I don't even know where to begin. It's seems like we've been TTC forever (on and off for at least 10 years). Lately, it seems like everyone I know is having a baby. One of my best friends at work (my work wifey) had a beautiful baby girl 3 months ago and I love her, yet I'm so jealous. They weren't even trying for a baby, yet we've been trying so hard. Then there was my wonderful week at work. It started with a friend informing me Every. Single. Day. that week that his wife was going to the doctor to find out the sex of their unborn child. I kinda wanted to punch him in the face. Friday started with a so-called "friend" informing me that (yet another) co-worker was pregnant (again) and then standing there waiting for my reaction to the news. I kinda wanted to punch her in the face. Next, my friend told me that his wife had her appointment to find out the sex (for the 5th time that week) and they are having a boy. I seriously wanted to punch him in the face. Next up, a co-worker informed about when she was going through the IVF treatments and went to a support group meeting. She told me about the women there who had tried up to 10 times and were unsuccessful. I wanted to cry and kinda wanted to punch her in the face. To end my "wonderful" day, one of my co-workers showed me the picture poll his wife put on Facebook to choose which outfit their son will wear home from the hospital when he's born. At this point, I wanted to punched everyone in the face. It totally seemed like everyone felt the need to rub their pregnancies in my face that day. I went home and cried to DH. I questioned why I was putting us through this and considered just giving up my dream of being a baby. I cried that I was gonna be the crazy cat lady without any cats (we are both allergic, and DH as said that when my current fur baby is gone, no more cats). DH comforted me and reminded me that I was cranky and emotional because AF was due, which made me feel a bit better about my attitude. And, yet, I still feel so incredibly selfish about how I felt and like I am a horrible friend for not supporting them they way I probably should. Am I being selfish? (Don't be afraid to say yes, I want honest opinions.)
Me: 33; DH: 54
Nationality: Canadian (Living in Ontario)
Married: June, 2014
TTC #1: Since January, 2014
01/26/16: SA ordered for DH; AMH done for me, D3 Bloodwork, SONO, Diagnostic Cycle Monitoring ordered for me.
02/11/16: D3 Bloodwork
Re: Am I Being Selfish? (I Think I Am)
Also, sometimes DHs can be the best, especially when you're feeling down.
Me - 28, Lean PCOS
DH - 31
Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014
Blog: ourbinarystar.com
FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!
That was one heavy week for you!
And I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that.
It is never easy when there is all that baby talk, unfortunately it is not something to avoid. People love talking about it, and so do we once we get there.
I feel however that I shouldn't always be angry with the people that tell me, as how would they know it hurts me as they don't know my struggles?
And when they do know my struggles they are way more careful about it, but still don't know my struggles.
Yesterday for example I was having dinner with a friend, she told me I'm November she got pregnant and now we are in the same situation. It was right there and then that I felt that I lost another snowflake and knew IVF wasn't a succes. She lost hers right after it but didn't seem to be so sad about it. All she talked about yesterday was how she would never have told me if she knew. When I them told her how much it hurts, and still does, nothing changed. She kept going on and on. Because she has no possibility to know how it feels to struggle getting there, as she believes she just can.
So I'm trying to give those people a little slack, sometimes I tell them my struggles and that I don't want the conversation and sometimes I make sure a new conversation about the subject won't happen again.
I'll bitch about it on this forum or to my best friends.
So no, I don't think you are selfish for being upset. I think we shouldn't hold it against people for not knowing when we haven't told them, and neither should we expect them to understand. But you definitely shouldn't feel selfish for wanting to punch anyone in the face (just don't really punch them, OK?)
Keep going strong, you can do this! xoxo
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I apologize for rambling on and on. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings. If you're selfish then I'm selfish. But I think we are just hurting because we can't do what others do so easily.
Me: 34, DH: 38 ~ TTC since 2014
IUI #1-3 (Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016) = BFNs
IVF ER (July 2016) = 7 PGS normal embryos
FET #1 (Sept 2016) = BFP! DD born 5/30/17
FET #2 (April 2019) = BFN
FET #3 (July 2019) = BFP! DS born 3/27/20
truely in my heart I am thrilled for them, but man it still hurts. We have to do what we have to do. But so long as we vent here or to our DHs, and react to each announcement with grace, how can we possibly be selfish for having feeling?
my thought and prayers are with you.
Beta 5/9/2016 BFP!!
Embryo transfer scheduled for April 28, 2016 and beta test May 9, 2016 (day after Mother's Day!)
Transfer Meds include: Lupron Depot (4/1), Minivelle Patch (every 3rd day), Estradiol (3x daily), Amoxicillin, Progesterone in Oil, Methylprednisonlone. Lovenox and baby asprin added after transfer.
3/22/16 - Sono Saline ultrasound cyst to be aspirated on 4/1/16 if not cleared up by 3/29 US - It cleared on its own
Retrieval 3/4/16 - 26 eggs retrieved, 23 mature, 20 fertilized, 14 embryos currently frozen
Starting IVF Stims on +/- Feb 22, 2016
HSG scheduled for 1-26-16 - All clear "beautiful uterus" (though inverted)
Switched clinics and now prepping for IVF in February / March
Trying to conceive since November 2012
You know rationally tha violence (and anger, hostility, etc.)isn't the appropriate response, so you're staying in control of your behavior. But you can't just control the pain you feel.
And there's nothing wrong with you, that you're feeling pain. You're not a bad person for feeling it.
7 IUIs, 7 BFNs.
2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs.
Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire.
Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus!
fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP!
Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)