long and hard about #2 because of the weight gain. I'm at 24 weeks and having a very hard time, I feel fine in the am but just heavy and enormous by dinner time. And my usual, healthy diet is still pretty good but I daily give into the my sweets craving. I keep telling myself that a healthy baby is what's most important. I'm staying very active but as the baby grows, the pressure grows, physically, and I feel guilty for not doing my workouts as I like to do them, if that makes sense. I think for people like us it's a daily struggle, and pregnancy isn't forever. Agree with making a plan for after 3rd baby to remain active, even if it means a sitter, a gym with a daycare, or at home dvd's while kids are there. I don't have any answers but I know what you're going through momma:)

redheadbride15

I am so with @createillumination on this one. It's a tough struggle. I am one of those people who has always been 10-20 pounds overweight. I had a mother who had an unhealthy body image and was constantly dieting and it took me a while to realize what a negative influence that was on me. I don't think I ever had an unhealthy relationship with food but as a teenager and young adult I definitely hated my body. I never felt sexy. I didn't date anyone. I was eternally awkward and shy. But this is one issue where I feel like being an older mom has really benefited me. My 20s and 30s were great for me. I focused on my education and career and hobbies and really became so much more than my body. I learned to accept that my body is what it is. I eat what I like - mostly healthy, but I don't deprive myself of anything. I am very physically active, but I exercise because it makes me feel great, not because I'm trying to burn calories. I feel extremely healthy, even though I still carry that extra 10-20 pounds, and I long ago accepted that I always will. It's simply not a battle worth fighting, for my own health and sanity.

This is my first pregnancy. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't worry about my weight gain, whatever the number on the scale. I eat when I'm hungry, and I am active to the point that my body allows. Over the years I've learned to trust and respect my body, and I just have a feeling that my baby and my body know what to do. I'm letting them run the show. That being said, I did feel pretty awkward through that not-quite-showing lumpy thick midsection stage last lasted at least from weeks 12-22. I have to say it's gotten easier now that I finally look and feel pregnant. I've been embracing it, wearing tighter-than-normal clothes to show off my bump (which is something I would NEVER have done pre-pregnancy). I hope that this perspective is one that you can embrace too. Best wishes!

emgee27

You have gotten some great advice already, so not really sure what I can add except to say you are not alone.

I'm pretty sure I've been at some stage of dissatisfaction with my body until I got to my 30s. I can't believe I was so hard on myself in my 20s - I look at photos now and realize not only was I fit and strong, but I can't even see the pudge I remember always feeling self conscious about! In my 30s I just decided I was too old for the BS and I needed to accept myself. Going into this first pregnancy at 35, I told myself that I would have no control on what my body would ultimately do, with the exception of eating well and being active. Crazy stretch-marks, all bump or lumpy all over, pregnancy face or chunky arms....none of that was under my control. So I chose to surrender my body to making an awesome and healthy human being and I could figure the rest out later. I can still work out, lift weights, overhaul my diet all after this baby is here. Nothing is permanent (except maybe the stretch marks but small price to pay, I think) and I can be fit again.

I think you will feel better soon. Just because you gained 12 at this point doesn't necessarily mean you're on a faster track to more weight gain. It could just be what your body needs right now. Also you are in the middle part of the pregnancy as someone mentioned, where you might not be obviously pregnant but feel pudge all over and it is getting to you a bit more this time around. The carbs also might be adding to feeling bloated, especially since you mentioned you don't usually eat a lot of them. Take it one day at a time and try to keep it healthy, but enjoy it and enjoy your treats too. 

I agree that from your bump pic, you look great, mamma! I hope you FEEL great soon too

Sporty1216

This is all so great! I'm so encouraged by this. I found that with my first, I gained way more than I expected (I don't even know the real number, but I know it was over 50). But the whole time, I really felt great and I also wore tighter bump-showing clothes when, in non-pregnant life, I tend to be pretty modest and self-conscious. I am trying to embrace that same freedom this time, though I am, oddly, finding it tricker. And maybe that's because I'm in the lumpy blumpy stage right now. But in any case, thanks for all the great words of wisdom here, ladies! I'm going to start applying this now and hope to love whatever my body does this time around. I also love that I can learn from this and hopefully pass it on to my own kids. I don't want them to be as self-conscious as I have always been. 

Once again, I love this group. 

bgf1

Thanks so much for the compassionate and thoughtful replies a great reminder of why I love this group so much.  It is so helpful to here of how others have worked through some body image concerns whether they arise during pregnancy or not.  I have always thought I'd myself as having a positive body image and so this blindsided me a bit as I didn't feel this way in my other pregnancies.

@createillumination I will definitely check out the resource you mentioned and try the mirror exercise.

