MIL advice — The Bump
Multiples

MIL advice

A little background...  We have 4 kids.  Older two are from my first marriage, DS-12 & DD-10.  DH and I have 6 month old twin boys.  We both work, and are very blessed that my parents watch the twins 2 days per week and my in-laws watch them 3 days per week.  Our twins are my in-laws first grandchildren.  And my MIL makes me nuts.  She's really odd, rarely shows emotion and is too "lenient" with the twins (holding the babies all day, not letting them play on the floor, feeding them when they get minimally fussy/over-feeding?).  She's a complete germaphobe: freaks out about how cereal is made for the boys (won't use filtered water, thinks it needs to be heated first) and the not letting them play on the floor.  I'm much more laid back and "normal".  I think some dirt and germs are good for kids and I believe in letting babies cry a bit, particularly when learning to self-soothe.  However, I realize that she isn't harming the boys and it all comes from a good place, her love for them.  So, my husband and I talk often about my frustrations, and the end result is that we try to correct her when she does things that are in opposition to our parenting decisions.  But I also realize that some of my frustration is just that I need to let go, and that I need to get more comfortable with her.  We've been married for 2 years and together for 6, but my in-laws are just odd and very hard to build a relationship with.

So...here's the dilemma.  My husband occasionally travels occasionally for work.  And I work a fairly demanding job.  When he travels, my mom tends to stay overnight with me to help.  I never ask her to, and she knows I CAN handle the kids on my own.  I'll admit, I love that she does this.  In addition to the help, I just enjoy being with her that extra time.  We also have a very easy partnership with my twins, it's a close second to how my husband and I partner with childcare.  This works well, except that my MIL is now feeling left out.  When it's her turn to watch the boys and my husband is out of town, she refuses to leave when I get home from work.  Actually, even when we are both in town, she won't leave until BOTH of us are home from work.  It drives me nuts, and I have emphatically said that I can take care of my children on my own, but she doesn't listen.  My husband would like to talk to her about this and tell her it's a problem, I think we are trapped and there is no way to bring this up without making me look like an ungrateful, bitchy person who doesn't want her around.  I am grateful, but it's true.  I don't really want her around.  When she is there, I'm uncomfortable in my own home.  And it's been 6 years, if I don't feel comfortable with her by now, I don't know what else to do.  I should also add that I am a friendly, warm person who quickly and easily makes friends.  Like I said, my in-laws are just odd and socially weird.  So, would you let your husband bring it up, or would you suck it up??

Re: MIL advice

  • I have a weird relationship with my MIL as well and I've learned to follow my husbands lead. He's dealt with her a lot longer than I have, so I trust his judgement on whether something needs to be said or not. It just sucks that it has to be an issue at all. 
  • Yep sucks for sure... I agree with pp poster let hubby handle it in a nice and diplomatic way as possible.  I would have him say that you love and appreciate her help but need a bit more alone time with your kiddos. 
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  • Agree with others here, have husband talk with MIL but something should definitely be said. She may just not realize and she may appreciate a helpful hint from your husband. Good luck with everything!
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