Taking life very slowly

gabiluci

Hey everyone,

I am in the luxurious position of having a 6 month maternity leave. It might seem I have a lot of time on my hands and in a way I do, but I do find myself running around pretty often to family, friends and a lot of post-natal appointment (doctors, insurance, baby massage).

Whenever I "have to" go somewhere it just feels like a drag and I feel it's not good for me and baby to carry her around every day. Even just loading the baby in the car and havings lunch at the inlaws feels like such a time-consuming energy-sucking enterprise.

I feel like there is hardly a normal day for her where she can follow a natural rythme, because there's always something to do. Just a day of waking up, going for a morning stroll, naptime and playtime. 

Every day I go to be so tired, my body shuts down by 9PM. And it is not my baby that wears me out, she is a content little girl and so sweet to me. I just see my calendar filling up and it drives me mad.

I feel like with breastfeeding I want to and I need to live a very quiet lifestyle.

Does that make sense? It is just depressed behavior or do other moms feel the same? It is breastfeeding related or do bottle mommies experience this too?

xxx

Ceridwen77

If you're feeling overwhelmed with a lot of plans, then learn to say no when you're asked to go somewhere. I agree I often hate to disrupt my DD's schedule since I know it so well and feel like she does better when that's the focus. 

In addition, instead of you packing up your baby for lunches or visits with friends and family, can't they come to your house sometimes?  That way you can still socialize without so much impact to your baby. 

I think what you're feeling is pretty normal, but if you're worried about PPD, then talk to your doctor. 

doodleoodle

I think it's normal. That's why when I get invited to go places I often decline. LO and I haven't left the house in a week now that I think about it... Geez lol

Lolo427

Granted I pump throughout the day but DD eats from a bottle (expressed and formula) and I still absolutely feel the need to stay at home 95% of the time. Particularly at nighttime. The house goes low lights and quiet at 6 and DD naps until 8ish, has one last bottle and is asleep by 9. Come hell or high water I am NOT disrupting that. I totally agree with having people coming to you. Motherhood seems to be a balancing act of bonding/ baby quiet scheduled time, and social or mom sanity time. We are not our children so we need to make sure we're getting us time as well. 

wulfpackgirl

It is a lot of work to get out with a little baby. We don't get out a whole lot and I rarely take him out by myself. Our outings such as church or rare visits to the grandparents usually involve my husband going too. Because him caring the baby in the car seat is much easier on my arms. That thing is heavy! We've only taken little man out to eat once and it was to a quick bbq restaurant when family was in town over Christmas. I think we'll go out more when he can sit up in a high chair. That will be much easier I think. I'm lucky bc my mom will come over usually so I can run out to the grocery store or do errands alone.

MargaretC5

I think what you are describing is normal and honestly I feel the same way.  If you are worried that it might be depression, think about activities at home you enjoyed before baby, do you still enjoy those activities?   If activities you used to enjoy (like cooking or a game night with your SO) now seem like a chore or a bother, it might be depression or baby blues.  If you are concerned about depression it cannot hurt to tall to your dr.

Could you try applying some guidelines to your schedule, like only schedule one activity a day and make sure to at least one or 2 free days a week.  I find if I have rules around my availability then it is easier to say, this week is busy for me maybe another time.  I also agree with the PP have people come to you when possible. 

kdoak2015

I'm not sure what bottle/breastfeeding has to do with you feeling overwhelmed by a busy schedule. Sounds to me like you can't be alone and maybe need to be around people which could be a sign of depression. It doesn't hurt to talk to someone. 
Can you take some time to yourself(whatever that means now a days since we have kids) and just chill a few days? Turn on some Netflix.

VexedMommy

kdoak2015 said:

I'm not sure what bottle/breastfeeding has to do with you feeling overwhelmed by a busy schedule. Sounds to me like you can't be alone and maybe need to be around people which could be a sign of depression. It doesn't hurt to talk to someone. 
Can you take some time to yourself(whatever that means now a days since we have kids) and just chill a few days? Turn on some Netflix.

Many moms feel overwhelmed breastfeeding in public or making sure their child will take/have enough bottles while out.  Pumping mamas have it even harder since bf in public is (while difficult for many) not out of the norm, you really can't pump in public.  Breastfeeding also does take nutrients that would typically power your body and transfers it to little one.  Some moms have no problem with any of this, others do. 

