My milk came in today :(

rachieee2

my baby girl passed away from a severe heart defect and I was induced this week and delivered her on Wednesday just before reaching 22 weeks... The last few days have been a horrible nightmare that I just can't wake up from..  The labour and delivery was absolutely brutal... Then having to say goodbye to her and leave her at the hospital... Then planning her visitation for next weekend... The sleepless nights, the countless tears, the aching pelvis.... And now today I am dealing with engorged/ leaky boobs... And I just can't handle it.   I am reminded that my body thinks I should have a baby here that needs to be fed, yet my arms are empty.   I'm so heart broken.     I lost my first baby last year at 12 weeks so with this pregnancy I thought we were in the clear. But then Our world came caving in all over again. I can't even imagine going through this again

sorry for the vent ladies.  This just seems like the safest place to do it since u all understand.      I am hoping things will get easier tomorrow...  

cmillar36

I'm still waiting for mine to come in. I truly feel your pain. Everything making me cry today. Went and saw a violent movie it made me cry go figure. I did email you the other day. Please feel free to email back Anytime. I know this is the most difficult thing I've ever been through.

alanna3622

@Rach2smith I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. Those words are used all the time on this board, but it is true and there is no better way to say it. 

You will make it through this by surviving one day at a time. 

I hope your body can heal quickly so that your heart can hopefully follow. 

The empty arms feeling is so powerful and difficult. I found a book called "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby" was comprehensive and compassionate. 

msunshine123

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl and your previous loss too. Your losses and everything you've been through are heartbreaking and the physical reminders after delivery are so unfair - your Doctor might be able to recommend something to dry up your milk. Cabbage leaves, ice and Motrin helped relieve my own engorgement.  But I learned after mine had stopped other moms were told to take something that stopped it - so you might want to ask your doctor.

msunshine123

For empty arms - some moms have comfort holding a pillow or weighted bear. Molly bears is a company that makes bears for families who have experienced a loss in the exact weight of the child. The ache your arms feels is real. Do whatever you need to help you in this journey - take it one moment at a time and then one day at a time. We're here for you. ((Hugs))

Knottie1433328757

I'm so sorry....I used peppermint essential oil on my boobs when my milk came in.  It gives the cool relief feeling like ice, but isn't actually cold.  It will dry up your milk, take away the engorgement pain, and you won't smell like cabbage.   Wash your hands well if you try it.  It is not something you would want to get in your eyes.

MamaBish

I'm so very sorry.

If you need tips on dealing with the boobs; wear the tightest bras you can. I wore a regular bra under a sports bra night and day. The nipple shields are much more comfortable than folded paper towel (it hurt!). Don't let warm water from the shower hit them. Take Motrin and Tylenol alternating for the pain. Put cabbage leaves in the bra. And put a giant ice pack on them. I think mine went down about a week or so later.

I second the Molly Bears suggestion. It does take a very long time to get (mine took about 7 months) but it is very comforting to hold.

So many hugs to you!

rachieee2

Thank you ladies.  I appreciate all the feedback and support xo trying to take it one day at a time. I'm using a lot of your suggestions. So hopefully I feel better soon 

cmillar36

I truly feel your pain on this today. It's not fully in. But breasts feel weird today and yesterday. I can squeeze milk out of them. What a slap in the face.

rachieee2

I'm sorry to hear that .  I hope they don't get worse and fully engorged like mine did. It hurts so badly.  Wearing a sports bra 24/7 seems to be helping. Today is day 4 since mine came in and it seems to be getting better but I still feel sore and will continue icing them too.  Sending you hugs Xo 

MamaBish

cmillar36 said:

I truly feel your pain on this today. It's not fully in. But breasts feel weird today and yesterday. I can squeeze milk out of them. What a slap in the face.

Try not to squeeze the milk out, it will cause them to produce more and will take longer to dry up. Hugs to you!

MamaBish

Double post, sorry

kwrightnb

This breaks my heart and cuts so close to home I lost my little girl at 28 weeks last May. And it was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to experience. I hope you have someone close to you that is standing beside you and helping you through this, my DH was my rock and made the world of a difference. Know your not alone everytime my breasts would leak after my little angel was born I would break down. It was like my body couldn't understand why I wasn't breastfeeding and it broke my heart that my body was all prepared for her yet she wasn't here. I took Tylenol cold and sinus (something in it helps stop milk production) and put cold cabbage in my bra (it actually works and feels amazing) and after about 5-6 days my breasts started to go back to normal. 
Mill be thinking about you and hope your doing well  

rachieee2

You are all amazing. Thank u for your replies.  I'm still leaking but each day is getting better with less pain.   The emotional toll has been very heavy. I'm thankful to have many great supports around me to help me through this 

Lovefor5inID

I am so so so sorry....we lost Griffin at 27 weeks and I remember one of the hardest things was when my milk came in...just another physical reminder of what I was supposed to be doing (feeding a baby)...I was so very upset, wishing I could feed my baby...It is so hard...nothing really makes it better...keep crying as much as you want...as I used to tell my now much older children, crying helps to push the sadness out (in the form of tears)...it also helps to push the happiness out (when you are lucky enough to cry tears of joy)...blessings to you sweetheart!