Warning... LONG! Lol
My husband agrees just as much with me that she is crazy, but I am curious how other daughter-in-laws would react to a situation like this.
So my mom / friend got together to plan and host my baby shower. They did a very cute "Baby It's Cold Outside" theme, had a hot cocoa bar, soup bar, lots of planning involved. I made the invitations and included on the back "Hosted by -insert mom's name- and so and so" ... I was about 27 weeks when these invitations were sent out, and at this point had not even been offered any help from my MIL, which is FINE and understandable, I didn't care a bit because she takes 24 hour care of my SO's grandma who is bed-ridden and has Alzheimer's and has even forgotten how to speak/eat, so she very much has her hands full. She asked so little about it, she didn't even know the date of when it was. I just thought she was completely busy and uninterested.
so I sent out invitations (obviously she doesn't need one, but I know some people like to keep stuff as keepsakes) and she threw a HOLY FIT that her name was not under the Hostess.
In short, what she said was:
My mom and I planned this all along to not include her and just want to keep her from "the baby" (has never called him by name, she told us she had hoped by now we would have changed it.)
We wanted to humiliate her
She said she hated me and my mom and always will
Her son is not the man she raised him to be for not taking up for his mom and she was glad his grandpa wasn't alive to see him act this way (my husband is an ER physician and treats me like absolute gold and has the biggest heart.. she has so much to be proud of him for so this really hurt me the most)
She would die and go to hell before keeping that invitation
Next time she sees my mom (my insanely sweet mom who couldn't be mean to anyone) out she was going to "whoop her".
Said it should just be understood that she was a host.
I will get my payback one day for what I did to her.
(NOTE: she was in charge of throwing my household shower, and backed out 2 days before, because it just "wasn't a good time to have one". She is extremely flakey.)
My SO, his siblings and pretty much everyone told her she was acting crazy and if she was so determined to "host" she should've shown interest earlier or hosted her own (we are from two different towns = two different sets of family friends).
She did actually end up coming, and acted like nothing had ever even happened and even asked my mom for a "grandma picture" .. She brought 4 HUGE bags of gifts, and said any big stuff we didn't get, she would buy. I didn't even want to accept her gifts I was still so mad at her. My husband and I do very well financially, and do not need any help from her because she feels guilty for how she acts. (She flipped around Christmas time too over something silly and to make up for it probably bought us $800 worth of gifts)
So since the shower she has tried to call me 4-5 times, and i just don't want to answer. I have tried 5 years to have a relationship with her, and everytime I think it's normal, she ruins it with some sort of flip out like this. Her apologies are meaningless at this point because she never ever makes an effort to do any better or have a functional relationship. My husband has already told her she will not be babysitting our son alone, EVER, but we will not "keep her" from him and she can come see him whenever she wants to.
I am so done trying with her at this point, she is exhausting and just a negative human being overall. She still wants to be in our son's life but I don't want her to ever have the chance of treating him poorly like she does her own son, and me. She has made it so awkward at this point. How would you respond from here on out? My husband wishes he could cut her out, but being his only parent, he can't nor would I ever ask him to do that. Just not sure how to handle her wanting to be grandma of the year.