It doesn't sound to me like OP "can't be alone."  To me, it sounds like you're being constantly pulled in more directions than you're comfortable with and need to start putting your foot down.  @kdoak2015 is right, if this isn't your typical reaction to going out it could be a sign of depression.  However some people are just naturally introverted.  Think deeply about this and as other ladies have said, if you're not enjoying some of your old go-to feel good activities perhaps research PPD/PPA and assess yourself.  If you feel your desire to stay at home is abnormal for you and you think PPD/PPA may apply speak to your doctor and other supportive people in your life for ways to help.  Good Luck Mama. 

wimamaof2

I've felt like that before and sometimes I feel like that.  DH travels a lot for work and for the past 6 weeks, he's been gone about 4 weeks.  It was very hard at the beginning because I had to take care of LO, 3 dogs and myself, but now I have it all under control.  
I don't go out with LO unless is strictly necessary  (dr's appt or a quick run to the store).  Also, it's so cold where we live.
I ask my friends and family come see us bc they have older kiddos and know how hard it is to get out.  I would suggest you do that.  Also, once or twice a  week, I leave DH alone with the baby and I get out of the house to take a breather (if the weather is crappy, I go down to our basement and relax).  I feel so refreshed and it gives time for DH and LO to be together.
Yes, there are days where I crash as soon as my head hits the pillow, but now that I have LO on a somewhat of a schedule, it's getting better and I get to relax when LO is napping. 
Don't hesitate to say no to plans or to change them to suit your day.

dramaphile

I feel like I'm exhausted whenever we spend a day out (or even part of a day), and the baby is crankier than normal the next day.  Even having I think it's normal to want to hibernate with your baby, and you need to give yourself quiet days to balance your schedule.  It's ok to say no!

kdoak2015

VexedMommy said:

kdoak2015 said:

I'm not sure what bottle/breastfeeding has to do with you feeling overwhelmed by a busy schedule. Sounds to me like you can't be alone and maybe need to be around people which could be a sign of depression. It doesn't hurt to talk to someone. 
Can you take some time to yourself(whatever that means now a days since we have kids) and just chill a few days? Turn on some Netflix.

Many moms feel overwhelmed breastfeeding in public or making sure their child will take/have enough bottles while out.  Pumping mamas have it even harder since bf in public is (while difficult for many) not out of the norm, you really can't pump in public.  Breastfeeding also does take nutrients that would typically power your body and transfers it to little one.  Some moms have no problem with any of this, others do. 

It doesn't sound to me like OP "can't be alone."  To me, it sounds like you're being constantly pulled in more directions than you're comfortable with and need to start putting your foot down.  @kdoak2015 is right, if this isn't your typical reaction to going out it could be a sign of depression.  However some people are just naturally introverted.  Think deeply about this and as other ladies have said, if you're not enjoying some of your old go-to feel good activities perhaps research PPD/PPA and assess yourself.  If you feel your desire to stay at home is abnormal for you and you think PPD/PPA may apply speak to your doctor and other supportive people in your life for ways to help.  Good Luck Mama. 

I'm a bfing mom and although bfing in public is a bit overwhelming I don't have the feelings OP does so I that's why I said I didn't understand why it mattered.

ShianeNicole

I was extremely stressed out from EPing. I cried because I could never get anything done, I couldn't leave the house for more than an hour or two, and usually it took a half hour to even get out of the house! I have started supplementing with formula while we're out and it has taken my stress level down emensly. I am the opposite of OP, I did not like being hone all the time. I was never home, worked 2 jobs, school full time, to now a SAHM. I know the feeling, just in the opposite way. Hated being at home pumping 24/7. To answer your question about bottle/breast (pumping in my case) I feel SO much better now that we're doing both & I don't feel stuck. I agree with PP about having them come to you if that is what you're comfortable with and will help. Lots of luck to yah, hang in there

cdepperschmidt

Lolo427 said:

Granted I pump throughout the day but DD eats from a bottle (expressed and formula) and I still absolutely feel the need to stay at home 95% of the time. Particularly at nighttime. The house goes low lights and quiet at 6 and DD naps until 8ish, has one last bottle and is asleep by 9. Come hell or high water I am NOT disrupting that. I totally agree with having people coming to you. Motherhood seems to be a balancing act of bonding/ baby quiet scheduled time, and social or mom sanity time. We are not our children so we need to make sure we're getting us time as well. 

I agree. I don't make evening plans and I don't stay out past 7pm because DS has a 7:30 bed time. During the day we do what we can. DS is breastfeed and I don't mind feeding in public or in the car and he will nap anywhere. I'm by no means a schedule mama, we just go off of DS's hunger and sleep cues, but bed time is a set routine. 

poupoule

When my dad was visiting (his first time in california) we went out almost everyday, to visit, have lunch outside etc. Our LO got used to it because we were always leaving the house at the same time- so for two weeks, as soon as I placed her in the car sear at 10:30am/11am she started to put herself to sleep, and she awokr when we came back home around 2pm.

Omce my dad left and we stopped doing that, she changed her schedule and there is more little naps through the day now.

i think if you can keep some regularity in your outings it will help your little one. But for your sake, maybe not everyday

rubirubi89

I've turned to baking to pretend I'm busy when I just want to stay home with my baby. got plans tonight? yup! I'm making a cheesecake, its gonna take 5 hours while I watch it cool. sorry.

doodleoodle

rubirubi89 said:

I've turned to baking to pretend I'm busy when I just want to stay home with my baby. got plans tonight? yup! I'm making a cheesecake, its gonna take 5 hours while I watch it cool. sorry.

Love this! It sounds so much better than my usual, "I would, but I don't want to." JK only the great Phoebe Buffay can get away with that.