As the Mama of a three year old girl I hope she will always feel ad beautiful 

Piperella

I really have nothing more to add than what has been said here, but I think the women above have given some great advice and experiences.  I looked at your picture and was like, "What is she even going on about?!?", but again, my perspective is different than yours, and how you feel about yourself is what matters.  I had to finally get on the scale today at the obgyn, and I've had gastric sleeve for weight loss, and am now 25lbs up from my lowest after surgery.  Surprisingly, I didn't beat myself up, and instead congratulated myself on ONLY gaining 25lbs after all the injections and medications I've had to give myself in order to get to where I am today.  Doesn't mean I want to stay this weight, but it was nice for once having a positive view on my weight.  I'm sorry you feel the way you do about your body, but know you are doing wonderful things with it right now, and it's great that you are aware of where you are, so you know not to get too far into a downward spiral about body image!  Hoping each day gets better for you!

lillebowski23

Little late to the party but I'm on board with some of these negative feelings about weight gain. I have lots of feelings about it acrually....

I have always been 10-15 overweight and have been very self conscious of my body for years. I am a fitness instructor and it's hard when people come in to the facility where I work and I see them looking me over aith the "is she pregnant or just fat?" Look in their eyes. I actually had one woman say to me disparagingly, "YOU'RE the fitness instructor?" As she eyed my belly. No joke. Her grandmother was a potential resident and I said, in front of our move-in and marketing director, "Yes I am, no I'm not fat I am 4 months pregnant." They did not move in to the facility. Oh well. Assholes.

When DH and I went to Savannah, i kept catching glimpese of myself in storefront windows and I felt dissociated from my body from the neck down. It was weird.

Also it didn't help that I put 12# on immediately in the first tri and the midwife told me I was "about 15# overweight." I almost cried the last time I got in the scale at my most recent Drs appt which caused my BP to spike. My OB told me I didn't need to worry, that everything looked great and I was progressing nicely. This morning I weighed 195# and have put on a total of 30# since October! This whole weight gain thing is a total mindf**k.

Here's the weird thing: the last couple of weeks or so I have felt better about my figure than I ever have in my life! I love my bump and proudly show it off. I love that instead of eyeballing my boobs (also always huge pre peggo) people eye my belly. It's hilarious. I feel powerful with this bump! I actually don't mind clothes shopping and feel like the pressure is off for me to maintain an unrealstic figure for my body type. I feel like my goal to stay strong and healthy is more supportive of my self esteem than a goal to stay thin. Lts of feelings both negative and positive around weight gain and my body! I hope I can carry this feeling with me as I go into the 3rd tri and post partum. I'm still going to invest in a trainer after I deliver.
I wish I could bottle up the positivity and give it away to some and sell it as well!

emsmama15

I'm late too.  I've been reading the responses and debated responding, but I get it too!  I've also been overweight my whole adult life and lost a bunch of weight with Lap Band surgery.  I'm definitely up from THAT low weight.  I lost about 40 pounds to qualify for IVF and felt amazing.  I did it via a low carb diet.  Well, I got pregnant and the only thing that tasted good for weeks were carbs.  You can imagine how my weight has increased.  WOW!  I gained 12 pounds when pregnant with my daughter (total) and I've almost gained that already with this pregnancy.  I'm determined not to be the pregnant lady that worries about weight, but it's SO HARD!!  

Anyway, just know I'm thinking of you and I understand.  I hope it gets easier for you!

Goldsgirl9

Tons of good advice and just wanted to add that you are not alone in your feelings. Some people just don't understand (like my BMB) what its like and that okay. You have a supportive group here who does. As long as you are being healthy for you and baby that is all that matters. 

Mamafesto

I just want to jump in to echo what everyone else has said. I think we as women have been socialized our entire lives to have self doubt particularly about our bodies. I've been at the upper end of a normal BMI my entire adult life and yet I still regularly go through periods where I am unhappy with my body. It's something I've worked on over the years, and oddly, having a child has helped. I feel like my permanent (non-pregnant) pooch is a badge of honor. This body created life and birthed a human!

I gained about 32 lbs my last pregnancy and delivered over 3 weeks early. I definitely struggled with body image at times during the pregnancy (particularly in the in-between blump and bump stage). This time, I am trying to focus on the fact that my body is once again doing the amazing work of growing a human and trying not to focus on the number on the scale. The other thing I know this time around is that the weight will come off quickly with breastfeeding! In fact, last time around I was below my pre-pregnancy weight within a couple of months of giving birth. My midwife has said that for someone starting at a normal BMI, a 25-35 lb weight gain is healthy. You are definitely on track for a healthy pregnancy weight gain. Hang in there, mama!

Jenniferk08

I started out obese so I am concerned about every pound. I'm still doing WW (with my ob's ok) and trying so hard to not gain. 
May first pregnancy I stressed every pound. My mom would tell me the first 20 lbs are the baby everything else is all you. So every morning I was on the scale. I stressed how quickly to get back into my prepregnancy clothes. 
Now im 16 weeks with #2, 20 lbs thinner than when I got pregnant with #1 and still stress every pound. 
I feel like we have so much pressure to be pregnant but not look fat. . And early on we just look fat, well I do. I've seen other bumps and they are so cute and small. 

carrieandr

@Jenniferk08 My doctor said I should gain 25-35lbs during the pregnancy, so I'd go with that rather than 20. And don't be too hard on yourself. I'm struggling with these body changes, but thankfully I just blame pregnancy.