Stillborn son @ 39 weeks

Pookster1020

Hi ladies,  it doesn't look like this board is very active but I'm hoping that some of you are still lurking around. My second son was stillborn at 39 weeks on 10/15/15 - ironically enough infant loss and stillborn awareness day.  Every day since then has been a struggle but I am pushing through for my 6yo son and my husband.  I don't know where I would be without them and therapy.  As the days go by it has gotten easier to cope - instead of crying 24/7 i can usually contain it to before and after work.  Raymond was a miracle that I prayed for for a long time.  He was conceived through ivf after my husband's battle with cancer left him sterile.  Some days I still feel very lost and very lonely even though I am surrounded by friends.  All of the moms that I have met that have endured a loss are amazing women - no one should ever have to go through this though.

bgoodwin4

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. 

alanna3622

@Pookster1020 The boards are not nearly as active as they were in the past, but I notice that a core group of regulars check in here. The board runs slow, but it is definitely running.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your son Raymond.

I am glad you posted here. October is still so recent.  

Can I ask how you ended up going back to work? I need to prepare myself to do this but am wondering what to expect. My loss was Dec 30 and I am still waiting to feel myself again; I can't help worrying I won't be better in time to face everyone. 

Hugs

MamaBish

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your little boy. It's so hard to deal with and I wish none of us ever had to go through it. I'm glad you found our little group, we are here and we get it! Feel free to post whenever you want, someone will get back to you.

so many hugs to you and your family!!

msunshine123

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son Raymond and all that your family has been through. I lost my first child, my son also at 39 weeks - it was due to a cord accident when my labor started. Loosing a child is so incredibly heartbreaking and I wish it was something none of us ever had to experience. It's been about 20 months out for me and there are still good days and bad days. You never stop missing and loving your son, but with a lot of support you find a new normal and a way to go on. This board and the amazing women here really helped to carry me and I hope you can find the same support.
 Sending hugs to you!

msunshine123

@alanna3622 - for going back to work. To make it easier I would recommend going in to visit either 1 or 2 days. Have a staff member/ work friend maybe tell people if they aren't aware so you won't have to discuss it too much. Have a planned response for people's comments to make it easier on yourself. For uncomfortable questions or comments have a planned response to shut them down "it's too hard for me to discuss right now, thank you for kindness"....
Going in to visit gives you the opportunity to get past the challenge of going back and facing people while giving you the flexibility to leave when you need. Also if you can maybe start back doing a few 1/2 days or the end of the week to ease yourself in.
Hope this helps.

alanna3622

@msunshine123 this is very helpful. Thank you so much. I really like that you are so supportive on this board. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. 

MamaBish

@alanna3622 I went back to work on a Friday. It helped me to know it was just one day. I also bought giant headphones to put on when I needed people to leave me alone. Even if I didn't play music, they still sent the message not to bother me. It helped a lot.

alanna3622

@MamaBish thank you. I like the Friday start idea and the headphones. Clever and discrete. 

Pookster1020

@alanna3622 - I definitely agree with the idea of going in the office once or twice before you actually start back full time.  It helped to get a lot of it over with.  Also my friends spread the word that I would be returning and basically told everyone not to ask me questions.  You would not believe how many people wanted to know details.  I work in a large company so there were still people who knew I was pregnant but not that I had lost my son.  Those have been some difficult/awkward encounters but they were few and far between.  

Getting back into the swing of things has been hard but being back has also helped in some ways to adjust to my "new normal".

Pookster1020

Thank you all for your replies.  Is anyone in the NYC area?

Lovefor5inID

Like others, I am so sorry...I can not imagine your struggle...I am so sorry you lost your sweet baby...you are right, no one deserves to go through this...I hope each minute that passes can bring some promise of peace in the future...then dealing with the issue of IVF and all of the stress that goes along with that...I am so sorry...I wish the best for you

Pookster1020

@Lovefor5inID Thank you for the kind words.  I am very sorry for your loss as well.  No one wants to be in this "club" but I have to say all of the women i have met are pretty amazing.

Mia8668

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. We lost our son at 38 weeks in November of 2014.

Pookster1020

@Mia8668 thank you.  I am very sorry for your loss as well.  Most days I still can't believe that this is my reality.

Mel&John2013

****siggy warning


I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Raymond. I know what you mean about not being able to believe this is your reality. We are coming up on two years since our loss and there are still days my brain just can't grasp the concept. I don't post here much any more, but just wanted to send hugs your way.

Pookster1020

@Mel&John2013 - thank you.  I am sorry for your loss too.  This is the most awful journey anyone can be on.

veetveet

So sorry for your loss.   Your son and I share the same birthday.  So the irony of that day resonates with me as well.   It's been just over 2 years since I lost my boy, I too have an older child, so i had no choice but to muster up the strength to be a mom and a wife.   So very challenging.     Take care and be easy on yourself!   

Pookster1020

@veetveet - I hope our boys will be up there celebrating their birthdays together. 

jmacd22

I experienced a similar loss at 38 weeks. What helped me was time, therapy, family support, and going back to work helped as I wasn't just sitting at home alone crying all day anymore. It took me a while to feel better. My loss happened last year in August and I didn't really start feeling better until April this year. I was part of the board last pregnancy and left right after my loss as I did not want to see any birth announcements or even talk about my loss. I have actually talked with 2 of my friends in the last month about losses they had in hopes that they know that they are not alone and they can overcome it with time and love. I'm back on this board now because I recently found out I am pregnant again. Hoping all goes well this go around. Extremely nervous and cautious. Trying to not get too attached but that's hard. Sending love to you and your family. 

msunshine123

@mcdonald-bailey I'm so sorry for your loss. Congratulations and prayers for a boring pregnancy. Try not to fear becoming attached - you can never really blame yourself for loving your children. So when you are ready and comfortable try to celebrate this new pregnancy in whatever ways that work for you. Do whatever helps you to get through each day taking it one moment and day at a time. 

Trigger Rainbow Mentioned
I lost my son at 39 weeks and welcomed his younger sister 11 months later. So I can relate to the fears and mixed emotions. I did a lot of journaling and letter writing to my children and found that to be helpful. Hugs to you.

momma mb

I know this is a bit late, but I'm sorry for your loss.  I hope you are doing well, or at least better these days.