Out of town relatives and friends.

Lyssiana

I'm not hosting or planning my own baby shower,  let's just start there.   The hosts have asked me what I want (to which I replied: watermelon) and to do the guest list.  I think that's okay right? 

My question is about people you know want to be invited/included but you also know can't make it. Should I send the invitations anyway? What's the right thing to do here? 

Thanks. 

Lyssiana

Oh, and I should clarify: the hosts asked me to do the guest list.  Not the other way around.  I only asked for watermelon lol.

missemmawoodhouse

I think it can go either way. I did not put my out of town family on my shower list. It felt "gift grabby" to me as the closest relative is 6 hours away. As it turns out, my four aunts were offended by not receiving an invite. I still felt justified in not including them as I didn't want them to feel obligated to send gifts. Instead, after DD was born, I sent them a birth announcement and they all graciously sent gifts (which I wasn't expecting). 

You know your family. How would they react to not being invited?

ETA: For perspective, I am not close to my extended family. I hadn't seen any of these aunts since my wedding 5 years prior to getting pregnant. 

VOR

My take on this - if you're pretty close to them and if you really do KNOW they want to be invited, then invite them.  no harm there. 

It's when you get to more distant relatives/friends where you think "oh, but what if they hear I had a shower?" that I don't necessarily feel you should invite them.  Reality is- MOST people who live OOT don't expect to be invited to showers.  Showers are NOT the same as weddings and many people aren't going to travel for them and will actually feel like they are being invited "for the gift". 

Simply put- showers are NOT "invite all" events. 

Doesn't mean don't invite OOT people. But exercise caution and realize that it's an event on the same level as a birthday party.  Not a wedding. 

Bigboobsmcgee

VOR said:

My take on this - if you're pretty close to them and if you really do KNOW they want to be invited, then invite them.  no harm there. 

It's when you get to more distant relatives/friends where you think "oh, but what if they hear I had a shower?" that I don't necessarily feel you should invite them.  Reality is- MOST people who live OOT don't expect to be invited to showers.  Showers are NOT the same as weddings and many people aren't going to travel for them and will actually feel like they are being invited "for the gift". 

Simply put- showers are NOT "invite all" events. 

Doesn't mean don't invite OOT people. But exercise caution and realize that it's an event on the same level as a birthday party.  Not a wedding. 

All of this. When I put together my guest list I thought about friends and family that might be butthurt if they heard I had a shower and weren't invited so I put them on the list.

Like PP said, you know your family best and that should help in deciding who to invite.

Disneygeek77

Yeah, only invite people who have said they want an invite.

I have been invited to showers halfway across the country and if I am going to be perfectly honest, I thought they were a gift grab. So when I had my own, I didn't invite any OOT guests except my MIL and that was because she specifically requested one from my hosts.

fwtx5815

I can only think of 1 OOT person who got an invite to my shower, and that's my MIL for keepsake purposes. And it was my mom's idea. 75% of our combined family (both my husband's and mine) are out of state. I think perspective is important and as PP said, I just think of it as a birthday party level event. You know your friends and family best. It seems like either way certain people could feel hurt-- if you don't invite them they could feel offended for being "left out", even if it's just a gesture, or they could feel it's a gift grab if you do invite them.

I personally would err on the side of not sending invites to the people that are not likely to travel for a shower.

southerngirlgetsfit

I invited out of towners for two reasons, one: I didn't want anyone to feel left out. Two: I think I'll be pleasantly surprised that some people I don't expect to come will actually make it.

gadzooks_3

I find being direct with people can solve a lot.  If you want some out of town people to feel included but not obligated, tell them. For instance my MIL is 2 states away, and i have an aunt on another coast, not inviting them could offend, but i don't want them to feel snubbed, so i will just talk to them. Send a note or call and say "hey, it was important to me thst you feel included and thought of, but I don't expect you to travel. Please don't feel you need to send a gift, just know I will be thinking of you and wishing I could share this celebration with you"  Another option is to say "I don't want you to feel left out, but I know you can't make it. Would you like to receive an invitation? My hosts and I don't want to leave you out or have you feel obligated"

Edited for typos