Friends that are a little too "supportive"

mrshamby95

During my pregnancy, I've gotten fairly close to a friend of mine, but we didn't know each other before I was pregnant. Somehow she feels that she is obligated to be at the hospital, but I didn't even invite her! I really want this time to be special between me, my husband, and eventually my parents (only family in the area) and my friend just can't seem to get the hint. I delicately told her I wasn't sure what I would want/need from her day of birth, since I'm a FTM. Yet she's being very persistent on being at the hospital AS I'm in labor/delivering, almost to the point where she didn't want to give me an hour for my LO to latch after birth. The other day she said she wanted me to have the baby already, because shes moving away and wants more time with him! What! Advice would help but I really just wanted to talk to a group of ladies who feel my pain! 

middy411

At this point in life, you just have to speak up. In some cases people are demanding while in other cases they just innocently don't realize how intrusive they're actually being. There should be no reason to waste energy on anything except delivering a healthy baby. My own mother keeps making comments about wanting to be there for the birth and she was stressing about the icy weather we had Monday in case she would "miss it". And I plainly said, "it's ok, just less time you have to be sitting around in the waiting room ". I know she would want to be there regardless of if she's in the delivery room, but I'm making it crystal clear that nobody will be in the room to meet the baby until we say so and hubby will be the only one there during labor. Other peoples' feelings are not anything I'm going to stress about. Our hospital has a pretty air tight security and we are going to make double sure they don't let anyone come back to our room until we say so.

VitaLuna

Two options: 1) tell her you don't want anyone in the delivery room except H. 2) if she doesn't take that for an answer, then don't let her know when you're in labor. Just send her a text after LO is born and you're ready for visitors. 

MississippiCatfish

VitaLuna said:

Two options: 1) tell her you don't want anyone in the delivery room except H. 2) if she doesn't take that for an answer, then don't let her know when you're in labor. Just send her a text after LO is born and you're ready for visitors. 

This.  And please, don't make your nurses do your dirty work and keep her out unless you've already followed step 1.

Monkeybutt80

I agree with pps that you just need to be direct about it. My best friend was at the hospital for her work while I was being induced. She texted asking if she can come visit, I told her that I didn't feel like any visitors at the hospital. She totally understood and there were no issues. If you guys are close enough that she wants to visit you, you should be able to tell her that you aren't up to it. 

oxfordlanding

The nurses don't mind doing your dirty work if you feel too guilty. They are very protective. Also based on my experience don't tell ANYONE you are in labour. I told my mum and dear God it was a mistake. Lo took over 24 hours and she was calling and texting constantly, then got in touch with the mil who we hadn't told, and everyone else. I was in frickin labour and my husband was fully occupied helping me and I could have killed her. We just turned the phone off in the end. So. Don't tell anyone. At all. Because if things get hairy you really won't want to give blow by blow updates until you can send the mum and baby both doing well message - and this might take a few days if you have a stay in nicu. We had one 15 minute visit in hospital with someone from our prenatal course in the room next door who gave birth the same night I did (same midwife too) and that was more than enough during the three days we were there.