Becoming a single parent, what next?

crsanchez87

Two weeks ago I found out my husband of 2 years, together for 5, was cheating on me. Not a long term affair with emotions, with a 19 year old (hes 34) and then with another college student he met while out. He says he doesnt have any emotional connection with them, he just enjoys the novelty. Things between us had been strained for the last year. He had been going out late (3-4am) coming home drunk, lying about where he was and who he was with, not wanting to be intimate with me. Even before the baby, we had intimacy issues. Me wanting to, him not wanting to. He was always on his phone, on face book, the computer. He owns a business that does trivia at bars so he would often have to go out and meet with his employees, which i understood but then would stay out all night. I think I was in denial for quite a long time. I think I still am in denial. We only ever argued about him coming in late/drunk/not helping with the baby. We both come from divorced families. We both had agreed that if we were to ever marry that we would not make the same mistakes as our parents. And yet, here I am. Single mother of a 10 month old beautiful baby boy, alone in a state without any of MY family or friends. He says he loves his son, he wants to see him everyday but he doesnt want to be married, he doesnt want to be trapped in the routine of it. He doesn't love me or want to be with me. He says the chemistry is gone between us. My mom wants me to move back to TX and she would help me with the baby, all of my family and friends are there. He does not want me to move, he wants me to stay so he can see his son easily. I don't know what to do. I want my baby to know his father, the good parts of him, but I also want to be with my support system. We are going to marriage counseling but he said he is only doing it so that we can learn how to co parent and how to take on the next step. I currently live in new orleans, expensive living, expensive private schools, high crime in certain areas, awesome culture and music and my husbands family who i do care about and would help me if I asked or Texas where all of my family and friends are, safer areas, less expensive living, some interesting and fun places to live.
 
So I guess I just want some unbiased input-- Should I stay or should I go? 

Katiefilm1

I don't really have any useful advice for you, however, my spouse and I relocated for his job so I am also living away from my family and I know if I were in your position i'd definitely want to go back to family and friends. My gut instinct is to say go be with your family, your support system. He is the one who chose to step out of the marriage, he should have to live with the consequences! Unfortunately your baby is really the one who ends up living with the decisions that are made by both of you from this point forward. Either way it's a hard choice to make and I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through this nightmare.

Anne Mommy

I can't offer too much, but want to make sure you know what you can do legally. Once you sort out what your options really are, you need to decide what it best for you and your baby. 
IMO, your baby will probably be fine either way as long as you are. You need to have support to be a parent. If you can't get that where you are, by all means move. It's a hard choice to make. Sorry. 

richdog

I know all too well what it's like to live away from your support system, and I totally feel for you! Have you checked to see if you can legally take your baby to TX away from his dad? You should probably do that first. Honestly, if he has cheated on you repeatedly, I can't imagine the court saying you have to stay. Unfortunately, no one can make this choice for you, but if it were me, I would do everything to go back home. Like I said, I know what it's like to be away from all your family and friends and a new mommy at the same time. It's so hard. I pray that God will let you know what to do. Please, keep us updated. Hugs to you!!!