Intro- rough week

rosenyc123

Hi gang,

I'm a decently-regular participant in the TWW and WTO threads but after the week I have had, I think it's time to move over here too. I hope you'll have me! I'm 28, DH is 29, and we have been trying for about 10 months. I have been temping for two years, and started suspecting something was up since I always ovulate and have good CM and generally excellent timing. My OBGN brushed me off and said I was too young to worry, so I waited a few annoying months and called the RE. We have been doing all of the initial testing and learned that DH has a good count, but only 28% motility and 0% morphology. As it goes with these things, we have no clue as to why none of his sperm are normal. All we know is we are pretty crushed. I have an HSG next week, but so far everything with me is normal. He is repeating his SA and then we will meet with our RE again in March to discuss next steps. I know we are likely staring down at IVF with ICSI, with a few fun insurance-mandated IUIs to start. I ordered Fertilaid for him, but otherwise we aren't too hopeful at this point. Needless to say, I can't wait for this long weekend to come so we can actually relax.

oh, and we are struggling with who to tell. We were keeping our TTC a secret so we could surprise family and friends, but now that we have this news, we are probably going to tell family soon. As sort of a test run, I told two not-very-close girl friends of mine who run completely outside my normal circle and the first words out of their mouths: "You should totally just adopt!!! Kids need parents, don't go through all those injections and things!"   Ugh. I never realized how annoying that would be. Also, I'm adopted. So like, be quiet.

BrightenMySky

Hello, sorry you are dealing with all this.  One thing you could consider is having your DH see a urologist.  We have not taken that step yet, but we may.  It seems like that can get further into potential causes for his dx, and if there is anything that can be done to try to improve things (or if all the supplements in the world will do nothing).  I'm glad you called the RE, no need to deal with an OB/GYN that dismisses your concerns (and I think REs are the better ones to handle IF anyway!).  

As for who to tell, I think fear of the reaction you will get is a really big part of it.  We told my parents and my brothers after about a year, when we were just starting to see the RE.  I've told a few close friends, who have for the most part been very understanding (several have been through IF themselves).  We definitely had a poor response from DH's brother...they had their first at the end of last year, and when DH told him about our journey, he complained that they were having trouble figuring out how not to have another right away.  So, yeah.  I hear you.

DinosaurJumper

What a rough week. I hope you and your DH are able to relax this weekend. That is such a poor response from those ladies, fairly insensitive. I never understood it that much before, but now that I'm a bitter infertile woman, I totally get it. People just don't really get what we go through. It's not like that episode of Friends where Monica and Chandler can't have kids and so they adopt a baby soon after. There is so much pain, sadness, and loss that comes with this burden.
I haven't been very open with my experience TTC, but I hope telling your family and friends goes better than that and you are able to get the support need.

wifeinraleigh28

Welcome @rosenyc123!  I'm sorry you have to be over here on these forums but you have certainly found a spot where people will understand what you're going through!  I would like to second what @BrightenMySky said about the urologist, and it's likely that your RE will give you a referral anyway.  Ours did and my husband has been working with one for a couple of months now.  We also have MFI.  My husband has always had low T (which is genetic).  First SAs showed low count and low motility, then there was some improvement when the urologist took him off his T supplement, and now it's sort of fluctuating.  Sometimes the count is normal, other times it's lower.

I know it feels hopeless.  I was devastated when we got our results.  Now I'm actually looking forward to doing IVF.  We just did our 2nd IUI and we have 3 total covered under our insurance, so obviously we're going to max those out if we need to, but I just feel so fortunate that we live in a time when IVF is an option for us.  I also love science, so there's that.

As for what other people have said to you, there are really no words to describe how disgusted it makes me feel when I hear that stuff.  But at the same time, people really don't understand unless they've been through this.  So I try to cut them some slack.  And I also believe that a lot of times people make comments because they're insecure about something else going on in their lives.  Obviously it doesn't excuse it, but at least it helps me understand their behavior.

Anyway, welcome to our community!  Feel free to PM me if you have any questions that are MFI related, or if you just want to talk!